Barely Breathing (Just Breathe)

by Heather Allen

  I lower the bow and tell him uneasily, "Maybe this isn't for me."

  He shakes his head, "Ever, you can't just expect to pick up a bow and arrow and hit your target right off. That's why we practice. Try again."

  I glance at the target and back at him stalling, "Why don't you go?"

  He moves his bow up into position, pulls the bowstring back and releases. The arrow hits the target dead center in the head. He looks over smiling, "Your turn." My eyes linger on his muscular arms as they lower, a moment too long. I look up when I feel his eyes on mine. A slow smile spreads across his lips. I look away quickly.

  My stomach turns, realizing that it's my turn. I slowly raise my bow, place an arrow in the notch and pull back. I release and close my eyes afraid to look. Suddenly I hear an intake of breath and open one eye to see how bad it was. I hit the chest just to the left of the center. I look up at Alex. He has a sloppy grin staring at me in awe and I notice a tiny dimple in his right cheek, my heart skips a beat. My own cheeks start to burn so I look away and do the only logical thing, I take out another arrow and aim. This time my arrow sails to the center of the chest. Maybe bows and arrows aren't so bad after all.

  Chapter 7

  James

  The next day drones on until my third class of the day. I know it's a bad idea to even look forward to that class because of Sara. In fact, everything in me says don't even think about it. But I'm a guy and I guess I just can't help it.

  My social life hasn't been lacking in any way this year. In fact joining the band was probably the best boost I could get. The girls, they came from everywhere once they knew I was in a band. I didn't really get serious with any though. That's really not what I wanted or what they wanted. I was just the flavor of the month because of my newly acquired status. It was mutual with whoever I happened to hook up with. Well, I guess that will change again now that my parents have stepped in. No more band so no more girls. Suddenly I don't really care though. Maybe this whole sea thing has put things into perspective.

  She takes the seat next to me just as she did yesterday and glances over with that beautiful smile. She's dressed in a short blue dress, a little too summery for this fifty degree winter day. She shrugs out of her white jacket, staring at me. My heart just stopped at the sight of her, I'm sure of it.

  She reaches out and waves her hand in front of my face, "Hey James, are we still on for today after school?" I break my trance and nod slow then faster. God, what is this girl doing to me? I look forward and pull my hoodie up, hoping to block her out. Yeah, like that's gonna happen, the girl is coming to my house after school.

  ***

  When my last class is over I head to the lot to meet Garrett and catch a ride home. As I walk out the door I notice he has beat me to the car. I chuckle at his luck. He inherited his mom's old station wagon. It's definitely a beater in the true sense of the word. But I'm really one to talk, I don't even have a car to my name. I turn the volume up on my IPOD and look down as I head toward him. I haven't made it three feet before I see golden sandles, attached to legs that go on forever, standing right in front of me. I look up and meet Sara's eyes. She is talking to me but I can't hear her. I fumble with the ear buds in my ears, pushing my hood back.

  "I was just asking if you need a ride home," She says with impatience.

  I glance over at Garrett who has a questioning look on his face. I'm guessing because of my current company. I look back at her smiling, "Um yeah, let me just go tell my friend I don't need a ride."

  She turns away, glancing back over her shoulder, pointing, "I'm the white car over there."

  I look over spotting a white Cabriolet the next row over, "See you in a minute."

  As I approach Garrett he punches me in the arm, "Dude, who is that? You have to introduce me."

  Humph, like that's gonna happen.

  We both glance back over as she climbs into the driver's seat of her car. I avert my eyes to tell Garrett about the ride and his mouth is hanging open, "Come on man, you're drooling."

  He looks back at me, "Well, are you going to introduce me or should I go and turn on my natural charm?"

  This time I punch him, "I just came over here to tell you I've already got a ride home."

  His mouth hangs open again as he looks toward Sara, "You mean SHE is giving you a ride home?"

  I answer shortly, "Yeah, so stop staring."

