2 Color Me A Crime

by Tonya Kappes

  “Fine! Tell the fat bastard to eat all the Twinkies he wants!” She slams down the phone.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Jenn? Olivia? Matchmaking service? Breakup service?” Slowly he paces back and forth. All I can do is watch him as tries to digest everything he just heard. “Who are you? I’ve been in law enforcement for a few years and you have completely stumped me.”

  “I can explain.” I try to put my hands out, but he jerks away. “There is a reasonable explanation for everything.”

  “Yeah, I bet there is.” He scoffs, turning his back to leave. “Save it for the interrogation room.”

  “I can read auras!” I blurt out. If I’m going to spill the beans, it has to be all or nothing. “I’m sort of psychic.”

  “Jenn, Olivia, whoever you are, do you think that I’m going to believe that?” He shakes his head. “You will stop at nothing for me to believe you. I wouldn’t put it past you to have set up the first time I met you at Pete’s Pizzeria.”

  “You’re right. I did know that you were going to be at Pete’s that day.” I have the urge to run in and get my rain boots, because this situation is about to get deep. “I keep passing out because I can see auras. I can feel what you are feeling and right now, your normally blue aura is not blue. It’s…yellow-tinted and grey. You are confused and wanting to get out of here. You’re hurt.”

  “Really? It doesn’t take a psychic to figure out that I’m hurt.” He stomps back toward the kitchen with his finger pointed at me. “It doesn’t take a psychic to figure out that the one girl that I thought I could have a relationship after Christy is really a killer and I’m a cop.”

  “I…uh”

  “You are what? Sorry? Full of lies?” He stands firm. His glares and mumbles, “If you could really read auras, you’d know that I was falling in love with you.”

  “Joel,” I step forward, hoping he doesn’t step backward, but he does. He walks over to the couch and sits down. His face is drawn and pasty white. “Please let me explain. You can ask Carl any of it. He knows.”

  I start with the beginning---My family---and work my way up to how I knew he was going to be at Pete’s that day.

  “I can’t hold down a real job because so many auras collide and make me sick. I couldn’t be a bum all my life, so I started Splitsville.com.” I motion for him to come into my office so he can see the website. With a touch of the keyboard, my computer comes to life and immediately brings ups Splitsville.com and a cartoon image of Jenn. “There is no way anyone can know my real identity. Can you imagine how many people would want to kill me?”

  Carefully, he takes the computer mouse and scrolls through the website, clicking the tabs and reading the applications.

  As he looks around the site, I continue with my story.

  “I don’t really file paperwork at Color Me Love. I sit behind a mirror and read everyone’s auras that come in there. I match make them by their color.” I bite my lip when he turns his head to look at me. My stomach flips. “When you came in, I was overwhelmed because you have an amazing blue aura. It tells me exactly what kind of guy you are. Loving, gentle, kind, generous…” I trail off when he turns back to the computer.

  “Olivia!” Erin laughs coming through the door. “You are right! Vive’s aura must be complimentary of…” She shuts up when she comes into the office and sees Joel. “Oh, I didn’t know you have company. I’m going to bed.”

  I stop her.

  “He knows.”

  “Oh.”

  “So this is real?” He looks at Erin as if she’s the truth police.

  Slowly her hair swings back and forth, as she confirms everything. “Olivia has a way of not wanting people to know her…um…gift.”

  “Curse!”

  “We call it a gift.” Aunt Matilda walks through the office door. I’m more confused than ever. “Erin needed a ride home.”

  Thank God, they are here to back up my story.

  “I used to work for the Park City Police as an informant.” Aunt Matilda jingles her way over and wraps her arm around me, letting me know it’s going to be okay. She rolls her eyes. “Isn’t that the fancy title they gave me instead of psychic?”

