To Have and to Hold

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To Have and to Hold Page 12

by Riley Knight


  It was time to get back to their lives, though. Justin had his job waiting for him, and so did Ran. Still, he was aware that he owed his parents a pretty big thank you for making this all happen.

  One thing he did wonder, though, as he drove them back to the airport, was why his parents had picked the particular resort they had? It must have been an oversight. They knew that the marriage wasn’t real, after all, so why else would they pick out a cabin with only one bed and nowhere else to sleep?

  It was strange, and maybe he’d ask them about it. Or maybe it would be better to keep his mouth shut since he wasn’t sure he wanted to bring what he and Justin had been doing to his parents’ attention. Sure, they were pretty open minded and had had no issue with him being gay when he’d come out, but still. It might bring up questions.

  Back on the airplane, and this time, there was less fear, but less anticipation, too. Vacations, Ran decided, were a lot of fun, but they were also a little bit heartbreaking at the end.

  “I wonder if we could find a way to move to Hawaii,” Justin suddenly said, when they were all settled in their seats. This time, Justin was brave enough to ask for the window seat, and Ran gave it to him.

  Ran smiled, a little bit surprised, though maybe he shouldn’t have been. Justin had been there, too. It was not actually that shocking that he would want to stay, to make the vacation last longer, if he could.

  “I doubt it would be the same, living there,” Ran said thoughtfully. “We’d have to go to work and stuff. I bet it would end up being a lot like living in Portland, just warmer.”

  Justin gave him an amused, rebellious look.

  “I could deal with that,” he said, and then he took Ran’s hand as the plane took off.

  He did it casually, but Ran wondered what it meant. He hoped that it meant that they were going to keep up the things they’d been doing in Hawaii, but he wasn’t sure he should count on that.

  With a sigh, he held his hand and let himself pass out. It was a long flight, but he slept for nearly the whole time, waking only when the wheels touched down.

  They were back home. Back to reality.

  * * *

  Luckily, neither of them had to go to work until the next day, which was good. Ran was incredibly jetlagged, despite having slept so much on the plane. He’d wondered if he would be able to sleep that night since the plane had gotten in at 6 p.m. local time, but he was starting to think that definitely wasn’t going to be a problem.

  It was raining when they got into Ran’s car, which had been sitting in long term parking the whole time. Not a hard, warm rain that would remind him of Hawaii. Just a cold, wet drizzle, unpleasant and gray and making everything dull and flat.

  When they got back, there was not much to do. They’d brought their cell phones, so there were no phone messages, and there wasn’t even much in the way of mail to collect.

  Ran did take a few minutes to call his parents and thank them, though he didn’t ask them about the little oversight. It was better that way, he’d decided. It was probably a mistake, that was all, and it would seem ungrateful to mention it. Especially when he’d had such a great time.

  After that, though, he found the easiest thing that he could possibly make for dinner. Instant ramen with veggies added was not exactly high cuisine, but it did the job, and Justin settled down and ate it without argument.

  As the hours drew on, Ran became more and more aware of one question. One thing on his mind. It was getting close to bedtime.

  So where would Justin sleep?

  It was probably time to have a talk with his best friend, but he was just so tired. So he stood up and started to clean up, and then took a deep breath. He’d take the easy way out, he decided. He’d leave it up to Justin.

  “You know, that couch is pretty uncomfortable,” he said, trying for a casual tone of voice. “I never got how you could sleep there. You’re welcome to crash in my bed if you want.”

  There. That sounded like he didn’t think it was a big deal, either way. He’d wanted to leave it up to Justin, and he had. Now if Justin turned him down, Ran could act like it didn’t matter to him.

  Justin stood up, giving him an intimate little smile. Sometimes, Ran thought his best friend was a better person than him. He certainly was more willing to show what he was feeling, at least when he trusted someone.

  Though he’d noticed that Justin didn’t trust very many people. Now and again, Justin had spoken of his mother, always when drunk, never good things. He had the idea that a lot of the trust issues, as a therapist would say, came from her.

  At least he could proudly say he was one of those people.

  “I was hoping you would ask,” Justin said quietly, and Ran gave him a grin that he knew was far too relieved. But he couldn’t seem to help it. This whole thing was starting to mean far too much to him.

  What it meant to Justin, he couldn’t be sure, but he was getting to the point where he was coming to realize that it definitely meant something to him.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, just when Ran was getting up to get ready for work, his cell rang. He grabbed it quickly and went into the other room, not wanting to wake Justin up. He knew that the other man didn’t have to be at work until quite a bit later in the day.

  “Is this Mr. Moore? Ran Moore?” the voice on the other end of the line asked. It was an officious voice, brisk but not rude, and not without compassion. Professional, yes, but not to the point of impoliteness.

  “Yes, this is he,” Ran said, frowning. Who could it be? It was clearly a bureaucrat of some kind.

  Though really, it was obvious, when he thought about it. Who else could it be?

  “I’m just calling to inform you that we’ve received your paperwork and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions. I understand you want to get your citizenship, and yet your parents are already American citizens. Is that true?”

