Paige hopped off the bench and walked to the swing. She clambered up in an ungraceful—and unsteady—move and began the difficult process of pumping her legs. Paige had told me she’d learned how to swing alone before the accident, and she was proud enough of the skill to not want any help. Evie stood and crossed her arms, watching Paige’s progress across the wood chips.
“Evie, I’d love nothing more than for you to take Paige home with you, but your apartment is a one-bedroom.” Sue shook her head. “And the issues we discussed before are still there.”
“You know I love that little girl,” Evie said. Her voice was hoarse and she wrapped her arms more tightly around her waist. “I’ll adjust my hours to ensure I’m around for Paige. Whatever I need to do.”
“Your background makes you less than ideal,” Sue said. She pressed two fingers to her temple. “I know you weren’t actually initiated into a gang, but your CPS record shows you spent time with known gang members. My boss doesn’t like that. At all.” Sue spread her hands, a helpless gesture.
“So it doesn’t matter that this next situation isn’t something Paige wants either?” Evie scoffed. Her hands bunched into fists. “I was sixteen when I was put into the system. I’m well aware of my mistakes, just as I’m aware of how people like you fail kids like Paige.”
I’d never seen Evie lose her temper, but Sue had ripped at an old wound, tearing the thin veneer of healing from it. As I watched, Evie seemed to bleed out in front of me. I hated this. All of this, for all of us.
“Can you guarantee the next couple, whoever they are, is going to be better?” Evie asked. “Because I remember what my social worker told me about the family I was going to live with. How great they were.” Evie’s voice moved past bitter to vicious. “And now, because of that experience with that great family, I’m now unable to help a child I love.”
“We do the best we can, Evie,” Sue said, her voice as tired as the droop of her shoulders.
“Bullshit. Those gang members you think were so bad?” Evie said, “They were the ones who fed me. Got me out of a situation where I would’ve been raped. I’m not saying they did it the right way. But they did what you and your department can’t—won’t—do. They protected me from the streets and from foster care. That’s why I want Paige. And you’re keeping her from me.”
We watched Paige swing higher and higher.
“I get that you’re angry—”
“No, you don’t get it. You’re asking me to trust in a system that put me in exactly this position today.” Evie walked over and sat on the swing next to Paige, pushing herself back and forth. Paige smiled, a full one, and my chest hurt like I was just kicked in the solar plexus.
I ran my hand across my jaw. “Where are you going to take Paige tonight?”
Sue chewed on her lower lip. “I’m going to let Evie take her home. Paige will like that.”
“And tomorrow?” Anger welled up. “Paige is resilient, sure, but she can’t take too much more of the constant shifting. You said it yourself: she needs a long-term family. A forever family.”
My eyes popped over to Evie, who was leaning back in the swing, wisps of her long hair dancing around her face.
Could I ask her again? Did I have a choice? Dane, Clay, and I had already set up our touring schedule to start in July, which would keep me moving around the country for nearly four months.
I looked over at Paige, who just a week ago was still in the hospital. Now, her cheeks were ruddy and she was leaning back in the swing, laughing. With Evie, Paige was happy. Free. Just another little girl.
“I talked to you about this before—you want a stable couple for Paige, right? So, if Evie and I are a couple—if we can find a way to meet all your criteria”—I flick my finger on the edge of the page she’s holding—“will you give us a chance with Paige. A real one?”
Sue studied my eyes, looked over at my two girls laughing as they swung higher. My chest tightened. Yeah. My girls.
“I want to give you that chance,” Sue said, her voice soft. “But make sure you know what you’re doing, Kai. Paige is four years old. She lost her parents, her home, her security. This isn’t going to be a cakewalk, and this is a long-term commitment. The rest of yours and Paige’s life.”
