I couldn’t decide if I was thrilled or upset. Trust me to settle on upset because, damn it, I was sick of being blindsided. “And what exactly does this mean? Are you asking me to marry you, or are you telling the Consortium I’m more than your fuck-toy? Or is it a consolation prize since you’re taking everything else away from me?”
He sighed gustily against my neck, exasperated. “If you want to lash out because you’re angry, I accept that. However, I assumed we were doing more than fucking, and being together meant something.”
He sounded so hurt, I winced. How had I ruined what should have been a perfect moment? Worse, how could I let my stupid gut feeling pull me in a direction I didn’t want to go?
“I thought we were happy with the way things are. You said we should enjoy this time together before we rush into something else, and I just moved in with you a few sols ago. Why are we suddenly moving at light-speed?”
“This was always what I intended. I just don’t want to wait any longer. I can’t lose you,” he said, his arms tightening, the words spoken between kisses. “I want the entire tri-system to know how important you are to me.”
“Considering someone just tried to kill me, I think it knows.”
“That isn’t very funny.”
“I know. Sorry. I promise you won’t lose me. There’s honestly nowhere else I want to be other than wherever you are.” I looked at my left hand again. It was time to spill the secrets I’d been keeping, secrets I never should have kept in the first place—not from someone I claimed to love. “I need to tell you what happened yesterday before this goes further.”
He pressed another kiss to the base of my neck, making me shiver. “I already know who you were with and that you met the Under-Secretary. I pay attention because I want to keep you safe. I have no idea what you discussed. I was angry because I told you not to see him, but I also knew you would go regardless. I’d just hoped you would tell me and let me help you in whatever way I could.”
In that moment, I hated myself, the luck gene, and the mess I seemed to be making of my life. Alexei had accused me of not knowing what I wanted from him or our relationship and what had I done in return? Thrown myself at my old boyfriend at the first opportunity. Did he know about the kiss, I wondered again. I knew I should tell him, but what if he reacted as he had when he learned about the incident at Red Dust? What if his reaction was worse? I’d initiated the kiss—stupid, thoughtless me, and while I couldn’t imagine Alexei hurting me, what would he do to Brody? I might feel guilty, but I also couldn’t let anything happen to either of them. This was one secret I’d need to live with it.
“I’m sorry I was so thoughtless and didn’t tell you about Vieira. I should have handled it differently,” I said instead. “I was curious and I think all he wanted was to meet me. He apologized for Monique and everything she’d done to me. He didn’t know about the full-body clones or the experiments. Then he told me about his family, and his wife. I get the feeling that whatever they went through with Monique tore them apart. I think he’d like me to go back to Earth someday and meet my grandmother.”
Alexei was silent for so long, I wondered if he’d slipped off to the CN-net to investigate if what I’d said was true. The idea unnerved me, and made me want to see his face so I could gauge his thoughts. I turned in his arms until I stood between his thighs. Then I touched his cheek with my fingertips, bringing his gaze to mine. My other hand, my left hand, rested over the eight-pointed star tattooed on his shoulder. I tried not to look at the ring, pretending it wasn’t there.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
His hand came up to cover mine, the one resting on his shoulder that wore the ring. “You would go back to Earth with him?”
“Of course not. Honestly, my first thought was he might try to pump me for information about the Consortium, but he didn’t.”
“It’s likely he already knows. After all, we each have our spies, watching one another.”
“What you’re working on—is it something that might worry One Gov enough, Vieira felt compelled to contact me and just used Monique as an excuse?”
“Unlikely. His approach wouldn’t be this obvious or direct. He’d use other methods to discover Consortium secrets.”
“Okay.” I nodded, accepting it. “Besides, it isn’t like I know any Consortium secrets I could leak.”
He met my eyes. “We’ll be launching a neural system to rival the current CN-net. The CN-net is what allows One Gov to both modify and monitor the tri-system population via the t-mod implants. The Consortium’s system will do away with that. We would no longer be hampered with the restrictions or controls One Gov inflicts through the AI queenmind. But first, we need to untether everyone from their control and prepare the linkups for the new system.”
I blinked and it took me a moment to absorb the enormity of what he’d just said. Without One Gov monitoring us, it would change everything from what we ate, to our careers, the number of children we had, how we decided to modify them, to how much time we spent on the CN-net. Everything was measured and portioned out carefully by One Gov, but if we no longer had someone watching our every move, how would the human race behave? How would we survive without that hand guiding us? “How long have you been working on this?”
“Years,” he admitted. “Long before I took over the Consortium.”
“You’ll cripple the entire tri-system if you do that. Some people are so wired in, they’ll lose everything. People will die.”
“Not if it’s handled properly. That’s why more Consortium are arriving tomorrow—to ensure no loss of life and the transition is seamless. I handpicked them myself.”
“Could you have done it without them?”
He nodded. “Yes, but the transfer wouldn’t have been as clean. Before, a slight margin of error was acceptable if the ultimate goal was achieved. However, I knew you would never forgive me if something went wrong. That was the risk I couldn’t take. I would never implement anything if I thought it would jeopardize the two of us.”
