by Leah Holt
“Pax—”
Slicing a hand through the air, he stopped me from talking. “Does it make you bad if you liked it? Does it make you bad if you wanted to keep killing even after you had served your time?” Lowering his face, he brought the tip of his nose to mine. “What if I told you that even after, even after all the years I spent here alone, I still had the urge to kill? What would you think of me then?”
Angling my chin, I held his eyes firmly in mine. “I'd think you were wrong, I'd still think you were good because of what you did for me.” Reaching my hand up, I placed it gently on his cheek. “You're not a bad man, Pax, and I don't think I could ever see you as anything more than my savior.”
Grinding his teeth, his jaw twitched as he squared his shoulders. Twisting and walking towards the wall, he whipped around on his heels. “I'm not your savior. If anything, I'm your captor.” Pacing in quick, hard circles, his arms stayed tight on his hips. “I don't want you to leave, I don't want to be here without you.” Taking a hard step in, he kept his eyes buried in mine. “And that hole, I dug that hole for you, I planned on keeping you here with me forever.”
Inhaling an audible gasp, I stood shocked. I didn't know what to say or how to even process that.
That was my grave. . .
My grave. . .
Pax's eyes softened as the realization of what he had said took hold. “I. . . It's not what you think.” His hands flew up and latched his head as he yelled, “Fuck!” Stepping back he started to pace again. “Whoever hurt you, they hurt you bad, Angel. I didn't know if you would ever wake up.” There was a pain settling in his eyes, turning the deep brown to charcoal black. “You didn't have a name, I didn't know what else to do.”
Swallowing hard, I let him talk, I listened and let it all sink in. The grave was an afterthought, a forced choice for an already shitty situation that he hadn't asked for.
We were both thrown into the fire, left to burn and die in the ashes. Pax was a good guy, I could see it, I could feel it.
Rubbing his temples, he breathed in slowly. “I couldn't sleep with you because all I could think about was trying to find a way to keep you here, something so you would have to stay with me. Good men. . . Good men don't think like that.”
The air around me grew hot, pricking my lungs, turning oxygen into boiling steam. I should have been afraid right then, I should have turned and ran in the other direction, finding freedom in the trees around us.
But that wasn't what I felt.
I felt excited, I felt warm as my skin sizzled and my heart hammered inside my chest. My body was alive, shedding all the questions I had about him and about what had brought me to him.
“Pax,” I said, whispering the word.
He didn't hear me, he just kept pacing, pacing and talking. “I couldn't imagine a life before with anyone else in it, but after that night, after finding you and watching you almost die, I can't imagine a life without you.” His voice was strained as all of his thoughts streamed out like a raging hurricane, and I was standing in the eye of the storm.“You were so close, so close to death and I couldn't imagine losing you.” A distressed laugh broke his onslaught of words as he stroked his beard. “I didn't know you and I still don't know you, but you have no idea how much you gave me, how much you changed me—”
“PAX.” Speaking louder, I infiltrated his wall of confusion. “And that's why you're not the person you think you are.” My legs shuffled forward, hands sliding up to curl around his neck. “Stop talking, just stop talking.”
My eyes danced between his for one breath, one single second in time. Climbing to my tiptoes, I forced my lips onto his and kissed him. He had given me my life back, he had given me the chance to keep going.
And if I hadn't made it, he was still willing to share his haven with me.
There were no words to express the feelings I had for this man. He had swooped in, he had carried me in more ways than just a physical set of arms. His home became my refuge, his mind became my freedom and his heart. . .
His heart had just sealed itself inside mine.
If I had the power to change him from just my presence, from the care he gave me. . . What could he do to change me?
Could he show me a world that wasn't filled with greed?
Could he give me the lightness in my heart that I wished I had and erase all the pain I still held onto?
Stepping back, I stroked my fingers through his beard, scratching in deep. “Maybe we both needed a change.”
