“I see you recently married. Congratulations.” The corners of my mouth turn up in the fakest smile I’ve ever had to plaster on my face. She reaches for my arm, slipping the blue blood pressure cuff up my forearm. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine. I haven’t had morning sickness in a while.”
“And you’re sleeping okay?” she asks without eye contact. I know she’s in a hurry, she has a waiting room full of patients, but a little acknowledgement would be nice.
“I don’t have any problems sleeping.” It’s a bold-faced lie. Ever since Jimmy left and my run in with Damien I haven’t slept at all. Every sound, every little creak in the steps and my body tenses. I lie awake at night with my phone in my hand waiting for the front door to open and for Damien to appear. I leave all my lights on so that shadows don’t scare me. I could go back to Liam’s, but that’s admitting I’m scared or telling him that Damien was around and I’m not sure I’m willing to do that.
“Your husband won’t be joining you today?”
I shake my head and look up at the fluorescent lights, giving me an excuse to have watery eyes. I won’t cry, not in front of her and not over my missing husband. “He’s working,” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
“Stand on the scale please.”
I slip off my shoes and stand on the scale. I watch, in horror and delight, as the number increases. Gaining weight is a necessary evil. The higher number should make me feel happy, but it doesn’t because at the forefront of my mind are toothpick skinny women draping themselves all over my very willing husband.
“Did you drink your water?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, go ahead and lie back on the table, Jenna. The technician will be in first to do your ultrasound and then the doctor will be in. Be sure to tell the tech if you want to know the sex or not.”
The nurse is gone before I can say anything. I lie back on the white paper and let my legs dangle over the end. I jump when the door opens, followed by a young male technician. He smiles brightly when he sees me. I try not to stare, but I can’t help it. He’s tall, at least I think he is, with a gorgeous smile and a head full of curls; the kind that make you want to reach out and run your fingers through them. His eyes are bright blue, like something you’d only see in the daylight and if the sun was shining just right.
“I hear we’re looking at your baby today.”
I nod, my voice nowhere to be found. He pulls out the rest of the table, allowing my legs to lie flat. He sits in his stool and rolls over to me, pulling the ultrasound machine behind him. I glance at his nametag and shake my head slowly. His name is James and while that isn’t Jimmy’s name, it’s close enough.
“I’m going to lift your shirt and put on this gross and very cold goop on your skin.”
I shiver, not when he touches me, but when the blue blob hits my skin. I shiver when Jimmy touches me.
The technician puts the wand on my stomach and hits a few buttons. The room comes alive with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. It sounds like there are a hundred horses galloping all around me.
“Now that we’ve heard the heartbeat, let’s see your baby.”
Before I know what’s happening the ultrasound machine is pushed into the technician and the wand is hanging from my leg.
“Whoa there buddy,” James says. I look over my shoulder to find Jimmy staring at me. The grin on his face tells me that he’s happy to be here, to see me, but it quickly morphs into something else; concern? He steps over to me and kisses me full on the lips.
“Sorry about that, mate. I’m Jimmy Davis.”
I look over at James. He’s staring at Jimmy with his mouth open. “I know who you are. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m a huge fan.” They shake hands, completely ignoring me.
“Hi Sweet Lips,” he says, kissing me again.
“Hi.”
Jimmy moves so he’s on the other side of me and picks up my hand. He kisses my rings before locking his fingers with mine. If we were any place else I’d punch him in his junk, but I can’t really do that right now since I’m stuck and I want to know if my baby has ten fingers and toes.
“Have you seen our bub, yet?”
“No, Mr. Davis, we were just about to look.”
I want to throw up at how sweet James is being to Jimmy. I mean, really? I’m the pregnant one. Shouldn’t he be sugary sweet to me?
“Call me JD.”
I roll my eyes and face the screen. “Can we see the baby now, please?”
James pulls his eyes away from Jimmy’s and looks for the wand. He fumbles with it a few times before setting it back on my stomach. The baby’s heartbeat fills the room again, relaxing me.
