To Have and to Hold

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To Have and to Hold Page 11

by Riley Knight


  Ran wrapped his legs around Justin, drawing him deeper. He rocked with him, groaning as he was stretched, but completely unwilling to let go, to pull away. He needed this.

  Immediately, like they had been made to fit together, Justin found Ran’s prostate. He rocked against it with every thrust inside him, and Ran cried out into the storm that stole those cries.

  “Justin!”

  It took an embarrassingly short time for Ran to come. It had been so long, and no one had ever made Ran feel like this before. No one had ever looked at him with that mixture of intensity and desire and affection on their face before, and it utterly did him in.

  With a cry, he came, clinging to Justin as though his life depended on it. And that’s how it felt like it did. Like he needed Justin like he needed to breathe.

  At almost the exact same time, Justin came inside him. Ran saw the other man’s lips moving, but he couldn’t hear what the other man said. The wind stole the words from his lover’s lips before they reached his ears.

  Ran smiled, satisfied, loving the feeling of being filled by Justin, by feeling his fluids inside him. He answered anyway, sure that Justin wouldn’t hear his words any more than he’d heard Justin’s.

  “I love you.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Justin

  How they got back to the house after that, Justin didn’t know. It was so dark, and the rain obscured everything, but luckily, it was a very short distance. They did it naked since there was no way that their clothing, completely soaked through as it was, was going to be possible to put on.

  They made it, though, laughing and clinging to each other with their clothes held carelessly.

  The door shut behind them, and the sound of the wind was cut down to a dull roar. Justin’s ears rung in the silence, surprised to be reprieved, and he turned to look at Ran in the light of the house, seeing him clearly for the first time since Ran had run away from Stacy and Amber’s house.

  He was scared of what he would see. Would Ran hate him for what he’d done? Justin could have sworn that he’d heard Ran say that he wanted it, but maybe that was wishful thinking because Justin himself had wanted it so badly.

  It had felt inevitable, somehow.

  Justin had promised himself that what had happened would never happen, but he couldn’t even regret it. It had been the most amazing sex of his life, and he only hoped that in his eagerness, he hadn’t hurt Ran too much.

  “You okay?” he asked, and Ran gave him an enigmatic and very sexy little smile and a nod.

  “Oh yeah,” he said, and that was all that needed to be said. What it had meant, what had happened between them, Justin didn’t know, but for now, it was enough.

  Carefully, he took Ran into his arms and led him to the bathroom. After a quick shower, he grabbed a towel and dried him thoroughly, and as he passed the slightly rough terrycloth over his body, he was pleased to see that Ran was hardening again.

  Whatever else happened, Justin felt like this was going to be a hell of a week.

  * * *

  That night, after he had thoroughly worn Justin out, the other man was sleeping deeply. His breathing was slow and regular, the sheets tangled around him as he dreamed.

  What had he done?

  He’d been falling for Ran as it was. Maybe he had tried to deny it, but it had been happening, and now that he’d had him so intimately, now that he’d felt Ran’s body tighten around him as he came, Justin wasn’t sure how he would ever be able to let Ran go.

  It was like part of him had lost it. When he’d seen Ran blundering off toward the sea, and when he’d remembered the size of the waves, he’d felt like he’d needed some sign that Ran was still alive. That Justin had gotten there in time.

  It had been a lucky grab that had gotten Ran. That and the fact that Justin had been right up off his feet, rudely abandoning the girls without saying a single, solitary word.

  He’d been right behind him, or else he might not have been able to snag him at all.

  Quietly, Justin looked at Ran, at his sleeping, relaxed, full mouth, his dark eyelashes where they swept his cheeks.

  He loved everything about this man. He had before, too, of course. Just as a friend. A friend that he wanted to sleep with, maybe, but there was a difference between that and what Justin was feeling now.

  His whole life, he’d avoided serious commitments. Not just in relationships, but in his work, too. In everything. He’d never wanted to get too involved in anything, just in case he couldn’t handle it and had to bug out.

