Seneca Falls

by Jesse J. Thoma

  “Everything okay?” Kate asked when Seneca finally found her way to the bonus room and the baseball game.

  Seneca slumped onto the couch next to Kate and didn’t answer right away. The emotions swirling within were confusing, and she didn’t know how she felt. She again had the uneasy feeling that her life was quickly becoming unrecognizable. This friendship thing was much harder than others made it look.

  “I’m not sure. I think I’m confused.”

  Kate waited for more, seemingly not wanting to push.

  “I met this girl,” Seneca said.

  Kate nodded knowingly and sympathetically at Seneca. “Ah. I see. That right there complicates a life.”

  “Yeah, I think so too. She was the one I was a jerk to. I called to apologize, but she seemed more upset after.”

  Seneca was miserable. Although private and solitary, she never wanted to be the cause of someone else’s pain. That was a small part of the reason she only hooked up with a woman once. More than that and people could get hurt. She knew she would be worthless in a relationship and didn’t want to burden anyone with her pain. Aside from that, she had been on the receiving end of someone else’s nastiness and vowed never to complete the circle. And she’d never be at anyone’s mercy again either.

  “Why do you think that?” Kate asked. “For the record, I have a hard time imagining anyone being angry at you. Frustrated maybe, but not angry.”

  Surprised by Kate’s assessment, she quickly relayed the contents of her conversation with Dylan. She was vaguely aware that she had never shared anything like this with another human being, but instinctively, she trusted Kate to protect her and her privacy.

  “She wants a date,” Kate said matter-of-factly after listening to Seneca’s recount. “She also left it completely up to you to initiate said date. The ball’s in your court, kiddo.”

  “Holy hell,” Seneca said, feeling the color draining from her face. “Britt and I talked about dating the other night, and it sounded complicated. I just screwed up an apology where all you have to do is say ‘I’m sorry.’”

  Kate looked like she was trying not to laugh but was unsuccessful. “I don’t think a date should scare you that much. They’re kinda fun. And even the rotten ones usually result in a good story.”

  Kate’s laughter was infectious, and Seneca soon joined in. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt a bit relaxed. At least for one night, she allowed herself to let loose and enjoy herself. The date problem could wait. There wasn’t anything she could or wanted to do about it right now anyway.

  “Tell me about her,” Kate said.

  “I don’t really know her all that well. We danced once and I…left quickly.” That was one way to describe it. “We have a class together and we had dinner after it one night.”

  “I don’t need to hear her underwear size or social security number, just tell me about her. Not what you did with her, about her. You two did actually talk at dinner, right? Sometimes first impressions can be quite telling,” Kate said gently, clearly hoping Seneca wouldn’t close up again. She didn’t.

  “Okay, she’s shorter than me, curly red hair. She spent a year in Australia last year and has one crazy ass mother.”

  “That’s awfully technical and doesn’t really tell me anything about her. I think you can do better.” Kate waited patiently, her hands folded in her lap, her attention completely on Seneca.

  “Hmm, all right. I think she’s taking the class we both have to piss off her mom. She dated a girl for a few weeks in Australia, but I think that’s it. She told me the first time I met her she absolutely wasn’t sleeping with me. Oh, and she pretty much takes my breath away.”

  “Well, that certainly has potential,” Kate said. “Might be worth considering that date idea.”

  Seneca knew Kate was right. She paid partial attention to the ballgame, Kate, or whatever else was happening around her. Dylan had mentioned a movie, and she sat there thinking of what it would be like to sit in a darkened theater next to her, holding her hand. Her palms started to tingle.

  Chapter Nine

  “You still haven’t told us why the hot weirdo ran off so quickly the night she asked you to dance,” Viv said, tapping her fake fingernail on the open textbook page she was clearly no longer interested in studying.

  “And it’s really remarkable I haven’t given you every last detail when you ask with such polite grace,” Dylan said, not bothering to hide her disdain.

