Better vs. Worse

by Mary E Thompson

  I woke up slowly, like I was still in the middle of a dream. I knew something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

  Flashes of the night before swam through my head, but in my half-asleep state, I thought they were dreams. It wasn’t unusual to wake up with Ada on my mind. But those visions were vivid, and the smell of her shampoo told me it wasn’t just a dream.

  Smiling, I reached for her, ready to have her yet again. My hand reached the edge of the bed, so I went the other way, knowing she was there somewhere. I could smell her. She was there.

  My hand reached the edge of that side, too, and my eyes flipped open.

  My cock fell as fast as a stone in the water. I listened, hope still coursing through my veins, for her somewhere in the house.

  Silence.

  I dragged myself out of bed and snatched my clothes off the floor, noting that hers were gone, even the shredded panties. I stomped out of my room in shorts, hoping I’d find her.

  The food from the night before was cleaned up and gone. The wine disappeared. Everything was exactly the same as normal.

  Except nothing was normal.

  Ada should have been there. She should have stayed. But she ran. While my lazy, beach bum ass slept, she left.

  Guess my dad was right all along.

  I didn’t see Ada again for two days. I texted her to make sure we were okay, and all she said was ‘good.’

  What the fuck did that mean?

  Kiki and Sawyer said they were going out to dinner and wanted me to join them as a thank you for all the help I’d been over the last few weeks. Like I was ever going to say no to my sister. Kiki was my only family and my favorite person on earth. I’d do anything for her, no thanks needed. But it was cool of them to invite me out.

  I was not expecting Ada and Jack to be there, too.

  Ada smiled at me like nothing was different between us. Hell, maybe it wasn’t for her. For me, I got hard every time I licked my lips. And looking at her… I wasn’t going to survive dinner.

  “Thanks for meeting us out, Kapena,” Kiki said with a grin. “It’s been a while since we’ve all gotten together.”

  I nodded and focused on my menu instead of the sexy slice of leg showing on the woman next to me. I needed a cold shower. Now.

  “What are you hungry for, Kapena?” Ada asked, her eyes locking onto mine.

  Every hope for a normal breath fled with all the blood in my body. Jesus, just hearing my name, and thinking about eating her for dinner, had me throbbing.

  I coughed and dragged in a shaky breath. I broke eye contact with her and looked back down at the menu. I blurted out the first thing I saw, “Ahi tuna.”

  “Hmm,” Ada purred. “I was looking at that. I love a big, thick hunk of…fish. The pork dinner looks good, too. Maybe we can share?”

  She looked up at me and batted those endless damn eyelashes. She looked like a cartoon character, with eyelashes that were unnaturally long and massive eyes that I wanted to just fall into and never come up for air.

  Or maybe that was just Ada that I wanted to fall into.

  Every cell of my body said sharing food with her was a bad idea. Just the thought of putting my mouth where her mouth had just been had me thinking about all the places my mouth was on her body, and hers on mine. But I heard myself agreeing before my brain could process how disastrous it was going to be to share dinner with her.

  “Excellent. Then I get to have everything I want. This is a great day.”

  I sat there like an idiot while everyone else chatted around me. None of them realized I was hard enough under the table to blow if I caught a stiff breeze. Nor did they realize I was so fucking gone for Ada that I couldn’t sit next to her without kicking myself for ever touching her. If I’d never had her in my arms, it’d never know what I was missing.

  “I think my crew is finally back to normal this weekend,” Kiki said to me after we ordered our food. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciated your help over the last few weeks.”

  I shrugged. “No big deal.”

  “Kapena’s always there for all of us. No matter what we need. And he delivers,” Ada said. “Every single time.”

  I choked on my drink. Everyone else just looked at me. How did they not pick up on what she was implying? They couldn’t know what happened. Kiki would kill me. Sawyer and Jack would be obligated to try to kick my ass. I’d lose all of them.

  And don’t get me started on Alvin.

  “He does,” Kiki said like there was nothing wrong with Ada’s statement. “I never would have gotten through the last couple weeks with everyone out if it weren’t for you. And the storm. I’m glad that’s getting cleared up. We’re lucky to have you.”

  “We definitely are,” Ada said.

  I choked on my drink. “It’s what you do for family.”

  “Absolutely. You fill in when there’s an opening. Kapena can fill any hole.”

  And there went my drink.

  Chapter Ten

  Kiki and Sawyer sputtered as I spit my water across the table in their faces. It wasn’t on purpose, but damn.

  Ada smirked at me. She knew what she was doing.

  “Kapena, you’ve got a little water…all over. You should go clean that up,” she suggested.

  I took a breath and stood, keeping my tented shorts from view of the rest of them. I took the napkin with me to hide my cock from everyone else in the restaurant, but Ada saw it. Her eyes widened and she licked her lips, and I almost blew it right there.

  Fuck me.

  I hurried to the bathroom and threw the napkin on the counter before I stared myself down. Son of a bitch.

  She wasn’t the least bit bothered by sitting next to me. She always flirted, but this was bad even for Ada. She was testing every last shred of my sanity.

