“It’s late Jimmy, I don’t want to fight, but you need to tell whoever it was that you were talking to that you’re taken.”
I move away from her touch. “I’m not yours to have, Chelsea.”
“We’re having a baby. I think that entitles me to some respect.”
I throw my hands into my hair and pull at it. I scream loudly. Why the fucking hell is this happening to me? I did the right fucking thing when I found out about Jenna, so why the hell am I being punished?
“How’d you get into my flat?”
She turns away from me and looks out over the city. “Do you want a boy or girl?”
“Hi, mum.” I’m excited to call my mum and tell her all about Jenna. I know she probably won’t understand given what she thinks about marriage, but I’m hoping that she’ll support my decision.
“Jimmy, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing my only son’s voice?”
“Ah, easy on the dramatics. I call you all the time.”
“I know I just miss you. How are you?”
“Perfect,” I say.
“Perfect? How come?”
“I got married.”
The long pause at the other end of the line is more than I bargained for.
“Jimmy, please tell me you didn’t go to some Vegas drive-thru?”
“No, mum, we got married on the beach in Bora Bora, but that’s not all.”
The line goes quiet again, so I continue, “We’re going to have a baby.”
“Oh, Jimmy,” she says, her voice breaking.
“Mum, don’t worry, it’s a good thing.”
“Listen, you don’t need to marry her because of the baby, you can work something out, maybe even live together and raise the baby.”
“Mum, Jenna is the one woman that I can see myself falling in love with. I didn’t marry her because she’s having my bub, I married her because she makes me feel whole.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’ve never been surer about anything. I can’t wait for you to meet my wife.”
“Me neither, Jimmy. Be a good husband and father. That’s all I ask.”
“I don’t want anything with you. Why can’t you get that through your head?” I want to add that I’m married and having a baby with a woman who has more class in her little finger than Chelsea has, but I can’t. I wouldn’t put it past Chelsea to go to Beaumont and find Jenna and Jenna definitely doesn’t need the likes of Chelsea hanging around.
She turns, her eyes sharp and deadly. “Just weeks ago we were back together.”
“We shagged, there’s a difference, love. No different from me shagging the bird down the street. I was stupid but I wore a johnny so maybe you should consider the fact that it’s not mine.”
“You don’t believe that,” she says, reaching for my hand. I recoil and move further away from her.
“How’d you get in here?” I repeat
She shrugs. “My uncle.”
“Fucking marvellous, breaking in when I’m not around. I’m outta here,” I say, walking back into my now despised home. It pisses me off because I wanted to bring Jenna here and fuck her on every single surface. She’d be the first and last, but that can’t happen now. Jenna can never come to Los Angeles.
“Where are you going?” I know she’s standing there with her hands on her hips. I know her that well.
“Again, it’s none of your business.” I say, slamming the door behind me. I head towards the stairs, not wanting to wait for the lift and give her a chance to follow me. I’m so fucked. That’s going to be my new mantra. Maybe if I keep saying it I’ll wake up from this bloody nightmare and be in Jenna’s arms. That’s what I should do; get the next flight back to Beaumont. Say fuck it and leave it to my dad sort out this mess. God only knows I’ve cleaned up enough of his fuckery, it’s about time he’s cleaned up mine.
As soon as I’m in the garage, I’m sprinting to my Wrangler. I’ve only driven it a few times since I bought it and I’ve missed it. Jenna needs a new car. The banged up motor she drives now won’t suffice, especially when the baby comes along. I don’t know how she’ll feel about me buying her a car; she’ll probably freak out. Just like she’ll do tomorrow when I call and tell her that I’ve added her to my bank account. I was serious when I told her father that I’m not going anywhere, even if Chelsea is now being a thorn in my side and standing in my way.