Holy shit. I stared at him, overwhelmed. “But you can’t know how the future will play out. It could still jeopardize us anyway.”
His eyes met mine, the gaze steady. “It won’t,” he promised. “We won’t allow it.”
I nodded, letting it go rather than arguing about something I wasn’t sure I believed. “Alright. We won’t.” I ran my fingers through his hair because I couldn’t help myself and I knew he liked it. “Despite what you’re telling me, I don’t think that’s why Vieira is here on Mars. I think he’s lonely and he wants a real relationship with me.”
He frowned. “I know and that makes him all the more dangerous. He wants a piece of your life, and your time. He wants to create the relationship he couldn’t have with his daughter, and right his past mistakes.”
“Is that such a bad thing? People deserve second chances.”
His hand tightened over mine. “And what happens when he decides I’m not appropriate for you? What might he offer you to lure you away? If I were in his position, I wouldn’t want my granddaughter involved with someone like me. I would do whatever I could to end the relationship.”
It was in me to deny it. After all, Vieira had said he wouldn’t interfere with us. Still, maybe Alexei was right. Or at least, right enough that I couldn’t immediately disagree. I considered it, trying to work through the possible implications, and suddenly had a terrible thought. “He told me I had a standing appointment at any fertility clinic in the tri-system to remove the inhibitor whenever I wanted. Could he take that away? Could I be blacklisted again if I don’t do what he wants?”
Alexei swore. His hands went to my waist, pulling me closer to him. “No. No one will hold that over your head again. He does not get to dictate how this works. He has no control over what we do or the decisions we make. We decide what happens in our lives, not him.”
I nodded, riveted by his vehemence. “Only us.”
“Yes, us.”
&nbs
p; With a quick tug, he yanked my towel away until it pooled at my feet. Then he leaned closer, his lips hovering over my breast, so close I could feel his breath against my already erect nipple. His right hand slid along my thigh and between my legs until he was almost covering me, teasing with a touch that wasn’t quite there.
“Will you marry me, Felicia?” he said, his lips almost on my breast.
I caught his wrist with my hand, preventing him from touching me. Not that I could truly stop him if that was what he wanted, but the point was he understood what I wanted.
“Do you think we’re ready? You said you wanted us to last. I want that too. But with the way things are now, are we going to make it through to next week, never mind the next hundred years?”
“Nothing will come between us,” he said simply, his hand now resting on my thigh, caressing lightly. “Not One Gov. Not the Consortium. Not the Under-Secretary. Nothing.”
He didn’t mention Brody, but I could plainly hear what he’d left unsaid. “But these past few sols, things haven’t been good. We’ve had a lot of changes hurled at us and it’s been hard. You asking me to marry you won’t magically make the other things go away.”
His hand dropped and he pulled back. “So you’re saying no?” He sounded frustrated.
Gods, talk about a slippery slope awash with bad ideas. Why couldn’t I just say yes and stop poking at every problem with a giant stick?
“I’m saying let’s not rush into anything. I want to be with you for however long we have, but I won’t do this if you think this is the way to make everything better and you’re trying to distract me with something shiny. We need to be open and honest if we’re going to make this work.”
His blue eyes met mine, locking on me with an intensity that made me shiver. “Can you do the same or does it all fall on me?”
I absolutely refused to think about Brody. Rather, I shook my head and brought my hand to his cheek. “We’re in this together. It falls on both of us.”
“Then let’s start with something simple. I have never asked anyone what I’m asking you. I’ve never wanted to. Now all I want is to be with you. Everything I do is measured against whether or not it will make you happy. Sometimes I’m successful. Sometimes not. All I know for certain is I don’t want this life to go on without you in it. Please, Felicia, say it. Say you want to marry me.”
I’d never seen his expression more earnest. Had rarely experienced a moment with him where he seemed so open that the smallest mistake on my part might wound him forever. How could I question our love like this? How could I ever doubt him when I saw how much he wanted to change for me?
I let out a shaky breath and brushed a damp strand of hair from his forehead. “Even if I’m scared this is happening too fast, yes, I want to marry you. The answer was always going to be yes.”
That seemed to decide something for him because his hand drifted back up my thigh to cup me, his fingers running over me in a way that made me squirm. I fell into him, my knees buckling as he manipulated me with his hands and his lips. His mouth went to my breast, sucking so hard I felt the pull all the way to my groin. At the same time, I felt a finger, then two, dip inside me to stroke deeply. I moaned softly, my hands going behind his head and my fingers tangling in his hair as I pulled him closer. I felt heat pooling in me and my breath coming in little pants as I arched into him.
His lips found mine and he moved me with ridiculous ease until I was stretched out on the bed. He angled my hips to his liking and then he urgently pushed his way inside me. As always, I was already wet and dying for him to take me. I cried out because it just felt so good to be so filled and wanted.
My orgasm came fast, rushing out of nowhere and tearing through me, the pleasure barely having time to build before it crested. Still he plunged in and out, and I had to brace both hands against the headboard as the force of his thrusts threatened to shove me up the bed. The ring on my left hand bit into my skin with each drive of his hips into mine, a constant reminder of his need for me.
