by Leah Holt
Her heartbeat picked up as her chest lifted and dropped excitedly. Vera lifted her hands to my arms, curling her fingers around my wrists and rubbing small circles over the back of my palms.
Holding her cheeks, I stared into the vast green pools, aching for her to look at me with the same emotions I had for her. “I need you, Angel, that's what I want.” My words buzzed over her lips as she inhaled a quick breath. “And I'm going to take you.”
Snapping her eyes shut, her head rolled in my hand as I pulled her hair and kissed her throat. Nipping her neck, I could feel my cock thicken with every taste of her skin.
“Mm,” she moaned, dragging her nails over my head and latching them around the base of my skull. “Fuck, Pax, how do you make me feel this way?”
My hands found every inch of her exposed skin, touching her arms, gliding across her chest and collarbone. “Not everything can be explained, some things just are.” Licking her throat, I bit down on her bottom lip and plucked it hard.
Another heavy moan rolled off her tongue, sending a chill up my spine. This woman made me crack, she had the power to turn me from cold to hot, from lifeless to alive, and that meant everything to me.
That was what drove me to keep her here, to want her to never leave. And if I had to fuck her till she couldn't walk, just so she couldn't escape from my cabin and vanish from my life, I would.
Tearing her pants down her thighs, her skin ignited in goosebumps as the cold air tickled her body, forcing the tiny peaks to explode.
My dick was throbbing to be in her again, to feel her tightness and warmth.
“Are you really going to fuck me right here?” she asked, whispering her words through another heated breath.
“I'm going to fuck you where ever I want and how ever I want.” Curling a finger into the thin fabric of her panties, I tore them free. The lace broke with hardly any pressure, splitting at the seam.
Tossing her panties to the ground like another fallen leaf, I growled through my teeth. “Yesterday was for you, Angel; but today, today is for me.”
I watched a shiver scale her body as her thighs clenched and her eyes flashed with a hint of uncertainty.
Dragging my finger across her bottom lip, I glided my hands down the curve of her jaw. “Don't be afraid, Angel.” My hand continued down over her chest, pinching her nipple as I hit the hardened bead.
Gasping, Vera's head fell back as her fingers gripped the wood stump. Her knuckles drained to white as her body went stiff and her breathing turned raspy.
Grabbing her hips, I flipped her to her stomach and lifted her waist so her ass was perched high. “I'm going to fuck you deep, I'm going to fuck you hard, and you're going to love every second of it.”
Taking her outside, under the clear sky with nothing around but the sounds of the trees swaying in the wind and the quick chirp of birds nestled high; it was euphoric, lighting my veins in electric pops that sizzled under the skin.
Spreading her ass, I stroked my cock inside my pants. Vera arched her back, forcing her wet, glistening pussy up higher. Her sweet musk hijacked my senses, making my cock jerk.
“Fuck me, Pax.” Rolling her hips, she shook her ass, begging me to be inside her. “Fuck me and take me how you like it.” Rocking backwards, Vera rubbed her ass up and down the thick bulge in my jeans.
Grunting, I couldn't take it anymore. Tearing my cock free from its binding, I held my length and slipped it between her cheeks. Grinding up and down, I stroked my cock against her puckered hole, gently tickling her wet heat.
“Do you want to feel me? Do you need to feel me?”
“Yes.” Her breathing was weighted, legs quivering. Leaning in, I bit her ass, softly stroking up the center. Vera let out another gasp, swaying her hips.
“Tell me again,” I said, dragging my teeth over her skin. “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you, I need you.”
Running my hand up the center of her back, I twined my fingers into her hair. “Say it again.”
“I want you.” Her words were soft, filled with need, but that wasn't good enough. I wanted more, I needed more. I wanted to hear her beg for me.
“Say it so I believe you, beg for me, Angel, beg for me.”
Her head ticked over her shoulder, her eyes glazing over in tempered desire. “Please take me, please.”
Licking her asshole, I pushed my finger into her pussy and twirled. “Again.”
“Please, fuck me.” Her pussy milked my finger, clenching around it tight.
“Good girl.” Tugging her hair, I pushed my finger in deeper, feeling her walls crush around me with force.
Vera's head fell forward, her lips forming a perfect circle as she moaned. Fingering her pussy, I wrapped her hair around my hands and tugged her head up.
My cock was engorged, ready and eager to feel her. I couldn't wait any longer. The tip was glistening in pre-cum, my shaft pulsed and throbbed to the point it was getting too painful to keep teasing her.
Pulling my finger free with a wet slurp, I gripped my length and pressed it to her entrance. Her body tensed, arms snapping up and holding onto the wood with purpose.
I could see the profile of her face and it was gorgeous. Her mouth was open wide, her lids were closed, her long lashes fluttered against the top of her cheeks.
Splitting her open, I slid in slowly at first, feeling all of her, all her warmth, all her juice as my cock disappeared inside her.
Gripping her roots, I yanked her hair harder, lifting her face high. Pulling back, I felt my cock reach the opening, almost breaking free. Pausing, I waited for her to open her eyes, to achingly beg me with her gaze to keep going.