I don’t know where I’m going when I drive out of the garage. I shouldn’t have to run away from my home, but it’s easier than having to deal with her. When we were together nothing was easy. We fought constantly about her parents and how they felt about me and it annoyed the crap out of me that she never took my side. I don’t even want to imagine what’s going to come out of her dad’s mouth when she tells him that she’s pregnant and that I’m the father.
Am I?
I pull over and bang my head against the steering wheel. Am I even the dad? With Jenna there’s no doubt in my mind. She was trying to keep the identity a secret, but I knew instantly. I could feel it in my bones that she was carrying my baby, so why don’t I feel like that with Chelsea? Nothing makes sense. We slept together once, weeks ago and to be honest I don’t remember coming because I was thinking about Jenna the entire time and how I wanted to get back to Beaumont to see her. I have to tell Chelsea that I’m married, that I’m taken and happily so, but I’m scared shitless about what she’ll do now. If she really is pregnant and I’m the father, her claws will come out and that’s not something I really want to subject Jenna to.
I’m so fucked even the sound of Chelsea’s annoying laugh is constantly invading my thoughts. I look up to see who the fuck else laughs like that only to find it is her… and my dad.
My dad?
Chelsea and my father stand on the pavement embracing like lovers. His hand cups her arse as he pulls her closer to him. Her arms cling tightly around his neck. When he pulls away, he puts his hand on her stomach before grabbing her hand and walking into the coffee shop.
I think I just vomited in my mouth.
I’m not the father of her fucking child, my dad is. I don’t know what’s worse right now.
I press down on the accelerator and maneuver back into the traffic. I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get my arse back to Beaumont where my wife is waiting for me.
Before I know it I’m in front of Harrison’s complex. I drove for over an hour and I don’t even remember how I got here. I get out, hoping that at least Yvie’s at home and I can use the toilet and raid her fridge. I knock tentatively and wait. It’ll be just my luck that no one’s here and I’m going to have to take a leak in the bushes.
The door swings open and I’m face-to-face with one of the best women I know – Mrs James, as in Harrison’s mum. I look at her and shrug pitifully and she knows instantly that something’s wrong. She puts her arms around me and she pulls me inside. She rubs my back and whispers that everything will be fine. I want to laugh and tell her there’s isn’t a hope in hell that anything is going to be fine, but instead I keep my mouth shut and let myself be comforted by the woman who has been there for me since I joined the band.
“Where’s your wife? Harrison told me you got married.”
“She’s in Beaumont. I came back to take care of some stuff before I head back to her.”
“And I hear she’s having a baby.”
“Yes, she is, and she’s so amazingly beautiful.”
Mrs James kisses me on cheek and holds my face in her hands as her eyes roam, studying me. “In time you’ll tell me what’s bothering you. Until then, Harrison, Katelyn and all my grandbabies are out back.”
“He’s here?”
“Yes, Spring break or something for the kids. Go on, they’re about to eat.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I kiss her on the cheek and give her a tight hug. I know that I can tell her about Chelsea and she won’t judge me, but there’s no way I can say those words aloud without wanting to choke mys
elf. I still don’t know what the fuck to believe. I can’t, for the life of me, imagine my dad betraying me like that. Chelsea, yes, but not my dad.
As I look around Harrison’s, I wonder if Jenna would like to live in a place like this; being able to walk out to the beach whenever you want. It’d be just like our honeymoon, only permanent and we’d be here, away from the cold weather.
I walk out onto the decking and what I see sends a dagger right through my cold heart. Harrison is so in love with Katelyn it makes me wonder if I can have that. I was in love with Chelsea at one time in my life, but she ruined that and continues to do so. I sought solace in women and lots of them, until now. I have to change, stop being a womaniser, and as much as I want to drink away my sorrows and bed the first bit of totty I see, I can’t. I won’t.
Watching Harrison and Katelyn gives me some kind of hope. He’s holding her, his arms are wrapped loosely around her shoulders. She leans against him, her hands hanging on to his arms. Her smile is so huge and her focus split between him and the kids playing in the surf. He kisses her repeatedly, and it shows me a side of Harrison I’ve never seen before.
