by Leah Holt
“Mm, Pax!” my angel yelled, raking her nails down my back and clawing the skin raw.
I felt her muscles go stiff as I held her body still and a hard shiver rode the length of her frame from head to toe.
My balls hardened as a tingle in my lower stomach forced my muscles to tighten. I couldn't hold back, I couldn't stop my body from reacting to the pleasure I felt wash over her.
With one quick jerk, I pulled my cock free, letting my come paint her belly in white cream. Pulse after pulse, the come flowed from my tip as I gripped the base of my dick and helped to stroke it out.
I was proud of myself for having the control to pull out, to not frighten her with the idea of getting pregnant. No matter how much I was ready and willing to seal her away here forever, to fuck her over and over until she couldn't walk and was carrying my child. . .
I knew she wasn't ready. It would be a selfish, a dick-headed move for me to lay that in her lap right now. We had all the time in the world to plan our future.
Because now that I had tasted her, she was never leaving.
Lowering my body onto hers, our chests touched, our hearts beating together. Brushing the rim of her ear with my lips, I whispered. “I can't ever let you go, Angel.” Placing a soft kiss on the inside of her neck, I walked my fingers over her chin, turning her face to mine. “Not ever.”
Chapter Thirteen
Vera
Rolling to my side, my hand fell onto an empty pillow. Opening my eyes, Pax wasn't laying beside me, his spot was vacant and ice cold.
Pushing myself up, I rubbed my eyes and shivered. The room was freezing, making my lungs hurt as I breathed. Wrapping the blanket around my shoulders, I bundled myself up and walked to the door.
My inner thighs ached, a good ache for a change. The slight pain made me forget all the other bumps and bruises I had been suffering, bringing a smile to my face.
I could still feel the weight of his hips on my thighs, the scent of sex still rolled around my body as my sensitive button throbbed with the memory of what had happened.
I can't believe I did that.
Dragging my fingers through my hair, a smirk settled nicely across my lips. I didn't regret what had happened, I was just surprised at how easy it was for me to give myself to a man I barely knew.
But in a way, I didn't feel like he was a stranger. I felt like I knew him, like I've known him all my life. I couldn't put into words the reason why or how, it just was.
I never coveted my virginity as some grandiose trophy I would only give to a man who took my breath away.
If I was being honest, it was actually the complete opposite. I wanted to have sex, I wanted to experience the high that came when your body exploded and lost all sense of its surroundings.
Pax gave me that, he let me feel free of the torment my brain was experiencing, and that freedom was absolutely unforgettable.
There was no debate inside my head as to whether it was the right decision or not, no oppressive shame about sleeping with him.
For all the words I could use to describe what I felt, I only had three; it felt right.
Pax had been my savior, he had dubbed me his angel, there had to be solace in that. I had always been taught that things happened for a reason and I was starting to think that fate had a twisted sense of humor.
Fate had given me pain in exchange for pleasure. Fate had decided to sit back and laugh in my face while I found happiness in the new world it dropped me into.
I was changed.
Opening the door, the welcomed rush of heat from the fire fanned my face, instantly warming me up. Taking small quick steps to the blistering inferno, I held my hands out, calling the warmth into my blanket.
“Morning, Angel, feel any better today?” Pax was in the kitchen, blowing out a match he had just used to light the small propane stove.
Grinning, my cheeks blushed as the image of him naked floated into my head. “Maybe,” I said giggling, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
I felt giddy as my body tingled from the sound of his voice, the deep tone hit me in the center of my chest, forcing the air to skip out of my lungs.
“I like maybes.” His lips turned up as the butter he dropped in the pan bubbled and sizzled.
The loud snaps rang out as my stomach grumbled, ready to eat a real meal. “What are you making?” Stepping to the counter, I leaned over his shoulder and tried to see what he was doing.
“Uh uh, it's a surprise.”
“Come on, that's not fair.” Pinching his shirt, I pulled it out and let it snap back against his ribs.
Setting the butter to the side, Pax wrapped his bear-sized hands around my shoulders and walked me back into the living room. “You sit here, warm up, and I'll have breakfast done in a few minutes.”
“You don't play fair, you know that?”
“I never said I did.” His feet thudded against the wood as he made his way back into the kitchen. “If I remember correctly, I think I said I make the rules.”
“Smart ass.” I couldn't stop my mouth from smiling, it was stuck in place, curving painfully to my ears.
I didn't have to see his expression to know that he was laughing to himself. I could hear the soft chuckle, feel the grin on his lips even though he kept his back to me.