“What’s that noise?”
I look over at my husband and see his eyes wandering. This is why I wanted him here, not only to be by my side, but to experience this together.
“That’s our baby,” I say, quietly, my voice breaking. Jimmy’s face breaks out into the most mesmerizing grin I’ve ever seen. More than when I said yes to his marriage proposal. He kisses me hard, holding my face to his.
“I need to record this sound,” he says, pulling away. He lets go of my hand, takes out his phone and holds it in the air. I want to laugh out loud at how silly he’s being, but know this is something I’ll listen to over and over again.
“There you go. I think I’ve got it.”
“I hope so,” I say, knowing I’ll need to hear the heartbeat again once I get home.
“Do you want to know what you’re having?”
Jimmy and I stare at each other, both our faces morphing into smiles. As much as I want to be mad at him right now, and believe me I plan to let him have it after we’re done, now that he’s here, I want to know as long as he’s sitting by my side.
We both look at James and nod.
I’M pushing it, I know I am. I can’t help it. No, that’s not right. I can help it, but I don’t know how. I feel like my head is going to explode and it doesn’t matter what I do, or what I say, it’s going to be the wrong thing.
Chelsea’s pregnant. She reminds me of this fact on a daily basis, throwing it in my face like I’m supposed to care. She tells me that she loves me and is ready to get married. The smart thing for me to say is ‘I’m already married’, but I don’t. I don’t say anything. I act like a fucking mute when she’s around. I hate it. I hate that when I’m in LA I can’t leave my flat without her following me. At what point do women wake up and smell the coffee? When do they realise that they’re being ignored on purpose and that it doesn’t matter how much whining and crying they do, if a bloke isn’t into them, he’s not going to change his mind suddenly?
She asked me to go to her doctor’s appointment. I declined politely by saying I didn’t want to go. She burst into tears. I fucking hate it when women cry so I gave in and said I’d go with her. I don’t even know why I went. I know this baby isn’t mine, yet I sat there in the waiting room, reading a magazine and shying away from her every time she tried to hold my hand. The only problem with that is I never asked when it was and, sod’s law, I was delayed in getting back to my Jenna.
Yeah, my Jenna. I miss her. I miss holding her hand and kissing her luscious lips. I miss rubbing my hand along her stomach, knowing our baby is in there thriving off her. I know she knows something is wrong. Our phone conversations were short and I had to speak so quietly that she had to ask me to repeat myself. I couldn’t risk Chelsea hearing me and since I’m a total idiot, I couldn’t ask Chelsea to leave.
But I’m here now and I’m holding my wife’s hand as we walk to her car. I open the door for her, but she doesn’t get in. She stands against the side of the car and crosses her arms under her glorious boobs. I reach out to rub her arm, but she shies away from me.
Fuck me.
I run my hand through my hair. It’s in dire need of being cut, but I wanted to ask Jenna her opinion. I want to get a Mohawk, but I want her to like it.
“Jenna…”
“Don’t. You don’t get to Jenna me. You left me, Jimmy. You said you’d be right back. To me that’s… I don’t even know, but not two weeks and not with those sorry ass excuses for phone calls.”
Jenna bites lower lip and I want to pull it from her offending teeth and kiss the crap out of it, but having her move away from me again isn’t something I want to experience.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s a shit excuse, but I am. I didn’t mean to be away for this long. I tried… look it doesn’t matter. I’m back and am not going anywhere.”
“You’re right it doesn’t matter.” Jenna stands up straight and unfolds her arms. She looks up at the sky briefly before leveling her gaze back on me. “I want a divorce,” she says in a whisper.
“Where have you been, James?”
My mum thinks I’m sleeping, but I’ve missed my dad and he’s home now. I creep down the hall to their bedroom and peek in. My mum is sitting at her table, the one that has all the make-up on it, that she tells my nana that she needs so that my dad will look at her. I think my mum is beautiful just the way she is.