I kept my gaze locked on Evie and Paige. “Evie has years of study in psychological counseling. She’s more qualified to deal with whatever Paige’s issues are than you.” Sue shoved the back of her pen between her lips and nodded. “Look, I’m the reason Marcus went to rehab.” For the few months he was there. “I’m the reason my mom’s finally seeing the counselor you’ve badgered her about for years.”
Sue touched my cheek. “It’s not that I doubt your heart, Kai. Never think that. I’ve always seen how beautiful it is. I’m more worried about you spreading yourself too thin.”
I met her gaze, mine steady but weighted with the frustration of her words. “I’ve always known my mind.”
“Which is why your mother couldn’t control you like she did Marcus.” Sue smiled. “That’s not a bad thing. It’s just who you are.”
The conversation made the back of my neck itch. “So you’ll give us some time? Get approval from your boss so we can meet with the guardian ad litum?”
Sue turned to look at Evie and Paige, laughing together as they dipped back on the swings. Paige’s eyes brightened and sparkled, her cheeks a bright pink from both the exertion and the joy of the moment.
“I’d really like Paige to get her happy-ever-after. Evie, too. Those two girls deserve more than the world’s given them to this point.”
“Shake on it.” I held out my hand. “And when you do, I want you to know I’m going to do everything I can—everything—to make sure that I give them that happy ending.”
Sue clasped my finger, her hand gripping mine tight, her mouth pinched in a tight line even as her eyes held the same determined glint mine must’ve had. “I’d love for you to win this fight, Kai. You have no idea how much I’d love that.”
13
Evie
When Paige asked for Kai to come back to my place with us, I didn’t have the heart to tell her no—not after the last week she’d spent with Lydia and George. Now, she was finally asleep, cuddled into the blanket-covered couch cushions, clutching the tattered ear of the stuffed bunny I’d given her.
Kai placed his finger to those oh-so-kissable lips and nodded toward my bedroom. The look I gave him must have shown my confusion because Kai grabbed my hand. Once inside the room, he closed the door behind him, leaning against it. I opened my mouth, trying to think of something to say, something to calm my frantically beating heart.
“I know you’re pissed at me for how I handled everything before, and you’re right to be.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and waited. This week had been a nightmare. While I’d managed to secure the thirty-seven subjects for my research, I hadn’t had time to contact my committee member here at Northern to pull together another group of potential subjects. I was running out of time to complete the experiment, let alone compile the data.
“Sue said she’d give us the opportunity to adopt Paige if we get married.”
I turned away, unable to look into those pleading blue-brown eyes. “I can’t deal with this, Kai.”
“By Monday afternoon, we need a house and a marriage license.”
There was no way he’d just said that to me. Sure, I’d daydreamed about Kai wanting me enough to propose a real marriage in a grape arbor or by the sound. When I really let my imagination go, I considered what our babies would look like.
“I’m serious. I don’t have time for your spontaneity.”
Because his words . . . no, this moment wasn’t any of that. This was surreal. The hurt would come. But, like a fresh, deep cut, my body hadn’t yet accustomed itself to the pain slithering from my heart up to my mind.
He waited for me to speak. What could I possibly say to his delusions?
“Why bring this up again? Sue
shut us down and you dropped me faster than a hot potato.”
“Because us married is the only way we can keep Paige away from another Lydia and George. I can’t believe the bruises on her,” he said.
Neither could I. “But why?” The frustration of the last two weeks bubbled up into that word so it came out as more of a growl.
“To prove we’re stable enough to adopt her.”
“Stable?” I laughed. “We’re not stable. You don’t even like me.”
“We can adopt Paige, both of us, and make sure she’s cared for. I have the money but not the time. At least not for the next six or more months. You’re still looking for a job and its summer, which makes the timing perfect. I’ll buy us a house. You and Paige can live there, you can hang out this summer, take her to her counseling appointments between interviews. Then, when Paige starts kindergarten, you can start your new job. I’ll be back in early December, so it’s not even that long, really.”
