by Leah Holt
I didn't care, I didn't care if she knew I was hard from touching her. She caused it, she brought it on. Yes I had touched her first, but she was the reason that my body went up in flames to begin with.
You wanted her to feel it, you sick ass.
The tiny devil on my shoulder was sneering, while my tamed side slapped me across the face. It was a bold move for me to let her see the weakness she drew out, the sinful unforgiving torment she brought to life.
Vera was plucking the cords, playing me like a fucking cello. . . And she didn't even know it.
I waited for her to lurch back, to jerk her feet off my lap and lash out at me in disgust. Only she didn't, she sat staring at my waist as her eyes glazed over.
Does that intrigue her, does it make her heart skip extra beats and her blood run hot?
Or is she just stunned, sealed in a state of shock?
“Do you want me to stop? I'll stop if you're uncomfortable, but I'm sorry, I can't help it, you do this to me.”
Pointing at her chest, she asked, “I do, me?”
“You do.” Putting more pressure on the bottom of her foot, my cock pulsed and ached to be inside her. “And I can't explain why.”
Vera's lips turned up slowly as she forced her eyes away from my face, looking around the room. The apples of her cheeks turned cherry red, her eyes twinkling as her hand reached for her chest and stroked it slowly.
Clearing her throat, she laughed awkwardly and dragged her nails up and down her neck. “I don't know what to say.”
“You don't have to say anything, just enjoy the massage.” Dipping my thumbs into the center of her foot, I pressed in hard. “You need a release, a way to relax, that's all this is.”
“All this is, huh?” Peering at me under hooded lids, her eyes danced between mine. “Why are you so hard for me to figure out? I've always been able to see beneath the surface, but I can't do that with you.”
“Maybe you're not suppose to be able to just figure me out, maybe you have to work for it.”
Taking another sip of her drink, Vera lifted her arm and leaned on her hand. “I don't like maybes either.” Her teeth tugged on her bottom lip, lashes fanning her face like the wings of a butterfly. “You know for someone who hasn't done this in a long time, you're pretty good at it.” Reaching behind, she rested the mug on the small table.
“Am I?” Tilting my head, a devious smile hit my lips. “I'm good at a lot of things.” Winking, I slid my hand around and up her ankle, massaging her calf.
I was taking a chance, trying to feel her out. If my cock against her heel didn't scare her, maybe she wanted more. Lust teased her tone, a sensual glaze painted her eyes.
“Uh huh,” she moaned as her eyes rolled back and her head fell onto her shoulder.
My dick throbbed the longer I had my hands on her, stealing all the blood from my head to feed its growing hunger. I wanted to touch her more, to touch her higher and higher until I hit her tender bud and gave her something she never felt before.
I wanted to feel her thighs quiver as I buried my head in her delicate skin to taste her juice and lap her flavor till her body broke and she lost all control.
Pushing my cock into the arch of her foot, I rolled my waist. “I can show you, if you'll let me.”
Vera peeled her eyes open slowly, bringing a finger to her mouth to nibble the nail. “If I let you, can you promise me something?”
“What's that?”
“Promise me that if I ask you to stop, you will.” Wisps of her hair tickled her lashes as her thighs began to slide back and forth.
“You won't want me to stop, I can promise you that.” Twirling a single finger around her knee, I touched her with barely any pressure.
A spark ignited in her eyes as her hips shifted and her foot began to gently rub the raging hard-on between my legs.
“But what if I'm not ready?”
“Angel, being ready isn't what you need to think about.”
“Then what should I be thinking about?”
“You should be thinking about what you'll feel, what you'll experience. Think about what you want and not the fear that comes with it. Because I won't hurt you, even though I will make you scream.” My fingers crept a little higher, caressing her inner thigh.
Vera was already shaking, her thigh trembling beneath my fingertips as I lightly touched her.
Her tongue rode her bottom lip as her head dipped down and her lids fluttered. “Is it bad that I'm nervous? Because my heart is racing right now.” Covering her chest with her hand, she patted her heart. “It's going a mile a minute—that's not really helping the mood any is it? I'm kinda spoiling it with all this—”
Pressing a finger to her lips, I silenced her. “Shh, you're not ruining anything. I won't make you do anything you don't want to, but to enjoy it, you have to stop thinking.”
Shaking her head up and down, she smiled with playful lips. The once shiny trails of tears were now dried up and hidden behind blushed skin. Vera's chest was lifting rapidly, her fingers dancing over her collarbone and grazing her shoulder.
Sliding my hand higher, I glided it up her belly and between her tits, wrapping it around her neck. Leaning in, I brought my lips to the side of her face, resting them right outside her ear.
“Let me give you something you'll remember, let me take the weight of the world off your shoulders and give you one thing you'll never forget.” My lips traced the curve of her jaw, following the tender skin to her mouth.
I stayed still for a moment, listening to her strained breath as our mouths barely touched. Her eyes darted between mine, her tongue tempting the opening as she parted her lips.
That was what I waited for, for her body to fully respond, for every part of her to be telling me the same thing.
