Broken Song
Page 8
Minnie shook my hand. “Pleased to meet you Penny.” But she didn't release my hand until she added, “You take care of our girl in there OK?” There was a warning of the pain to be had if I didn't, burning in her eyes.
I just smiled. “Will do Minnie. And it was a pleasure to meet you too.”
Then Minnie smiled at us. “Go on in ladies. Have a great time!” To the protestations of the people waiting in line that were silenced by a fierce glare from Minnie. I almost snorted. She was my kind of people.
I was dragged through the doors by the giggling blonde dervish holding my hand and pulled up to the bar. The cute thirty something woman who was tending bar looked to be a year or two younger than San and lit up like a Christmas tree when she spotted the blondie. Hmm... I have no clue how old Sandra is... thirty five-ish?
She ducked under the bar squealing, “San! I haven't seen you in over a year!” She engulfed Sandra in a big hug and was rewarded by a kiss on the cheek from my smiling companion.
The imp giggled. “Hi Maggie! How's Xander? Oh, this is my friend...”
Maggie turned to me and finished Sandra's sentence, “Penny. Just Penny. I know, Minnie messaged a moment ago.” She gave me a conspiratorial wink then turned back to to San. “I think Xander is going to pop the question tomorrow! He set up reservations at Alessandro's somehow! I think I detect one of Crystal's markers in play there.”
They did a giggly shared squeal then she ducked back under the bar. “What can I get you girls?”
Sandra shot me a look I couldn't decipher and spoke before I could, “We're not drinking tonight Maggie.” She raised her eyebrows, “So? Water? Cola?”
I smiled at her, knowing she knew I had stopped drinking for my girls. “Cola would be fine.” Then the imp turned back to Maggie and held up two fingers. I started dwelling on the fact that my daughters wanted nothing to do with me.
Sandra was shaking my arm from side to side by our laced fingers. When did she do that? “Hey. Tonight is for fun, not thinking,” she scolded.
We got our drinks and moved over to get a table, luckily it was early and there were still a couple open. As we sat the piped in music stopped and the live cover band, Vortex was introduced. They started with a fun cover of Amber LaLanie's 'Kick It Up!'. Damn, these guys were good!
A super cute intense face was suddenly smiling in my vision. “Dance with me!” She demanded. Jesus, how could you say no to that sheer amount of cuteness?!
I laughed as she bounced out to the floor with me in tow. Then I was floored again; this girl had moves! She seemed a part of the music injected with ten times the fun as she swayed and bounced and moved with a fluid grace. There was nothing overtly sexual about the way she was dancing but oh my gawd was it turning me on! In spades!
Before I knew it I was having more fun than I can remember, dancing and bobbing out on that dance floor with her. I seriously couldn't tell you how many more couples were out on the floor with us, at the moment I only had eyes for her.
The song ended and that crazy popular song, Snowflakes by Satin Thunder was next. She squealed and we just kept dancing. I was having the time of my life with her. When the song ended she dragged me back to the table. She seems to have taken control of everything today. Being a control freak like me, it was odd that I wasn't fighting her.
Almost immediately after we sat, girls were trying to get her to dance. Others were offering her drinks that she politely declined. I was getting a little pissed off, couldn't they see she was with me? They were all ignoring me. Then one girl sat down at the table without being asked. She put her back to me and started trying to egg Sandra into drinking some shots with her.
San turned her down. The red headed girl got belligerent saying, “You're just as stupid as ever. Why are you MILF slumming with her when I can show you so much more of a good time?”
That was it, I stood, knocking my chair over and as the girl turned toward me with a smirk that quickly turned to fear when she saw my cocked fist. “Nobody insults Sandra, bitch!” I started to swing but my arm didn't budge. I looked back and Minnie was there, holding my arm back and grinning at the red head. I swear it was like a shark who had spotted prey.
She turned to me and spoke in my ear so nobody could hear, “You don't want to be doing that. I'd have to kick you out. Let me take care of bitcherella here.” Then she winked at me.