“James, I asked you a question.”
“I heard you.”
I can’t see my dad, but I hear him. He sounds like he’s so far away.
“Are you going to answer me?”
“You don’t need to worry about where I was, Brigette. I was at work. That’s what I do. I leave at night and go to work so you can live like a queen and so Jimmy can go to the finest boys’ school. Stop with the questions.”
My mum turns around in her chair and puts her hands in her lap. She looks like she’s been crying. “I’m tired.”
“Come to bed, love.”
“No, James. I’m tired of the cheating. I’m tired of whoever it is hanging up on me every time I answer the phone only for it to start ringing again for you to answer. I’m tired of you coming home and smelling like you bathed in the perfume counter at Harrod’s. I’m tired of being an after-thought in your life. I want a divorce. I want you to move out, tonight.”
I jump when something slams against the wall. My mum stands. “What are you doing, James? Jimmy’s sleeping.”
“Do you think I care? My wife is telling me that she wants a divorce and is kicking me out of my house and you want me to be quiet? Are you mad? I give you the life you ask for. I provide the finest jewels and furs that you drape yourself in at every social event. So fucking what if I get some on the side.”
“Get out,” my mum shouts. I jump back away from the door, afraid that she’ll see me.
“You’re mad, woman. We’ve been married for fifteen years. I gave you a child. I provide you with a home. You don’t want me to leave.”
“I’ve called a lawyer, James. You need to leave, tonight. I want you gone.”
“You want me gone?”
Their room goes silent for a moment.
“Fine Brigette. I’m going, but don’t you dare call me and beg me to come back. You want me gone, so be it.”
I don’t want him to go. He’s my dad. He needs to stay. He promised he’d take me to football practice tomorrow. Who’s going to take me now?
The door swings open and my dad steps into the hall. I look up at him and he shakes his head. He turns and looks at my mum. “I hope you’re happy, Brigette.”
“Don’t leave me, dad,” I say, grabbing his hand. He pulls it away and rests it on my shoulder.
“Listen closely, Jimmy. Never get married. Women are only good for one thing.”
“James?” my mum screeches.
“What, love? Isn’t that why you’re kicking me out?”
“Jimmy go to bed, please.”
“No, mum. I’m going with dad. I’ll pack my suitcase.”
I run down the hall ignoring my dad calling my name. I don’t want to live with my mum if she doesn’t like my dad.
“Jimmy,” my dad shouts. I turn to find him shaking his head. “You can’t come.”
“Why not? You told me you’d take me to football tomorrow. I want to come with you.”
“I don’t want you to come with me.”
I freeze in my doorway. My mum covers her mouth as her eyes go wide and fill with tears. My dad shakes his head. He turns and walks away. We both jump when the door slams shut. My mum rushes to me, drops to her knees and pulls me into her arms.
“Don’t listen to him, Jimmy. He’s been drinking and doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’ll always want you. You’re his son.”
Only he doesn’t want me.
“Why,” I ask, stepping closer. I feel the need to pin her against the car so she can’t escape. She can’t leave me. I know I’m a loser who doesn’t deserve her, but I need her. I want her in my life. I want to raise our baby together and be a family. I won’t let her get away. I refuse to just walk away from her like my dad walked away from my mum. He didn’t stay to fight, but I will. I am. She’s not leaving me because I’m a fucking idiot.
“Because you don’t want to be married, Jimmy. I don’t want you to stay out of obligation and I don’t…”
“Don’t what, Sweet Lips?” I move closer. I know I’m being devious and underhanded, but I need to feel her against me. I’m going to find every way to show her that I’m hers. I know there’s stuff I need to take care of and I will. I won’t let anything come between us.
She shakes her head, covering her face. I pull her hands away and put them around my waist. “I’m sorry, Jenna. I’m so fucking sorry. There was so much crap I had to take care of and I’m no good at this relationship thing but I’m going to work at it so that I am. I’m going work at it and make sure you can count on me and trust me. I promise you that I was faithful because I know that’s what you’re thinking. You’re my wife and I’m taking my vows very seriously.”