  Ran frowned. He’d sort of been hoping for someone who would just rubber stamp the thing. Was there some sort of law against being married just to get citizenship?

  “Yes, that’s correct.” He spoke carefully, but there was no point in lying. He didn’t even know what her intentions were yet. Besides, she already knew. She probably had all of his records in front of her as they spoke.

  “Do you mind explaining why? Typically speaking, American-born children already have their citizenship, but I see you don’t. What happened?”

  He sighed softly. It seemed that they really were getting into this.

  “Yeah, well, I wasn’t born in the United States,” he said quietly. “I was born in Japan.”

  Once he’d started, it seemed that there was no point in holding back. She would find all of this out from someone else, maybe. At least if she heard it from him, he would look cooperative.

  Though it did occur to him to wonder if he were disqualifying himself from citizenship, if she would assume that his marriage was nothing but a sham.

  It wasn’t. Not anymore, not for him, but he could see how it would look that way, given his unique situation.

  “Okay. Thank you. One more question. Your husband, Justin Silver? I’m going to have to be blunt. Are you married to him just to stay in the country?”

  Ran snorted softly.

  “No,” he said, and it wasn’t even a lie. “No. I’m in love with him.”

  He swore he could almost hear her frown, but he forced himself to leave it at that. It was nothing but the simple truth, but he couldn’t blame her if she didn’t believe him on that. It all did seem too convenient, and there was a good reason for that. After all, this marriage had started off being exactly what she clearly was suspicious that it was.

  “Okay. Given the situation, I think it’s fair to say we’ll be pushing this through as soon as possible. You should have been a citizen from the time your parents adopted you, or shortly after.”

  Ran hadn’t expected that. He honestly sort of expected to be told that his case needed to be looked
into. And that was the very best scenario. Technically, she could have him deported, he thought. Back to a homeland that he had never seen, at least not as far back as he could remember.

  “I … thank you.” It wasn’t sufficient. She was helping him, and she didn’t have to. He was touched, and he hoped that it showed in his voice, since his words themselves weren’t enough.

  “Don’t thank me yet,” she said, her voice a bit wry. “As quickly as possible could still be months. My guess would be three to six until it goes through.”

  “I understand.” Ran was still grateful. Even six months would be half the time that he had been expecting.

  They hung up, and Ran shook his head in wonder. Once, he would have been thrilled to know that this could all be over in as soon as three months. That had been before he’d fallen so thoroughly in love with Justin, though.

  Would his husband be glad to know, he wondered, that their marriage would be over that much sooner?

  In some ways, he knew Justin so well, but in others, he had no idea. Ran shook his head. He had to go to work. He didn’t have time to talk about this now.

  It would have to be dealt with that night. There wasn’t time just then, and that was both a blessing and a curse. He wanted to get it over with, but on the other hand, at least this gave him lots of time to figure out what he was going to say. To brace himself for potential rejection in the form of Justin’s relief.

  He knew he’d be thinking about it all damn day, and he wasn’t wrong.

  * * *

  “You look happy,” Vinnie said thoughtfully, in a brief lull between customers. He looked at Ran thoroughly, like he could see right through him, right into his soul. He probably could, too. Or at least have an idea. The man was quite insightful.

  “But you also look worried,” Vinnie concluded.

  Ran had always done his best not to show his emotions, though he knew he wasn’t as good at it as Justin was. Having Vinnie see right through him was a little unnerving.

  So he didn’t say anything. He just focused on unnecessarily straightening some books that were on some shelves nearby. They were already perfectly straight. It had taken Ran the whole morning, but he’d gotten the store into shape.

  “Was your honeymoon good?” Vinnie asked, and Ran sighed. The man could be not only remarkably insightful but also rabidly stubborn when he decided to do something. Or, in this case, find something out.

  “Yeah,” Ran said, all the while knowing it was useless. The only thing that could save him from this relentless grilling was if a customer came up, but for the moment, they were the only two in the store.

  “When do I get to meet this husband of yours?” Vinnie continued, and Ran shook his head.

  “I don’t know.”

  If he was hoping to dissuade the man from his questions, he was clearly not going to be successful. Or maybe he was because, for a long moment, Vinnie was silent. But Ran could feel him looking at him, and it was unsettling.

  “You’ve fallen in love with him,” Vinnie concluded finally, and Ran turned away from the books, forgetting that he was supposed to be straightening them, and looked at him in shock.

  “What?” he asked, but he couldn’t even make himself deny it. “Do I have that written on my forehead or something?” How could anyone possibly know that?

  “Young people always get the same look when they’re in love,” Vinnie spoke wisely, and Ran shook his head. “Does he feel the same way?”

  “I’m not young,” Ran said, and then realized how immature that sounded, to insist that he wasn’t immature. So he kept on going. “I don’t know. I doubt it. I think he’s mostly straight.”

  Vinnie sighed.

  “That’s gotta suck,” he said, and that summed up the situation nicely. But it seemed like this was the perfect time if he really did want to derail Vinnie, so he stepped in quickly.