“I hope you're hungry, breakfast is my favorite one to cook.”
“Is this a fresh morning catch?” I asked, pressing my knees into my chest and curling up tight.
“No, it's my reserves, so consider yourself lucky.” The clank of plates on the counter echoed through the cabin, the scent of bacon filled the room around me.
“Do I smell bacon?”
“Stop, I'm not telling you what you're getting.”
“But I can smell bacon, so I know you're making that.”
“I'm not answering you.”
“But—”
“Nope, stop trying to guess.”
Groaning to myself, I curled my feet under the blanket and let the fire take over my mind. It was strange how amazing and beautiful something so simple could be.
Most days that I was at home just hanging around, I would lay on the couch, push play on my DVR and watch an entire season of some shitty reality television show.
I would let the screen suck me in, turning me into a living zombie as I downed a pint of vanilla ice cream, and wallowed in the repetitive tasks life threw my way.
But here, here it was different.
I could hear all the animals outside, the birds, the crickets, the rustle of leaves as small animals jumped from tree to tree. There were no other noises to seep in and mingle with your thoughts.
No cars, no horns or firetrucks zipping by at all hours of the day, interrupting you when you were talking or trying to study to the point you had to stop until they were gone.
Here, tucked away in the silence it was tranquil, relaxing, and nothing like what I was used to. It was slightly scary to me how much I was starting to enjoy being here.
My mind was slowing down—not forgetting—but temporarily silencing the onslaught of questions. I had stopped obsessing over what had brought me here and was becoming drawn to the idea of it all having a purpose.
Maybe I was meant to find this place. . .
No! You have a life, a family, you have everything waiting for you outside those trees and no one knows where you are.
“Pax?”
“Yeah?”
“I was thinking—”
“Oh shit, thinking. . .” Pausing, he twisted over his shoulder and sent me a wide-eyed glare.
“Shut up.” Stretching my arms up, I worked out a kink in my shoulder. “I should probably call my mom and let her know I'm alright.”
His back rolled straight, one vertebrae at a time. His neck thickened, not looking up, not bringing his eyes to mine. “And how do you plan on doing that? I don't have a phone here.”
“I know, but there has to be one in town I can use. She's probably worried sick, I need t
o let her know I'm okay.”
I heard him inhale an awkward breath as he shifted on his feet and kept his face on the pan. “I'm not going into town today.”
“So—can't we make a trip down?”
“I only go once a month and I already made that last week.” His voice changed, peppered in defiance and tension.
What the hell is his problem?
Jerking my body upright, I gripped the back of the couch. “You can't make an extra trip? She's probably scared to death that something bad happened.”
“Something bad did happen.”
“Exactly! She's probably thinking I'm dead. I have to call her, you need to take me so I can do that.”
Pax's body went stiff, as all his muscles snapped and popped into place. “I don't have to do shit.”
Veering my stare, I glared at the back of his head. “What is wrong with you? You told me to never be afraid to ask you for anything, so I'm asking. Take me so I can call her.”
Slamming the spatula on the counter, he spun around on his heels, his mouth taut and thin. “I said you could ask, I never said you'd get your wish.” The vein in his neck pulsed, throbbing angrily.
“You're being an asshole.”
“And you're shit out of luck.” Taking long strides, Pax stomped out of the kitchen and out a door on the back wall. I could hear his feet as they pounded with each step, cracking and breaking whatever he stepped on.
Why is he doing this?
It killed me to see him get so upset over something that meant so much to me. My mother needed to hear my voice, she needed to know I was okay.
For him to deny me that, to deny her that. . .
It doesn't make sense.
I wanted to follow him, to force him to tell me what the hell he was thinking. But I was so shocked by his reaction and the repulsed look on his face that I couldn't move.
He doesn't really expect me to wait an entire month before calling my family. . .
Does he?
Whatever was going on inside his head, whatever disposition he held about the town he seemed to loathe, I needed him to dig through the rubble and come out with the right stone.
There was no denying that I was a guest in his home or that I had taken from him and given to him in ways that most people would never understand. Even I couldn't fully grasp the reality of what was happening between us.
But to deny me my mother. . .
That was cold.
Chapter Fourteen
Pax
No.
I couldn't go into town, not with her.
They would all know something wasn't right, that she wasn't from around here. I couldn't risk someone recognizing her. I never went into town with anyone else, I was always by myself.
If I wanted to keep them away, then bringing her there wasn't an option.
She can't leave, I won't let her.
Lifting the ax over my head, I swung it down hard, splintering the log in half. Picking up the pieces, I tossed them into the pile and placed another one on top. Shattering the second log, I flung the broken pieces as my body tensed from head to toe.
