Better vs. Worse

by Mary E Thompson

  “Are you stalking me?” I heard when I came up from a wave.

  I laughed and found Ginny sitting on her board a few feet away. “I think I should be asking you that. Since this is my beach.”

  “Not in Hawaii. It’s everyone’s beach.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m the one who has a house in sight. Which leads me to believe you’re stalking me.”

  Ginny laughed and stretched out on her board. “I think you just wish I was stalking you, Kapena.”

  I shook my head. “I could do worse.”

  Ginny tipped her head back and laughed again. “You have done worse. Do you remember the girl you dated after me? She was crazy.”

  I whistled a breath. “God, yeah. She made crazy look sane when she was done with me.”

  “I still can’t believe you put up with her for so long. You dated her for what, six months?”

  “Seven,” I said, shuddering at the memory. “But she was good in bed. Carried the crazy in there.”

  “I don’t need to hear about this,” Ginny groaned. “There are certain things friends who’ve slept together shouldn’t talk about.”

  “Oh, please, you always ask about my other relationships.”

  “Yeah, because I’m waiting to hear about the one I always saw in your eyes.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, unease sneaking up my spine.

  Ginny met my eyes and smiled. “I always knew there was someone else. Someone you saw when you looked at me sometimes. The one you really loved. I wanted to be her for a long time, but I knew I never would be. You loved her, and if that look on your face is any indication, you still do.”

  “I…” I couldn’t argue with her. She was dead-on. “I’m sorry, Gin. It wasn’t fair of me to be with you like that.”

  She shook her head. “No worries. I know you didn’t mean it to upset me. We weren’t right from the beginning. I’ve always hoped I’d find someone who would look at me like that, and really see me.”

  “You will.”

  “So, who is she?”

  “Who?”

  Ginny smiled. “I figured you didn’t want to tell me, but I had to ask.”

  I gave her a grateful smile, thankful she was willing to let me keep my own confidence. It didn’t make any sense that I didn’t want her to know about Ada. Sawyer figured it out, and Ada, Kiki, and Jack knew, but I’d never admitted it to anyone. Saying the words out loud wouldn’t change the fact that I wanted Ada and nothing would ever come of it, so it was best left buried inside of me.

  Ginny and I surfed for a while, then I cooked lunch for us and we headed back out to the water. We surfed the afternoon away, letting the waves carry our worries out to sea.

  When Ginny paddled in, I went with her. She walked back to my house then waved and kept going up the beach to where she parked.

  I was sanding more foam off my board, trying to clear the scratchiness in my throat and shake off my exhaustion, when my phone rang. I smiled when I saw Kiki’s face smiling up at me.

  “Hey, sis. What’s up?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, of course. Just hanging around.” I hated myself for not telling her what I was really doing. She’d be supportive, but I didn’t want anyone to know I was making a surfboard. I was getting to where I had a lot of secrets.

  “What’s your plan?”

  “You know me, Kiki. I never have a plan. What’s up?”

  “This isn’t time for jokes, Kapena. I’m serious. Where are you going? You can’t stay home. It’s not safe.”

  Fear walked its fingers up my spine and clutched my throat. “What are you talking about?”

  “Haven’t you heard anything today? No, I bet not. There’s a tsunami headed our way. Maybe as big as seven foot surge.”

  “It won’t hit us, Kiki. Stuff like that goes to Hilo.”

  “Not this time, big brother. It’s headed for us.”

  Shit. I looked around my lanai and closed my eyes. I couldn’t lose everything. I gambled when I bought the tiny house on the beach. Everyone said I was crazy for getting something that close to the water, especially a house that wasn’t on stilts, but I couldn’t pass up the chance. It had never been hit, so I bought it.

  And I was going to lose it.

  “How long?”

  “Three am.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m staying home. We’re high enough that we won’t be affected. Come stay with us.”

  “Is Ada staying with you?” I blurted. She had a small condo in town and was likely to be hit.

  “Yes,” Kiana said after a slight pause. “But you know she won’t mind if you’re here, too.”