“Ahem,” I clear my throat to get their attention. Harrison turns, inadvertently turning Katelyn with him. “Fancy seeing you here,” I say, waving.
“Hey man, grab a beer and join us. Quinn is teaching the twins to body surf.”
I open the fridge in Harrison’s state-of-the-art kitchen and grab a beer. I really don’t want to intrude on their family time and should probably leave after this.
“How’s Jenna?” Katelyn asks.
“She’s good, although I’m thinking I probably should’ve brought her with me.” It’s a lie though. I’m glad I didn’t bring her because I know for a fact that her reaction to Chelsea would be to file for a divorce.
Katelyn kisses Harrison and starts to walk away. He holds on to her until they can’t reach each other anymore. His eyes never leave her as he watches her walk over to the kids. When she’s out of earshot, I blurt out. “I’m in a shitload of fucking trouble. Or at least I think I am.”
He shakes his head and goes over to grab a beer. He sits next to me and takes a long swig. His eyes are still trained on his family.
“Why’d you get married, JD?”
“The baby’s mine.”
“No reason to get married. Are you regretting it?”
“No, I like Jenna and want the baby to have a family.”
Harrison finishes his beer and gets to get another. He brings one back for me and this time sits opposite me. “What’s going on?”
I shrug. “Like I said, I’m fucked.”
“How so?”
I lean back and rub my hands over my face. “Chelsea’s pregnant and she’s going to pin it on me. Everyone’s going to believe her because we have a history.”
Harrison looks back at his family. He waves and smiles. He has what I’m trying to give Jenna but I’m already failing miserably.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
I take off my shoes and socks and follow Harrison out onto the sand. It only takes a few moments for the kids to come running up to me. They’re wet and sandy, but I don’t care. The short time I spent with the twins was enough to earn me the title of uncle even if I was using them to pick up the birds by the pool. After saying hello, they run back to Katelyn, their laughter echoing along the beach. Anyone who walks past will know that this is a happy house, a house full of love. That’s what I want to give Jenna, I know I’m not going to even get close to what Harrison has because he and I aren’t cut from anywhere near the same cloth.
Harrison and I walk down the beach. The last time I was here we went surfing, but that’s the last thing I want to do today. Today I’m hoping he actually takes me out into the waves and drowns my pathetic self for fucking up the lives of everyone around me.
“So you’re married to a woman you hardly know who is pregnant, and your ex-fiancé is also pregnant.”
“I know Jenna very well,” I rebut.
“Oh yeah, what’s her favorite song?”
I roll my eyes and kick the sand in front of me.
“Did you tell Chelsea that you were getting married?”
“No. I didn’t know I was until I found out Jenna was pregnant and how many months she was. I whisked her to Bora Bora, proposed, got married and we had a honeymoon. It was great, perfect actually. Until I went back to being a complete numpty and came back. Now all I can think about is how happy I am that I didn’t bring her with me to LA”
“When did you and Chelsea get back together?”
I shake my head. “We haven’t. We shagged before I went back to Beaumont, but since I had that night with Jenna at Liam’s wedding; I’ve been thinking about Jenna non-stop. When I was with Chelsea everything seemed fake and forced. I wasn’t into it. I pushed her off me.”
“Damn man, that’s harsh.” Harrison laughs. I push him, but realise that he’s right, what I did was harsh. Apparently that hasn’t put her off, though, as she’s in my flat, making herself at home.
“I think the baby might be my dad’s.”
“Say what?” Harrison chokes on his beer.
“I saw them kissing and shit. I don’t know, mate. Would my dad do something like that?”
Harrison shakes his head. “I want to say no, but Chelsea might. I don’t know, man, the whole thing seems fucked up.”
“What am I going to do?”
We stop walking and stare out into the sea. “The way I see it, you can tell Jenna about Chelsea. She’ll understand. She’s a good person and if I know her, she’ll tell you to go and be with Chelsea.”