His hands flew up, capturing my face. “I don't know if you understand.” His eyes flicked between mine, opening up and drawing me in. “Now that I have you, I'd do anything to keep you. I'd do anything for you.”
Pouting my lips, I tried to read him, to see inside his words. “What would you do for me?”
Grinning, Pax slid his hands down my cheeks. “This, this is for you my Angel.” Lifting my arms up, I felt him tickle my ribs as he shimmied the shirt over my shoulders. His hands came down slowly, gingerly stroking my chest with the weight of a feather.
“Why do you call me angel? Why would you give me such a title when I've taken so much from you?” My eyes searched his for an answer as thin lines crinkled across his forehead.
Pax had no idea what I was feeling, what it felt like to have been dropped into his life the way I had. But I hadn't realized how empty I had felt before or how much I craved to have that emptiness filled.
And the longer I was here, the longer I was by his side, that hole started to shrivel up, it was closing more and more. I just needed him to help me realize why.
I still had questions about what had happened to me and how it brought me here, but all of this was helping me to look at life in a different color.
I didn't need all the bells and whistles that came with the city, I didn't need manicures and makeup to feel good about myself.
All I needed was the right man to show me the beauty that the world could offer. The right man to show me that life was more than just the type of car you drove or the designer you picked to wear.
Lifting his palm to my cheek, I leaned my face against the large pad and waited for him to speak. “Because that's what you are, you fell into my hands and saved me in ways you could never realize. You gave me the chance to feel again, to give and not always take. For that. . .” Strumming his thumb over my chin, he ran it across my bottom lip. “For that you're an angel, you're my angel.”
Biting down on my bottom lip, I felt my eyes glossing over as a smirk itched at the corner of my lip. “Really?”
“Really,” Pax said as he breathed out a heavy rush of air, scooping me into his arms and pulling my body into his chest.
Placing his mouth on my neck, he kissed my throat. A delicate purr escaped my lips as my head rolled to the side. The fire crackled behind us in the distance, the raging glow still hot enough to paint our silhouette across the ceiling.
Dropping his hands to the clip of my bra, he plucked it open, letting it fall to the floor. I didn't feel nervous anymore, my skin was warm and damp as small droplets of sweat beaded up across my shoulders. Running his tongue over my flesh, Pax tasted the sweet and salty flavor.
Moaning louder, my hips pressed in, brushing over the bulge in his jeans. I loved how I was losing myself, how my body was running only on emotion.
It felt amazing to let go of my mind, for my body to be in charge.
His hands lowered to my pants, rolling them down my thighs with determination in his sultry gaze. My pink panties were darkened in the center, the sheer fabric barely giving any cover to my swollen clit. I was so wet, pulsing and throbbing to the point I already felt like I was going to burst.
His hand swept up between my thighs, slipping a single finger up the center of my panties, blooming my lips. With one hand to the middle of my chest, he pushed me backwards.
My thighs hit the edge of the bed, the weight of his hand forcing me down onto the mattress. “My god you're perfect,” he said, dropping to his k
nees as his eyes licked my body. Leaning in he placed a kiss on my ribs as he held my sides. “You are the most perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on.” Kissing the skin under my breast, he ran his forehead across my nipple, tickling the hardened bead.
My chest expanded wide, taking in a large gulp of air. “Thank you.” Whispering, my head dipped into my chest as I draped my fingers over the button on his jeans.
The cold metal burned the tip of my finger, I wanted him in the worst way. I could feel it from my head to my toes, zipping over my skin and causing flutters in my stomach. But a nervous tumble skipped through my belly and up my ribs, making my chest vibrate, forcing me to pull away.
Curling an arm around my waist, Pax scooped me up and pushed me further onto the bed. “Angel, don't be afraid.” Kissing my belly, I shivered beneath him. My muscles were tense and shaking as goosebumps spotted my body. “You never have to fear me.”
I wasn't feeling fear or questioning if I should be sleeping with this man. All I felt was need, desire, a suffocating urge to have him inside me.
