Love Resisted (The Real Love Series)

by Codina, Melanie

  Mike nodded. “Yeah. My sister and parents helped start it a year after we lost her. It turned into an annual thing we do, among other stuff in the month of October. Then we take all the proceeds and donate it at the walk in early November.” He turned his attention toward her legs as he continued to rub them.

  It was kind of sweet that he looked so nervous about it. She could only assume it was because asking a woman on a date to the benefit for your late wife would be a little awkward. Her dilemma was that she was trying to avoid events that resembled dates since their last one. Dates led to the possibility of sex, and sex with Mike, although fantastic, was something she should avoid. With sex came feelings. And those feelings weren’t safe. She did want to support a breast cancer benefit, though. What person wouldn’t? So she made an exception. “Of course I’d go. Is it invite only? Because I’m sure my friends would love to contribute or help in some way or another.”

  Mike smiled and said, “Thanks. And yeah, I already have them on the list. They don’t go out for a few weeks yet, I just wanted to ask you first.”

  “Great.” A few moments of silence passed between them, so she added, “Does it help? Doing the fundraising for breast cancer research?”

  She watched him consider her words before answering, “I guess you could say it helps. It’s a nice way to contribute to a cause that’s had a direct effect on our lives. The first year or two were a little difficult, but it gets easier each year.”

  “Then I guess it’s a good thing that you have that, and maybe that’s why it’s easier for you. I’m not that fortunate.” she mused as she dropped her gaze to her hands.

  “Fortunate?” he questioned.

  Bringing her attention back to him, she responded, “Yeah, things were probably easier for you because you had stuff like this.”

  Mike dropped his arms to his side, giving her a look of disbelief. “You know you’re not the only person to have loved and lost, Allie? You don’t own the title on that pity party. I know you’re not delusional, so I suggest you come up with a different angle.”

  His anger was evident in his tone, but she didn’t understand why. Finally registering his comment, she pulled her legs off his lap as she snapped back, “Angle? What that hell does that mean? And fuck you and your pity party comment. I know I’m not the only person who’s lost someone, and I never said I was.”

  Mike stood up and turned to look at her. She did the same; no way was she keeping the lower vantage point in what was clearly becoming an argument. “Well, you sure act like it sometimes. Marc dying was an event in your life, albeit a tragic one, but that’s it, a one-time thing. Yet you choose to make it your whole world and use it as a shield to push people away. People back off when you bring it up because what can they say to that? They didn’t lose a spouse …”

  Stepping closer, he glared down at her. She stood her ground and scowled right back as he continued, “The problem is that I did. I know exactly what it feels like. I know how it can consume you if you let it. I know exactly how permanent it is, so I won’t back down when you use it as an excuse.”

  “Excuse? You can stand there and accuse me of using my husband’s death as an excuse? An excuse for what?”

  “To not move on. To stay in the past,” he stated very matter of fact.

  “You’re an asshole. I’m not using it as an excuse. How can I when it’s the truth? And yeah, you lost Elizabeth, but you were able to prepare for it, where I wasn’t! He was there, and then he was just ripped away from me. But you … you were lucky you got to say goodbye!”

  Allie watched as Mike physically recoiled at her words. They were out before she knew it, and the regret at saying them held her throat in a tight grip. She didn’t mean it the way it came out, but the words were out there now. He took a step back from her, hurt and disbelief evident on his face, quickly followed by anger. They were silent for a moment, and she wanted to say something, anything, but he beat her to it.

  “Lucky … are you serious?” Shaking his head, he turned and paced back a few steps as he ran his hands through his hair. Before turning back to her, he took a deep breath, dropped his shoulders, and gave her a look of complete sadness. “You’re right, Allie. I’m one lucky bastard. Unlike you, I got to say goodbye to my wife.”

