Letter to Belinda

by Tim Tingle

  The bookstore owner was happy as a lark, that the Queen had visited his store in person. He had his staff serving soft drinks to the waiting crowds, and had set up a table loaded with cookies, nuts and cakes. Angel was hovering around his table, greeting the customers, and helping the elderly to step up on the raised platform. She was being a ‘good will’ ambassador for Jester Books. She knew that her company had a real winner, with a writer like Travis Lee. At one point she brought him a glass of red wine. She had found out from past experience, that wine ‘loosened the tongue’, and made conversation easier with their customers, though Travis had no problem making conversation. Some were delighted with his southern drawl. The afternoon melted away quickly, into a blur of faces, and signatures. He signed his own name so many times, that it became unrecognizable, even to him.

  23

  Janice was about to get concerned about Penelope. It was 10:15, and that meant that Bob could be back any minute from Bates Park. Surely he would wait a few minutes past ten, to see if she was late, but by 10:10 he was likely to be on his way back home, and it was only a ten minute drive to town. Their window of opportunity was soon to close. She was about to go knock on the door, when she saw the screen door open, and Penelope emerged. But something was different about her. She was wearing a heavy brown coat over her dress, which was odd for August. As she was getting into the car, Janice saw the Bible in her hand.

  “Good! You got your Bible back!”

  “Let’s get out of here, Janice!”

  She already had the engine started, and they pulled out on to the highway. They saw no one on the road. Penelope burst into tears.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Oh, nothing! It’s just seeing the old house where I grew up! It brought back a lot of old memories. Bad memories!”

  “Yes, I can imagine. Listen, I’m sorry for taking your Bible over there. You shouldn’t have to go back to a place like that.”

  “That’s okay! I’m fine now. I think from this day forward, I am going to start getting better!”

  “I hope so. I smell something.”

  “It’s me! I peed in my pants again. The old house caused it! I’m sorry about your seat!”

  “That’s okay. I can clean it. Want me to turn up the air conditioner? Or do you want to take off that hot coat?”

  “Oh, this? This was my coat years ago. I decided to take it too, as long as I was there.”

  “But it must be awfully hot, buttoned up like that.”

  “No, I’m fine. I’ll be home in a few minutes.” She wiped the sweat off her brow. “I will be fine in a few minutes.”

  Janice expected to see the maroon truck pass them, coming from town, but it didn’t. “Your Dad must still be at the Park, waiting on you.”

  “Well, he can wait there till he rots, for all I care! I am through with him! I am moving beyond him, Janice! He will never invade my dreams again!”

  “That’s the attitude to have! Just live your life, and let him live his! As long as your paths don’t cross, everything will be fine.”

  Penelope burst out into tears again.

  “Do you want to go eat lunch somewhere?”

  “No, I need to go get myself cleaned up. That house made me feel dirty!”

  “I understand. Well, do you want to go eat lunch later, after you’ve showered?”

  “That’s kind of you, Janice, but no. I just want to be alone with my thoughts right now.”

  “I understand.”

  Or at least she thought she did.

  When they arrived at Vance’s apartment, Penelope thanked her again, as she got out of the car. As she did so, Janice noticed a spot of blood on her dress. “Penelope, is that blood on your dress?”

  “Yes, I cut my finger looking for my Bible.”

  “Oh. Okay, glad I could help.” As she drove away, Janice was glad that Penelope had not taken her up on her offer of lunch, because she really didn’t want to take her. She just offered out of courtesy. She hoped that she never heard from that woman again. She needed a few items from the grocery store, so she would go there before she went home. On the way, she did a ‘drive through’ of Bates Park, but since it was now almost 10:40, she did not see Bob’s maroon truck. He was probably back home by now, and mad, at being stood up.

  * * *

  Penelope unlocked the front door to Vance’s apartment, went in, and closed it quickly, then locked it. She then took off that hot overcoat, and threw it on the floor. She immediately began unbuttoning her blouse, which was no longer white, but splotched with crimson red blood that had soaked her to the skin. Her bra was stained red, so she took it off and added it to the pile. She got a roll of paper towels, and used half the roll, daubing off sweat and blood. She examined the spot on her skirt. Yes, it would have to go too. Anything with blood on it was going out, because she wanted no evidence to connect her to her Dad.

  As far as anyone knew, she had just gone there to get her Bible. She got it, and left. Janice could verify that. She hated that Janice had seen that spot of blood on her dress, but Janice was so naïve, that perhaps she would believe that she had only cut her finger. She kicked off her wet panties, and added them to the pile. She went to the kitchen and got a big garbage bag to put all the clothes in, including the brown coat. Then she went to take a shower, taking the time to scrub the bloodstains thoroughly. She got out refreshed, then went to find clean clothes in the bedroom. She felt better, looked better, and smelled better. She wanted a strong drink, but knew there was nothing in the house. Vance had thrown it all out. For all his faults, Vance was not a bad guy. He had taken care of her through some pretty rough times.

  Now, maybe the times would get better, after he got out of jail.