  This was the first exception of his life.

  When this year or so was over, and when Ran got everything he wanted, would there be any place for Justin? When Ran had his job, the one that he’d dreamt about for years, would he even want Justin around anymore? Or would he push Justin back into the role of his friend, and nothing more?

  Justin shook his head, trying to clear it. The sound of the storm raged outside, and it mirrored the intensity of his thoughts. How could he have resisted having him right then and there, on the beach?

  Groaning softly, he buried his face in his hands. He’d always sensed in himself a tendency towards putting his whole being into someone. That was part of why he had never wanted to commit to anyone because it scared him as much as it drew him.

  Now, it had happened. He was completely screwed.

  In the end, the only thing that calmed him was pressing his face into Ran’s shoulder. Even in his sleep, the other man was there for him, and he wrapped his arm around Justin and gathered him in to rest his head against his chest.

  There, soothed by the sound of Ran’s heart beating slowly, he was finally able to sleep.

  * * *

  They both slept late. The darkness of the clouds kept the sun from getting in, and it stayed dark for a long time.

  Eventually, when they had both slept enough, Ran stirred and yawned. The moment he moved, Justin was awake, too, sitting up and looking at Ran, just a hint of wariness in his face.

  Any moment, he expected Ran to tell him that what had happened was a mistake. That it had to never happen again. Of course, if Ran said that, Justin would have to respect that. He cared about Ran far too much to do anything else.

  It might just be the hardest thing he ever had to do, though.

  But Ran didn’t say that. He looked confused for a second, but then, he wasn’t exactly used to waking up with Justin in his bed. The confusion cleared, and then Ran gave him a smile that was almost shy.

  “Hey,” Ran murmured, and Justin smiled, settling back down in bed. He rested his head on Ran’s chest once more, and the other man wrapped his arm around him comfortingly.

  “Morning,” Justin said, very aware that he was, for once, blissfully happy. He had always found Ran’s presence soothing, but this was something different. Love was a crazy thing, he was coming to realize.

  As he’d reached the pinnacle of his pleasure the previous night, he’d told Ran that he’d loved him. He was pretty sure that Ran hadn’t heard. Justin hadn’t heard much that Ran had said. But it was true. He was in this now, body, heart, mind, and soul.

  Idly, Justin ran his fingers over the other man’s body, exploring him thoroughly. He was surprisingly muscular. Justin had wondered what Ran would look like naked, and now he knew, and it was even better than he’d thought.

  Ran was strong. Maybe it was hefting books around all day, Justin didn’t know, but his arms and chest and stomach were lean and muscular, his hips narrow, his nipples a gorgeous dark pink-brown that pretty much begged for Justin to touch them.

  He hadn’t been able to see last night, but he could now, and he needed to touch. He brushed his fingertips over those nipples and watched them harden into little buds that he could roll around with the very pads of his fingers.

  Ran groaned softly, and to Justin’s delight, he saw that Ran was hardening once more. Ran had never seemed to be all that sexual a person. At least, he never talked about sex or not much.

&nbs
p; It pleased Justin greatly that he was the one to make Ran make that noise. That he was the one who could arouse him. Of course, there was no way he could see that without getting hard himself.

  He shifted onto his side, pressing his hardening cock against Ran’s hip as he let his mouth close around a nipple. He sucked at it, amazed that he was allowed to do this. That this was somehow okay. That Ran would let it happen.

  Not only did Ran let it happen, but he seemed to love it. His arm tensed around Justin, pulling him closer, and when Justin started to trail his fingers down toward Ran’s cock, the other man let out the most beautiful, sexy groan of desire that Justin had ever heard.

  One thing that Justin had always admired about Ran was how fully he committed himself to things. It seemed that sex was no different. When Justin’s fingers closed around that hard shaft, Ran was shameless, arching his body into the stimulation.