  “Fine,” he throws his hands in the air. “Say this is all true, then why in the world did we find some suspicious dings on your car bumper that happen to coincide with the injuries Felicia Evans sustained? And I have a pretty good description of a woman who broke into Buddy’s cabin at Heifer’s and Ho’s tonight.” He pulls out the little notebook that he writes all his police business in. “You might be psychic, but this little turn of events doesn’t make you any less of a suspect.”

  Leaning over the desk, I take a file and push it over the brochures I had found in Buddy’s cabin. There is no trying to get Joel to see my point of view or even get him to understand what has taken place. His aura has changed to a golden glow.

  Sadness drops my heart into my stomach. He is nowhere near listening to me. The golden aura lets me know he is stressed and trying to take all of it in, but shut off all the same.

  “She is not a suspect.” Aunt Matilda eyes me. She knows I’m trying to cover up something on the desk and is trying to keep his eyes off me. She continues as I take the opportunity to cover up any evidence that I was at Buddy’s. “And if she is, it won’t be long until you realize you have made a very grave mistake.”

  “It’s a mistake I’m willing to live with.” He says, and walks out of the office and back into the kitchen. He stops short of the front door and turns around. “I pray that none of this is true, Olivia. One problem.” His eyes focus on me. I make sure not to react because I know cops can read body language and I’m knee deep in lies that I can’t keep straight. “You have lied to me, not once, but several times. And I’m not sure if the girl I fell in love with is the real you.”

  He lets himself out of the cottage and turns around, facing me. I want to plead my case, but there is no use. I’ve been around this aura before and there is no talking to someone when they are this angry.

  “Be at the stations tomorrow at noon.” His brows dip. “I’m sure one of your personalities is going to be able to explain why one of you broke into Buddy’s cabin.”

  He leaves before he lets me get in a word.

  “It’s no use.” I continue to look out the door as Aunt Matilda walks up behind me. “This is exactly why I will never find true love. This aura reading is a curse.”

  “You can’t look at it that way.” She flips me around and fixes her eyes on me. “You have to embrace your talent and clear your name. Do you hear me?”

  More than you know, I think. My mind wanders to 4Play. If Felicia Evans was killed by a hit and run, it certainly wasn’t I who did it, and something deep in my bones tells me that the director’s assistant knows more than she’s letting on.

  I glance at my watch.

  “I have to work early in the morning. Can I borrow your car?” I have to get to 4Play on time. I grab the envelope off the counter. I still need to read whatever is in it before morning.

  “Sure, but I’m going in early too.” Erin winks and follows me to my bedroom. She whispers, “I’ll make sure Aunt Matilda goes home tonight, but I’m going to go with you to 4Play in the morning. I’m your assistant.”

  By the tone of Erin’s voice, I can tell she isn’t going to budge. And that’s okay. It feels good to have someone on my side. Someone who believes in me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  After everyone has gone home and things settle down, I lumber down the hall in my pj’s and retrieve the 4Play envelope, my laptop and the goodies I found at Buddy’s cabin.

  If I am going to play the part of a porn star, I’m sure there is some sort of protocol or porn dancing that I can learn to imitate.

  Back in my room, I shut the door, and open the laptop up. I hold my breath as I put the DVD in. I’m proud to say that I have never watched a skin flick…until now.

  “Close your eyes.” I cover Herbie’s eyes,
his little grey eyebrows sticking up. “You don’t need to see this nasty stuff.”

  He is happy to lie down, and before the DVD starts, he is snoring.

  Bam chicka bam bam.

  The typical porn music plays along with the one-and-only Queen of Porn herself, Linda Minx. She slinks on the screen sporting nothing but a fabulous long black fur.

  “I wonder what PETA thinks about this?” There is a big movement in the PETA organization with stars. Every night I see a different movie star doused with crazy things like blood, paint, feces and more gross things by a member of PETA.

  My mouth drops as I watch the naked man walk up behind her with a big gun and some sort of dead animal slung over his shoulder.

  “Baby, I got you another fur.” He turns around, his tight butt and the face of a bear takes up the entire scene.