  She was confused, because even though she said the words, she knew they weren’t right. That wasn’t what she meant, but how did you take words like that back? There was silence again as they watched each other. Her need to comfort him from the pain she just caused was there, but she couldn’t bring herself to move to him. “Mike …”

  He put up his hand and halted her words. “No. You’re right. I’m lucky because you didn’t get to say goodbye, and I did. Do you want to know how many times I got to say it to Elizabeth? I lost count actually, but I would guess it was somewhere close to a thousand times. You want to know why else I’m a lucky bastard?” He paused, apparently waiting for her to answer, but she just stared at him. His voice possessed a deep level of hurt and anger as he continued, “Not only did I get to say goodbye to her countless times, I also got to watch her wither away and die right in front of me. I had the privilege of watching her go through surgeries and treatments that physically changed her right before our eyes and even made her beg for death. I was there to witness her realize that her family was going to live a life without her, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing any of us could do about it.”

  Allie could feel the tears streaming down her face as she listened to him. Ashamed of herself for saying words that brought out this kind of hurt. She may have been resisting him, but it was clear now that she didn’t deserve this man. Mike moved farther away from her, backing up to the front door as he continued to stare. When he reached the door, he put his hand on the handle and started to turn away, but she caught sight of the tear roll down his cheek before he did.

  Before stepping out the now open door, he turned and looked over his shoulder and said, “But I’d have to say, the thing that makes me the luckiest, was when I had to explain to my son over and over again why his mommy wasn’t with us anymore. I had to help him understand why Mommy looked different and why medicine didn’t make her better. So thanks for reminding me exactly how lucky I am. I had almost forgotten.”

  And with that, he walked out her door. The slamming of the screen made her jump, and she couldn’t control the sobs. Covering her mouth to try and hold another one in, her other hand rubbed at her chest. It hurt, her chest physically ached, as she continued crying. It hurt because she was the cause of the pain on that sweet, generous man’s face. The self-loathing she felt was deserved, as she realized her selfishness apparently had no boundaries. But the pain she was feeling right now wasn’t just her own; it was his. He had repeatedly opened himself up to her, and then she turned around and threw her own insecurities at him.

  Panic began to set in as she closed her eyes and replayed the scene of him leaving her condo. The door slamming felt so final. She might not think she deserved him, her outburst only confirmed it, but she wanted him. Having already admitted that to Gillian over a week ago, she was irritated for having to remind herself of just that. She needed to go to him, make sure he was okay, comfort him … apologize. She grabbed her keys, not caring that she was barefoot, and rushed out the door. Running the twenty yards from her place to his, she prayed he’d gone home. Allie had no idea what she was going to say, or do, but she needed to be with him.

  MIKE heard his door open and close quietly, but he didn’t look up; he knew it was Allie. He momentarily thought that he should’ve locked the door or gone somewhere else. Embarrassed at his behavior, he didn’t want to face her, knowing he’d lost his temper. It was unavoidable. Having been called fortunate for watching his wife die was a new one for him, and it pushed him too far. Up until now, he had handled Allie with kid gloves, for fear of scaring her off, but enough was enough. He was tired of her hiding her feelings behind the excuse. Tired of her finding reasons why it was easier for him
to deal with his grief. Yeah, he got it. He knew that losing a spouse was a big part of a person, but it shouldn’t be their identity.

  He was glad that she didn’t back down when he raised his voice at her. He loved that about her, but right now, it was only fueling his frustration at how she always made it seem like things were easy for him. None of it was easy, and she needed to know that. Hopefully he’d made his point, because he felt crappier about yelling at her than about the topic. Thinking for a moment that it was odd for him to feel that way, but he’d have to process that later.

  Right now, he needed to apologize, even if he didn’t want to face her. Sitting on his ottoman, elbows on knees, and head in hands, he took as deep a breath as he could. He could see Allie’s feet in front of him, her cute purple toenails staring up at him. As he went to lift his head, Allie dropped to her knees, startling him. When he lifted his eyes to hers, he could see she was crying, and he felt like an even bigger ass. He would’ve thought that he had blown any chance he had with her, if not for the fact she was there.