“I will never hurt you.” Pax ran his fingertips over my legs, softly caressing the delicate skin. “Do you believe me?”
Nodding yes, I bit my lower lip, placing my arms around his neck. “I trust you.”
Smiling through thin lips, he whispered. “I know you do, you don't have any reason not to.” Fiddling with his button, Pax popped it free, lowering the zipper one tooth at a time. “But I asked you if you believed me?”
The metal echoed through my ears, each tooth seemingly louder than the next. I was ready, I was eager, I was steadying my breathing so I could focus on just him.
He had thought that I wasn't ready for what he wanted to give me.
But he had no idea how ready I truly was. I was ready for anything he wanted to give.
I want it all.
“I believe you.”
Chapter Twelve
Pax
I was trying to be slow and gentle, digging down deep to grasp what little control I had inside. There wasn't much, but enough for me to grab with both hands and hold on tight.
She looked so delicate, so breakable. I didn't want to break her, not yet. I knew how important the first time was for a young woman, it meant the world to have it be perfect.
This is far from perfect.
Sex wasn't always about flowers and love notes. Sex was dirty, it was gritty, spilling down deep into the darkest side of a man's personality.
And I was a man who took, I stole the air out of your lungs and the kindness you thought you had. But with her it felt different, with Vera . . . I wanted to give.
This one is for her, not you.
No matter how badly I wanted to wrap her hair around my hand and pull, no matter how difficult it would be to not bite down on her tender skin and leave my mark, I had to let her lead.
Especially if I wanted her to stay.
Fuck, I'm never letting her go.
Slipping free of my pants, my cock was forcefully pressing against my briefs. The tip was outlined as I stood at full attention, my balls tight and tucked against my body.
I hadn't been with a woman in years, too many years. If I wasn't careful, if I didn't try to diffuse some of the tension by using my fucking brain, there was a chance I might explode before ever getting inside her.
No. You'd look pathetic.
Blowing my load before I even began was not an option. Taking a few deep breaths, I focused on her and her body, the way her legs slipped together, the gentle tremble in her muscles as she laid below me, waiting nervously for that first taste.
A gentle gasp hit her lips as my cock reached for her, pulsing and throbbing to be inside her. Her eyes widened as I slowly pulled out my dick, holding it tightly around the base.
I loved her reaction, the way she lit with a mix of excitement and fear at how thick my length was. There was no doubt that the nerves she had pushed away had flooded back in, stealing away the air in her lungs.
Only this time they weren't going to leave until after I entered her pussy. She could try all she wanted to regain some control, to talk herself out of the unknown and fear of the pain. But I could see it all over her face, it was lit up like a damn billboard at night.
Her eyes grew wide as saucers, flittering over my engorged crown. Parting her lips, her tongue danced over her bottom lip, tasting the air. Goosebumps spotted her arms, flowing over her body in a cascade of ripples.
Holding my cock, I stroked it with long hard pulls, edging it closer. I watched her muscles tense, arms locking straight as she shifted on the bed.
Vera was scared of how it would feel, she was worried about how much it was going to hurt when I slid inside her. And I couldn't expect her to not be worried about that. The first time was the scariest for anyone, guys were no exception.
Any man that says he had the confidence of a porno star his first time is a lying sack of shit.
We had the same anxiety about having sex. I remembered my first time and how worried I was that the girl would think my dick was small or that I wasn't going to do it right. It definitely sent the whole stage fright scenario into hyper-drive.
That first time wasn't as exciting as I had wanted it to be. My anxiety was running rampant, my heart raced a million miles a minute. I remembered sweating profusely before I even began. It was horrible.
But that was so long ago, a forgotten memory until right then. Now, now I was well aware of what to do and how to touch a woman. I knew where to place my hands and how to stroke her body so she would melt.
It might have been years since I had slept with anyone, but all that knowledge was still right there on the front of my brain. That was one thing I would never forget.