Jerking my hips, I drove my length in, hitting her lower belly. Staying still, I held myself in place, unable to go any deeper.
Vera's lust-filled eyes flashed, teetering on the edge of pure insanity and desire. Her hips jerked, pushing back and forcing me in just a little more.
This was what I needed, this was what my life had been missing. A beautiful woman to share it with, to have by my side and give all I had to offer. She gave me the power to truly feel, to connect in a way I hadn't ever been able to before.
Thrust after thrust, I fucked my angel under the cover of the trees, with nothing around us for miles and miles.
Taking was what I did best; I took her from my forest, I took her for myself, and I planned on taking her over and over again.
But right then I wasn't taking, I was giving. I was giving myself to her, offering her all of me, a never ending conviction of what she would always have.
Vera's moans grew louder, ricocheting off the mountains and driving back into my skull. Her thighs squeezed shut as they trembled, her mouth gaped open wide as her body released.
That was it, that was enough to make me forget time, to forget to breathe, to forget that I was bare in the worst kind of way. My heart was stripped of its protection, my body and soul was now at her mercy.
With one hard pump, I dug my nails into her hip, holding her in place while I yanked her head back hard. My cock throbbed, jerking inside her as the come spilled free. Pump after pump, my cream exploded from the tip, dripping out around the edges.
And as the orgasm settled inside my body, I laid over her back and whispered into her ear. “I can never tell you in words what I want, Vera, because saying it out loud isn't enough.” Stroking her hair, my chest ached as my lungs did everything to spread the oxygen through my body. “I want it all, Angel.” Kissing the back of her neck, I said, “Now tell me what you want.”
Vera twisted in place, her eyes studying mine, holding steady and not daring to look away. “You know what I want, Pax, I already told you.”
Brushing my fingers over her elbow, I teased her skin. “Wrong answer.” Curling my hands around her forearms, I pulled her up onto her knees and turned her to face me. “Tell me what you want from this, from me. Tell me that this is better than the life you had before. Were you happy?”
Glancing
at the ground, her bottom lip trembled. “Why are you asking me that?”
Running my hands up her back, I traced her spine, forcing her body to shiver. “I need to know, Angel. I have to know if the life you came from is worth forgetting.”
I felt her inhale a quick breath, holding it for a second, then releasing it slowly. “There are things I wouldn't mind forgetting, but. . .” Pausing, her fingertips drew up, brushing over my chest. “But haven't I already forgotten enough?”
“Do you really want to remember that?”
“Wouldn't you want to know if it was you?” Her brows arched high, eyes tenderly aching for answers.
My heart thudded harder, wondering if knowing was really the answer. What if it drove her away from me? What if it drove me back into insanity?
I couldn't have that, I won't have that.
But I could see in her eyes she would never stop looking, she would never stop wondering about her forgotten memories and lost time. There was nothing I could do to change that, I had to accept that fact.
It wouldn't matter what I gave her or how much I did for her. Vera would always be looking. And if she was searching, she wouldn't really be here, even if her body was.
“If I can get you your answers, if I can bring back those memories, and find a way for you to accept them, would you let me keep you?”
Vera's head snapped up, her lashes blowing in the breeze, tickling the small space under her brows. “Keep me? What do you mean keep me?”
Lowering my chin, I brought my lips to her ear. “I think it's pretty clear what I mean, Angel.” Nipping her lobe, I plucked it between my teeth.
A sharp breath escaped her lips as she jerked her body back. “I have a life, Pax, you can't just keep me like a fucking pet.”
“No, not like a pet, Vera, I want you to be mine.”
Her hands pushed against my chest, forcing us apart. Thinning her mouth, her face scrunched tight. “Is that what this is? Did you really think you could just keep me stowed away up here?”
“I told you last night I wasn't letting you go.”
Throwing her arms in the air, she huffed loudly. “I didn't think you meant literally, I thought it was just an in the moment thing.” Twisting her foot into the leaves and dirt, she gripped her sides. “Why?”
Grabbing her waist, I yanked her back into my arms. “Because without you I'd be lost, I'd crumble into dust and lose myself all over again.” Holding her tight, her body molded against mine. “I know you don't think you know me, Angel, but you know more about me than you realize. If you listen hard to your thoughts, I'm in there someplace.” Gripping her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I tipped her head up. “It might be deep, but I'm in there.”
I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to press my lips onto hers and feel the heat of her tongue. But I didn't, I waited, I let my words sink in and take hold. I needed her, the idea of letting her go burned, it slashed my insides, blackening my heart.
I had spent days talking to her, telling her about my past, my life, all the things that built me into the monster I had become. I knew she was sleeping, but I had hoped she would remember me, even if it was just the sound of my voice.
I wanted her to hear my words, to feel them in her dreams and sense them when she woke. Spilling all the darkest secrets came easy, her ears were open, any judgment she might cast could vanish. All because she would wake feeling she knew me, feeling connected on a level that went far beyond what one person could ask of another.
But maybe that wish went unheard, maybe it turned out to be just another fallen star, lost in a sea of wishes.
“What about me? What about my family?” Her hands danced over my abs, tapping the hardened muscles and drumming a silent beat against my stomach. “I'm lost right now, Pax, and maybe it's time for me to be found.”