I couldn't stop my smile as she released my arm and said, “You! Firetop, get the hell out. This is the last time I eject you before you are banned Lori! You got it?”
The girl stood in a huff and shot me a glare then left. Calling back to Sandra, “Stupid simpleton bitch.” To which Minnie cuffed the back of her head.
Sandra looked deflated, like she was on the verge of tears. I went quickly to her side. I looked directly in her eyes. “You're not stupid. You understand? Actually your pretty much a frigging genius for not hooking up with that bitch.” This got me a tiny smile. Then I leaned in slowly and deliberately, so she knew that I knew what I was doing, and giving her a chance to pull back, and kissed her gently on the lips. Our lips lingered there for a few seconds. God I was tingling.
She giggled and blushed and was dragging me again to the dance floor near the stage. A slower song started, a ballad. And we wordlessly just held onto each other closely and swayed to the music with her head on my shoulder. It felt like it belonged there to me, but that is where this perfect moment all fell apart.
The next song was one of mine, Leather and Heels, Slapped. This alone started me spiraling down the rabbit hole again. But the band suddenly stopped and we looked over and Vortex's lead singer was looking at me as he spoke into the microphone. “Ladies! It appears we have a celebrity in our midst! Penny Franklin from Leather and Heels!” Cheering erupted as he spoke, “Maybe if you cheer real loud we can encourage her to sing a song!”
The cheering doubled and Sandra was grasping my hand tightly and shooting an apology to me. “I'm so sorry Penny. Let's just go home.” I'm sure I looked like a mouse cornered by a barn cat. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I slumped my shoulders in defeat. “It's OK San. I'll be right back.” The cruel part of my personality thought, Fine, if they want a song, I'll give them one, but not what they are expecting.
I stepped up to the stage and shot the guy a glare and leaned in and spoke in his ear, “Not cool, fuck face. You just hijacked my personal time with a wonderful person, just give me a goddamn guitar and try to keep up on a 4/4 beat.”
I grabbed the mic from him and put it in the stand. I saw Sandra move up in front of the stage with her hands in front of her face, pressed to her lips like a silent prayer. I spoke into the mic as I was handed a guitar, “Hey everyone, how's the night treating you?” This got explosive cheering. “Well, Leather and Heels is officially disbanded and I can't sing any of those songs. But I have something new for you. This is a Penny Franklin original, I call it 'Searching for Me'.
Then I kicked into a quick guitar solo as I arched my back and screamed out my signature “Meeeeeoooowwww!” The drummer caught the beat and the bassist laid down a line. Then I sang of seeing oneself but not recognizing the reflection. The realization of the loss of yourself. The determination to find the person you used to be and the hope and beauty found. Then stepping out of that pool of darkness into the light and basking in love.
I thought of my girls with an inner smile. Then I sang of the new possibilities, the boundless wonder in the world. And I had to look down at my little blonde at the lines about surprising discoveries. I shot her a smile. She put both her hands over her heart as she smiled back.
Then it was over and I threw the guitar to the lead vocalist and jumped off the stage into the screaming crowd and took Sandra's hand in mine and dragged her to our table to get our stuff in a panic. I was hyperventilating and I didn't know why. My past started crashing down on top of me along with the knowledge that my music was taken from me.
We got out the back fire door and I leaned with my back a
gainst the concrete wall behind the Ballyhoo and slid down to sit on the cold pavement. Sandra looked almost panicked. “Are you OK Penny? I'm so sorry about that! It was my fault for getting us too close to the stage. I'm so stupid!”
This snapped me out of my panic and I actually yelled at her. I know I shouldn't have but what she said just made me so mad, and I shouldn't take my fear, panic, and frustration out on her. “Don't ever fucking say that again Sandra! You are not stupid! The only thing stupid is you saying that you are! Do you understand me?”