“I don’t want to be with Chelsea.”
“What do you want, JD?”
“My wife.”
“Then why the fuck are you standing on my beach? Go back to Beaumont and get her. We have a month before we leave on tour. Go spend time with her, cherish her. Fuck like rabbits if you have to, but just go to her.”
“When did you turn into a smart arse?”
Harrison laughs. “When I started plugging into Katelyn.”
I told him what today is, what it meant to me. I thought, as my husband and the father of my child, he’d be here, but he’s not. Sitting by myself in a doctor’s office full of expectant women would be much easier if I was alone and single. I am, alone that is, in every sense of the word, except they all look at me briefly before turning away. It’s the pity party that I’ve wanted to avoid. They look at the ring on my finger then to the empty chairs on either side of me and shake their heads. Their husbands sit there without a care in the world, reading the most recent edition of Sports Illustrated. Their job is done. They fertilized the egg and make their mandatory monthly appearance just to keep their wives happy.
I want my husband to do the same thing. Or at least tell me he’s not going to be one of those dads that takes time out of their day to attend doctor’s appointments and that I shouldn’t have any wild expectations about what our marriage really is.
A sham.
A cover.
A publicity stunt.
I’m sure he is trying to avoid having his name spread all over the tabloids saying that he knocked up some random chick and didn’t do the right thing. It’s probably bad for his image and will mean the hook-ups will be non-existent for him now. I know I was random, but he married me. He made me feel special, wanted. He told me he wanted this baby and was in this for all the right reasons.
Then he left.
I don’t know what I expected, but it’s definitely not this: three days maybe, a week at the most, but two weeks? Two weeks to get your affairs in order? When I left Damien, it was quick. I didn’t haggle over my bills or anything like that. I didn’t even change my address, but Jimmy, I don’t even know what he’s doing. How long does it take to get one’s affairs in order?
Affairs. That’s the word that lingers in the back of my mind. Is that what he’s doing? Sowing his wild oats in LA because I’m not there? I tr
y to clear my head of those thoughts, reminding myself that as much as he said we’d have a conventional marriage, it’s not happening. You don’t leave your newlywed wife at home while you gallivant back to your home state where the contents of your little black book reside.
The office door opens and for one brief second I allow my heart to beat a little faster thinking it’s Jimmy; that he’s here and isn’t going to miss this appointment. What I don’t account for is the instant let down when yet another pregnant woman and her husband walk in, hand in hand. I hate admitting it, but that’s what I want. It’s what I need and desire deep in my heart. I’ll never tell him though. I’ll never tell anyone my true feelings because those are left bottled up and buried deep in the sand. I can’t pressure him to be something he’s not. I knew this and yet I fooled myself enough to believe his words.
“Jenna Davis?”
I look up at the nurse standing in the doorway holding my file. She smiles, waiting for Jenna Davis to stand and make her presence known. I want to rewind the last twenty minutes of this day and not tell the receptionist that my name has changed. Davis. My child will be born with that last name and while that pleased me weeks ago, now I’m not so sure. I rise slowly and am met with looks from the other women. They judge me openly. We all do it whether we intend to or not. I’m the poor wife whose husband can’t be bothered – that’s what they’re thinking. They aren’t thinking that my husband is a doctor or even his true profession, a musician, and he can’t get away from work. No, they’re thinking I’m single and doing this on my own. They want to commend me but they don’t because that means they understand even though their husbands are sitting next to them. Some were probably willing, but I have no doubt there are a few here that were forced to take time off from their days to be at their wife’s side, as they should be.
I look at the office door one more time before making my way to the nurse. She smiles again when I pass her, the door shutting loudly behind us.
“This way,” she says in her I’m so happy to be doing my job voice. We step into a room and she shuts the door behind me. This is routine. I take a seat in the chair until I’m told to change into the thin piece of fabric that doctors call a gown.
Finding My Forever Page 12