  He looks at me and his eyebrows go up, "Well, maybe I need to take pointers from you, how'd you land that?" My blood starts to boil a little at hearing him talk about her like she's an object. What the hell, I just met this girl.

  I don't even reply to Garrett's stupidity, afraid I might punch him to actually hurt him. I start toward Sara's car and hear Garrett call after me, "Fill me in later dude." I just keep walking as my heart starts beating faster, the closer to the car I get.

  The ride to my house is pretty awkward. She tries to start up a conversation about my classes but I answer with one word answers. She gets the hint that I don't want to talk about school. Who am I kidding, this girl and I have very little in common. She is from the sea and she's probably pissed she has to be here with the whole high school thing anyway. I glance over at her as she rounds the corner onto my street. She looks over and smiles. My heart just flipped. As soon as the car stops, I push the door open needing to get some air. The day is overcast today and chilly. I glance across the street at the row of houses that look almost the same as mine. Our neighborhood is one of those cookie cutter types that space the houses twenty feet from each other and the only difference between them is the paint color and the porch.

  I hear Sara say, "So this is where you live."

  I answer as I turn around toward her voice, "Yeah, this is it." She has come around the car and is standing right next to me. I turn to walk up the steps to the porch. She follows and sits on the bench swing to the left of the door.

  "This is cute, I like your house already." I nod, not knowing how to respond to her comment. My house is my house, I never really had an opinion. I unlock the door and hold my hand out offering for her to enter first. She stands up passing by me, "Well, what a gentleman." I can feel a blush in my cheeks. What the hell.

  I follow her in and take her through the house room by room. In each room she has something nice to say. I never had an opinion but I guess seeing everything through the eyes of someone else puts things differently. My parents really have done a good job with the house for as long as we've lived here. I was seven when we moved from Chicago so we've been here a while. They've remodeled pretty much every room through the years.

  When we reach the top of the stairs I steer us to the room just right of the landing, pushing the door open.

  As I enter, I turn and tell her, "Um, this is my room."

  My heart is skipping, why should I feel uneasy having her in here. What is she doing to me? She turns around the room walking to the walls and shelves, examining all of my things. She turns to me smiling, looking at my posters on the wall, "I like Radiohead too."

  I look at her curiously, "Really, but you live in the sea, how do you know any of the music here?"

  She looks surprised and pushes my arm, "I don't live under a rock silly. I get to come to the land a lot anyway."

  This time I look surprised, "Really, why would you be on land a lot? I thought you weren't allowed to come here."

  She looks uneasy all of the sudden but says simply, "I was a guardian."

  I frown, "What in the world is a guardian?"

  She moves toward the bed and looks at me questioningly. I nod my head, "Go ahead."

  She sits with her legs folded under her and maneuvers her dress so she's comfortable. I sit in my desk chair and turn it to face the bed.

  She takes a deep breath, "A guardian is a mer-person assigned to people on land that have ties to the sea like you and Ever."

  I nod, thinking about my sister. We were never close, different circles of friends, and different interests. But I have missed her so
much through all that has happened this year. I wish she was here right now so she could help with all this stuff.

  She continues, "Well, we are supposed to help these people when they turn eighteen, to make the decision to stay on land." She raises a finger, "First without having to interact with them too much." She raises another finger, "And second giving them very little information about the sea, just on a need to know basis."

  I'm surprised, "You don't want them to choose the sea?"

  She looks at me confused a little, "I know you didn't really get a choice but didn't your sister just go through the whole choice thing?" she smirks, "And... she pretty much chose wrong."

  I nod then shake my head, confused myself, "Yes and no, I wasn't really around to hear what was going on with her. I know she had this new boyfriend and all of the sudden she was gone for three days. The next thing I knew she was explaining to me how I was changing into a mer-man, not being eighteen yet and not making the choice myself. It was pretty confusing and sudden."

  I add, "And that pretty much brings us to where we are now with the exception of my one week in the Erebus caves." I choose not to elaborate on that, it was by far, not the most exciting time for me.

