The Walrus and the Warwolf

by Hugh Cook

  Suddenly:

  'He's stealing it!' yelped Simp Fiche, realizing Yot was getting too far away for comfort. 'The star-globe. He's stealing it!'

  Yot, who had been crying out for help, was startled to hear a great roar from Bucks Cat:

  'We'll get you, Yot! You won't get away with it! We'll skin you alive!'

  Next moment, leadership fight forgotten, most of the pirates were charging along the riverbank in hot pursuit of the hapless Yot.

  'Come,' said Zanya, and, grabbing Drake by the sleeve (or the nearest sleeve-equivalent remaining to his rags) started running in pursuit of the hunting party.

  Walrus and Warwolf were left standing alone, bare swords still drawn, with Prince Oronoko observing them with interest - he liked to watch a good fight.

  'Well,' said the green-bearded Slagger Mulps, sounding not entirely certain about it.

  'Well indeed,' said Jon Arabin, thinking of his death-debt, and of the Supreme Auditor. 'Well, what say we leave this for the moment? At least until we've won back the star-globe.'

  'Till then,' said Mulps.

  'Shall we swear to it?'

  'Brothers in blood till the star-globe's back,' agreed Mulps, thinking that would be by sundown at the latest. And they swore to it.

  Meanwhile, Drake and Zanya were running along after the others, following the muddy trail of footsteps, when Zanya suddenly stopped.

  'Arabin,' she said.

  'What?' said Drake, in some confusion. 'Where?'

  Then remembered that was his name these days, for, to please his true love, he had become Arabin lol Arabin for always. He saw his true love was pointing up into a great big evergreen tree of crowding foliage and close-climbing branches.

  'Ah,' said Drake.

  And up the tree they went.

  And, after realizing that Yot had been swept too far downriver for capture, the pirate party - led by the rape faction - spent a long time looking for those two young people. But never found them, no.

  Come morning, the pirates set off for Estar, led by the Warwolf and the Walrus - who were oath-linked allies for the foreseeable future, since attempts to find the missing star-globe had proved just as futile as the search for Yot, Drake and Zanya.

  The pirates?

  They reached Estar, followed the river to the sea, then hijacked fishing boats and made it back to the Greaters.

  Since the star-globe had not been recovered, Walrus and Warwolf were bound each to each by a bloodbrother's oath. Did they hate it, each being pledged to his worst enemy? On the contrary. It was the best thing which had happened to either of them for years.

  They had been at war for so long now that they knew each other better than they knew any other living flesh. With each passing year, their hatred had become more and more a public ritual, less and less an affair of the heart.

  Jon Arabin was delighted to welcome the Walrus into his household, delighted to. have some male companionship at home, after suffering for so long alone amidst his women.

  And the Walrus?

  Jon Arabin was what he had always wanted: a dear, true, trustworthy friend.

  Weep for the Walrus! Poor lonely little chap, so distressed by his exile from Chenameg, so cut off from the warmth of human society that he ended up raping a pig in a toilet in Selzirk! And was he comforted when found? Was he counselled and soothed and introduced to some nice young honest decent women in need of a good husband?

  No, of course not.

  Instead, he was hauled up in a public court, abused by the prosecution, lectured by the judge, mocked by the public, then sentenced to labour as a galley slave - and was brutalized for five years on the Velvet River before being liberated by pirates.

  And he was still a virgin on that traumatic night when he got into one of Jon Arabin's women and, in the raptures of his clumsy passion, bit off one of her nipples. From which accident all manner of evils followed.

  Which gives credence to the assertions of Cho Sel Sig, a Korugatu philosopher, who holds that all the murder, mayhem, cruelty and brutality which together constitute 'history' is simply a consequence of bad sex (or no sex, which, according to Sig, amounts to the same thing).

  Anyway, there they were then. Walrus and Warwolf. Friends at last. And Yot?

  Well, Sully Datelier Yot never went to Estar. On reaching Lake Armansis, he turned west and crossed the

  Razorwind Pass to Larbster Bay. There he had the luck of a boat which took him to D'Waith, from where - again, luck was involved more than good judgment - he made his way back to Stokos.