  I laughed. “You know she will. I’ll be fine.”

  “Kapena,” my sister cried, her voice desperate and anxious, “please come here. I can’t lose you.”

  Guilt was the most powerful emotion. Most people thought it was love, but no. Love only amplified guilt. Guilt could get you to stop and help a perfect stranger, or give up what you had to someone in need, or face the woman you hurt because your sister begged you to.

  “Okay, Kiki. I’ll be there. I need to take care of the house first, but I’ll be there.”

  “I will send Sawyer to get you if you aren’t here by dinner.”

  “Late dinner?” I tried.

  “Seven o’clock, Kapena. Not a second after.”

  I sighed and glanced at the clock on my phone. Just over three hours. “I’ll be there. Warn her, Kiki. She doesn’t need to be surprised when I show up.”

  “Okay,” Kiki said, then hung up.

  It had been years since a tsunami hit the islands. Some were disastrous, but most of the time it wasn’t enough to really bother anyone. There had only been a few in my lifetime, spurred by a massive earthquakes and always on the other side of the island.

  I said a quick prayer for whoever lived where the earthquake hit, knowing it was always worse for them than it was for us, and got to work. I dragged all the furniture on the lanai inside. I stuck the new board in the guest room on the sawhorses. It didn’t take me long to pack a bag of clothes and stuff to take a shower, just in case I couldn’t come back for a few days. I made sure the house was as secure as possible with all the shutters closed and plywood covering the taped sliding glass door.

  I took a shower and looked around the house again. I packed a cooler of food for the night and tossed a tent in my Jeep, just in case, and admitted I couldn’t stall any longer.

  The roads were quiet as I headed to Kiki and Sawyer’s. My sister bought the townhouse years ago. It was in a great neighborhood, and she had good neighbors, even if they shared walls with her. Sawyer moved out of my place and in with her a couple weeks ago. It was good for them, but I had to admit, I kind of missed him.

  Ada’s SUV was in the lot when I pulled in. I parked far away from it, just in case we left at the same time. She wouldn’t want to be around me any longer than she had to be.

  I slung my bag over my shoulder, grabbed the cooler, and headed to the door. I knocked and waited for them to let me in instead of walking in like I used to when it was just Kiki’s place.

  Sawyer opened the door and grinned. “Hey, Kapena! Glad you could make it,” he said as though I was there for a party instead of running for my life.

  “Thanks, Sawyer. I brought food. Figured if I lose power, it’ll go bad. I didn’t think you would care.”

  Sawyer grabbed the cooler and stepped back to let me in. “Thanks. We didn’t think about feeding everyone. And you know how Kiana is.”

  I laughed with him. My sister was not a cook. She could burn water if she tried. Actually, she’d probably burn water if she didn’t try. She was best kept out of the kitchen.

  “I think I’ll cook tonight.”

  Sawyer nodded. “Good plan.” He stopped and held my gaze. “She didn’t tell Ada you were coming.”

  “Ah, shit,” I swore. “I told her to.”

  Sawyer nodded. �
�I know. And I told her to. I think she was hoping Jack would be here before you so they could tell her together.”

  “Is that Jack?” Ada called from the other room.

  I heard her footsteps approaching and knew I couldn’t do anything but wait for her to round the corner and see me.

  She stopped, just froze right where she was. The smile fell from her face, and she spun on her heel and stormed back to wherever my sister was hiding.

  “Guess she knows now,” Sawyer said. “Come on in.”

  The whispered argument was barely out of my range, but it was clear Ada wasn’t happy I was there. Sawyer carried the cooler into the kitchen, and I tucked my bag in a corner where I hoped it would be out of the way until I could grab it and get the hell out of there.

  “Glad you’re on time, Kapena,” Kiki said with a hug. “Thanks for bringing so much food. Think you might want to cook for us?”

  I nodded. Anything to keep me from having to talk to Ada.

  “Thanks. You know none of us would make it through the tsunami if I cooked.”

  A knock on the door had her stepping around me and letting Jack in. Without Kiki between us, I had the opportunity to study Ada.