“Stop, please,” I whispered. He couldn’t even say that he wanted to be with me. Faking an engagement was one thing. But marriage? White dresses and flowers and cheering for our kids on the soccer pitch, sitting through a ballet recital together? Watching her get her diploma while we held hands? I couldn’t see it. “What’s in this for you?”
“Besides making sure Paige is safe and healthy? With people who love her?”
I tucked my hands together, my fingers twisting and knotting with nervousness. “Yes. Besides that.”
Kai was quiet for a long time. “You. I get you.”
His eyes burned with the same bone-melting passion I’d been struggling to suppress. I gasped as Kai leaned in, his body aligning to mine. Breath trickled out of my lungs.
“We have to make it a real marriage, too, because we’ll be together for a long time. At least until Paige is in college. Don’t worry, I won’t screw around while I’m on the road.”
He nuzzled into my neck and my thighs clenched, but at least I could finally draw a full breath.
“I hadn’t thought about your, er, proclivities.” The blush was intense. The voice in my head screaming liar was even more so.
“It’s called sex, Evie.”
“I know what it’s called. Just like I know what it is.”
“Good. ’Cause we’re going to have it. And soon. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss, your luscious ti—er, breasts since you flashed me.”
Oh my freaking goodness. My cheeks were even hotter. “I didn’t flash you.”
“Semantics. You have an amazing body, and I can’t wait to learn every inch of it.”
I couldn’t meet his gaze. Not now that he’d said that to me. But this was Kai, and he wouldn’t let me hide.
“What’s the problem?”
“You walked away from me right after you kissed me. So I had to have done something wrong.”
He sighed, letting his head fall onto the painted wood of the door. “I’ve always wanted you—that wasn’t the problem. I didn’t think you wanted me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you, naked, wrapped around me. The image drove me crazy. I handled my lust poorly.”
I waved a hand in front of my face. The heat didn’t diminish. “I didn’t know that. You stopped coming by, said you were too busy to hang out.”
He shrugged, but his smile grew broader. “I lied.”
“What else have you lied to me about? And why this change of heart?” Suspicion and irritation mixed together, making my head pound in sequence with my girlie parts.
“Nothing important. And I didn’t change my mind, not really. I’ve missed you. I hated the way we ended things at the hospital, and I stopped by the coffee shop to talk to you, but Henry said you’ve taken time off to work on your dissertation.”
“I have to run fifteen more experiments on new subjects and analyze the data in the next five weeks. Otherwise, I don’t graduate.”
“That really sucks. Can you postpone until the fall?”
I rolled my eyes. No one understood the difficulties of completing a PhD. except other students in the program. The stress of not graduating meant I had to stop my job search—and pay for another semester of coursework thanks to my inability to complete one measly graph. One graph in a three-hundred-fifty-page document.
Kai pressed forward, catching me off guard. I scurried away, my legs hitting the back of the bed. I sat down before I popped back up, my cheeks flaming and my eyes darting to his.
“You’re nervous,” he said.
Much as I wanted to tell him hell yes, I was nervous, my mouth wasn’t working right. Not now that I’d caught the sultry light in his eyes. He did that sexy squint with his eyes that made me swallow hard. Another step forward for him, another back for me. With the next set of steps, my back was to the wall by my bathroom. He leaned over me, his arm going to the wall by my head, and I was caged as much by Kai’s scent as his hard body. Shit on sugar toast. I was in trouble.
“Why do I make you nervous, Evangeline?”
My knee dipped at the sound of my name slipping past those lips. Kai grasped my elbow and brought me forward until I was plastered to his chest. Inching his feet forward, he used the wall to hold me up as he lowered his head toward mine.
Holy. He was going to kiss me again. I waited, holding my breath as his lips inched closer to mine. Finally, finally, those perfect lips pressed against mine. I made some weird noise—not a moan, not a gasp—as I clutched his shoulders. The moment I touched him, Kai’s arm slid down my arm and cinched around my waist, bringing my body flush to his.