  “Looks like business has been booming,” he pointed out, and he saw the grin light up Vinnie’s face as the man nodded happily. If there was one thing that Vinnie liked talking about more than anything else, it was his bookstore.

  The whole time, though, Ran was barely listening. Oh, he was interested in the figures, how many books Vinnie had sold and how much money he’d brought in. It was all good news.

  But Ran couldn’t stop thinking about Justin. About the conversation that they were going to need to have that night. It was time for them to get some things cleared up.

  Which was terrifying, because if he came clean about his feelings, wouldn’t Justin just have a good chance of taking off? On the other hand, not knowing was driving him crazy, too.

  It seemed like there was really no surefire way to win.

  Well, he’d just have to be ready for anything, at least as much as possible.

  With that decided, he threw himself into his work. Soon enough, more customers came in, and it became much easier. He could work on helping people find things, and on cleaning up the messes that they inevitably left behind them.

  After a while, he found that he wasn’t thinking about Justin all the time. Only who was he kidding? He was. Every free second he got was taken up by thoughts of his gorgeous, impossible, and sexy as sin best friend.

  All he could do was hope. And at that moment, it seemed like that was woefully inadequate.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Justin

  Work was getting annoying.

  Oh, the actual work itself was getting so easy that he could do it in his sleep. After all the days that he’d been forced to be here in a row, it wasn’t difficult at all. He basically just had to pay attention enough to see that the meat didn’t burn, that was about it.

  But his boss still wouldn’t leave him alone. He was always there, and Justin had to wonder if the man was trying to find an excuse to fire him.

  That should have been just fine with him, but the truth was, Justin was starting to feel somewhat settled here. He’d had this job for six months, which was about two months longer than he’d ever held a job before.

  Besides, it was nice to have money coming in and not to have to worry about it too much. He’d even thought that he and Ran could maybe split the rent, so they’d both be able to get some savings.

  Savings. Not something that he usually had. He kind of liked the idea, though the whole thing was also a bit terrifying, just because he wasn’t used to it.

  Maybe it all wouldn’t matter, though, because his boss was looking at him oddly the whole day. It wasn’t just him, either, because people started to ask him what was up. Had he done something wrong?

  Well, if he wanted to keep his job, and, against all the odds, it seemed that he did, he would have to clean up his act, obviously. Or keep it clean. After all, he’d been good enough to get to go on his vacation, so that was something.

  Still, it was a relief to be away from that penetrating gaze, and he sighed as he headed out. It was a sigh of pure relief. Not only was he away from the smell of fried food, but he was going to get to go home now.

  Home. To see his husband.

  There had been a phone call that morning. Justin had woken up enough to hear some of it, but only from Ran’s side. What was going on with that? He was very curious because the tone of Ran’s voice had sounded like he was talking to someone important.

  Just as he had gotten himself settled into Ran’s car, his own phone rang. That was not a normal occurrence for him. Usually, if people needed to reach him, they texted him.

  Phone calls were pretty serious business, usually.

  Glancing at the call display, he frowned. He didn’t even recognize the number. With a strange sense of foreboding, he answered the call.

  “Hello?”

  He was cautious. It was probably just a telemarketer or something. Still, they usually had blocked numbers, and this one showed a number, so that didn’t seem right.

  “Hello, I’m looking for Justin Silver.”

  It was a man’s voice, and not only that, a stuffy, official man’s voic
e. It was a voice that he instantly recognized as being a social worker. He’d certainly heard enough of them growing up when the neighbors had called the cops or whatever on his mother when her drunken, drug-fueled antics had pissed them off enough.

  Just like that, he was terrified. Growing up, his mom had always told him how terrible these people were. That they wanted to take him away. Logically, he knew, as an adult, that most of them probably honestly just wanted what was best for him, but terrors built in childhood weren’t easy to tear down.

  It was tempting just to say this was a wrong number. That would bug him more, though, not knowing why a social worker was contacting him. There was always the chance he was wrong about who it was, too, but he didn’t think so.

  “I’m calling to inform you that your mother is in the hospital with a suspected meth overdose. It seems very likely that after she is stabilized, she will be charged and possibly be mandated to go to rehab.”

  Justin snorted softly. His mother. He shouldn’t really be surprised. The really amazing thing was that it hadn’t happened sooner.

  “Rehab won’t help her,” Justin said quietly, and the man on the other end continued briskly.

  “Perhaps not, but that’s not for you or me to say,” he said briskly. “I also have to inform you that Lily will need to be put in foster care for the time being.”

  Justin frowned. That sentence didn’t make any sense to him at all.

  “Lily? Who’s Lily?”

  There was a long silence on the other end, and then the man finally spoke again.

  “Your younger sister.”

  Justin heard nothing for a few seconds other than a dull roaring in his ears. His younger sister? The words didn’t mean anything to him. He had nothing to attach them to.

  “My what?” he finally asked, because there had to be some other mistake. Some other Justin Silver who had a little sister named Lily and a drug addict mother.

  “You didn’t know? This was the number that your mother had for her son.” There was a clear frown in the other man’s voice, and Justin immediately felt defensive.

 

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