“I don’t know, Jimmy.” But she does know. Her hands are clutching the back of my shirt. Her nails are digging into my skin. She knows that she wants me just as much as I want her.
“I know, and I’ll fix it,” I say as my lips touch hers. She’s rigid, fighting me. “I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to be better for you,” I add, moving my lips against hers. “I want to be the best husband and father to our baby.” She finally opens up and accepts me, meeting me half way. I feel alive when her tongue touches mine. Her body doesn’t want a divorce, I’m sure about that. I’m going to have to step up my game and make sure she knows that she’s my one and only. I was stupid to stay in California for so long. I let myself get sucked into Chelsea’s drama and I need to learn to say no.
“What brings you by?”
Looking at my father makes me cringe, but I’m here, being the man my mum brought me up to be. Maybe what I saw was two people comforting each other because I was being an arsehole. Or maybe I saw exactly what I think I saw; which was my dad snogging the face off my ex-girlfriend who has just happened to tell me that she’s pregnant.
I walk in and sit down on his leather sofa only to stand up again. Images of him and Chelsea invade my subconscious and it’s not a pretty sight. I walk over to the window and look out over Los Angeles. My dad’s place is pretty much like Liam’s was – floor to ceiling windows – but no one can see in. It’s the best of both worlds in my opinion; at least it used to be. Now I see a two-storey house with a fenced-off garden in my future.
“I’m having a baby,” I blurt out.
“I heard. Congratulations.” He’s moving around behind me, no doubt pouring himself three fingers of Scotch.
“Who told you? I doubt my mum called you.”
“Chelsea told me. I see her every now again.” I nod and want to add, of course you do.
“I’m not talking about Chelsea. I’m with someone in Beaumont and we’re having a baby together.”
He pats me on the back causing me to jump. “That’s my boy, one here and one on the side. Nothing wrong with that at all, son.”
Except there’s everything wrong with it. Doesn’t he know that he’s wrong? Doesn’t he know that when y
ou find the one, everything in life falls into place? The morning after I woke up with Jenna in my arms, I smiled. And it wasn’t some stupid cheesy smile. It was a real, genuine one. She makes me smile.
“Dad, I don’t have anyone on the side. I’m married, off the market.”
“Now why would you go and do something stupid like that? Get an annulment. I have a good lawyer that can help you.”
“Because I want to be with her and I want to raise my child with her. I don’t want my kid going through the same crap I went through. My child will grow up knowing me.”
“And what about Chelsea, doesn’t she deserve the same from you?”
I shake my head. “Chelsea’s not having my baby. I went with her to the doctor’s, I saw the chart. I may be a bloke, but I can add numbers up. Chelsea was pregnant before her and I slept together.”
Jenna pulls away too soon for my liking. “I want you to change your number.”
“Okay, let’s go do it right now,” I say without hesitation. If changing my number will make her feel better, I’ll do it. At this point I’ll stand on top of a building and tell the world that I’m happily married and about to have a baby. I’ll do anything she asks except leave. I’ll never leave my child. She’s going to have to leave me if she wants out.
“Can I ask you something, wifey?”
She rolls her eyes playfully as she moves her hands so that they rest on my shoulders. “What?”
“Would you like to meet my mum? She really wants to meet you and wants to come and visit.”
“Yeah I’d like that. What about your dad?”
“Nah, Sweet Lips, you don’t want to meet him. My mum though, she’s fantastic, you’ll love her and she already loves you because you’re making her a grandma.”
“Jimmy?”
“Yes, Mrs Davis.” God, I really love the fact that my surname is now hers.
“Why did it take you two weeks?”
I could give her some stupid bullshit excuse, but I won’t. I’m never going to lie to this woman. Withhold some facts, yes, but it’s for her protection.
Finding My Forever Page 13