I felt his thumb press down on my clit, circling in time with his thrusts, making me cry out again, my need for him consuming me. I couldn’t resist him and would take anything he wanted to give, my hunger for him more powerful than any drug. My legs went around his waist, my heels digging into his backside as I tried to bring him closer than we already were.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
His blue eyes locked with mine, making the moment intimate as he pushed me into another orgasm so powerful, I couldn’t even scream. I felt him come with me, my shuddering climax bringing his. He dipped his head and I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder, marking me as he growled into my skin with a sound of pure ownership. Then his weight fell heavy on me as he collapsed into my arms and he stopped shaking.
When the world had calmed and he’d eased off me, I said, “I am never telling anyone the story of how you proposed to me.”
He ducked his head to chuckle breathlessly into my neck. “I’d like to think the two orgasms you had worked in my favor.”
“They were both very nice,” I assured him.
He propped himself up on his elbows, meeting my eyes. “I want it to always be like this. Promise me nothing will come between us.”
I shivered at the intensity in his voice and his expression. “Okay,” I said, pulling him down so he could kiss me again. “I promise.”
I wanted to believe those words. Really I did. But how could I when my gut was utterly silent, as if it didn’t, or couldn’t, agree?
Chapter Fifteen
The next morning, Alexei dealt with my shop by sniping into the CN-net and posting an announcement that it was closed until further notice. He took care of any rental property issues and arranged to have everything moved into storage until I needed it again. Items like card decks or clothing would be delivered to the house for me to sort later. When he tried to cut off Lotus’s salary, I insisted he pay her for however long she needed since it was his fault she was unemployed. That earned me a few choice comments about her work ethic, but he did it anyway. He also prepared a statement for the MPLE with my input then sent it to their AI for processing. He did in a few minutes what would have taken me weeks, which once again made me wish I had t-mods and didn’t have to do everything the hard way. Then he left—after we’d spent time rolling around in bed—telling me to be ready by 3:00 p.m. The flight-limo would pick me up at home for the trip to the space elevator landing platform, and we’d meet whichever Consortium members were rolling into town.
After he left, I sorted through my shims, which had exploded out of control during the night. Mannette’s CN-net feed was more popular than I thought and I had concerned messages from all over the tri-system. While there was some time-lag between the planets, I was surprised to see shims from as far away as Venus. There was even one from my father, which made my breath catch. When I tried reaching out to him, I received no response. Still, I left a message and told him I was okay, asked how he was doing, where he was, and as an afterthought, said I was getting married. Everyone else got a generic shim saying I was fine. Then I spoke personally to Lotus via face-chat and informed her of her new unemployed status.
She was philosophical. “It wasn’t my dream job though our midday shopping trips were fun and some of the clients were entertaining. I was thinking about quitting, but didn’t want to leave you in the lurch. Once my fertility inhibitor is removed next week, I’ll be implanted the week after and busy with baby stuff.”
“You’re okay with getting implanted?” I asked.
“Buckley wants a boy instead of a fate-baby, but I’m happy with either.”
Though most continued to use One Gov’s predesigned embryo plans, fate-babies were what happened when a couple left things to chance and conceived naturally. Right after the Dark Times, predesigned embryos were the only option. Every couple selected their baby’s characteristics using the gene specifications chart created from their DNA, plus the base model One Gov upgrades, the
n whatever MH Factor boosts they could afford. However, some couples were now opting for fate-babies, believing the overall gene pool had been modified enough that any DNA misfires were eliminated. That’s what had happened in my case: My conception had been pure, random chance. Any MH Factor boosts I might have were inherited down through my mother’s side. With my father, it was all luck—pun intended.
“Aren’t you worried you’re moving too quickly?” I asked, thinking about my own conversation with Alexei.
“We wanted to do this before we changed our minds. I know that makes us sound crazy, but I have a feeling it’s going to be okay. What I can’t believe is you’re marrying the Russian. I mean I know I called it, but I was kidding. I never thought it would actually happen. Maybe you’ll have little shitty baby pants in your future too. Maybe we’ll have little shitters together.”
“It’s so weird how what you said sounds so unappealing.”
“Hey, you never know what the universe might send your way,” she said sagely. Then her eyes narrowed. “I saw Mannette’s feed. I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but you had Granny G’s cards when you went into that death house. You didn’t when you came out.”
And there it was, the moment I’d been dreading. “I sort of…lost them in the explosion. I asked Alexei to check, but his people couldn’t find them.”
Lotus whistled. “You know the whole clan’s going to lose it, right? What are you going to do about Celeste’s party?”
“I don’t know. Part of me wants to bolt, but that’s being a coward. I’m just going to tell the truth, and the family will have to get over it.”
“Brave words. At least you’ll make the party livelier than it would have been otherwise. See you Venusol,” she said before disconnecting. Great. Nothing like having the feelings of dread and impending doom more tangible instead of less.
I also had a shim from Under-Secretary Vieira. I sent a brief reply telling him I was fine and still thinking about what we’d discussed, because what else could I do? He wanted an answer, but I didn’t have one.
The Chaos of Luck Page 20