I stopped and closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath, calming myself down. “I'm sorry Sandra. I shouldn't be taking my frustration out on you.” I stood and looked in her watering eyes. “Right about now, you are the only good thing in my life.” Then I looked where I had been sitting. “I know what you mean about the cold seeping in now. That was frigid!”
She had tears flowing down her cheeks and I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, lingering for a second or two. “Let's go home.” She smiled and wiped her face with her sleeve then nodded.
We made our way around to the front parking lot and to her car in silence. When we were pulling out of the parking lot, she was staring intently at the road without speaking. I didn't know what to do so I just reached my hand out and opened it over the center console. Without looking, she lowered her right hand to mine and I clasped it, lacing our fingers.
I could see and feel her finally relax and the tiniest of smiles flirted around on her face as she stared straight ahead. I couldn't convince my lips not to answer with a tiny smile of my own.
After a minute of this extremely intimate, comfortable silence, she gently spoke, “That was so pretty and upbeat, not like your other songs. The ones at the hospital were fun as well.” She left it at that and our comfortable silence continued all the way home. Home? I have no home.
The dogs were happy to see us.
Then she handed me a nightshirt and got on her cellphone. “Hi Jane. I'm home. What? No... no that wasn't Penny's fault. It was Lori... no... Penny almost kicked her butt but Minnie came. I was... oh... OK. I'll tell her. Love you bunches too. Goodnight Jane.”
She looked over at me sheepishly. “Jane says thank you.” Then she ran blushing into her room with the cloud of dogs at her feet.
I folded out the bed and laid down and pulled the covers up over me. Daisy came padding out of Sandra's room and jumped up on my chest and just stared at me. I started scrubbing her ears. I found the silence odd. After a minute, Daisy got on my pillow beside my head and curled in. I listened to the silence.
I wasn't thinking. That is odd for me, so I forced myself to think about the hectic day and everything again came crashing down on me at once. The heartbreak of seeing people that have basically been forgotten by the world, the small amount of food we were able to provide. The children in the hospital. I smiled for a second but then realized that a lot of the ones I met were dying. How is the fucking world fair? Why would the universe do that to those children? I hate this world, all there is here is pain.
I thought of Yvette and I realized I was silently crying and I couldn't seem to stop myself. I hurt so bad inside. I just wanted it all to stop. Then I heard light footsteps coming down the hall. I didn't look up, I tried to stop my body from shaking with the tears but I couldn't. Then Sandra wordlessly joined me on the bed, I turned away from her, hiding my shame.
She just wrapped an arm around my waist gently and pulled me into her protectively. Then she just silently held me as I cried myself out, feeding me her strength and compassion. I fell asleep in her arms, feeling safe, feeling... loved?
Chapter 8 – She's Gone
I woke up to my puppies licking my face. They are so awesomely cute! Penny wasn't in the bed. She was so broken last night, I thought I was getting through to her but then I was stupid like normal and that singer guy ruined everything. I propped myself up with my elbows behind me and looked around and she was nowhere to be seen. Must be in the bathroom. I looked down the hall but the door was open and the light was out.
I called out, “Penny?” There was no answer and I sat up quickly, starting to panic and saw a note on the pillow. I grabbed it as I jumped out of the bed and ran down the hall checking my room and the bathroom.
Crap! I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to three like Jane taught me and calmed down and started to think. Then I remembered the note I was holding and opened my eyes and read it.
[Sandra, you are probably the most amazing person I have ever met. I can see me falling for you far too easily and I don't need to poison your world. Your world is the world I wish I lived in, instead of this pain filled hateful world of mine. I need to think. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but I promise not to do anything until I can figure everything out. Promise me that you will finish the paperwork for your foundation. You deserve for your dream to come true. As Jane would say, love you bunches San. -Penny-]
I started repeating over and over, “On my god, oh my god...” as I ran to my bedroom and started throwing some clothes on. My puppies didn't know what was going on. I'll have to explain it to them later, especially Daisy, she's a worrier.