  Where he was reunited with Gouda Muck. And was able to give warning of the invasion of Stokos planned by Lord Menator and King Tor. And to tell Gouda Muck, that dignitary of dignitaries, the avatar of the Flame, the High God of All Gods, all about the derelictions of Drake Douay.

  And Drake?

  And Zanya?

  Well, Zanya went on with Drake. Foolish woman! She had been warned by the wizard Miphon that Drake was an awesome amount of trouble in a very small package. Her excuse was that she was in love . . .

  First they almost died when they got lost in Looming Forest, on the northern marches of Estar. By sheer luck, they were rescued by a local woodsman, a heavy-jowled man by name of Blackwood, who sheltered them in the house he shared with his wife Mystrel.

  Later, they ventured to Lorford, the ruling town of Estar, for Drake had thoughts of taking service with Prince Comedo, ruler of the place. He abandoned that plan when he realized both Atsimo Andranovory and Prince Oronoko were in the prince's employ.

  He did, however, spend enough time in Lorford to get into trouble. As a consequence of this, he had a very unpleasant interview with a grim, tense, grey-haired Rovac warrior named Morgan Hearst, a fellow about 33 years of age, who took a hard line with hooligans.

  Hearst ran both Drake and Zanya out of town.

  Travelling down the Salt Road south of Lorford, they were captured by priests of the temple of the Demon of Estar, and almost became human sacrifices. After escaping, they had a close encounter of the unpleasant kind with the dragon Zenphos, which lived in a cave high up in the nearby mountain of Maf.

  Further south again, they ran into trouble with the locals after they killed a sheep which Drake had, or so he claimed in his defence, mistaken for a large and aggressive boar. But they talked their way out of that one - and, after several other adventures, including an encounter with a drunken ghost, they reached the southern border of Estar.

  That border was guarded only by a derelict flame trench, a feeble ditch which steamed a bit, and boiled the water where it ran out into the sea, but which spat no fire and melted no rock.

  Drake and Zanya crossed greasy wooden duckboards laid across the steaming mud at the bottom of the rubble-filled ditch, then climbed out of the warmth of its steam to the cold of the afternoon of a winter's day.

  They explored the small, ruinous fort guarding the southern side of the trench. A stairway led down into darkness, but they declined to dare its dangers.

  'Above will be enough,' said Drake. 'We'll camp here tonight.'

  In the ruins of the fort's tower, they laid down the muddy sheepskins which they carried for sleep-warmth and stretched sheets of canvas above the skins to keep off the rain. Then searched for wood and lit a fire.

  'Thus we leave Estar,' said Zanya. T wonder what lies ahead of us.'

  'The Salt Road follows the coast south through Dybra and Chorst till it comes to Runcorn, which is a city major,' said Drake. 'We should get news of the world there for real.'

  'If we get there,' said Zanya.

  'Oh, we'll get there all right,' said Drake.

  Will they reach Runcorn? Drake is right: they will.

  It will be a long and perilous journey, but in fullness of time - on Midwinter's Day, to be exact - they will enter Runcorn.

  And Drake will learn that his world is in ruins.

  He will learn that Tor and Menator have launched an invasion of Stokos. He will learn that Tor has
landed near Cam, has fought against impossible odds - and has been defeated. His whereabouts are unknown. He will learn that Menator has survived the invasion unscathed. And for a very simple reason. Drake will learn that, with the coast of Stokos in sight, Menator turned his own ships homeward.

  Drake will soon correctly analyse the reasons for this. Menator has struck a double blow. Menator has sent Tor to destruction in a war which has severely weakened Stokos. Menator, in the fullness of time, will obviously launch another invasion on the war-weakened island of Stokos - but with no need to share the rule of the place with Tor once it has been conquered.

  Drake will see, then, that Tor has been suckered - the ogre king has done Lord Menator's dirty work for him, gaining nothing in the process.

