I don’t sleep because I can’t. Once I’m sure Eric is asleep, and I know this because he’s snoring (and he had the audacity to call me out!), I text Char to come get me. I slip out of the room quietly and I pick up Bonnie who is sleeping on the couch in the living room. I leave Clyde because I don’t think Eric will give him up at this point. They’ve bonded and I’m not all that sure Clyde even likes me anyways. He scratched me the other day and drew blood. I’m guessing that doesn’t mean “I love you” in cat.
I’m sitting on the porch swing while I wait for Char. She pulls up and idles at the curb. I quickly walk down the driveway and slide into the passenger seat.
“Thanks for coming to get me. I know it’s late.”
“Of course, I came. But you have to tell me why you’re sneaking out in the middle of the night.”
“I did something stupid. I asked him to be my boyfriend. Like an out in the open, fully committed boyfriend. And guess what his answer was? A big fat no. Well actually he said not right now but I’ve been blown off before, I know how it goes. Char, what is wrong with me?”
“Well aside from your snoring, I’d say you’re a pretty great catch. If he can’t see that then he’s a dumbass, as I’ve suspected all along.”
“Why does everyone keep saying I snore? Not one ex has ever complained about that before.”
Charlotte starts laughing, “You do know that Jackson slept on your couch every time he stayed over?”
“What the hell? I dated him for like a year! How do you know?”
“I came over one night to pick something up that I left at your house and he was on the couch looking as cozy as can be. He begged me not to tell you and I never did.”
“Some friend you are! I always wondered why he was up before me and every once in awhile he’d be on the couch when I got up but he just said he woke up early to watch the news and dozed off on the couch.”
“Mace, you are so gullible sometimes. Jackson was dumb as a brick, you know he didn’t watch the news.”
“You’re right but he was so hot that I pretty much overlooked everything except for him sleeping with the barista from Starbucks. You know, I had to start going to a different Starbucks after that because the chick was crazy and I was afraid she’d poison my drink or worse, give me decaf.”
Ever since Jackson, I tried to make sure my boyfriends had more substance to them but that just ended with me dating a professor I met at the bookstore who, as it turned out, was also dating his students. As you can tell, my judgment is just stellar.
We pull up to Char’s apartment. My car is there since she drove it home earlier so I hop out of her jeep and walk around the front to meet her. I give her a hug and thank her once more before I leave.
It’s the middle of the night so the roads are quiet. Bonnie is curled up in my lap as I drive. Once I’m home, I go straight to bed because I’m exhausted and I just don’t have the energy to dwell on the current state of my love life. It’s honestly too depressing.
Chapter 9
My phone keeps going off and I just keep hitting snooze but it keeps going. I finally look at it and see that it’s Eric calling me. I silence it. I don’t want to talk to him this early in the morning. I know I have to talk to him. I just want to be a coward for a little bit longer.
30 minutes later all I hear is banging on my front door.
I drag myself out of bed because I know it’s Eric and not the pizza delivery guy, you know since I didn’t order pizza.
I open the door and his face relaxes as soon as he sees me and then I see his features contort to anger.
“Why the hell did you leave? I was worried about you and you didn’t have the decency to leave a note or answer when I call.”
“Eric, calm down. Have a seat. Do you want some coffee?” I’m stalling but I also don’t want to have this conversation with him yelling at me.
“No, I don’t. Start talking.”
“Okay, well I’m getting coffee. I had to leave. I couldn’t stay there after our talk. I just didn’t feel like I should be there. I hope you can understand that.”
“I don’t understand.” I can tell he’s frustrated as he runs his hands through his shaggy hair. “You said you’d give me time.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” I shoot back. “I’m giving you time but I also can’t be with you while you figure out whatever it is you have to figure out. I’m not confused and I have things figured out for me. I like you, a lot. Maybe even more than that. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be a background figure in your life.”
“Macy, it’s not like that. I promise. I just have things I need to do. Things that are in place that I have to finish. I just need time.”
“You told me that last night. This is me, giving you time. Take it and please leave because it’s hard to be around you right now.” And it is hard to be around him. All I want to do is hug him. That’s all, I just need to feel his touch but I know it won’t end well so I stay right where I’m standing.
He starts to come toward me but I hold my hand up.
“Please.” My voice cracks as I say this and I look away.
He ignores my plea and continues to come closer. He gives me a kiss on the forehead and then turns to leave without a word. Forehead kisses are underrated. I’m pretty much a puddle by the time he leaves.
Needless to say, I spend the next hour crying on the couch while Bonnie sleeps curled up next to me. Then, because I’m a strong independent woman who needs no man, I pull myself together and start getting ready for my day.
It’s the weekend and I have zero plans but I don’t think sitting around my house pouting will be too constructive so I decide I need to stay busy. I go see a matinee movie by myself and then I meet Char for drinks at the bar.
Sunday is the most routine day I have in my week so I start with church and end up at my Mom’s house like clockwork.