  She took the garbage bag out to the back yard. She knew the neighbors were at work, so she reached over the fence and stuffed the bag into their garbage can. Garbage pick-up would be in the morning, and they wouldn’t care about her using their garbage can, because the neighbors seldom filled theirs. They had often told Vance that he could use their can, if his was full. Even if they saw the bag, they would think nothing of it.

  She went back in the house to read her Bible, and to wait on the news.

  * * *

  Janice spent more time than she intended at the grocery store. It was nice to shop without kids nipping at her heels. Hopefully, those days were behind her. When she left the grocery store, she went by McDonald’s and got a children’s Happy Meal, because that was all she wanted.

  She was about halfway home, when she heard a siren coming from behind her, and getting closer. She pulled off the road, to allow it to pass. This concerned her, because it could be going to her house! She whipped back on the road, and followed the Laurel Grove fire truck, as it neared her house. Thankfully, it kept going up the road. She wondered where they could be going, but she was not going to be a nuisance by following the fire truck to the scene. There were too many people who did that already.

  When she got home, she called one of her neighbors, Mary, who had a citizen band radio, which she kept tuned to police and fire calls. (Every neighborhood had one. It was great entertainment, and kept the gossips well informed.) Mary said she had been out in the garden when she heard the siren, and she was trying to tune it in now. “I’ll call you right back!” she said.

  A few minutes later, she did call back. “Janice, it’s a house fire! The police gave out the address as Rural Route #1, Box 1198.”

  “Who would that be? Anyone we know?”

  “Hon, we know everyone who lives out here! Hold on, they are running the address now. It’s Robert Deason, Box 1198.”

  “Robert Deason, . . . I don’t know him.”

  “Yes you do! It’s Bob Deason! The man who lived with his mother, till she died!”

  “And his daughter is Penelope?”

/>   “Yes, that’s right. They say there is nothing they can do. The house is fully engulfed!”

  “Was he at home?”

  “I don’t know. They didn’t say. No, wait. They did say there were no vehicles in front of the house, where he usually parks. So I guess he wasn’t home, thank goodness!”

  Janice hung up, not sure of what to make of this. It was so strange that the house burned so soon after she and Penelope had been there. Right now though, she didn’t want anyone to know she had even been there. She wished Travis were here.

  24

  The Doctor was right. It was going to turn into an all day thing, running tests at UAB. But Miranda didn’t mind, because she had nothing else to do. It took her mind off her ‘little problem’ waiting in her freezer. After doing the MRI, they walked down the street to Taco Bell for lunch. At one, they were back at the waiting room, watching other patients come and go. It was almost three when Dr. Thomas’ nurse called them into an examination room. They waited nervously for the doctor. Even Lennie’s conversation had dried up, which she thought would never happen. Finally the doctor came in, with a CD in his hand.

  “I am sorry for the long wait, but I wanted to be sure with my diagnosis. Lennie, how do you feel?”

  “I’m okay. Got a headache though.”

  “That’s understandable. After I saw your MRI, I took the liberty to call your family doctor. He said he did an x-ray on you two months ago. Do you remember him doing that?”

  “I remember him doing something.”

  “Anyway, I got him to send me your x-ray on our computer link, and I have it here. Let me show you.” He put the CD into a wall mounted display screen. The image of two x-rays showed up. “These are your x-rays from two months ago. Allow me to point out what you are seeing. Here is the outline of your brain, and this dark spot here on the frontal lobe is the tumor. Now . . .”

  “Tumor?” Miranda said. “He has a tumor on his brain?”

  “Yes, Lennie knows about it. His doctor explained it to him two months ago.”

  “Lennie, I thought you said you didn’t have cancer?”

  “I don’t! I have a tumor, isn’t that right?”

  Dr. Thomas was cleaning his glasses as he replied, “Well, the tumor is cancerous, and your family doctor explained all that to you, remember?”

  “Oh yeah, I guess he did. I forget things a lot.”

  “Anyway,” Dr. Thomas continued, “The MRI we did today only confirms what your family doctor feared. Here is your MRI from today.” He punched in a code, and the MRI appeared beside the x-rays. It was multi colored. “As you can see, the tumor is so intertwined with your brain fibers, that the only way to surgically remove it, would be to remove almost the entire frontal lobe. That would leave you with very little memory, and you would not be the same person at all.”

  “Who would I be?” Lennie asked.

  The doctor was taken aback by the question. “You would not be Lennie Kellerman any more.”

  “Could I be George Clooney? I like George Clooney!”

  The doctor looked to Miranda for help.

  “Lennie, what the doctor is saying, is that if they operate, to remove the tumor, it will mess you up. You won’t even know who you are!”

  “I don’t want that. So can I take pills for my headaches?”

  “Let me show you what is causing your headaches, Lennie. See on the MRI where the tumor inside your brain has actually pushed your brain up against the side of your skull? That is what is causing the headaches.”

  “Oh.”

  “And let me show you something else. In two months time, the size of the tumor has grown phenomenally. Compare your x-ray with the MRI. It is growing out of control. At this rate, your brain will completely fill the cranial cavity, and then the pain will be unbearable.”