  “Oh come on, give us a break here. We all want to know. What’s up with you lately?” Mary asked.

  Dylan didn’t know how to tell them that what “was up with her,” was them. Or maybe it was her. Going away for her junior year had been a wonderful decision. Coming back, however, had been harder than she’d expected. Now she was a semester away from graduating and felt further from being an adult than at just about any point in her memory. How was that possible?

  “Oh dear God, I know that look,” Viv said. “You’ve got the Lady Walker blues. Why were you thinking about your mother?”

  The longstanding joke about her mother helped ease a bit of the disconnect she felt with this group of women she had called friends for so many years. Only this foursome would be able to recognize the “Lady Walker Blues” as they called it.

  “I wasn’t even thinking about my mother. I was thinking about graduating and why anyone thinks I’m ready to be let loose on the world,” Dylan said.

  “Oh please, you’ve already been loose on the world. And did quite well, from what I hear.”

  Dylan wasn’t convinced. “That was different. There weren’t any expectations there. I could do whatever I wanted and wasn’t asked to change the world. I’m talking real world, scary world, what the hell do I want to be when I grow up?”

  “Well, you and Gert have more experience out in the big bad world than the rest of us three combined, so if you two don’t know what you’re doing, what hope do we have?”

  “Seriously, though, Viv, you want to be a lawyer, right? And, Mary, you are going to medical school, and, Jess, I still don’t understand what it is you’re going to do, no matter how many times you explain it to me. Let’s just go with engineering. And we all know Gert is going to be president.”

  “What’s your point? I want to work at a world-class law firm and make partner by the time I’m thirty and then have plenty of time to do pro bono work. So what? Mary wants to be a doctor and set up medical clinics in developing countries. I don’t know what Jess does either. I still don’t get what your point is.”

  “My point is, everyone at this school could say the same thing we’re saying. How many twenty-somethings actually change the world in the way they think they will in college?”

  “Dylan, you need to take the buzzkill down a few notches,” Jess said. “Why can’t we be special and defy the odds? Your parents are rich and powerful. They must have done something right out of college.”

  “You know how my parents got all the money they have?” Dylan asked. “They were born. How special is that? This place is a cesspool for unrealistic and unattainable expectations, and it’s making me crazy.”

  “I think that’s something we can all agree on,” Mary said quietly.

  “Maybe we can change the subject?” Viv said. “Dylan, for the love of all things holy, tell us just one tidbit about Seneca King. I was the one who forced you to the bar that night, after all. I wanted to sleep with her. You got to dance with her. Give us a piece of something.” Viv settled into her chair and crossed her arms. She didn’t look like she was going to take no for an answer.

  Dylan didn’t know where to begin, or what to share. She was happy for the subject change, though, and thinking about Seneca was always welcome. “Well,” she said, “she has a limp.”

  Viv, Mary, and Jess booed her loudly. “We all know that. We need something you can’t tell from seeing her across campus. You also can’t tell us she’s hot.”

  “Why don’t you tell me wha
t you already know about her and I’ll see what I can fill in for you?” Dylan said, feeling a little defensive. She had been about to explain how the limp wasn’t a problem while wrapped in Seneca’s arms dancing, but now she was going to keep that morsel to herself.

  “We know she limps. We know she’s damn hot. She works in the athletic training room. And she goes to the bar where you met her, sometimes picks up women and sleeps with them, but never the same one twice. And the rumor is she’s really good in bed, but never takes her clothes off. That’s unconfirmed. She also might belong to the mob, or be a drug dealer.”

  “Unconfirmed as well?” Dylan asked, annoyed. She didn’t know why, but she was positive Seneca wasn’t into anything shady and it felt awful to listen to her friends list facts about her so casually when they didn’t know a thing about her. Granted, she didn’t really know anything about her either, but when Dylan saw her in so much pain, Seneca didn’t seem capable of hiding much of anything. She might not have been entirely pleasant, but she wasn’t any of the things Dylan’s friends, or others on campus, implied she was.

