Love Resisted (The Real Love Series)

by Codina, Melanie

  He felt like he needed to do something, she needed something, but he had no idea what that might be. Her distress was calling to him and he felt he should attempt to divert her attention away from whatever was causing it. He did what he could to distract her, and joking about stealing the baby back from Morgan might have done the trick.

  He watched as she blinked rapidly a few times, and the panicked look receded a tiny bit. A small pathetic excuse for a smile even made its way to her face. She looked to relax fractionally. He would take it; it was better than nothing. Especially since he had no idea why. He knew he mentioned feeding her tomorrow, and he hoped that wasn’t the reason she looked like she wanted to run and hide forever. Wouldn’t that suck for a man’s ego? Although he made a mental note that she didn’t decline his invitation either, and she seemed to panic more after Maddie walked in.

  She’d mentioned a video, then Morgan came in, and the baby made her way out of Allie’s reach. All three things happened in quick succession so he really didn’t know what was wrong with her. But he knew she needed something, and he would stay close to figure out what it was.

  Even though Mike was paying attention to Allie, he could hear Madison talking to everyone. “So my grandma and I wanted to do something cool for Jonathan for graduation. And what could be cooler than a slideshow video that has pictures of him from birth to now?” The crowd chuckled a little, and he heard a groan from someone, too. He could only assume it came from Jonathan. “So make sure you pay attention to all the pics and let me know if you want a copy. Even though I’m pretty sure my brother will try to destroy the disc immediately.” The young woman smiled at her brother and said, “This is for you, Jonathan.” Then she pressed play and music filled the room.

  It was a country song he recognized, but it took him a few seconds to figure out which one it was. Allie tensed a bit more, and the look of panic filled her eyes again. He squeezed her knee once more in reassurance and turned his head to look at the television screen. There were pictures of a baby and younger versions of Gillian and Logan moving across the monitor as Kenny Chesney sang about being young. Some pictures moved to the side, some faded in and out, all while the people taking in the show let out the usual aawww as they watched. About ten seconds later, a picture came up on the screen of what he assumed was the infant version of Jonathan, being held by a very young Allie. He couldn’t help his smile as he stared at her picture. She was the same, only younger. Except her smile, which was clearly much brighter then. It was carefree, full of energy and life … and then he realized what she was upset about.

  Turning back to her, he could see that her eyes were once again closed, and her body trembled slightly. She was barely holding it together. He could only assume she was panicking over possibly seeing pictures of her late husband. It had been over five years, but she still couldn’t see pictures of him without this response? Her pain was clearly still very much on the surface, and he made a silent vow to find a way to make this less painful for her. Looking at the people around him, they were oblivious to what was going on, and he wanted to keep it that way. From his own experience, he was certain the second a picture of Marc came up on the screen everyone was going to turn and look at her to see her reaction.

  He slid his body up against hers from knee to hip. Taking his hand from her knee, he crossed it over her body and squeezed her opposite knee while pressing his arm firmly across her body. It was something he had learned to do for his son when he was younger and they’d attended grief counseling. Since the situation prevented him from wrapping her up in his arms to add comfort, the pressure of his body across her and at her side would help. He looked down at her and whispered, “Hey, take a deep breath and let it out slowly.” She still had her eyes closed, but she did as he said, which was a good sign. “Now open your eyes and look at me.” She did.

  “Hi there,” he whispered with a smile, “I can tell you’re not doing too well, sweetie, but I need you to focus.” She nodded. “As soon as a picture of Marc appears on that screen, everyone is going to look at you.” She stiffened against him, causing him to apply a little more pressure with his arm and grip on her knee. She relaxed back a bit and even leaned into his side more. “It’s not cool, but that is what they’ll do. So if you don’t want everyone to know how you feel right now, I need you to focus and step away from the edge.”