  Lifting both of her hands to his face, she cradled his head in her hands and said, “Mike … I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for being such a bitch. I’m so ashamed of what I said.”

  Shaking her head, she dropped her eyes to the floor as more tears poured out. Allie had let her guard down completely in front of him. This was the woman he was trying to find. Even though he felt like an ass for acting the way he did, he’d finally achieved what he had been after. She was open, raw, and her resistance was nowhere in sight.

  Quickly, he dropped to his knees in the small space between her and the ottoman, forcing it back as far as it could go. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her against his chest. The movement forced her to release the grip she had on his face, and he smiled when he felt them wrap around his body. Holding her snugly to him, he felt her sobbing against his chest, making him hold on tighter. “Shhh, Allie … It’s me who should be sorry. I never should’ve said what I said to you.”

  He heard her sniffle hard as she lifted her head, quickly wiping at the tears that soaked her face. “Why would you be sorry? You were only saying the truth, what you went through, and I was a total bitch and called you lucky.” She sniffled again, and he watched as she lifted her shirt to wipe at her eyes and nose, before looking back at him. “That was a shitty thing for me to say, and you need to know that I didn’t mean it. I was being defensive and lashed out. I clearly have misplaced anger over what I went through, and I projected that onto you. And that wasn’t fair. I really don’t have a filter sometimes. I’m so sorry, Mike.”

  Her pleading eyes, red-rimmed, puffy, and tear-soaked, were the most vibrant shade of hazel. Her makeup was completely gone and most likely smeared on both of their shirts, but this woman in front of him: she was the one. This was the elusive creature he had been hunting and had finally captured. This was the real Allie … now all he had to do was keep her.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  MIKE couldn’t tear his gaze away from her face. The sadness he could see so profoundly, fueled his need to comfort her. Lifting his hand, he cupped her face and swiped at the newest tear to escape. She leaned into his hand, and closed her eyes as she said, “Forgive me, please.”

  He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Pulling back, he smiled. “There’s nothing to forgive, Allie. I provoked you; I didn’t mean to, but I can see why you got defensive about it. It was my fault.”

  She shook her head as she bit her lip. He could see the emotions roll across her face with every expression, definitely thinking hard about something. Closing her eyes, she let go of her bottom lip and said, “It’s just that when I’m around you … I feel like I’m going crazy.” She opened her eyes and met his. “My emotions spiral out of control, and I can’t seem to rein them in. I could be completely fine, and then you wink at me, or smile, and it’s like an ignition. I try my hardest to fight it … but it’s just so hard to do.”

  “Why do you have to fight it?”

  “Because I’ve lost so much, I’m not sure I’d survive another loss like that … and it seems possible that you could cause that kind of pain.”

  He couldn’t help his smile. If she believed that, then she was admitting there was a connection between them.

  “I know what you mean, Allie. I fear that pain, too, but I can’t let go of the fact that I think you and I can really have something. And after all that pain, that darkness, I think we both deserve a little light in our life.” He paused and swept the hair out of her face before bringing his hand back around to cradle her face, adding, “I don’t know what the future holds. But I’m willing to take that risk and not let fear make the decision for me. Are you?”

  ALLIE heard the question, and she knew what he was asking. Could she do it? She wasn’t sure, but in that moment, she wanted to try. Even though she had resisted him until now, she knew she didn’t have the strength to fight it anymore. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to give him everything he asked of her, but she had to give it a shot.

  He was on his knees in front of her, waiting for an answer. How could it be anything other than yes when her body craved his touch, his body called out to hers. She felt safe in his arms, only feared losing that touch. Just the thought brought a little bit of panic to the surface. She wasn’t sure how this man managed to slip past her guard, but she did know she was tired of fighting it. She was tired of hiding from the feelings.

  Blinking back the fresh round of tears, she tried to focus through the haze as she stared at Mike and nodded. “I’m willing to take that risk. For you … I’ll try.”