  Drake will meet with Jon Disaster, who will by then have come to Runcorn as a spy for pirates planning a raid on the place. Disaster will tell Drake that his brother Heth is still missing; that Lord Menator has put a price on the head of King Tor, and on the head of Drake Douay. Drake will thus learn that Menator truly does fear him as a potential rival to the throne of Stokos.

  Drake will ask:

  'What of Walrus and Warwolf? What do they say of this price put on my head?' And Jon Disaster will answer:

  'They cannot oppose Menator, for so many of their best men are dead that their own power has come close to nil. They work on ship for Abousir Belench, and count themselves lucky to have the berth.'

  Drake will be shaken and shocked. He will realize his hopes and dreams have been destroyed. No hope of returning to the Teeth! No hope of linking up with King Tor, whose whereabouts are unknown. No hope of marrying Tor's daughter for an easy throne. He will have to shift for himself in the cruel and friendless world.

  But at least he will have Zanya Kliedervaust at his side.

  Anyway: all that lies in the future.

  For the moment, it is evening at the southern border of Estar, a desolate place where a ruinous flame trench reaches for three thousand paces between mountain cliffs and the sea.

  To the sea Drake walks, alone, bearing a handful of ashes. It is time. In the season of death, he must honour the memory of the dead.

  Alone in the cold grey evening, alone by the tumultuous seas, he treasures the ash in his hands while he lists the dead.

  First the weapons muqaddam, whose name he never learnt. To him he owes the gift of weapons. Quin Baltu, the foul-mouthed muscle-man, who spoke for him in the face of the Warwolf's wrath. As did Harly Burpskin, who was whipped raw for his pains.

  They have gone down into the darkness, as we, too, in our turn, will go down into the darkness.

  Remember them.

  Drake names Shewel Lokenshield, who hit him in the face once with a dead fish, but who shared good beer with him in Narba in the days when he could still get drunk. Aye. As did Lee Dix, Goth Sox and Hewlet Mapleskin. All good men. All killed in the Warwolf's battle with sea serpents in the Penvash Channel.

  We could have been closer. Given time.

  Life is so short! Drake remembers the bones he saw in the Wishing Tower in the land of Ling, back in the long-ago days when life was young and simple.

  And I, in time, will make bones.

  Meanwhile, he says a parting for poor old Tiki Slooze, and for Salaman Meerkat.

  I hardly knew you. Yet you shared food in the time for sharing. Aye. I'd not have thought it. But don't hold that against me.

  Cold wind. The louring sky. Ashes in his hands.

  Remember, now. Pru Chalance. Killed and eaten by northern barbarians.

  A stranger. Man, that's weird. So close to so many, yet knowing them not.

  So what can be said for Pru Chalance? That he lived. He breathed. He dared his chance. As did Ching Quail. And Jez Glane, yes, and Raggage Pouch. And Peg Zuzilman - taken by a centipede, and surely dead. A terrible way to die.

  But it's never easy.

  Live hard, die hard. I miss you all. The weapons muqaddam most. A man amongst men. And he spoke for me too, yes, when Arabin was hot for murder.

  Once more Drake runs through the names, searching for those he's missed. Then he treasures the ashes to the waters.

  Be well.

  None of those pirates who died would have expected anyone to weep for them, yet, here by the shores of the Central Ocean, Drake does weep for them. And for his sister, who cut her throat when she found herself dying from blue leprosy. He understands her life better now, and realizes how rough she had it. He weeps, too, for himself - for do we not all, in the end, go down into that darkness?

  And he weeps as well for the golden kings and their tumultuous empires, for the beauty of women and the laughter of the young, and for the valour of the suns themselves which burn burn and burn, down through the generations, though they too go down in the end to the darkness.

  Last, he learns his grief for the two nameless Collosnon warriors he murdered in a tent by the shores of the island Chag-jalak, far away in the waters of the North Strait.

  You or me. That's how it was. I don't apologize. But forgive me.

  The wind braces him as he walks back to the ruinous fort on the border. And rain has washed the tears from his face by the time he reaches the fireside. Where Zanya is waiting.

  Tonight. At last.

  Lips to be lips.

  Flesh to be flesh.

  Two to be one.

  Silence.