Shelley and the boys aren’t here today. They took a trip to see her mom so the house is a little quieter without those adorable little hellions.
I seek out Mia immediately because I know she’ll brighten my weekend. She’s such a happy kid so she’s all smiles when I pick her up off the floor. She’s in the cutest little red, white, and blue outfit. My baby fever has been at an all-time high since Mia came into my life. I just need a little nugget for myself. But I guess I’d have to find a guy first and that area of my life is currently (and previously) a disaster zone.
Dan is here but he’s not really participating in conversation so I try to talk to him. Of course, I’m a dumbass because the first thing I can think to ask him is about Lauren.
“So, have you talked to Lauren recently?”
He looks up at me with surprise. But he doesn’t look mad or even sad really. He just has a bored look.
“Yeah, we actually had dinner to talk when our emotions weren’t running high. I think it gave us both some closure. There were a lot of problems with our relationship but some of them I didn’t even see until she pointed them out. I think it worked out for the best. Now if I could just sell the damn house I bought, I’d be much happier.”
“I can imagine. I can’t even afford one mortgage and you have two. Are you sure you don’t want to keep the new house?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. That house wasn’t for him.
“Nah, I bought it for her. She wouldn’t have been happy in my house and I just wanted to make her happy. But since it’s just me, I don’t need something that big. Honestly, I’ll probably be happy in my current house for a long time.”
He seems to be okay which I’m forever grateful for. But something is still going on with him. I don’t push it because he’s entitled to his secrets.
After lunch, I don’t even get out of the room with Mia in my attempt at stealing her and skipping town before someone grabs her from me. I’m losing my touch.
Once I do head out, Dan follows me outside.
“You know, if you need to talk, I’m here.”
&
nbsp; This catches me by surprise. “What would I need to talk about?”
“Eric told me what happened.”
“Oh, well that was nice of him,” I say as I roll my eyes. I’m not too thrilled he decided to let my brother in on our problems.
“Don’t be too hard on him. He’ll come around.” Dan lobbies for Eric. What about me, though? Shouldn’t he be on my side? Then again, don’t I want Eric to come around? So I guess he kind of is on my side.
“Well, I’m not holding my breath. But thanks for your concern. Truly. But I’m good.”
I head home and feed Bonnie. She ignores the food. I know she’ll eat later because she’s already turning into a fat cat. She ignores me too. So much for having a cat so I won’t be lonely.
This week did not turn out how I thought it would. I welcome sleep and the new week that is ahead.
I’ve decided to lay low for a while. Char isn’t too keen on being around Dan right now anyways so we’re going to miss out on some of our plans with the guys. We discussed it and decided that we just need a break from the group. She still feels guilty about Dan and Lauren even though she really did him a favor. I don’t want to be around Eric right now. I do have plans with Parker this week, though. We became close on the trip to Mexico and it always makes me happy to talk to him. Plus it’s a nice way for me to keep up with Eric without being too obvious to everyone else. I’m also pretty sure he’s relaying information to his brother as well. It doesn’t bother me though because that just means Eric is keeping tabs on me which makes me a little happy.
When I see Parker on Tuesday, he tells me that Eric isn’t all that happy that I’ve chosen to spend time with him.
“Well, it serves him right for pushing me away. Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with his more attractive little brother.” I wink at Parker. We’ve developed a nice banter and I’m thankful that he’s in my life now.
“So what’s new with you Park? Are you ready for school to start back next month?”
“Nothing new really. My softball team made it into a tournament next weekend. You should come. And I’m kind of ready for school because I get a little bored halfway through my summer break but I’m also not ready because it’s still high school and those football players are little assholes.”
“Softball is outside right? It’s not a professional sport either so I won’t have a chance to meet a famous athlete and fall in love and live happily ever after. I think I’ll pass on that. But Char might want to go so you should invite her.”
“Yeah, I’ll see if she wants to check it out.”
“Have you talked to Chelsea any?” I ask because I’m dying to know if they’re still in contact. I’m all for their relationship because I know them both and they’d be great together if they gave it a real chance. But I know the issue is location. Chelsea lives in Chicago and that’s not exactly close. But I’m hopeful she’ll move home. She always mentions wanting to move back but she just hasn’t found the right job opportunity that will make it worth it.
“We texted a little at first but it kind of petered out from everyday to once a week to nothing now. It’s for the best, though.” Then he turns from serious to playful. “Maybe some of my new coworkers will be just as hot as you.” He winks.
“Oh how flattering. But I do know a teacher at the school you’ll be at. She’s a kindergarten teacher. Since it’s a private school and the campus is so small, you might actually see her around. I’ll have to set you guys up on a date. She’s pretty cute.”
“I’ll think about it, thanks, Mace.” He doesn’t sound too convincing but I’m just trying to help so I’m still going to set up the date. It’s for the best. Plus, Paige is really sweet but has terrible luck with men. This seems to be a trend among all of my friends. We could use some divine intervention.