  Justin wanted to do everything to him. He wanted to make Ran scream and moan and cling to him as he came, over and over. He wanted to touch him, stroke him, taste him, everything.

  Urgent and demanding, Justin rolled on top of Ran, pushing his fingers into his shaggy dark hair as he kissed him. His hips rolled on top of him, and he let it happen, loving the way that Ran pushed right back up against him.

  By some miracle, Ran seemed to want Justin just as badly as Justin wanted him, and there was no way he wasn't going to take full advantage of that.

  Ran was already spreading his legs. He would let Justin take him again, even though he had to be sore from the previous night. But Justin had something else in mind, and he slid down between those spread legs, kissing down from Ran’s nipple, down over his chest, his flat stomach, to his slick, glistening cock.

  Without hesitation, he wrapped his mouth around it.

  Every time he’d done this before, it had been very quick. He’d never been with a guy that he actually wanted to date, not as long as he had women. A lot of people thought he was straight because of that, but he wasn’t. It was just, apparently, that he’d been looking for the right man.

  When he’d done this before, it had been quick, demanding and forceful. This time, he had all the time in the world. This was a man that he cared about, too, and that changed things.

  It wasn’t just about sex. It wasn’t just genuinely loving the feeling of a cock in his mouth or loving the taste. It was all that and more. He wanted to make it so good for Ran that Ran could never imagine leaving him.

  Maybe it was impossible, but he did his best.

  Gazing up, he looked at Ran as he worked his thickness in his mouth. He watched as those cheeks flushed, as those full lips parted, as Ran gasped his name and clung to his head.

  It was all intensely gratifying.

  Soon, Ran was leaking precome in Justin’s mouth, and he knew it wouldn't be long. He started to suck harder, encouraging Ran to thrust up into his mouth, desperate to taste him.

  With a cry, Ran did come, and his fluids flooded Justin’s mouth. He swallowed him down, and then gazed up at him, knowing that he would always remember the way that the other man looked just as he’d come.

  Lazy and drowsy and finally relaxed, Ran was absolutely stunning. He was always beautiful, when he was focused or when he was sad or when he was tired, but this was a special kind of beauty because Justin had given this to him.

  “Justin,” Ran whispered, and Justin slid up, kissing him. He wondered if Ran would be disgusted by the taste of himself on Justin’s lips, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

  “Yeah?” Justin asked, very smug, very pleased with himself, and not bothering to hide it.

  “It’s your turn now,” Ran said, then he pushed Justin onto his back, slipping on top of him and sliding down to return the favor.

  * * *

  It was a rainy day, but neither of them cared.

  They came, over and over again, until they were both exhausted. Then it was a brief nap, a stop for a quick snack, and they were at it again.

  It seemed impossible to Justin that he’d ever thought that Ran had no, or little, sex drive. He could, when suitably encouraged, go just as much as Justin could, which was saying something.

  It was the perfect rainy day.

  They explored each other, and by the end of it, Ran had picked up an unfair number of tricks that he could use to drive Justin crazy. Which was actually maybe not all that unfair, when he thought about it because he was pretty sure that he’d picked up more than a few little secrets, too.

  Finally, after hours and hours, Justin realized that he was starving. They’d been so busy all day that they’d barely found time to snack, much less eat a meal.

  Reluctantly, they both rolled out of bed, finding some pants to put on and calling it good enough.

  At that moment, it seemed, they were completely in tune with each other. They decided on a meal quickly, and then both started to make it. Every time one of them moved, the intimate little kitchen ensured that they brushed against each other.

  It was really nothing short of perfection.

  When they had just settled down to eat, Ran glanced outside, smiling a little.

  “It stopped raining.”

  And it had. Justin wasn’t sure when, exactly, but the wind and rain had died down, and the beach had calmed, as well. They’d weathered the storm, and come out the other end.

  “Huh. Well, I guess we’ll have to do something else tomorrow, then. Not just stay in all day.”