I’d never liked being tall. Five-ten seemed an indecent height for a woman. But with Kai, who stood a few inches over six feet, I felt feminine. Sexy. Especially when his lips were doing that to mine.
I touched my tongue to his bottom lip, just as I’d fantasized about doing so many times before. He pulled me closer as he slanted his head, and his tongue swept into my mouth, licking my cheek before coming back to swirl over mine. Kai could kiss and I was lost, a tiny buoy bobbing in the sea of emotion he’d flooded through my system.
He lifted my leg just behind my knee and wrapped it over his hip, holding me in place, as he pressed forward. For the love of kisses, this man was going to kill me. He rocked his hips forward and my head fell back, thudding against the wall. Without missing a beat, he rained tiny kisses along my jaw, down my neck, over the swell of my breasts peeking out the top of my blouse.
“Kai,” I said. My voice dripped with need, just like my panties.
“Say yes, Evie. This solution is perfect. We should have gone with it before. We all get something out of it.”
This wasn’t logical. It definitely wasn’t smart. I couldn’t let my heart get trampled by this man again. The last time hurt. But this time . . . this time Kai wanted to tie our lives together. I was already dangerously close to falling for him. “Wait. Wait!” I urged.
He dropped my leg as he inhaled, hard. His forehead hit the wall next to my cheek. Without thought, my fingers slid through his dark waves, the soft strands curling around my fingers just as his arm was wrapped around my waist. I made that same inarticulate noise, which had Kai groaning. He pressed one more kiss to my neck and everything in my body tightened even further.
“Is it because Paige is in the next room? She’s going to be sleeping down the hall once we’re married.”
“What? No. Maybe. I don’t know.” I turned my head and met his gaze. “Look, I want you, but I don’ t think this is a good idea.” Could my skin burn off from a blush?
The look on his face would’ve made me laugh if it hadn’t also offended me so very much. “Why’s that?” He pushed back a little. “Wait. When was the last time you had sex?”
My chest tightened. I didn’t want to talk about this. I really didn’t.
“When, Evie?”
I squeezed me eyes shut. “N-never.”
Kai’s breath released in a thick rush across my burning cheeks. “Never. As in . . . wait, the whole time you wer
e in college?”
I nodded.
“How did you make it through without fucking at least some fraternity guy at a party?”
“Because I didn’t like any of them enough?”
“Evie!” Kai groaned. “I’m trying to understand.”
I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. The dull thunder of my heart escalated with my breathing. A stress reaction. I should take some deep breaths to calm down. Instead, I blurted, “I’ve never been to a fraternity party. Never been my scene.”
After living on the streets for weeks, the idea of “partying” lost any appeal. Drugs, sex, and alcohol were readily available, but more, they were part of the lifestyle. One that helped to eliminate the pain and fear of the uncertainty of where the next meal or a warm, safe place to sleep would appear. One I barely managed to avoid, and then only because some of the girls took pity on me, assuming I had already been raped when they saw my bruised and cut face and my pronounced limp.
“So then . . . what did you mean?”
I swallowed but my mouth was dry. He waited, and when I peeked out from under my lashes, his gaze was intent. This was so hard. “It was the first round of my initiation into the gang. You know what they do? You can get your ass beat or you can have sex with multiple guys . . .” My cheeks flamed again.
“And you chose?” Kai’s voice was careful.
Too careful. There was censure behind those words, and my stomach roiled when I recognized it.
“My mom had sex with any man who would give her a hit of heroine, Kai. While I-I thought the sex would hurt less than getting beat up, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want that to be my first experience.”
My voice was small. He wouldn’t understand my reasoning, not when I could barely explain it to myself. But, this was Kai, and I didn’t want him to think whatever he was thinking. I cleared my clogged throat, trying to ease the burden of emotion even as I sought to explain the inexplicable.
Seattle Sound Series, The Collection: Books One to Five Page 110