Chapter 10
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve seen Eric. He hasn’t even texted or reached out at all. To be fair, though, neither have I but this was all his fault. Mostly.
I’m beginning to get discouraged that he won’t be able to work through his issues. That’s when I get a text from Charlotte that makes me lose hope completely.
Char: Don’t panic but I’m about to forward you a link that you need to see.
Char: I’m not sending this to hurt you but I thought you’d want to know.
Me: Don’t start a sentence with “don’t panic” and expect me to remain calm. Send me the link.
I open up my browser to the link she sends and I’m simultaneously angry and hurt. The article details how “fan favorite Eric Hastings” has been in talks to be the new suitor on the reality show he was on a few years ago. They interviewed him and he talked about how he’s been single for a while and he’s finally ready to open himself up to love. He continues to say he thinks the right girl is out there for him and he feels like he’s finally ready to be happy.
If this is what he needed to figure out, then he’s still the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. I can’t believe he acted like he was interested in me if he was planning on doing this the whole time. I’m so hurt that he’s basically cast me aside to pursue reality fame or love with a girl that’s probably ten years younger. You know those scantily clad girls on those shows are barely old enough to drink. Eric is 31 so he’s not crazy old but he doesn’t have any business dating 21-year-olds.
I’m so furious that I don’t know what to do. I kind of want to call him and yell at him and another part of me wants to ignore it and pretend like I never had feelings for such a douche.
Me: WTF?!?
Char: I know. I’m so sorry, Mace.
Me: Well, I guess one good thing to come from this is that he’ll be filming for 3 months so I won’t have to see him.
Char: Yeah, but after that, you’ll have to see him in person and on TV.
Me: There’s an easy solution to that. I’ll just find another group of friends and avoid watching him find love on a trashy TV show.
My phone starts ringing and I see Eric’s face pop up on my screen. I programmed in a cute picture of us together for his photo and I forgot to remove it. In the picture, we’re sitting on his couch making silly faces. During the time we spent together we took a lot of selfies that we kept to ourselves. I sent a couple to Parker on Snapchat because he was the only one that knew about us.
I’m debating about whether I should answer or not but I kind of want to know what he has to say for himself so I go ahead and slide the button on my phone.
“Hello.”
“Mace, thank god you answered. I need to tell you about something but I want you to let me explain it first.”
“I already know. I saw the article. You’ve got nothing to explain. I don’t want to hear excuses. The time we spent together was nice. It was fun but that’s all there was to it. Have fun on the show. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Everything I say is clipped and void of emotion.
I meant to hear him out, I really did. But then my mouth started acting of its own accord. I’m about to hang up because I’ve said pretty much all I care to say but something in his voice stops me. There’s a sense of urgency in it.
“Slow down, Mace. It’s not true. I mean, yeah, I did the interview but that was before we went to Mexico. That was even before the last BBQ at Dan’s house. And I never said I was going to be the next suitor. They’re speculating in the article. You know that right? The producers brought it up but I said no. I don’t want to do that again. It was brutal the first time and I have no interest in doing it again.”
“But you said you were ready for love and open to new possibilities.”
“Yeah, I was talking about you.”
“What do you mean you were talking about me? You just told me that this interview happened before Mexico and before you even started being nice to me.”
“Macy, I really don’t want to have this conversation over the phone. Can you please meet me somewhere. Can I come over or will you come to the house?”
I think
about it for a second and decide it’s best if we meet on neutral ground and preferably somewhere there isn’t a bedroom because this could go sideways really quickly if he even attempts to touch me. I’m going through withdrawals here. Don’t judge me.
We meet at City Brew. It’s a cute little coffee shop that I frequent about as much as Starbucks, meaning often. I get an everything bagel and a latte. I arrived before Eric so I’m already seated at a table in the back where I can people-watch peacefully.
Eric doesn’t see me at first when he walks in so he heads to the counter. His hair is even longer than the last time I saw him. He definitely hasn’t shaved in awhile. He always looks unkempt, though, it’s his personal style. He’s still devastatingly handsome, even with the longer hair and beard. I miss him. Not because he’s hot although it is fun to stare at him. I just miss talking to him, playing board games together, and watching crappy romantic comedies. Yeah, he actually watched those with me. The ones with Meg Ryan were our favorite. Apart from his obvious commitment issues, he’s a total catch.
He spots me as I’m staring at him. I don’t look away even though my initial reflex is to hide my blush from his intense gaze. He then gives a small wave and turns towards to counter to wait for his drink before heading over to where I’m sitting.
“Thanks for meeting me.”
“Of course. So, what was so important that you wanted to talk in person instead of over the phone. I was a little confused while we were talking earlier. You weren’t really making any sense.”
He takes a deep breath like he’s psyching himself up and then he slides into the seat across from me. It’s a small table and I can feel his leg graze mine.
“Yeah, I wanted to explain some things. First, I’m not the next suitor. I was never going to be. The media just speculates stuff like this and because the interview had good sound bites, it supported that theory.” He pauses.
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