Everything I thought I never wanted, it was right here, right beside me. Being lonely had never been a thought that really crossed my mind before her. I had spent so much time hating the world around me that I couldn't see how much I needed someone with me.
But now that she was here, now that I had opened myself up to her in ways I could never explain. . . My angel had become all I needed.
Crushing my lips against hers, my body buzzed as the electricity flowed between us. My taste buds exploded as her tongue tangled with mine and my chest expanded to inhale a deep breath as I gave in to all the desire streaming through my veins.
Stretching my hands around her face, I cupped her cheeks and kissed her harder. I felt her body loosen beneath me, rolling in hard and pressing her tits into my chest.
She's moving on feeling, not thought.
My angel was finally giving in and not letting her mind control her body. That was the only way for her to really experience what I was about to give her.
Her clouded thoughts would blacken the way my cock would feel as I spread her open, she wouldn't be able to enjoy the rush or escape from the past that haunted her dreams in shadowed memories.
Curling my hands into her hair, I tightened my grip around the roots and held her in place. Her waist rolled, her back arched, and as our lips parted, Vera exhaled a deep moan.
“Wow,” she whispered as her hands came up and clutched my wrists. “Pax, I've wanted you to kiss me all day.” Touching two fingers to her lips, she smiled.
I didn't say one word. Staring into her eyes, I scrunched her hair between my fingers, letting the air between us drown her in need. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't want her, that didn't want this.
She had wanted a kiss, but I wanted so much more.
Holding her head in my hands, I gently tugged her roots, growling like the animal that lived inside me. My cock was hard as steel, my stomach clenched and tight as I tried to keep some form of control.
The things I wanted to do to her were far from sweet and kind. I wanted to throw her down on her back, spread her thighs wide, and not waste one more second on this foreplay shit.
But I wouldn't do that to her, I wouldn't ruin her first
time with my greedy thirst and dark desires.
Or would I?
I couldn't promise her anything, nevermind give her my word that I wouldn't hurt her.
Sex was going to hurt her, she would feel the pain and the sensation of me pressing her wider than her pussy had ever been before.
And what if it became too much for her? What if she can't take it?
Can I stop myself?
The tangled thoughts began to stifle my control, it made me hate myself for not telling her more about who I was on the inside. She hadn't seen me as the man I am, she hadn't had a taste of the evils that lived deep inside my mind.
She had no way of knowing that if I wanted something I made it mine. It didn't matter what it was; life, her virginity, her. . . If I decided it was mine, then I took it.
Vera laid her hands on my chest, stroking my abs and dipping her fingertips into the creases of each muscle. Reaching my waist, she kept her eyes on mine as she curled her fingers under the hem and started to lift my shirt over my head.
Give her this, let her take the lead.
Giving can free you, it's taking that turns you rotten.
She could have this, all of this for herself. Vera needed the control, she needed to feel some sort of command in the world she had lost.
I just wasn't sure if I was doing this for her or for myself?
My bones ached to have her, to give in and just take what I wanted. I could have it all; I could have her, her first time, her first taste of cock. . .
And I could make her mine forever, give her a lifelong connection that only we would share. A reason to never want to leave, a baby. . .
Jerking my shoulders back, I grabbed her arms tight and stopped her from touching me anymore.
“What's wrong? Are you okay?” she asked, her fingers brushing air and still reaching for my chest.
It was all hitting my brain the closer I came to fucking her. My cock was pulsing, my balls were hard and sending flutters up into my lower stomach. And the animal instincts to impregnate her were strangling all my muscles.
The idea was crazy, it went far beyond just a casual fuck, it went deeper than just a lust- filled temptation. It was wrong.
You need this, this is why she's here.
She didn't happen here by chance, it was all meant to be.
No. You can't, you can't do this.
I was battling my own thoughts, trying to kick them down and get a grip on reality. This wasn't why she had ended up here, it wasn't some sick twisted fate that brought her to my door.
Pushing her away, Vera rolled onto her back. I hovered over her as sweat dripped down over my temples and my heart raced inside my chest. I had to stop now before I lost all control.
“We can't—I can't do this.”
Shooting up on her elbows, Vera's face flushed with concern. “What? What do you mean?”
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you do this.” Sitting up on my knees, I grabbed my shirt, throwing it over my shoulder.
“What are you talking about? You didn't make me do anything, I want this just like you want this.” Her chest began to lift and fall rapidly, her eyes wildly scanning mine. Reaching her hand out, she ran it up and down my arm. “Don't stop.”
“That's not it, it's. . .” Pausing, I dragged my hand through my beard and shook my head. “I just can't.” Snapping my back straight, I stormed off to my room.
I turned my back on my angel, leaving her to sit and wonder why I couldn't keep going. But she wouldn't understand, she couldn't understand.
How could she ever grasp the reality of what my body had decided it wanted?
Even I hadn't fully realized what I was doing, not until I was about to be buried inside her and my mind started to wander.
I had broken the promise I made to not touch her.
And if it went further, I knew. . .
I would never let her go.
Chapter Eleven
Vera
What the fuck was that?
We were so close and he just dropped me like a pile of a shit. My muscles surged as anger flooded my veins. His answer wasn't good enough, none of his answers had been good enough.