  “So what can you add about the mystery woman?” Jess asked.

  “I guess that about covers it,” Dylan said. “I really don’t know much more than you do. It was just one dance.” She left out the dinner they shared, that they had a class together, that she’d spent some time in her dorm room, and that Seneca had called her not long ago. Those probably weren’t the kinds of details they were looking for anyway. Sharing that information would be as good as strapping bacon to her ass and letting the dogs loose.

  In truth, there wasn’t much else to tell, even if she had wanted to. Since Seneca had called to apologize, they hadn’t spoken much in class. Instead of sitting silently and quite awkwardly next to each other, Dylan had taken the childish approach and started avoiding Seneca. She showed up to class late and sat at the back of the room, disappearing quickly when the lecture was over. Seneca’s silence bothered her more than she wanted to admit. The connection she had felt ever so briefly was absent, and she missed it. This was exactly why she refused to sleep with someone casually. She was sensitive and knew she would get hurt. After only one dance and dinner with Seneca, she felt the loss. It would be far worse if it had gone further, so maybe it was for the best after all. She sighed. If only she could really believe that.

  *

  Seneca stood outside the old, comfortable classroom, working up the courage to enter. She was already late for the lecture, but that hardly mattered. She figured the professor probably hadn’t found her notes yet, and even if she had, she would be repeating what they had covered last class. Sometimes Seneca was amazed they covered any new material at all.

  Despite the interesting professorial organizational technique, Ancient Inventions was Seneca’s favorite class. But it wasn’t so much the subject matter she found fascinating, though there was that too, as it was another student in the room who made her heart race.

  Since the night of the apology, Seneca had been having dinner two nights a week with Kate and Lisa like clockwork. In that time she had started to realize how wonderful a true mentor and ally could be. Kate was nonjudgmental and soft-spoken but didn’t mind telling Seneca when she thought she was out of her mind. In fact, Kate had done just that the previous night when Seneca admitted she still hadn’t asked Dylan out on a date.

  Seneca didn’t want to ask Dylan out with nothing to give her in return. She didn’t feel like a person worthy of dating, and she certainly had no idea what Dylan saw in her. Watching Kate and Lisa had shown her just how deficient she truly was. She felt like Dylan deserved better. The only problem was Seneca couldn’t get Dylan out of her head, and not asking her out was as torturous as the thought of a date was terrifying. And Dylan was avoiding her, which sucked. It sucked even more than having Dylan see her at her lowest.

  Last night, she had paced a rut into the carpet in Kate’s bonus room and had ruined what probably would have been a rather enjoyable Red Sox playoff victory. Kate was patient to a fault, but Seneca felt bad and had finally come upon the only solution she felt comfortable with. It would be up to Dylan to see for herself that Seneca wasn’t worth dating; she simply had no idea how to be a partner. But at least she could say she tried, which was more than she could say now.

  Squaring her shoulders in what she hoped was a confident posture, she prepared herself to face Dylan. In truth, Seneca wouldn’t really be facing Dylan at all. She was taking the easy way out by doing the asking during class when Dylan couldn’t make a scene and tell her to kiss her ass. With that rather unpleasant thought in mind, Seneca ducked into class and made a beeline for Dylan’s desk.

  Dylan looked surprised to see Seneca and even more shocked to see her heading toward her, but she didn’t look like it was an altogether unpleasant surprise. Seneca took comfort in that and picked up her speed. She hurriedly limped forward, gently set a stargazer lily and a small envelope on Dylan’s desk, and limped past her to a seat farther up the room. Her heart was racing, and she knew her face was bright red. Her palms were sweaty, and she didn’t like having all eyes in the class on her. But what mattered was what Dylan was thinking. She was too chicken to look at her, so she slumped behind her desk and focused on the book in front of her. She felt like a middle schooler passing a note in class, but it was the best she could do.