  She nods but doesn't say anything.

  I ask because this is the only experience I have with what she's talking about, "Was Jack a guardian? Was he supposed to get Ever to stay on land?"

  She nods her head sadly looking down, "He was..." She trails off.

  I start to get out of my chair but she raises her head with a sparkle in her eye, "Hey, we are going to start training today, right?" I'm a little startled at her sudden mood change.

  She climbs off the bed and grabs my hand pulling me toward the door.

  That was the biggest change of subject I've ever experienced. I let it go because I know she's a girl and she'll probably explain more to me later. She said she used to be a guardian, there's obviously a story there.

  Her hand is so soft and warm in mine, I'm definitely enjoying her touch, probably a little too much. She pulls me out the door onto the back porch. I turn toward her. She takes her hand out of mine and moves them around while she talks, "Okay stay put while I go and get the bows out of the car."

  I am taken aback, "What... bows...?"

  She giggles, "Yes, training means fighting James." She turns to go and calls back as she walks into the house, "And from what I understand, we have a lot of work to do." she winks and turns skipping through the house. First spears and now bows, Ugh.

  Chapter 8

  Ever

  Okay so I'm wishy- washy, what can I say, I'm a girl. Maybe I'm just typical, maybe not. I absolutely loved shooting the bow and arrows once I got the hang of it. Alex just swam with me back to Amber's dwelling and I can't seem to contain my excitement. We approach the door and if I were walking I'd be jumping up and down, the water doesn't seem to help, I keep swimming back and forth remembering how each time I shot that bow, my arrows hit the target. It was truly exhilarating.

  "Alright Ever, this is Amber's dwelling, I'm really glad you enjoyed yourself today."

  "I really did, thanks Alex. Are you absolutely positive I actually hit the target myself, without any 'wills'?"

  He chuckles, "For the hundredth time, Ever, I am sure." And I'm "jumping" up and down again.

  He hesitates staring at me and then starts swimming in the opposite direction, "I'll see you tomorrow."

  I glance over and nod as I knock on the door.

  Amber answers the door, "Well hello there." She looks behind me, "Where's Alex?"

  I shrug and swim past her, "He just left. Is there anything to eat, I'm famished."

  She smiles and closes the door as I turn back to her, waiting for an answer, "I guess you had a pretty good day then?"

  I brush her off, "It was fine." I swim in the direction of the kitchen.

  She calls out behind me, "Umm, Ever, we're out of fruit."

  I stop mid swim and turn around, "What? no!"

  That is all I've been surviving on for the last week. I just can't do the fish thing.

  She changes the subject, "So tell me what happened with Seamus? Did you train today?"

  I swim back suddenly not so hungry anymore, "Seamus was fine, kind of short, he didn't say much and dismissed us right away." I remember the look I got from Metea as we were leaving, but decide it isn't important.

  "What about training, you were gone all day. What did you do?"

  A huge smile spreads across my lips, "You are officially looking at an archery expert." And I'm "jumping" up and down again.

  "Ahhh, so you already found something you like?"

  My heart speeds up thinking about shooting the bow again tomorrow, "Yep, Alex is coming to get me tomorrow to practice again. Amber, I absolutely loved it. He said I'm a natural. We had a contest between us and I beat him almost every time. Today was my first day shooting and I actually beat him. Can you believe it?" I have to catch my breath.

  She smiles and laughs, "Sorry to bring it up but if that's the case, you are going to have to eat at some point. You can't train without nourishment."

  My smile fades, ugh, fish. Guess I'm going to have to stomach it. Yuck!

  ***

  "Swim, Ever, Swim! " That voice, I would know it anywhere. My heart aches for that voice. It feels like I haven't heard it in years. Jack. I turn in the direction of his voice but I can't find him. I swim around in circles looking for him. Then I spot him at the ocean bottom far below. He is lying on the sand holding his chest. My breath hitches. Someone moves into my line of sight, my eyes meet his, green. Suddenly I'm falling through the water towards Jack. The light is slowly disappearing. I try to grasp for the sky but I fall deeper. I try to swim back up but my fin won't work. Darkness consumes me. Everything is almost black, I feel suddenly as if someone or something has caught me. I turn my head and glance over and see beautiful, green eyes. I realize, they aren't Jack's, they are Alex's.