Stroking my shaft, I squeezed the crown and smoothly glided my hand back down. “I know what you're wondering and the answer is yes. Yes, it's going to hurt, but only for a little bit, it won't last, I promise.” Cupping her knees, I butterflied her thighs wide open. Her pussy was soaked, dripping in need. “But once I'm inside you, once that pain subsides and the ecstasy seeps in. . .” Lowering myself down onto my forearms, I let my mouth hover over her ear. “You'll never want me to take it out.”
Vera moaned, arching her back and pressing her tits against my chest. Shifting her arms above her head, she wrapped them around my neck and rubbed my scalp.
My skin lit up, prickling from head to toe as she caressed my head, my neck, my shoulders. I loved the way it felt as she touched me, as her hands found my flesh and tasted it with her fingertips.
Pressing my tip to her entrance, I slowly pushed in. Vera's back bowed higher as her thighs clamped tightly around my waist. I watched her face, reading her expressions and trying so hard to be gentle.
I wanted her to remember this in color, in full emotion and sexual gratification. The pain wouldn't be in her mind, the slight ache and pinch as I broke her open would be forgotten and replaced by shivers.
Pushing myself in a little deeper, it took everything I had to not thrust the rest in with one hard push. She was hot and silky, her juice easing me in inch after inch.
Cringing, Vera lifted her face to my shoulder and bit down, digging the sharp edges of her teeth into the skin. “Ah,” she groaned as the rest of my cock disappeared inside her.
I didn't move once I was all the way in, I stayed still, giving her body time to relax and accept the muscle now buried deep. “Are you alright?” I asked, placing a kiss on her forehead, then trickling them down over her jaw and neck.
Her body clenched as she dug her nails into my back, racking my spine. Pushing the hair away from her face, I watched her brows crinkle and her mouth draw in her bottom lip. “Yeah, I'm okay.”
“Are you sure? I can stop if you need me to.” If it was too much for her, if she couldn't handle the pain, I wouldn't keep going.
I didn't want to stop and it'd be fucking blue ball hell if she needed me to. But if she wanted me to take it out, now was the time to say so. I couldn't p
romise her I wouldn't turn into a feral animal and block out her voice, her sounds, her pain if she let me go a little longer.
You won't hurt her, you know you won't.
“I'm okay, keep going.” Her words were soft, riding the air as she exhaled a warm breath over my cheek. Wiggling her hips, Vera shifted her waist and loosened her legs.
Raising up, I pressed back inside, over and over I thrust gently. Her nipples beaded, grazing my chest as our bodies rocked together. The sounds she made started to change, turning from discomfort to soothing music.
Her body began to rock with mine, rolling and grinding her hips up to meet my pace. My cock was in awe, feeling the tightness of her pussy milking my shaft. I wanted to explode, I wanted to erupt my seed deep inside her and plant a part of me in her forever.
Vera lifted her legs, wrapping them around my waist. “Fuck, Pax.” Curving her spine higher, her head snapped back as her mouth gaped open to release a huge, long moan.
Jerking my hips a little harder, I pushed in deeper, tasting her walls. Her pussy was perfect, tight and smooth, wet and silky. Thrust after thrust I lost myself inside her as my tip swelled and the hard muscle beat with a pulse of its own.
Squeezing my waist, I felt her thighs quivering as her hips gyrated, forcing her sweet cunt into my lower belly. The tiny trail of hair that went from my base to the center of my stomach was slick and soaked from her juice.
“Angel, don't be afraid, not anymore.” Driving my head into the crook of her neck, I bit her collarbone as I thrust harder.
Vera's moans turned to screams as her nipples went rock hard, dragging over my chest and scraping my skin. Her thighs were clamped on tight as she trembled beneath me and her body ignited in a wave of goosebumps. She was close, so close to hitting her peak, to reaching the top and falling down hard.
Curling my fingers into her hair, I grabbed the roots and held her face against mine. I wanted to feel her as she came, I wanted to watch her face as she felt the orgasm erupt through her body, turning her blood from cold to hot.