  *

  “I finally did it,” Seneca said almost as soon as she set foot in the training room for work.

  Kate was at the computer, catching up on some paperwork before the influx of athletes arrived needing to be taped for practice and games. She looked up as Seneca bounded in.

  “Finally did what, kiddo?” Kate was the only one to call Seneca that, but Seneca enjoyed the endearment. It made her feel loved and special. Both were new feelings. They were nice.

  “Finally asked Dylan for a date. Remember how I told you she said her favorite flowers were lilies? I got her one of those too.” Seneca looked around the training room to make sure they were alone. Many of the athletes had warmed to Seneca, some even chatting with her while she taped an ankle or applied a heat pack, but the rest of the school still harbored unknown fears of her, her past, her limp, and anything else they could think of that might somehow explain why she was such a loner.

  “A date, huh? That’s great. Where are you going?” Kate looked happy for her. “I’m glad you finally asked her out. I thought you were going to worry yourself into an ulcer last night. Or that I was going to have to chuck you out the window to stop the pacing.” There was no censure in Kate’s voice.

  “Well, it’s not really that kind of date. It’s probably not technically a date at all. I asked her to be my partner in our class. We’re going to make our invention together. See, after we learn all about the cool stuff the ancient people did, we have to re-create something just like they did. Should be pretty fun actually, but probably not a date. Not really.” Seneca felt dejected. Saying it out loud made her feel silly. Sitting in the machine shop hammering away at a piece of sheet metal wasn’t very date-like.

  “Sounds like a study date to me.” Kate continued with the paperwork in front of her.

  “Are those real dates?” Seneca asked hopefully. She could see the questions in Kate’s eyes, but she didn’t ask them out loud. Mostly she seemed curious about Seneca’s complete lack of understanding of the dating world. Maybe someday she would be able to share some of her past with Kate, but not today.

  “A date is anything you make it,” Kate said. “But I happen to be partial to the studying kind. That was how I met Lisa. It was the only way I could ask her out because I thought she was way out of my league.”

  “You did? But you two are so totally made for each other. I bet she saw that right away.”

  “Well, she says she did, but I took a little more time to believe it. I just didn’t think I was good enough for her. But to be honest, after the first couple of study dates, we didn’t get much studying done and she convinced me.”
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br />   “Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to…Oh! You mean you two…and that was how you…oh.” Seneca was flustered and ran her hand unconsciously up and down her abdomen, feeling the irregular bumps and crevices that now made up the anger-inflicted topography of her skin. She never let anyone see her less than fully clothed. She flushed and felt a little panicky.

  “Hey, slow down, kiddo. It’s just a study date. There are a lot of things that have to happen before you even think about getting to that. I doubt it will come up on the first date, especially if you’re in class.”

  “Yeah, sorry, I just…sorry.” Seneca’s arms hung loosely at her sides, and she looked around desperately for something to do to keep her from having to meet Kate’s eyes. Sometimes Seneca wanted to tell Kate about her past and about Shannon, but she always stopped herself. Kate was without a doubt the person she admired and trusted the most. Telling her about all that would probably drive Kate away, and Seneca didn’t think she could take it. If she gave up some of the burden, only to lose Kate in the end, the memories and pain would feel twice as heavy. She didn’t want to risk it.

  She busied herself folding a fresh load of towels and tried not to think about Dylan. However, the harder she tried not to think about her, the more she intruded on every thought. Kate was right; dating eventually led to sex, and Dylan already knew Seneca wasn’t picky with her partners, so she couldn’t say she was waiting for marriage or was scared of sex. Somehow she didn’t think that her usual rules of “I touch you, you don’t touch me, and all my clothes stay on” would work very well with Dylan. One thing at a time. You’re getting way ahead of yourself.

  Seneca was violently folding the towels, slamming each one so hard on the stack that she threatened to topple the entire pile after each folding. She was really just moving unfolded towels from one pile to a slightly more tidy pile as she took out her stress on the defenseless linen.