  I wake up gasping. The dreams are back, oh great. My heart hangs once again. I went almost an entire day yesterday without the sadness that thinking about Jack brings. My blood boils, how could he do this? I'm just so angry at him right now. I gave him my heart and he twisted it so it will never be the same again.

  I take a deep breath and push up from my bed heading to the kitchen. As I enter, I remember, no fruit. Crap, don't think I can do two meals in a row of fish, last night was bad enough. I swim back out and check on Amber, still sleeping. A soft knock lures me to the front room. I hear it again and realize someone is knocking on the door. I open the door gently and Alex is there holding a container full of fruit. My mouth gapes open, my hero. A smile spreads across my lips and I can see he is waiting for my reaction. I grab the container and swim back into Amber's dwelling.

  He follows me in, "What, I don't get a thank you or anything?"

  I turn toward him taking a bite of an apple smirking, "fank wou."

  He chuckles and I scarf down my apple, reaching for another.

  He asks while I eat, "Do you feel like training today?" I look at him wide-eyed. Does he really think he needs to ask if there's a bow and arrow involved. I vigorously nod my head chewing.

  Amber swims into the room as I am reaching for my third apple. She meets my eyes, smiles and looks toward Alex surprised. He nods to her and she looks thoughtful like they just had a silent understanding. Whatever, I am committed to this. I have to keep telling myself, commit and deal, commit and deal. Ignore cryptic looks, because no one is going to explain anything anyway.

  Turning toward the door I call over my shoulder, "Coming Alex?" I don't wait for him, I swim out and head toward the castle or at least the direction I think the castle is in.

  After a while I glance back to see if he is actually following me. He is and a wide grin spreads across his face, Oh that dimple...I quickly turn back around. Calm it, Ever.

  A few minutes later Alex swims up beside me and asks nonchalantly, "So, where are we going?"

&nbs
p; I stop suddenly confused, "Isn't this the right way to the castle?"

  He slowly shakes his head with that stupid, adorable grin, "Nope."

  I avert my eyes to the sand, cross my arms and wait.

  He turns and swims the opposite way from where I was taking us. How in the world can I get so lost, it should be so easy.

  I found the castle by an accident when I first came to the sea with Amber. Oh, thinking about that whole experience, makes me uneasy. I could have gotten her into a lot of trouble because I "attacked" some of the castle guards coming after us. Luckily Seamus didn't hold it against either of us once he discovered I was willing to take the Lior's side.

  Alex glances back, I hold a thumb up to let him know I'm good.

  What is it about this guy? I know nearly nothing about him but he makes the butterflies flutter around. Definitely not a swarm like Jack but a few are floating around. I shouldn't even be thinking about this. My heart is forever twisted out of shape, ruined forever because of Jack's choices.

  Jack, sigh, his anguished face from my dream floats to my mind. I know from past experience these dreams are not always a good thing. Actually every one that I've had since this mermaid thing came about, has come true. Call it a tell-tale future prediction, who knows. The latest is not one I want coming true anytime in the near future. I am really angry with him but I don't wish any harm to come to him. That would just take my twisted heart and break it in half.

  Alex rounds a corner and he's out of my sight. As I round the corner the immense castle sits in front of me. I swim down the path and approach a couple swimming the other way. They stare me down the whole time until I pass them. What is it with the people here? They always make me feel so uncomfortable.

  The look on my face must speak a thousand words because Alex swims up beside me and whispers beside my ear, "Don't let it bother you."

  I shrug it away not responding to him focusing only on the beautiful glittering structure in front of me. When I approach the gate, two guards swim forth and ask, "What is your business here?"