  Around them, people were obviously enjoying the slideshow, as he heard some laughter mixed in with the song, which he thought was a great choice. He maintained eye contact with Allie and took in a deep breath, willing her to copy him. She did. Taking in another few deep breaths, he could see her calming a little bit. “Feeling a little better?” he asked. She once again nodded.

  “Good. Now you’re gonna have to either watch it, or if you don’t want to see his picture, I can squeeze your knee when I see it, and you can direct your attention to your nephew or something. Anywhere but at the monitor.” She took in another deep breath and closed her eyes for a second before opening them and nodding at him. Squeezing her leg in acknowledgment, Mike turned his attention toward the slideshow and watched the years go by. It was when Jonathan reached about age five or six that Mike saw the picture. Jonathan sat perched up on the shoulders of a big man. Or at least he looked big next to Allie, who stood with her arms around his waist, smiling for the camera. Marc had brown thick curly hair, a full beard, and a great big smile. They were all wearing Padres jerseys and other gear, the background looked like they were at a game. What a great picture, he thought, as he squeezed Allie’s knee to let her know to be prepared.

  Just as he predicted, people turned to look for Allie. He knew people did that kind of thing, not necessarily out of pity, but sympathy maybe. On the many occasions when it happened to him, he would have to remind himself he wasn’t the only one who lost a loved one. Everyone lost someone they knew and loved, and probably didn’t know what to do when they were presented with the memory of him or her. It wasn’t like they were reminded on a daily basis that your spouse was gone. For them, it wasn’t a constant thing, so the little reminders of it were probably sad for them. He understood it, accepted it even, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

  ALLIE’s heart was beating like a rabbit’s. The sharp edge of the panic attack was hovering in the perimeter, just waiting to pounce on her. She hadn’t had one like this in a really long time; she wasn’t prepared for it and wasn’t exactly sure why it was such a strong one. Her guard had been down, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of Mike, and maybe the little bit of guilt she felt at the thought of her husband. This was ridiculous. She knew how to function with her grief, and had survived this long without totally losing her shit. So why was it happening now?

  Strangely, even though she wondered if Mike was the reason she had the panic attack, he was definitely helping her control it. Just the comfort she was feeling from the body contact was lifesaving. She latched onto it and hung on tightly. Wrapping her hand around the arm that was pressed against the front of her body, she searched out her nephew in the people surrounding them. She was thankful to notice that nobody seemed to be paying her any attention. Thank God.

  Finding Jonathan, she tuned out everything else but the feel of Mike’s body against hers, and the profile of her nephew. He smiled as he watched whatever it was that came across the screen and it struck her once again, how much he looked like her brother. She had always wondered what her son would look like, if she had ever had one. Between her family’s genes, and Marc’s, he would’ve been a beautiful young man, too. A small tear formed and escaped her eye at the thought of what she would never have. Lost in that thought, she barely felt Mike squeeze her knee, as she watched a big smile spread across Jonathan’s face. He turned to look at her, and all she could do was smile back at him.

  Marc and Jonathan were close; she knew he looked up to him, and they did a lot of stuff together. For a second, she wondered what picture of Marc it was that had put the smile on her nephew’s face. She ref
rained from looking, only because she knew she was teetering on the edge and couldn’t risk losing it. Over the course of the next few minutes, Allie kept her gaze trained on Jonathan, then Madison, and any other child she loved. They made her stronger and kept her distracted. There was an occasional knee squeeze from Mike, signaling another picture of Marc. With each squeeze, she felt terrible guilt over avoiding them. When the song was close to ending, she felt that she was strong enough to look and focused her attention on the slideshow. Putting her hand over Mike’s, she gave it a squeeze and he looked over at her.

  From the corner of her eye, she could make out his smile before he turned his hand over and gripped hers. There were only a few pics of Marc left to see, and she was glad she got to see them. Especially when one of her favorite ones came up, which she knew was also one of Jonathan’s. There he was, her big beautiful man, smiling back at her. Allie was on his back, and Jonathan was on her back. The original intent had been to dog pile on top of Marc, but the two of them couldn’t keep him down. By the time the picture was taken, he was fully standing, with both of them mounted on his back, laughing like lunatics. Even though another tear rolled down her cheek, she was smiling by the time the slideshow finished.