  The sultry music starts again. He gently lays the carcass on the floor, and sweeps Linda in his arms.

  I look away. There is no freaking way I am going to be able to do this. I pace in the floor in front of my bed and Herbie looks up at me.

  “I’m going to have to figure this out before the cameras start to roll.” I talk to Herbie like he completely understands what I’m saying. Sometimes I do believe he understands me. He’s the only male that loves me for me. “I can keep the Lucy Liu look-alike busy, while Erin snoops around. Before filming, Erin can pull me out and say that this isn’t the right script for a star like me.”

  Herbie puts his head back down. At least this is a plan. Maybe not a good one, but at least it is a plan.

  I can’t take anymore of Felicia and her hunter. I turn the computer off and dump out the 4Play envelop contents onto the bed.

  The contents include a script and three pasties. Holding them up, there are two that are the same size and one slightly larger.

  “No way,” I gasp when I realize this is my outfit.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “No, don’t tell me its morning all ready.” I feel the wet slick tongue slide up my cheek. This is Herbie’s signature move that says, ‘I’m awake and need to pee.’ I hear the crinkle of paper when he jumps off the bed, waiting for me to get my lazy butt up.

  The noise brings me back to the reality that I fell asleep while reading the crap that 4Play wants me to do. There is no way in hell that I can do a strip scene, seduce a man, and then do a sex scene. Granted, the sex scene isn’t the real-deal, but the script calls for me to be naked and the guy to have on a sock puppet.

  Getting out of bed, I gather the papers that had fallen all over the floor during my night of tossing and turning, and stuff them back in the envelope. The smell of coffee floats down the hall and into the bedroom.

  I let Herbie out the back door, ignoring Erin as she mills around the kitchen. Her black hair is perfectly set in a bob and her makeup is flawless.

  “You are going to have to do something about those bags under your eyes if you are going to be on camera today.” She makes it sound like it’s okay to be a porn star. “I heard this works.”

  She holds up a cup of coffee in one hand and a tube of something else in the other.

  “Yes, lots of coffee will help.” I reach for the cup, but she draws it back.

  “No, this is mine.” She extends the tube. “This is for you.”

  “Preparation H?” My face contorts in all sorts of ways I never knew it could. “If you think I’m putting butt cream under my eyes, you are crazy.”

  “Well, call me crazy, Lana.” She thrusts the tube at me. “Go get a shower, I will get you a cup of coffee and you put that on when you towel off.”

  “Lana?” Reluctantly I take the cream.

  “Yes. Lana Deep is your porn name,” I see a little bit of pride in her face. Her crystal aura shines around her. I’m your assistant.”

  “You are getting way too into this.” I walk back down the hall toward the bathroom, wondering what I have created. “Oh, let Herbie in and clean up this house since you are my assistant.” I holler over my shoulder.

  The shower doesn’t make me feel any better about having to save my butt by going under cover when I’m not even a detective. I’m not able to rely on Joel or Carl, even though I’m sure Carl has gotten the third degree from Aunt Matilda. The facts are the facts. Unfortunately, those facts are pointing directly at me.

  So, either I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or someone really is setting me up.

  “You almost done?” Erin yells from the other side of the bathroom door. “I’m going to do your makeup, so hurry up.”

  “Ugh!” I sigh. I’m not as girly as Erin is. She has always been the prettier one of our duo and I have been more than happy to stand in the background with my mousy blonde hair and green eyes. Makeup has never been high on my priority list, at least not a lot of it.

  Don’t get me wrong, I do put on a dash of mascara and lip gloss, but I never wear all the other gunk that is sold in the aisle of the drug store that Erin can’t seem to be dragged away from when we go there.

  I open the door, letting her in.

  “You have to do something with this limp hair.” She tosses a strand in the air.

  “They have a team that will fix it.” I look in the mirror and groan. I have no idea how I’m going to pull this off. “Just make me somewhat believable and will pass me as a porn star.”

