by Jaime Marks
“Yes Father.”
“Yes Grandsire.”
Star remained quiet and burrowed back into the sanctity of her mate’s arms, but he knew that she’d heard him. That was part of the reason she refused to answer. She wasn’t ready to face him or what he might or might not know.
“I am not attempting to single the three of you out. I only want the directions all of your thoughts have been heading in this moment to stop. Do not give him more power than he has. You must realize you are not nor have you ever been alone in any of this. We are all here for you,” he reiterated and the rest of the room nodded.
Byryn glanced nervously at Kyle but he just nodded to him, keeping his thoughts clear for now. His Dad was right. If they couldn’t rely on each other they would lose themselves in the pain of all this. He needed to confront Byryn and trust that he would never do anything to hurt his sister. She was more important to his sire than anything or anyone else. For Byryn, nothing came before Star. Even as unawakened Shade nothing ever had.
Astryn laid her head down on his chest and he leaned down and kissed her. It was amazing to him how precious she’d become to him in such a short time. He would do anything for her, just as Byryn would do anything for Star. Knowing this feeling, understanding it, allowed him to trust his sire. He didn’t have to like it, but he knew how he struggled with his own nature and Star wasn’t exactly innocent anymore. It wasn’t his place to involve himself in their relationship.
The room had fallen into its mixture of conversations and discussions once more allowing them to sort out their thoughts. No one added to what his Father had said but then they didn’t have to. Cymeryn had pretty much said everything that was needed.
Marcus sighed. “Grifyn, Demytria, I’ve decided I want that Fae detained until we are at leisure to deal with him. Also monitor Alyric closely.” He motion between himself, Reyana, and his Dad. “We have court shortly.”
Grifyn nodded as he stood. “I also have to meet with the Guardians. Demytria, would you join me so we can handle Talerys and address the security concerns you had. I’d like to get them used to also deferring to you in such matters.”
“I’ll walk with you,” Trina offered. “My shift is soon anyway.”
Demytria nodded turning to kiss Kato. “I’ll meet you for lunch this noon?”
“Indeed,” he smiled, “but in our quarters. I have a promise to fulfill.” He turned to the others. “I must take my leave as well. I need to meet with members of the Council regarding how to field the proper requests and their duties in their regions.”
“I will be verifying the status of the Academy as well as meeting with some of the potential instructors. I will send you my report this eve, Cymeryn,” Devyn offered. “Are you coming, Felycia?”
“Actually, I was going to go introduce myself to Perylia. I figure it will be more comfortable for her if it’s not a formal encounter,” she shrugged, “but if you want to meet me for lunch I’ll make a point to see you before I take my exams this noon. They moved them up when I told the instructor that I applied to the Academy.”
He kissed her cheek before he stood. “I’d like that. Will you walk with me a while first?” She nodded as he pulled her to her feet then bowed to everyone before taking his leave.
Kyle watched Byryn rise to his feet still holding Star in his arms. “We’ll be in our quarters for the remainder of the morn. I’ll inform my details and deal with everything else this noon.”
“If you need help, Byryn, we expect you to ask,” Cymeryn asserted.
“Astryn and I have already agreed to work on the mentoring program with you. I’ll meet with you later to help plan it out and check in with the guards in the unawakened corridor when I get a moment,” Kyle offered.
Byryn nodded. “Thank you, Kyle.”
He forced a smile. “I believe you were the one who said we need to work closely together from now on, Byryn. I really don’t mind picking up the slack when it’s necessary.” He nodded, still focused on his sister and they watched him leave.
“Are we still able to meet this morn? I will understand if you need to be with Astryn,” Mythos offered.
“Actually,” Steph interrupted. “I thought maybe Astryn might like to help me work on something for Star since they’ve been getting close lately.” She turned to her. “I’d really like your input and help if you don’t mind. I was hoping to have it ready for her tonight when we get together.”
Kyle forced himself not to cringe. If anyone had reason to try to drive Astryn away from him it would be Steph. At the same time, she’d found her mate and she knew that true mates were destined to be together as much as he did. He couldn’t see her actively interfering with that but it was still hard to trust all this.
He studied her before turning to kiss Astryn, knowing that he needed to let the friction between them fade. “Go ahead, mea. Just promise me you’ll be careful and let me know if there’s anything else?”
She nodded and returned the kiss. “I will. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Kyle.”
“We’ll talk about it later. I won’t lie and tell you I’m happy about it but this is all still new for both of us. We still need to learn to trust and rely on each other.” He brushed her hair out of her eyes. “No one has your back like I do, baby, and I’ll drill it into that pretty little head of yours until you get it.” He kissed her head softly and held her gaze one more moment before letting her go.
“Yeah, I’d like that,” Astryn agreed as she turned to Steph. “Star’s been really good to me. She even sent the seamstress to see me this morn, so anything I can do to repay her kindness would be wonderful.”
“Yeah, that’s Star. She always puts everyone else first, but I think right now she needs to be first for once.” Steph motioned for Astryn to join her. “Come on. Let me show you what I have in mind.” She turned to her King kissing him softly. “Don’t worry. We’ll bring the guards.”