  She saw Gillian off to the side with her arm wrapped around Jake, her other hand holding Logan’s as they finished watching it, too. Allie’s tears were nothing compared to Gillian’s, and she was momentarily thankful that tears for this kind of thing weren’t uncommon. Looking around, you could see all the women were affected by the sweetness of what they watched. And she was comfortable knowing that nobody saw her lose it. Nobody except Mike. Turning to look at him, she realized he had moved his arm and shifted slightly over to give her appropriate space. Allie had to fight the urge to shift closer to get that contact back. Glancing down at the space then back up at him, he gave an apologetic look. “Sorry. I knew you needed something …”

  He looked worried, a little embarrassed maybe, so she stopped him with a hand to his arm and blurted out, “Thank you.” Mike’s shoulders relaxed when she said that and some of the tension left his face. She felt bad that he was worried about her reaction to his contact, when what he did was clearly for her benefit. There was silence for few moments, and she really needed to get up, move around. Move onto new conversations, maybe steal the baby back. So she stood up, prepared to do just that. Looking down at him, she felt that her verbal thank you just wasn’t enough. Leaning over, she placed her hand on his shoulder and then kissed him on the cheek softly as she repeated the words, “Thank you, Mike.”

  When she pulled back, he gave her a one-sided smile and said, “You’re very welcome, Allie.” She gave him an answering smile, before turning and walking away, completely ignoring the fact that every cell in her body felt the connection she had with him.

  A few hours and a couple glasses of wine later, Allie was relaxed and content. It was time for everyone to say goodnight, and they were making the rounds. That’s when Allie remembered how she was kidnapped from her condo earlier that day, and now she needed a ride home. Shaking her head at what Mike did, she looked around and assessed her options. Seeing Morgan and Sean heading for the door first, she went to ask but realized that there was only room for five in their car, which meant they were at capacity. Her parents had already taken off, and Jake was probably busy planning how to secure Gillian in bubble wrap. She needed to find Jason or Logan. Making her way into the house, she asked where either of them were, but came up empty. The two men had either left or were playing pool in the garage.

  As she got closer to the garage, she heard them and sighed in relief at finding them. Always one to make an entrance, she said as she walked into the room, “All right, which one of you lucky men gets to give me a ride home?” Logan and Jason both put their fingers to their noses and smiled big. Irritated that they would both leave her hanging like that, she geared up to give them trouble when she noticed Mike sitting off to the side. No finger to his nose. Somehow she felt like she’d been set up. “Oh, come on guys, it’s not that far,” she whined to Jason and Logan.

  “Sorry Al, no can do. Jason and I have had a few beers, and well, since I live next door, I really didn’t have to worry about driving home,” her stupid brother confessed. So she looked to Jason, who shrugged and said, “I don’t even have a car here. I rode over with my parents and planned on crashing at Logan’s. Sorry half-pint.”

  “Don’t call me that,” she grumbled as she looked over at Mike, who sat silently and waited for her to realize he was her only option. Walking was also an option, but actually less appealing than riding with Mike. “Well, since you’re the reason I need a ride in the first place, let’s go, Lawson,” she said with exasperation.

  He let out a laugh and said, “Surely the thought of riding with me can’t be that bad.”

  “It’s not, so long as you keep your hands to yourself.”

  “He better,” Logan said with authority as she went to leave the room, but not before she caught Mike’s cocky grin at her being forced to ride back with him. Especially since he knew she was trying to find alternate modes of transportation. So she decided to mess with him a little, by messing with her brother.

  When she made it to the door, she looked back at her brother and said, “I sure hope he does, especially since I caught him looking up my skirt earlier today.”