  With a lot of stuff plastered on my face, Erin says we are ready to go. With my envelope in hand and Herbie settled for the day, we start our journey to 4Play.

  “You wouldn’t believe what happened with Vive last night.” Erin begins to tell me about the mixer as if I’m not getting ready to be in front of several cameras and men, naked and trying to look sexy, when sexy has never been in my vocabulary. “She flirted. And it worked!” Erin smacks the stirring wheel of the Fiat.

  “I told you their auras are compatible. It isn’t just a flirt.” I look out the window, knowing that I had just wasted my breath because she really believes that Vive is only flirting when I know better.

  “I think you might just have this one wrong.” She laughs. “I don’t see Buddy being her type.”

  “I didn’t see Michael as yours either, but look at you now,” I mutter, remembering how I found out that my two best friends were dating.

  It happened to be at one of the loneliest times in my life. I had no boyfriend, was on the brink of being thrown in jail for another murder, and my only form of income, Splitsville.com, was in jeopardy of going under. While I was oblivious to the world around me, Erin and Michael were off playing footsies behind my back.

  “You aren’t going to bring that up again, are you?” Erin grips the stirring wheel, and makes a wide right turn into the parking lot of 4Play. “It’s in here, right?”

  I ignore her questions. Those seem to be petty at a time like this. I am about to strip down naked in front of people that I didn’t know. I don’t even strip down in front of Herbie, much less a human.

  “I know you are upset about what is going on, but I really do think that if the police really thought you were the killer, they would have already arrested you.” She turns the ignition off and grabs my 4Play package out from the back. “You do whatever it is you need to do while you are in there and I will snoop around the office and hopefully run upon something.”

  “I hope you are right.” I take the envelope, but not before grabbing the mace from my bag. I think Erin is going to freak out when we get in there. I grab the brochures and information that I had found at Buddy’s cabin. “Be on the lookout for anything with Buddy’s information on it.”

  I hand her what could be evidence that Buddy is obsessed with Felicia and knows exactly who she was before they met.

  “What’s this?” She thumbs through them.

  “Those are what I found when I went through Buddy’s open cabin window. Open as, inviting me to go in. I did not break and enter as the Park City Police stated.” I bite my lip and scan my eyes up the mirrored building, stopping at the fifth floor. Or the
filth floor as it will be forever known to me.

  “These prove that Buddy had some sort of obsession with Felicia. I think that he stalked her and she rejected him at the hoedown in front of all of those people, and that He killed her.” Easy and simple. I should be a detective.

  “But you are the one who set them up on the date, so that really doesn’t make sense.” Erin is worse than Joel is; she isn’t getting any of it. I’m grasping for straws.

  “Somehow, someway, he had an idea that she was in town or that she had come to Color Me Love.” That might be a long stretch, but not impossible. “Why else would he rent a cabin for three months, with nothing to do but go on dates that Color Me Love sets him up on?”

  “Whoa.” Erin pulls back. “Who said all of that?”

  “When I passed out. . .” I had to think for a minute…“the second time at Heifers and Ho’s, I heard Joel ask Jill all sorts of questions. She said that Buddy had rented the cabin for three months with no maid service, and he didn’t have a job. He told her he was going to find the woman of his dreams, in Park City of all places.”

  “Interesting.” Erin stares out the windshield. “And you found all of these Linda Minx brochures in the cabin?”

  I nod.

  “And the police hadn’t taken them yet?”

  “I’m not even sure if the police did a sweep of the cabin. There was even a DVD of one of Linda’s movies there.

  There are only ten cars in the parking lot, which makes me believe that there are potentially ten people that are going to see me naked, or with a pasty or two on.

  “What’s in that envelope anyway?” Erin asks. The Fiat beeps when she clicks the key fob to lock the doors.

  “You’ll see.” There is no way I’m going to tell her. I can’t wait to see her face when she sees the skimpy outfit on me.

  Silently, we ride up the elevator.