  She was wearing a pair of bright pink leggings with a long shirt over it, or was it a dress? Her hair was pulled up into a knot-type thing, leaving her neck exposed. God, I wanted to taste her there. My eyes followed the line of her neck down the colorful top over all her curves. Just the memory of the few seconds I had her in my arms weeks ago had my cock twitching to life.

  I didn’t think I’d ever stop wanting her.

  My eyes traveled back to her face. She was watching Jack and Kiki, giving me plenty of time to appraise her. Her skin was the color of caramel and tempted me to take a bite. Her hazel eyes looked more green, picking up some of the color in her top. And those strands of hair that fell out of her knot…those were the worst. I knew how silky her hair was. I wanted to thread my fingers through it and hold on tight as I tilted her head just right and kissed her until she stopped glaring at me.

  Shit. She was glaring at me. Which meant she was watching me watch her.

  Sonofabitch.

  Chapter Six

  I ducked my head and shifted my cock. There was little doubt she knew exactly what I was doing, but I didn’t care. It was painful to stare at her and know I couldn’t have her. I was hard, and if I didn’t adjust myself, everyone in the room would get a full view of just how hard I was.

  I headed into the kitchen and stopped cold.

  “David, you remember Kiana’s brother, Kapena?” Sawyer said with a pitiful glance at me.

  I closed my eyes for a second before I forced myself to take two steps toward the guy and shake his hand. “Nice to see you again,” I forced out, hoping I didn’t sound like I wanted to ground the guy into the sand, even though I did.

  “Yeah, you, too. Ada talks about you all the time. All of you. She said you’re like a big brother to her,” David said with a grin.

  Definitely grinding him into the sand. First chance I got.

  “Jack’s here,” Ada said, breezing into the room and sliding her arm around David’s waist.

  He pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head. I sized him up, knowing I could take him out with one punch if I wanted to. He wasn’t wearing a suit like last time I saw him, but it was obvious that was his usual. His hair slicked to the side like a perfect wave waiting for me to drop on it. His eyes stayed focused on Ada, his lips curled up as he stared at her. He had on a pair of linen shorts and a collared shirt that made him look like he just walked off a golf course instead of hanging out with friends.

  “What are you doing here?” I blurted, drawing the eyes of everyone in the room.

  “Kapena,” Kiki hissed.

  David waved her off. “It’s okay. Ada and I were on a date when we heard about the tsunami. My place is in town, too, so Ada said I could come here for the night. Kiki and Sawyer were nice enough to agree.”

  Kiki flashed me a smile that said to back off. If we weren’t in her house, I wouldn’t, but I respected my sister, so I shut the hell up.

  Thankfully, Sawyer guided everyone out of the kitchen to the living room so I could start dinner. I pulled the ingredients out of the cooler and washed my hands. They all left me alone to cook. I grabbed a beer and lost myself in the process, not thinking about anything except the food as I chopped and sautéed and stirred and tasted.

  When it was done, I called everyone in to eat. I fixed my own plate first and headed out of the kitchen before Ada and David walked in so we weren’t in the room at the same time. The lanai was as good a place as any for me to hide. There wasn’t anywhere else for me to go if I left Kiki’s.

  The rest of them stayed inside to eat their dinner. I could hear them talking through the open door. They sounded normal. David shared some story that made them all laugh, which just made me feel worse. He was the new guy, but I was the outsider. Only there because my sister guilted me into it. Staying at my house wouldn’t have been safe, but I could have figured something else out.

  Anything would have been better than being under the same roof as Ada and her boyfriend.

  I set my plate on the small table and stared out at the pitch black sky. Stars dotted the darkness, no warning of what was to come visible at all. I sipped my beer and listened to the quiet around me. I wasn’t used to it. I always had waves in the background. Kiki’s place was too far from the water to hear the waves, and as the voices faded, silence snuck in and started to make me crazy.

  The sliding door pushed open. I turned to see Sawyer offering me another beer as he lowered himself into the seat next to me.