  I took a leak, a painful experience with a dick hard enough to pass for granite, then washed my hands. I had a little pep talk with myself, promising no more thoughts of Ada, and left the bathroom.

  And ran smack into Ada.

  “Hey, Kapena,” she said with a grin.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  She shrugged. “I needed to use the bathroom. I didn’t realize you’d have a problem with that. You do like to be in control.”

  She smirked again and my cock rose to the taunt.

  “What happened between us was a one time thing, Ada. It’s not going to happen again.”

  She nodded. “I know. That works well for me because I’m going to have some fun. No more relationships for me.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

  She shook her head, smiling. “Why would I joke about that? All the men I’ve dated have broken up with me for one reason or another. It all ends with them wanting someone other than me. So I’m going to take a break and enjoy sex and not worry about getting serious.”

  I saw red. Blinding, painful, angry red. I wanted to knock out the teeth of every guy who’d ever hurt her. The ones who said they wanted her, then ditched her for another woman who was never half the woman Ada was. She deserved better than that.

  And casual sex was not going to happen.

  “You can’t fuck random men.”

  She snorted. “Why not? Everyone else I know sleeps with whomever they want. Including you. Why do I need to behave differently than everyone around me? There’s nothing and no one stopping me. Is there?”

  It was a challenge. I knew it. She knew it.

  The heat between us should have set the hallway on fire. It sure as fuck set me on fire. I wanted to drag her back into the bathroom and show her exactly why she couldn’t screw someone else.

  But then I’d be the one walking around like she was weeks ago. Crushed and confused and ready to throw in the towel because none of it worked anyway.

  I took a painful step back and knew I should knock my own teeth in for the look that slid onto her beautiful face. She masked it quickly, but I knew how much it hurt her that I wasn’
t stepping up and trying to be the man she needed in her life.

  “You’re right,” I admitted. “You should be able to live your life the way you want. Just be careful.”

  I left her in the hallway knowing one more second and I’d cave. Just like I did when she said she wanted me, that I owed her.

  Every second with her was going to be that much harder. She’d have her fun, but Ada was the kind of woman made for loving. She’d find some worthless ass who realized exactly what he had and refused to let her go. She’d fall in love.

  And I’d be the lucky bastard with a front row seat as she tore my heart to fucking pieces.

  I avoided going to Opposites Attract, or pretty much anywhere that Ada might be, for a few days. I didn’t want to run in to her, or worse, run in to her and the guys she was sleeping with that day.

  I had no right to be jealous, but it didn’t stop the claws from slicing through my gut every time I thought about her and someone else. It was good that she was done with David, but how many men were there in Hawaii? Add in the ones who came for vacation, and Ada would have an endless supply of men who were ready for some fun.

  Sawyer invited me out for a drink Thursday night. They had a weekend full of weddings, and he said he missed me.

  I had money on Kiki sending him out for recon.

  We met at a local brewery, grabbing beers and heading to a table in the corner of the wood-paneled room.

  “How are you?”

  “Did my sister put you up to this?” I asked instead of answering his question.

  Sawyer sighed, giving me the answer. “She’s worried about you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because something happened between you and Ada but no one really knows what. She said something about you breaking Ada and David up. Did you do that?”

  “No! Shit. Is that really what you guys think of me?”

  Sawyer shook his head, his brown hair barely moving. He held my stare, making sure I saw the truth. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ada. To be honest, I kind of don’t care. But I do feel responsible.”

  “Why?” I blurted. Sawyer had nothing to do with Ada, did he? If he screwed Ada while he was with my sister I’d kill him.

  “I’m the one who told you to ask her out.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief and realized I was even more confused. “What does that have to do with anything? I didn’t ask her out.”

  He nodded. “I know, but I put it in your head that you should. I got you thinking about her in that way. I don’t think it’s fair to you. I feel like I forced you to do something and now everything is all fucked up.”

  “You didn’t force me, and I didn’t do anything. Ada threw herself at me, okay. Whenever she’s drunk, she wants me. After the wedding, the night everyone was at my place, she threw herself at me in the ocean. She told me she wanted me, that she wanted a real man to show her what her body could do. I wouldn’t touch her. She’d been drinking. She flung herself into my arms and kissed me, but I pushed her away.”

  Sawyer gaped at me, his eyes wide and unfocused. He blinked and shook his head, then focused on me again.

  “You pushed her away?”

  I groaned. “Is that really all you got from that? Yes, I pushed her away. She was drunk. She’s always drunk when she comes on to me.”

  “Always?” he asked with precision he shouldn’t have had.

  I sighed. “We slept together.”

  Sawyer’s eyebrows winged up as his lips curled into an approving grin. “Good for you. Was it awesome?”

  “Was it… Are you fucking kidding me?”

  He shrugged and sipped his beer.

  “Of course it was awesome, but that isn’t the point.”

  “How long ago was it?”

  “Last week,” I ground out.

  Sawyer choked on his beer. I slapped him hard on the back, enjoying the opportunity to hit him a little too much. When he sucked in a deep breath and didn’t immediately start to choke it out, I sat back.