I grabbed my cell and called Penny and my heart dropped again, I heard her phone ringing in the living room. She had left it here. I ran out to the garage and fumbled around with the lock before I got it opened. I was hyperventilating as I sat in the driver's seat. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and counted to three. I slowed my breathing then I drove out.
I know speeding is bad, but she might be... I couldn't think the terrifying thought as I sped toward the Aurora bridge. It isn't really the Aurora bridge you know, that's just its nickname since that is the street name. It is really the George Washington Memorial Bridge. I don't know what he was remembering with the memorial but he was all smart and junk, being the first president and all. Why the heck am I thinking this stuff when Penny is out there somewhere?
I parked my car on a side road at the end of the bridge and closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm down again. One, two, three.
I could see Penny's way too pretty face in my head, and her lips are so soft. She's as beautiful as Jane. I hopped out of the car and ran along the bridge to the spot where I met her. There was nothing. I was starting to panic again as I looked down at the water. Come on think Sandra! Ah! My eyes shot down the the walkway below the railing. Nothing, no boots and no jacket like before. I could feel the panic receding, so she didn't... But then I remembered telling her jumping from a building worked better. How could I be so stupid!?
I didn't know what to do. So I did what I always have done my entire life. I called Jane. I wish I was smart like her so I would know what to do.
“Jane! She's gone. I thinks she's going to... why didn't I call 911 when I first saw her on the bridge? I... I'm so sorry I thought I could help her Jane. I... oh... OK.” I closed my eyes. One, two, three. “OK. I'm better now. Penny. She's missing. What... OK, I'll be right there. Love you too Jane. Bye.”
I drove the route that I have driven for years, I could do it in my sleep. Jane has always been my hero, my protector. She never treats me like I'm stupid. And she is a pilot, how cool is that? I was hoping one day to be good enough for her that she would want me, but she found Crystal. I can't blame her. Crystal is so smart and pretty and nice, just like her. She treats me with respect so I love Crystal to pieces too.
I stopped my thought process when I realized I felt the same about Penny that I felt about Jane. That might be why I didn't call 911 when I saw her on the bridge; something about her hit my heart just right. She has so much strength and she just doesn't see it. But I could see it, I was trying to show it to her.
Before I knew it I was parking in the pay lot next to their loft. I put one of the free day passes that Crystal gave me on my windshield. She knows a guy. I giggled at that. She seems to know a lot of people. I hear people joking sometimes that there isn't a person in Seattle that doesn't owe Crystal a favor.
I ran up the stairs and the door to their loft was already open. I walked in and saw Crystal in the kitchen area making breakfast. Jane was pouring coffee into three cups. I set the granola bars on the entry table, I'll stock her cupboards and nightstand drawer later.
They looked over at me with those dazzling smiles of theirs. You know how they talk about a woman's smile being like artwork or whatever. Well theirs are masterpieces. I smiled back. Jane nudged her head toward the living room as she walked with the coffee mugs and I followed her and sank into the comfy couch. She handed me a coffee and I opened my mouth to speak, but she held up a finger to stop me and tilted her head cutely. Crystal sat down with us, handing out plates of eggs and bacon and offering me one of her knee buckler smiles that I love so much. I was distracted by her dual colored eyes again and shook myself out of it.
Then Jane sat back and started shoveling eggs into her mouth with a satisfied look. “OK. Now eat, San, and tell us what is going on.”
I obediently started eating. These scrambled eggs were sinfully fluffy with the tiniest of slivers of ham in them, instead of seasoning them with salt. Oh, I know these eggs! She got the recipe from Mrs. Z at the Pike!
I looked sadly at the two ladies and started. “It's Penny, I think she's... going to kill herself.”
They both stopped eating and put their plates down. Crystal spoke first with rapid fire questions, “What do you mean? Are you sure San? Who is this Penny, Jane says you said I know her?”