  Fadeout.

  Night.

  40

  The Way of Arabin: religion created by Arabin lol Arabin (formerly Dreldragon Drakedon Douay), drawing inspiration from the mysticism of Gouda Muck, the delights of the temple of the Demon Hagon, tales (some taller than others) about the Orgy God of the Ebrell Islands, and the Inner Principles of the Old Science (as taught to apprentice swordsmiths on Stokos).

  The Book of Witness

  Vision the First

  And it came to pass that in the winter of Khmar 19, Arabin lol Arabin came down out of the north and made his abode in Runcorn.

  With him was no money btft a woman, and his wit also.

  And it happened that Arabin spent much time in dives of low repute where there was much drinking, and a muchness also of gambling at dice-chess.

  And he enjoyed winnings of a size that other men marvelled at.

  And at midwinter he opened his own establishment, saying unto the multitude, come, for the place is lit with candles unto cockcrow.

  The wine is unwatered and the gin likewise, the girls are clean and the cards unmarked, yea, and spotless.

  7 And the crowds were great about his door.

  Then it happened that the City Fathers were exceedingly wroth, and sent certain men to his gates.

  And they asked of him, 'Is there gambling and drinking and whoring within?'

  And he answered unto them, thinking the Truth would serve him, 'There is the practical Worship of things that are good.'

  And one replied, 'Verily verily I say unto you, thou hast not a liquor licence, therefore we can close you down.'

  And another said that yea, verily, he had not rendered up to the City Corporation business taxes three years in advance.

  And many were their accusations, yea, so that there is no numbering of them.

  Then Arabin was also wroth, and he hardened his fingers to fists against them.

  But his woman said, 'Hush dearest treasure-snake, there is Another Way.'

  Then she, whose name was Zanya, said unto the Persecutors: 'Return you tomorrow at noon, and all shall be Answered.'

  And their understanding of this was improved when Arabin began to place boot to the ends that were behind them.

  And the Persecutors withdrew, yet returned at noon the next day.

  And they found waiting for them a Being dressed in Magnificence, and he was not as other men, for there was thunder on his brow and in his voice also.

  And he drew himself up to his Height, and, verily, they looked as Children beside him.

  And he said, 'Lo, behold your doom, for
I am Garimanthea the Mighty, the Flail of Righteousness, the Breaker of Strong Men, the Destroyer of Prosperity, for I am barrister, solicitor, notary public and attorney at law.'

  Then were the Persecutors frightened exceedingly, and sought to flee.

  But it was too late.

  24 For the minions of Garimanthea pressed upon them certain writs relating to libel, and slander, and Attempted Taxation of Religions in Contravention of the City Charter, and Constitutional Violation, and Demanding With Menaces, and many others besides.

  Vision the Second

  And it happened that toward spring the City Fathers sat in council.

  And they asked why the establishment of Arabin continued in operation, yet without liquor licence, or payment of taxes, or compliance with fire regulations.

  And they were answered: 'Verily, he has claimed exemption on the grounds of religious status, and the question looks likely to perplex the Courts unto our great grandchildren's children's generation.'

  Then the Council Chamber was loud with bitter mirth.

  And Nabajoth the Wise wiped the salt tears from his eyes and said, 'This Arabin who stands against us is but a child, and will leave town even if I must rope him to the horse which is my own then drag him all the way south to Kelebes.'

  And Arabin lol Arabin was summoned before the council.

  And Nabajoth addressed him, saying, 'How can a boy like you pretend to religious wisdom?'

  Whereupon Arabin said to him, 'Wherefore dost thou call me boy? Would'st like to test manhood, blade to blade to death and damnation?'

  Upon which his counsel Garimanthea said in exceedingly great haste, 'My client's question was rhetorical only, purely rhetorical, I want that fact entered in the Record.'

  Therefore remarks to that effect were entered in the Record.

  And it is said that Arabin at that time made certain muttered remarks about the ancestry of Nabajoth and the greatness of the belly which was upon him, yet these were not Recorded.

  Then Nabajoth again asked, 'How can a boy like you pretend to religious wisdom?'