  His shoulders relaxed as he pressed his forehead against hers. She could feel his breath on her face, leaving a tingling sensation wherever it touched. “Those are the sweetest words I’ve ever heard, Allie.”

  Lifting his head, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. The warmth of his touch and her need for him spiked, causing her to grip his back tighter. She let out a breathy moan as she leaned her body into his, a silent plea for more. Mike responded and slipped his hands into her hair, gripping it and taking control as his tongue glided across the seam of her lips, seeking entrance. There was no denying him, and she didn’t want to. Parting her lips, she sighed as his tongue sought out hers. The contact sent heat coursing through her body, spreading quickly and threatening to take her under.

  He was demanding, taking what he wanted, giving what she needed, and stealing her breath in the process. It was intoxicating. Pressing her body harder against his, she could feel the tension radiating from him. He wanted more from her, but she could tell he was holding back. Well, if she was going to jump, she needed him to let go, too. Slipping her hand from his back, up the tight space between their bodies, she managed to reach his neck.

  Finding the hair at the back of his neck, she fisted her hand and tugged him away, breaking the kiss. But he didn’t go far, just moved his lips across her cheek and down to her neck, once again angling her head for his pursuit. Momentarily distracted by the sensations that were threating to consume her, she said his name on a sigh.

  Tightening the grip on his hair, she said his name again. “Mike … let go.”

  His body tensed in her embrace as he stopped the attention he was giving her neck. She lifted his head to meet his gaze and said, “You’re holding back on me. If I’m going to do this, I need you to let go. No holding back.”

  She watched his eyes as they assessed what she was saying. Their short breaths mingled in the space between them, and she waited for him to respond. Then he nodded. “No holding back.”

  Shifting back, he maneuvered himself from her grasp. She shifted back too, resting on her legs, and looked up at him, trying to figure out what was going on. She didn’t need to wait long as he bent over and slipped his hands under her arms, lifting her up. Allie squealed when Mike lifted her all the way up his body, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. Once both her arms and legs were wrapped securely around his mi
ddle, she looked down at him. His answering smile was sexy and charming, and fueled the fire she thought was about to be extinguished.

  “No more holding back,” he repeated as he turned and made his way up the stairs.

  His hands cupped her ass, and hers shoved into his hair as she pressed her lips to his neck. A lick and a nibble had him squeezing his hands in response. She felt her back against the bedroom door as he used her body to open it, kicking it shut once they were inside. When they made it to the bed, he paused and slipped off his shoes before kneeling on the bed to lay them down. Still securely wrapped around him, she could feel the weight of his body press her into the mattress, allowing his denim-covered erection to rub in all the right places.

  She gasped as he rocked against her core and latched onto her neck at the same time. The two sensations raced through her body and met somewhere in the middle, melting her a little more. He pushed again, adding a little rotation of his hips as she felt his teeth sink into her neck. Crying out, she began to pull on his shirt. She needed more contact; she needed to touch him.

  Mike continued his assault on her body, preventing her from doing anything to him. He had her pinned beneath him, helpless to do anything but feel. Feel what he was doing to her, agony and ecstasy all rolled into one. All she could do was climb higher and higher as he unrelentingly moved against her. Her nerve endings were alive and awaiting his command, demanding she act on this. So when he pulled away, she tried to get at him. He stopped her, and taking both of her wrists, he lifted them above her head and held them there with one hand.

  Stretching her body tighter as she cradled him between her legs, allowing the erection that was still hiding behind his jeans, to apply more pressure to her over-sensitized body. Staring down at her, he rocked and rubbed and rotated those hips as she sustained her climb. There was nothing she could do but enjoy the ride.

  MIKE watched Allie’s eyes glaze over as he relentlessly pursued what he wanted. He could care less if he was at risk of losing it in his jeans; he couldn’t stop. It was too damn hot seeing her like this. She was completely unguarded and open to him, in all ways. In this moment, she was his, and he wanted all of her. The grip her legs had around his waist got tighter, and he knew she was close. And he needed it.