Fuck! Why can't she just accept that she was meant to be here?
Vera's face drooped down, her eyes lowering in pain. I didn't want to cause her pain, I didn't want to be the reason for any of the torment she felt.
Tipping her chin up, I brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Angel, when I found you that day, I made you a promise. I promised you I'd fix this.”
Her eyes flickered, coming to life. “Is that what you said to me as you carried me?”
Cocking a brow, my mouth drew taut. “You remember that?”
“I remember you talking, but I didn't know what you said.”
“I thought you didn't remember anything?”
“I didn't, I still don't. I just have little flashes of that night. . .” As she spoke her words trailed off, her eyes rolling up to the sky. She stared up into the clouds, holding whatever thought had just popped into her head.
“Vera, what do you remember?” But she didn't respond, she was in a daze as her mind shut down everything else around her. “Vera?” Speaking louder, I gently shook her shoulders. “Vera?”
Tapping her lip with her finger, her face settled in place, coming back to me—to us. “I just want to know.”
Scooping her cheeks into my hands, I held her face against mine, pressing my forehead onto hers. “I'll help you remember. . .” Kissing the center of her face, I whispered. “And I'll help you forget them again.” Stroking her jaw, I felt her body fasten to mine as her arms curled up around my waist. “Because you deserve that.”
Answers are what she needed.
And she was going to need me to get through them.
Chapter Fifteen
Vera
It was funny how we spent the rest of the day just doing 'normal' things. We didn't really talk, no long emotional conversations or discussion of what steps needed to take place to get me the answers I longed for.
As my body still buzzed from the way he took me outside, the feral heat between us tingled over my skin as we stacked wood and made a fresh feeder pile inside the cabin to keep the fire blazing.
He showed me the solar panels he had set back in a clearing that he used to heat his water and power the small deep freezer he had. I soaked it all in, I let him teach me about how to clean the black glass, about what berries were okay to eat and which ones to steer clear of.
His face would brighten when I asked a question, his eyes burst with excitement when I pointed out a set of fresh tracks as we walked through the trees.
And for some crazy reason that made me happy. It felt good to know that I could shine a light into his life, to bring joy when all he was able to see before was death.
We were connected on some strange level of mirrored lives. He brought me life, I brought him happiness, and both of us were trying to escape the darkness.
For dinner Pax scavenged his emergency cabinet, rummaging up some white rice and a can of beef stew.
The small pile of dishes in the sink didn't sit there long, I washed and dried them, putting them back in their respective places. For a lone man, wild hunter, and self-proclaimed monster. . . His home was rather organized.
It made me rethink the stone around the fireplace and how well all the pieces fit together. Pax might have been wild on the outside, but inside he was an assembly line of framework.
He liked order, he liked everything to be as close to perfection as possible. All his glasses were arranged by size and shape, he never left his bed unmade or disheveled. The blankets were tucked in securely, his pillows neatly resting against the headboard.
The living room was spotless, not a hint of dust or ash, no streaks on the glass windows or footprints across the floor.
The military must have drove that home, burning it into his routines and daily life.
He didn't want me to do any cleaning, but I insisted, forcing him to go shower and to let me take care of it. It was the least I could do after all he had done for me.
I wasn't repaying him because he had told me I had to, I was doing it because I wanted to. Because no good goes without a thank you.
Pax had helped my body to heal, he had kept me whole in a way I couldn't possibly e
xplain. And I had never given him the proper thank you he deserved for that.
The longer I was around him, the more connected I felt to him, and to what he was, to how he lived. I could see the beauty in his trees, in the silence and simplicity of the world he lived in. I was starting to understand him.
But can you stay here forever?
Can you leave your home and family just to keep these feelings alive?
Because that's what it was. . . It was a feeling.
My heart skipped like a stone across water when he was near me, my stomach would clench, my thighs would shake and tremble. It was becoming hard for me to focus on anything else but him.
I wasn't sure how long it would be before I forgot all about my past and the hurt I had been left with. I found myself repeating what I wanted inside my head, making sure it was still there and not drifting off into the vast expanse of my memories, cuddling up with the time I lost in the woods.
Convincing him to take me into town was still there. I didn't plan on giving up, there was no fucking way, but in the same breath that demand was fading as my mind allowed it to be dulled.
And for some reason when I even said the word 'town' he cringed. Pax immediately reacted to the idea of heading back into the population, back into the real world and away from his humble cocoon. His past was haunting him, his own fear of himself created a wall. He hated other people because of his own impulses.
He needs to learn to let go. I wish he would just let go.
I didn't want to piss him off by repeatedly asking over and over. I knew if I kept pressing him he would tear up my mission and toss it out the window, he'd shut down and I'd have to do it all on my own.
You can't do this on your own.
I needed his help, and in order to get it, I had to give him time to let the idea sink in and make its way through his maze of thoughts.
Leaning against the counter, I watched him poke the fire, shuffling around the red coals. His muscles rolled under the skin, struggling against the fabric of his shirt, trying to tear it apart. The thick muscles of his back dipped and curved, pulsing and hardening as he leaned in.