  “Did you say last week? You’re the amazing night of sex she had after she broke up with David?”

  I couldn’t help the wolfish grin that turned my lips up. Yeah, I’d take that compliment all day and all night.

  “Wait, how did that happen?”

  “She brought me dinner, then demanded I make up for the night of sex she was supposed to have with David.”

  I growled at the end when I realized I was just a replacement. Yeah, I knew it, but saying it bugged me all over again. The only reason she was with me was because someone else wasn’t there.

  “You need to back up a second. Start over.”

  I told Sawyer the whole story, about Ada showing up with dinner. Eating together. Then her demand that I give her back what I stole by confronting David.

  When I was done, Sawyer stared at me.

  “She wasn’t drunk when she showed up.”

  The words that came so effortlessly hit me square in the chest. It was always easy to tell myself she didn’t want me unless she was drunk, but Sawyer was right. She was sober when she got to my house.

  I held on to that like it meant everything. But Sawyer was right.

  “Shit.”

  “Why is that a bad thing?”

  I shook my head. “She’s getting bolder. She doesn’t understand what she’s doing.”

  “I think she’s trying to get your attention.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not smart. I’m not the kind of guy she needs. Nothing good would come out of us being together.”

  “I think it might be too late for that,” Sawyer said with a chuckle.

  “No,” I argued. “We’re not together. We slept together once. It’s not going to happen again. I’m no good for her.”

  “Don’t you think you should give her the chance to decide that?”

  I shook my head. “No. She wants guys like David. She’s been saying that her whole life. Whatever misplaced fascination she has with me will fade. And then she can move on with her life.”

  And so can I.

  I started the next week with a surf lesson for another one of Kiana’s grooms. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Head over heels for his soon-to-be wife.

  “How did you two meet?” I asked him.

  I’d learned guys who were in Hawaii for their wedding liked to talk about the woman they were marrying. They were so stupid in love that the only thing that registered was the woman they were hitching their boat to forever.

  “She was my boss,” Braden said. “She was a real ballbuster. I never thought she’d give me the time of day.”

  We paddled out farther and ducked under a wave. He popped up next to me like he’d been surfing his whole life and shook the water from his hair.

  “What changed?” I asked.

  He grinned. I knew that look. One half of his mouth turned up, his eyes went a little glossy. He stared off at nothing, the memory playing in his mind as though he was living it all over again.

  “We had to go on a business trip together. South America. She got sick our third day of the trip. Ate something she couldn’t handle. She thinks something was washed with tap water even though the place assured us it wasn’t. I went to her room to get her for our meeting and she refused to let me in.”

  I snickered with him. Kiki never liked to have me around when she wasn’t feeling well, so I understood that feeling. Of course it also reminded me of the last time I was sick and asked for Ada.

  That was not a memory I needed to replay.

  “When I finally talked her into opening the door, she looked like death. I was sure she’d spent the whole night screwing some guy, but she was sick. Really sick. I called down to room service and handled the meeting on my own. When I got back to the hotel, I went straight to her room, armed with old classic movies someone had stashed behind the front desk, enough food to make us sick, and a healthy dose of chocolate to boost her blood sugar. We sat up all night talking and watching movies and by morning I kne
w I couldn’t live my life without her.”

  I smiled with him, but something inside stung like a bitch. He could have been talking about Ada and me. The night she stayed with me, that was how I felt. Something changed that first night. I told myself I didn’t want it to, that it couldn’t, but something changed. Something hooked deep into me and wouldn’t let her go.

  But I did. And every day since then I felt like I was missing a critical piece of me. She took something. She took a part of me that I didn’t think I’d ever get back from her. A part of me that belonged to her. No matter how many other men she slept with or how many women I thought I could be with. Everything would always come back to Ada.

  Just like it always had. But with teeth because now I knew what it was like to have her.

  “You got anyone in your world, Kapena?”

  “My world? Nah. I’m happily single. Not many women want to get involved with a guy like me.”

  “Why not?” Braden asked, tilting his head. His dark hair flopped from one side to the other then stuck up at an odd angle for a second. He had the look Ada liked. Strong jaw, fit, good looking, I guess. He definitely looked like the kind of guy she always went for.

  He’d never understand why a woman wouldn’t want someone like me.

  “I’m the guy they come to for fun, not the guy they want to introduce to their parents, if you catch my drift.”

  Braden laughed. “I got you. I used to be a lot like you. That was one of the reasons things with Lynn didn’t get off the ground for a long time. She saw me as the playboy who never took anything seriously. She never bothered to look at what was underneath.”

  I nodded. “I know what you mean.”

  “Women like to think they know everything about men, but usually they’re not paying close enough attention to see the truth. I had my sister stop by the office regularly so Lynn would think there was another woman interested in me.”

  “She didn’t know it was your sister?”

  Braden laughed and shook his head. “Nope. She also didn’t know it was just for show. She thought we were really serious and freaked out the first time we kissed. She was convinced she was ruining a longterm relationship.”