  Logan yelled, “Excuse me!” in Mike’s direction as she went to say goodnight to Gillian and Jake, smiling the entire time. She was still smiling when Mike made his way to the front door after also saying goodnight to Jake and Gillian.

  When he walked up, shaking his head, he asked her, “Do you always like to walk into a room, rile everyone up, and then strut out like that? That was messed up, throwing me under the bus like that … while your brother was driving, no less.”

  She shrugged as he opened the door and said, “I’ll admit that it’s fun to do, and I apparently have a natural talent for it.” This time when Mike put his hands on her waist and hoisted her into the truck, she was prepared for it and didn’t let out any girlie squeals. She thanked him as he closed the door and made his way toward the driver’s side. Once they were settled and on their way, silence descended, and it was thick with unspoken words. The almost-scene during the slideshow hung in the air, and she was suddenly embarrassed by it. Though he didn’t seem to judge her for it, he knew what she needed from him. She wondered if he had experience with panic attacks, or with someone who did. Unsure what to say, she went with, “Thank you again for your help today. I appreciate it.”

  He glanced across the seat toward her and nodded. “No problem.” Once again fighting the sudden embarrassment, she felt the need to explain. “Just so you know, I don’t usually have that problem. Well, not anymore at least.”

  “Really? Because that panic attack came on hard and fast,” he said.

  Dropping her head, she looked at her hands in her lap as she absently twirled the ring on her thumb. “I know it did. It took me totally by surprise. It’s just, you know … sometimes, for a few brief moments, I forget that he’s gone. The pain goes away, and I can smile … then it all comes crashing back into my heart, and it takes my breath away.”

  “Yes, Allie, I do know,” Mike said in a soft voice from the other side of the truck.

  Looking over at him, she lost some of her embarrassment over what happened. She believed that he did know what she was talking about. Clearing the lump in her throat, she clarified for him, “Well, that’s what happened today. For some reason, I found myself in that make-believe world where I never felt that pain. And then it slammed back into me and I didn’t recover the way I should have. And well, all I can say is that it probably would’ve been a lot worse if you hadn’t been there to help me.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” he said as they arrived home and parked the truck. When he pulled the keys out of the ignition, she smiled at him.

  “Yeah, that’s what friends are for,” she repeated.

&nb
sp; CHAPTER SIX

  ALLIE was awake bright and early the next morning. She needed to be up and out the door by seven because avoiding Mike Lawson was the name of the game today. In the middle of the night she remembered him mentioning her stopping by after four o’clock with Zane’s card, and that there just might be dinner at that time. This had her setting an urgent pace. After her almost panic attack, and the confessions in the car, both before and after graduation, her mission had never been clearer.

  Her scheduled clients didn’t start ‘til mid-morning, and while she could definitely use the extra sleep, she wanted to get the card for Zane on their doorstep before there was a chance of running into Mike. Showering in record time, she threw her hair up on top of her head, knowing she could just do it at work with the extra time she’d have. She quickly slipped into her jeans and tank top as she fumbled around to find her shoes. Once ready, she grabbed her bag and made sure she had his card before heading out the door.

  As she locked the door, she heard footsteps approaching and cringed at the possibility of running into him this early. Afraid to turn around, she paused and just stood there, her back to the sidewalk as she pretended to lock her already locked door. It was a juvenile display of if-he-can’t-see-me-I-can’t-see-him for sure. When the footsteps paused somewhere behind her, she was debating whether to retreat inside. But then she heard, “Good morning.”

  Sweet relief washed over her when she recognized the voice of another neighbor—a sixty-something, awkwardly round Italian man with a comb-over. Definitely not Mike Lawson. Putting her keys in her purse, she turned around as she re-shouldered her bag and said, “Good morning to you, too, Mr. Giovanni.”

  He was making sure his comb-over was secured in place as she turned toward him. Trying to hide her snickering grin, she looked down at the steps as she ascended. “Hello Ms. Allie, lovely morning for a walk,” he stated in his thick Italian accent.