But this. . . This wouldn't go with out an explanation.
Planting my feet into the floor, I kicked the blanket I had been wearing as I pounded my heels into the wood. I wasn't going to let him off that easily, I wanted to know why he couldn't sleep with me.
What possible reason could he have?
Every step vibrated my calves as I stormed down the hall to his door. Lifting my fist to the wood, I pounded hard. “Pax!”
He didn't answer.
Banging again, I yelled. “Pax, answer me!”
Still he remained quiet, silent like a mouse. Grabbing the handle, I threw the door open and stood sternly in the entrance. “What the fuck was that all about?”
Pax was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head cradled in his hands. “Go to your room, Vera, I can't do this right now.”
“Well you know what, that's too bad, because you're going to tell me why. Why can't you take me? I was giving myself to you and you just stopped, why?”
His hands fell into his lap as his dark eyes engulfed my face. “Go. To. Your. Room.” Each word was weighted, full of emotion and pain.
Pax's eyes were dead, lifeless, straining to keep in the words he wanted to speak. I couldn't understand what he was feeling, what darkness he was battling with right then.
But I didn't care.
Taking firm strides, I paced up to his bed, pressing my toes against his just like he had done to me. “No.” Holding my hips, I kept my gaze on his. “Tell me.”
Raking his hand over his head, he rubbed the back of his neck. “You're not going to stop are you?”
“Nope, so you might as well just tell me.”
Launching upright, his massive body shadowed mine, causing me to wobble on my feet. But I wasn't moving, I wasn't going to back down. And I needed him to know that.
“You don't want to know why, Vera, it'll only scare you.”
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “Fuck you, you don't know what scares me. If I was scared of you I wouldn't be here.”
“You don't have anywhere else to go.”
“I don't have to stay here, I could find a way home.”
An ominous chuckle spilled over my face as he smiled. “Is that right?” Tapping his thumb against his jaw, his chest expanded. “Angel, you can't get anywhere without me.”
Shit.
I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right. We were out in the middle of nowhere, I had nothing to survive if I wanted to take on the challenge of hiking out of here alone.
I don't even know where I am.
How the fuck would I find my way home?
Holding out a finger, I poked him in the chest. “Stop trying to avoid the question. Why did you just leave me like that? Am I not good enough for you?”
“What? No.” Growling under his breath, his eyes closed tight. “You wouldn't understand.”
“Try me.”
Peeling his lids open, his fingers came up and teased the ends of my hair. A tingle rode my spine, hitting my toes and traveling back up to my belly.
It was hard to understand why his touch affected me the way it did, why it brought me to my knees and turned my insides into hot soup.
I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't just shut it off and pretend it didn't exist. It was there, like a dim light being slowly turned up till it's so blinding you can't see.
Pax was making me stop, he was quieting the inner voice to ask questions and find answers. But only turning it down, lowering the volume, and pushing it into the background.
“What if I told you I was a bad man, would you believe me?”
“A bad man? You saved me, you're not a bad man.”
Twirling a thick lock of hair around his finger, Pax tilted his head as the spiral reached my scalp. “But I am, I'm the worst kind of man.”
> “Why would you even say that? Tell me what you did, what makes you so bad?”
Do I want him to answer that?
I wanted to know about him, I wanted to know who he was in every way. But if he was bad, if he was dark and evil, did I really want to know that?
“I've killed people, Vera.”
Sucking in a ragged breath, my eyes steadied on his, searching for the lie in his truth. “What do you mean you killed people?” My heart skipped inside my chest, pitter pattering with a raw need to hear more, to know what the hands that had just been on me had done.
His eyes settled on my lips, devouring them as we stood toe to toe. I should have been scared of the power he harnessed to hold me still with just his eyes. . . But I wasn't.
Braiding my hands together in front of my chest, I asked him again. “Tell me what you're saying. What do you mean?”
His eyes dulled as past experiences clouded his stare, turning crisp russet brown into flat terracotta. “It doesn't matter, it's in the past, but blood had been spilled. I'm not good, I'm twisted. I locked myself here for a reason, Vera.”
I wanted to step back, I wanted to turn and run. But I did the opposite, I pushed closer, testing the limits of his words. “Tell me what you mean.”
His face contorted, the thick vein in his neck twitched as his hands balled at his sides. “You can't understand what I've done, even I don't understand why I did it, or why it felt so fucking good. I followed orders and they made me into who I am.”
Cocking a brow, I asked, “Orders?”
Stepping backwards, Pax turned and opened his drawer, yanking out a thin metal chain. I heard the ping first, the soft tink of two steel plates. Holding up his hand, he let the tags swing freely in front of his face.
He was in the military.
Smiling as the weight of what he was saying seemed to lift, I stepped into him. “That's different, that doesn't make you a killer, that makes you a protector.” Touching the trim of his pants, I crept in a little closer. “War doesn't make you a bad man, Pax, you were just doing what you were trained for.”
Cocking his jaw out, his brows dipped in hard. “I wasn't trained for that, they can't prepare you for taking someone's life or what you'll feel when it happens.”