Mythos nodded to her with a smile before turning to him. “Would my study be comfortable for you, Kyle?”
He nodded as he rose. “That’ll be fine.”
He walked over to his parents and allowed his Dad to draw him into an embrace as he spoke quietly in his ear. “Give him a chance, son. I know how you feel about all this, but Mythos is our family and he is attempting to make things right between you.”
He nodded in response. “I’m trying, Dad.” As he rose he bowed to Marcus and Reyana. “Uncle Marcus, Reyana.” He couldn’t call her Mom and it felt weird calling her Aunt when she was mated to his Dad, even though she was also mated to his uncle. God his family was freaking complicated.
He followed Mythos out of the room not really sure he was ready for this, but he’d agreed to it. His Dad was right. He needed to give Mythos a chance, especially considering it looked like he was trying to give him one.
Chapter 31
Byryn laid her on the bed and stared down at her a moment. He needed to address what she’d done and he couldn’t go easy on her. He sat down beside her warring with himself as he ran a gentle hand over her body. Part of him wanted to bring her to task for her actions and the other part wanted to hold and caress the pain away that he knew she felt. If one his former slaves had pulled something like this he would’ve already torn them apart but she would never be a slave and he wasn’t really that mad at her. If anything, he was disappointed that she felt she couldn’t trust him but he could understood the reasons.
Sensing her, feeling her emotions, and hearing her thoughts only reminded him that she needed him to punish her as much as he needed to feel that level of control right now. She needed to know he held her accountable for her actions and she needed to feel she’d paid her penance for betraying their trust. She was shutting down, numbing herself to the pain of everything, and he had to break her out of it.
He stood up and crossed his arms looking down at her. “Present yourself, Staryana,” he commanded sternly. She didn’t bother to climb off the bed. She just sat up and stripped,
kneeling right there in front of him. He gripped her chin and raised her to meet his gaze. “I want you to tell me why you need to be punished, all of it.”
She lowered her eyes again but raised them when he squeezed her jaw tighter. “I put myself, Astryn, and everyone else at risk by not reporting a security breech because I didn’t trust you enough not to restrict me. I hid information from you that could’ve put your position and your brother’s position in jeopardy, and I lied to you while trying to justify my actions.”
He forced himself to remain level but when she spelled it out that way it really did sound bad and everything she said was the truth. He ground his teeth realizing what she left out. “You missed something, Staryana.”
She swallowed hard feeling a bit apprehensive of the situation she was in and she should. If this was three months from now, and everything had settled down from their nightmare in the Dark Domain, he’d have already had her ass so red she couldn’t sit and that would only be the start of it. Luckily for her he understood her better than she did herself.
“I…I put myself down?” She responded sounding more like she was asking than relaying.
“Yes, Staryana, you continually insulted yourself this morn. First your body and then your own intelligence. Both are reason enough to punish you without adding everything on top of it.”
In all honesty that bothered him more than anything else. He could repair the issues in his department. Really his brother should’ve known better than to just leave the report, but considering the directive came from Staryana he couldn’t fault him. With the change in offices it wasn’t really clear what the procedures were at this point either. That was on him. He’d fix that once he figured out how to manage her.
No, her self-esteem issues and the issues with their trust were what had him concerned. They were what needed to be addressed, but it wasn’t really about trust between them. It was about fear. She was letting her fear and anger rule her choices instead of stopping to think through her actions and that was dangerous. Whether it was fear of what the others would think, fear of an attack, or fear of Lazurys, she couldn’t let it control her. If she couldn’t reason things out right now, then he needed her to trust him enough to let him take care of things and decide how to manage them.
He went to his desk and pulled the weapon’s chest out from under it. Removing the top tray revealed the toys and restraints he’d hidden underneath. Byryn selected what he needed, placing the items on the desk. First he needed to get her in the right state of mind. As much as he might enjoy the small punishments he’d taunted her with so far, this was more serious and he needed to deal with it accordingly. If she felt he had gone easy on her it would just cause more issues.
“Go to the bathroom and take your plug out, Staryana. Make sure you relieve yourself,” he commanded not bothering to look at her. “You’re going to be detained for a while.”
He sighed when he heard her leave. In a respect this would give them both the catharsis they needed to deal with this and move on from it without weighing them down needlessly. In another respect he wondered what kind of harm this was doing to them both in the long run. Maybe he should talk to Cymeryn about this before they continued…but he had court and it was still too weird to talk to one of her Fathers about such things.
He sighed realizing everyone he’d even consider confiding in was busy or long since gone. Damn he missed his brother Jaz, Divine rest his soul. He was probably the only male he’d ever felt comfortable talking to about this sort of shit. Since his passing he’d had no one. Cymeryn was really the only male here who would even get this shit.
“That’s not entirely true and you know it,” Kyle asserted reaching over their link. “Your thoughts are a bit loud this morning, Byryn. I meant to do this in person but if you need to discuss it now, by all means I’m listening.”
He blew out a breath not really sure he was ready to handle talking to his new protégé about his sister, but it was obvious he couldn’t hide it from him anymore. Kyle was so much more than just a protégé to him and he didn’t want him thinking the worst. If he couldn’t block it then he needed to make sure he understood.