  “Thanks,” I said, taking it.

  “You don’t have to hide out here. You can come inside.”

  “Nah,” I said with a shake of my head. “She doesn’t want me in there. I’m good.”

  “Ada’s fine.”

  “I know,” I snapped. “Kiki’s told me more times than I can count that Ada’s fine. She has her boyfriend. She’s not upset at all. She’s doing great. I’m the one who’s a fucking mess.”

  Sawyer sat for another few seconds, then got up and said, “Sorry I said anything,” and left.

  I rolled my eyes at myself and sank back into my chair. It wasn’t worth chasing him down to apologize. Sawyer wouldn’t get it. No one really got it. Hell, sometimes I didn’t get why I didn’t want Ada if when I wanted her so much, but it was for the best. I wasn’t what she needed, and it would suck even more if we got together and she dumped me for a guy I’d never be.

  So I sat and I drank and I ignored the laughter and conversation inside. When my beer was empty, I went inside and grabbed another one, then went right back to the lanai, trying to erase the itchiness in my throat and fogginess in my head.

  Slowly, lights turned off inside. Kiki walked out to say goodnight to me and tell me Ada and David were in the guest room, and Jack claimed one couch, leaving me the other.

  “Thanks. And sorry I screwed everything up by being here. I’ll head out first thing in the morning so Ada isn’t uncomfortable with me here.”

  “I invited you here, Kapena. Ada doesn’t care.”

  I snorted and shook my head. I followed her inside, finding my way around in the darkened room. I stripped off my shirt and fell onto the couch. Jack was already asleep so I turned the TV on low and fell asleep watching it. When I woke up again, some infomercial was trying to sell me some kind of cream for my face.

  I had to pee like mad, so I made my way to the bathroom. It took me a few tries to get there since I was dizzy and feeling more than a little sick. I finally got to the bathroom and pushed the door closed behind me. The light blinded me, so I slapped it off almost as soon as I turned it on. I went to the toilet and the room fucking tilted sideways.

  “Shit,” I yelled, falling over. I caught myself on the edge of the sink, wondering if we were having an earthquake.

  I stayed steady for a minute,
then tried to pee again. I got most of it out, but then the room tilted the other way. I fell into the wall.

  “I better sit,” I said to no one, lowering myself to sit on the toilet and finish peeing. “I’m an old man.”

  When I was done, I stood again, but the room spun. I tilted with it, but couldn’t catch myself before I fell, smacking my forehead on the edge of sink.

  “Fuck!” I yelled.

  “Kapena! Are you okay?” a voice asked from the doorway.

  “No,” I snapped. I put my hand to my forehead, dabbing at the slick skin that wasn’t normal. My hand was red when I looked down at it. “Blood.”

  “Did you say you’re bleeding?” the voice asked.

  I tried to figure out who it was. Male definitely. Jack maybe? “I’m fine,” I growled.

  “If you’re bleeding, you need help.” He tried to open the door, but I pushed it closed to keep him out.

  “I don’t want you.”

  “Okay. I’ll get Kiana.”

  “No. Ada. I want Ada,” my foggy brain insisted. It was a bad idea, a very bad idea. But something was off. I was hot, like I had a fever, and too confused to be able to think clearly. She was the only one I wanted.

  The voice outside the door didn’t answer for a few seconds and I wondered if he heard me. “Are you sure?” he asked. Not Jack. Sawyer.

  “No,” I confessed. I tried to stand again, but I was never good with blood and between the sight of it and the wave of dizziness that hit me, I felt sick. “Oh, shit,” I groaned, rolling toward the toilet. I made it just in time to throw up, curling my body around the cool porcelain.

  I kneeled like that for what felt like hours. Heaving into the toilet, blood dripping in with the vomit and making me feel worse. I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out the world, and finally was able to take a breath.

  I scrambled to flush the toilet and sank onto the floor, my back against the wall.

  “This better be go— Shit. What happened to you?” Ada said as she walked into the room.

  I tried to open my eyes and look at her, but they wouldn’t stay up. “Help me, please.”