  “So what can we do about it, Doctor?” Miranda asked.

  “That’s the real kicker. There is not a whole lot we can do about it.”

  “What about chemo-therapy?”

  “Chemo would only prolong the agony, I am afraid. At the advanced stage this tumor is at right now, it is only a matter of time. I am sorry. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Lennie, you don’t have long to live.”

  “That’s okay. We all got to die from something, my Mama used to say.”

  “Your Mama was a wise lady.”

  “How long do you give him?” Miranda asked.

  “It’s hard to say, at the present rate of tumor growth. It could speed up, or it could slow down. The one thing I can do, is prescribe morphine to ease the pain, because there will be pain toward the end.”

  “Is there any way this could have been caught sooner?” Miranda asked.”

  “His family doctor did refer him to us two months ago, but he never showed up.”

  “Oh yeah! I remember that!” Lennie said. I didn’t have the money for a taxi, and I clean forgot about it, by the time my check come in.”

  “I seriously doubt that two months would have made any significant difference anyway. It was too far along, even two months ago.”

  Miranda was in shock. She had not expected anything like this. But the main thing was how Lennie took it so well. She knew it was because Lennie simply didn’t worry about things he couldn’t control, and that was a good attitude to have. Something as abstract as death, was one of the things he couldn’t control.

  As they drove home, Lennie seemed relieved that the days ordeal was over. All he wanted to do was get back home to the things he knew. Miranda didn’t really know what to say to him. What do you say to a man who knows he is going to die? She had never found herself in that position before. Though she was not close to Lennie, she was the closest thing he had to a family, or a friend. It troubled her that Lennie was apparently not surprised, or upset by the doctor’s news.

  “Lennie, do you realize that what the doctor said to you is very serious? That you have a tumor that cannot be operated on, and cannot be treated?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And that you will die from it, as a result?”

  “Uh-huh, I heard him say that. I’m not stoopid you know!”

  “I didn’t mean to imply that you were, but it just seems that you don’t see the seriousness of this whole thing.”

  “What’s to get serious about? Either I die, or I don’t. Don’t everybody die sooner or later?”

  “Yes, but cancer can seriously shorten your life!”

  “I been here 35 years. How long am I supposed to stay? Lots of folks that don’t have cancer, don’t live as old as I am!”

  “Well, yeah, accidents happen, but you should want to live as long as you can.”

  “Why? So I can get old and crippled, where I can’t ride my bike anymore? I don’t have nobody to take care of me now!”

  “But you don’t want to die, do you?”

  “Why not? I have heard that Heaven is a really nice place. My parents are there. Everybody that cares ‘bout me are there already, just waitin’ on me!”

  “But what if there’s not a Heaven! What if this life is all there is?”

  Lennie turned and looked at her, like she was crazy. “If this is all there is, I ain’t loosin’ much! I can tell you ain’t been to church much! You go there, and they’ll tell you all about Heaven!” They rode in silence for a few minutes, then he added. “The only bad thing about goin’ to Heaven is that you won’t be there. I’m gonna miss you, Miranda, because you the best friend I got here!”

  Miranda gritted her teeth at that statement. Not so much because Lennie was implying that she wasn’t going to heaven too, but because he thought of her as his best friend. She didn’t want to get too close to Lennie before, and she certainly didn’t, now that she knew he was going to die. But how could she put him down, knowing that she was th
e best friend he had? It would be very cold and selfish of her to drop him like a hot potato, especially after finding out that he was dying. That would make her the absolute worst kind of person she could imagine. Even worse than she already perceived herself to be. So it looked like she was stuck, being his ‘best friend’ for awhile. That, along with her other problems, was about to be more than she could handle.

  “Miranda, you still want to be my friend, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do, Lennie!” she lied.

  “It’s just that, all my life, people kind’a stay away from me, because I’m not as smart as them. I guess that’s okay. It’s a free country. But I want you to be my friend, right up to the end. Okay?”

  “Of course, Lennie! I wouldn’t think of abandoning you! Especially now!”

  “That’s good to know. You really are my best friend, you know!”

  “I am flattered, Lennie.”

  “I wish I could do something for you, Miranda!”

  “You can just be my friend, Lennie!”

  “I’m already your friend! But I want to do something else for you too!”

  “That’s not necessary, Lennie.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind at all! I’d do anything you ask! Anything at all!”

  He was starting to make her feel uncomfortable. “Really, Lennie, I don’t need for you to do anything for me. But thank you anyway.”

  “I can help you do anything your friend was doin’, before he left.”

  “What? What are you talking about, Lennie?”

  “Your friend, the coal miner. I can help you do what he was doin’.”

  Was he talking about Travis? “I have no idea what you are talking about, Lennie!”

  “Sure you do! The coal miner that works at Savage Creek #2 Mine. You and him were doin’ somethin’ at the Judge’s house, and then at your house. He hasn’t been back in awhile, but I can help you by doin’ the same thing he was doin’ for you!”