She came out from the bathroom and he regarded her a minute as he considered what to even say to him. “Kneel by the bed, Staryana. I’ll deal with you when I’m ready.” He waited while she complied and went to sit at his desk turning away from her.
He sealed the room and relaxed back in his chair considering his words carefully. “I’ll assume you’ve picked up on the…dynamics of mine and your sister’s mating, so I won’t insult you by trying to deny it or hide it, Kyle. I need you to believe me though, I would never do anything to hurt her and I would never force this on her.”
“I know. It’s not easy for me to think about, but I do know that. She’s always been more important to you than anyone or anything else. I used to think you were just obsessed with her, like John was with Steph, but it’s obvious that you love her. I guess…Shit Byryn, just don’t fucking hurt her.”
Byryn grimaced thinking about the punishment he needed to dole out. “I only do what she needs me to do, Kyle. She’s not my slave and she never will be. I don’t want her subservient to me, but we both need the release this gives us. I need that level of control and she needs me to take it. I can’t figure out how to explain it better than that but she all but begged me to do this with her. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t scare me a little. We didn’t need to do this before. It’s only been since we got back. I mean…we’re not Shade but…we came back different somehow.”
“I know, but…” He sighed. “Alright, look. You’ve always been sort of controlling and dominant, Byryn. It’s part of what propelled you above you’re brothers. You are one of the most controlled individuals I’ve ever known in any world we’ve existed in, and you command respect. It’s a natural part of your personality in a lot of ways. We may not be Shade but we grew up conditioned to it. I know you know how Star was groomed. Being submissive was ingrained in her just about her entire life. It’s amazing she didn’t turn out like so many of the female unawakened, but my sister has always had that inner strength and confidence and that’s why she is who she is. They could never break her completely. At the same time, this submissive streak you’re seeing, maybe that’s part of who she is too.”
“So you don’t think this is just because of Lazurys?”
“No. I think you’ve both been through an intense series of traumas and you’re coping the only way that’s comfortable for you. You need the control and she needs…yeah I don’t think I really want to think about that,” Kyle hesitated. “Look, did you give her some way to stop this? Do you listen to her?”
“I insisted on safe words. If I ever feel she’s just taking this because she feels it’s what I want I told her I’ll never do this again,” he explained, “and I mean it. She’s my mate, Kyle. If she didn’t enjoy this I would never be able to handle it.”
“Do you monitor her mind?”
“Yes, always. I need to know where she’s at in that moment. I kind of enjoy knowing all the reactions she hides from me.” He held back the chuckle and tried to stop his thoughts from going anywhere that would make her brother uncomfortable but it was difficult considering the conversation.
“Fine. Then I can handle this, but I swear to you, Byryn, if she ever comes to me and tells me that you hurt her, that you didn’t respect her and took this too far, I’ll kill you myself regardless of who you are to me. We both know she’s been through enough,” Kyle warned him.
“I’d hand you my sword and bow my head for it, Kyle. If I ever lose control and take it out on her like that I want you to fucking kill me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself,” he admitted sincerely.
“I know, and I know you never will, Byryn, but you need to realize it, too. Besides, it just makes me feel better about this to say it.” He paused, “Now tell me what has you so torn about punishing her. She obviously deserves it based on what I caught earli
er. You can’t let her just slide with that.”
“I know, but I also understand what drove her to it.”
“True, but…if she needs this, then she needs you to be consistent. You can’t punish her for putting herself down and not punish her for everything else. I know you’re concerned about the severity of this. You need to consider that some females who need this lifestyle, Byryn, the punishments and pain allow them to deal with emotions and issues they can’t handle talking about or even express. It’s a catharsis of sorts, granting them the release they need.
“You know her better than I do, but if that’s what she needs right now, if that’s what’s drawing her to this dynamic, denying her is only going to force her to find what she needs some other way. I’m not suggesting she’d ever cheat on you, but there are a ton of unhealthy ways for people to get a release or escape. Not only could that hurt her but it still won’t truly be what she needs. She needs you, Byryn. You’re the one she turns to when she breaks. You’re her strength when she has none. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re helping her deal with the shit and move beyond all this. If she’s going to act out the way she did there has to be consequences to curb it and you’re right. If everyone starts acting like they don’t trust her it’ll only push her further away.”
Her brother was right and Byryn knew it. He’d just needed to hear it from somewhere else. Sometimes it was hard to accept this part of himself and he felt like if he wasn’t like this maybe she wouldn’t be, but everything that Kyle had said made sense. “Thanks, Kyle. I really needed to be able to admit this to someone and…he might be my Grandsire, but your Dad is mind-linked with hers twenty four seven and he’s still her Dad too. It’s kind of weird. I wasn’t even sure I could discuss it with you.”
“It’s fine, Byryn. You’re not alone. I’m here for you, just like you are for me. Just…try not to think so loudly about the details. The last thing I needed to know this morning was that my sister had an anal plug seated in her ass. I’ve gotta go. I’m actually sitting in Mythos’ study. I told him you needed to confer with me on something.”