  The look that Ran gave him was deeply erotic, very sexually charged, and a little bit challenging.

  “We’ll see about that,” he said.

  That probably would have led to them abandoning their food and going back to bed. Or Justin wasn’t opposed to bending him over the counter, or the table, or taking him to the little couch … the options were endless. But right as he was standing up to grab Ran, who, by his expression, would have fully cooperated, they heard the sound of footsteps approaching the house.

  Two sets of them, by the sounds of it, and moments later, he was proven right. It was Stacy and Amber, of course, and Justin sighed. Was this going to ruin what had been going so perfectly between them? Damn it. He wasn’t going to let it.

  He glanced at Ran, shrugging, wanting him to know he had no part in bringing them here. But Ran looked surprisingly mellow, his dark eyes merely curious.

  Justin was relieved. He’d noticed that Ran had a little bit of a possessive streak. Or at least, that’s what he assumed that whole storming off thing had been the previous night.

  “Any survivors in there?” Amber asked, tapping on the door. She smiled, apparently genuinely relieved, when she saw the two of them quietly sitting at the table.

  “Is everything okay?” Stacy peered into the kitchen as well. “You guys took off so fast.”

  Justin looked at Ran, who shrugged again. So Justin rose to his feet and opened the door.

  “Come on in,” Justin invited. Luckily, they’d made lots of food so they could return the hospitality of the two women, who had been so kind the night before.

  “Sit down. Eat. We have tons,” Ran said, and he actually smiled at them. It was nice to see.

  “Look, we’re sorry about last night. We just weren’t sure how serious you guys were, or we never would have … I know it’s not everyone’s thing, what we suggested,” Amber said, and for the first time, she seemed a little bit awkward.

  Justin glanced at Ran, who nodded at him. It was fine. It was over.

  “No worries, but just in case it wasn’t clear, I’m afraid I have to decline,” Justin said. Just so that everyone was on the same page. So that everyone knew that it wasn’t going to happen.

  “Yeah, we kind of figured,” Stacy said wryly.

  At least from the look on her face, there were no hard feelings.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ran

  Packing up to leave their island paradise actually physically hurt Ran to have to do. Or it felt like it did, anyway.

  He felt
really stupid about how he’d acted, but there was no doubt that there was a pretty major silver lining there. Yes, he’d been stupid, but it had gotten him the best week of his life, bar none.

  Now they were leaving.

  Ran had no idea what would happen now. Would they go back to being simply best friends who just so happened to be married? Had Justin gotten what he’d wanted from him?

  On top of that, what was Justin’s deal? Clearly, he wasn’t completely sexually straight. He’d proven that. But was Ran just a way to get off? Justin had never talked about men as romantic options, even though he had with girls.

  It was too confusing, and Ran wasn’t sure he could deal with the answer. So he didn’t ask. But he did wonder.

  During that magical week, it had been too good for him to want to risk it. Once they were back home, though, he supposed they were going to have to talk about it.

  That was pretty scary, actually. Justin could very easily laugh at him and tell him that it was nothing to him. In fact, that’s exactly what his best friend would do, if that were honestly true. Justin was pretty notorious for saying exactly what he thought, especially when asked.

  Stacy and Amber were there to see them off, and Facebook invites were sent and accepted, phone numbers exchanged. Ran was glad for it, honestly. Not only did they both need more friends, but Stacy, in particular, could really help Justin.

  The girls were staying a few more days, so they were there to wave Ran and Justin off as they packed into the rental car.

  It had been a crazy week, no doubt about it. They’d spent a lot of the time in bed, yes, but there had also been hiking, swimming, and exploring the island.

  The truth was, the one week hadn’t been long enough to do everything that they’d wanted to do. They hadn’t gone snorkeling, for instance. They hadn’t gotten to explore any caves or eat at all the restaurants around.

  But it had been amazing.

 

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