I was angry, I was enraged, but not with her, not with my angel.
She couldn't understand how taking her into town would end up with her getting taken away from me. There was no way I could lose her, not from something that was destined to steal her right out of my hands.
Vera had helped me to let go, to unlock the doors I had sealed shut. And she couldn't even see it, she didn't have a fucking clue.
It was hard to open yourself back up to a world you despised, to a place that couldn't understand what it was like to see what I've seen, to have done all the things I've done.
And to still have that itch, that tiny voice always trying to creep up and gain traction, wanting me to do it again. I was a vile human being, one being tempted by blood and fueled by destruction.
Vera wanted to convince herself that what I had done for her was kindness, that it was all done with the best intentions.
What if she knew she was wrong?
I tried to explain it to her, to let her see a glimpse of who I truly was. She was blind to it, twisting what I told her into a crazy idealistic image of a hero.
I'm not a hero. I'm a fucking thief, I'm selfish. . .
I'm her captor.
What I had done for her, yes that was good, it was the right thing to do. But what I wanted now, that was a black seed that sat in my gut, slowly growing and planting its roots deep into my muscles.
I could take her to call her mother, I should take her. But taking her would mean more questions, it would mean people, people who would want to take her from me. I couldn't do that, I couldn't lose her to a rash of cops and doctors trying to find the same answers she wanted.
The fear was there, the panic and anxiety had cradled my heart. She would go, she would want to leave with the hopes that all of this would have an ending.
Her end was now, it was here. She didn't need to keep reaching for intangible clouds that would slip through her fingers.
Here, here she could be happy; happy and safe.
That was what I could give her, if she let me. All she had to do was see it, feel it, know it without asking more questions.
“What the fuck is your deal?” Her voice crept in from over my shoulder, forcing me to stop mid-swing.
Holding the ax stale in the air, I cocked an eye over my shoulder. “Nothing.” Letting the ax fall, it cracked through another piece of wood, and I stacked it onto the growing pile.
Her feet padded over the leaves, crushing them with gentle pops. “Nothing?”
Grunting, I let the ax fly down hard. “Look, I have work to do, what do you need?”
“You know what I need.” Tucking her arms into her ribs, she stood tall, bravely staring down the barrel of my hard, steel weapon. “Don't act like you don't know.”
“I gave you your answer.” Resting the ax by my feet, I pulled the sleeves up on my shirt, turning to look at her and wiping away the sweat on my forehead.
Gawking, Vera's mouth hung open, her eyes hovering under hooded lids. “You're unbelievable, you know that?” Taking a long step forward, she snatched the ax from my hands, lifting it over her head and letting it fall with precision into the center of the log. “Go on, get another one.”
Placing a hand on my hip, I gripped the top of my head. “What are you doing?”
“I'm helping.”
“No, what are you really doing?” Tilting my head, I watched her closely.
I wasn't stupid, there was no way that she was willingly accepting my refusal to do what she asked me to. She was going to try and rope me into taking her into town some other way, a give and take game that I wasn't about to play.
That was not going to happen, not by my hands. If I did decide to let her go, I wouldn't drive her into the public's eye and let her loose. There was no doubt in my mind that the world was looking for her, that a fixation on her had been swirling from news-stand to news-stand.
She's staying, I already decided that.
“I'm not going to let you do everything yourself, I'm here, so use me.” Grabbing another log herself, she steadied it in the center of the block. “I'll earn my keep, like you said before, I'll repay you for what you've done for me. Then maybe we can talk about what I really need.” Holding the ax high, she let it fall down with gusto, grunting as the metal hit the base.
“I know what you're doing and it's not going to work.”
“And what is it I'm doing?” Tossing the wood onto the pile, she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.
“Don't play games with me, I can see right through you.”
“This isn't a game. You've been very kind taking care of me, but I don't want to be your burden, I want to help.”
“You're not a burden.”
She was far from being a burden. In some twisted way I felt like I was righting all the wrongs, I was clearing my conscious and starting over. For all
the bad that flowed through my veins, there was still some good.
Having her here made me feel like my life finally had purpose. There was comfort in knowing she needed me, in keeping her safe and protecting her from whatever was out there.
I was actually starting to feel sane again.
Leaning on the handle of the ax, Vera looked me up and down, letting her eyes settle sternly on mine. “What do you want from me, Pax?”
My lids popped open, eyes rattling around inside my skull. How was I going to answer that question?
I wanted everything from her. I wanted to keep her locked away as my own precious treasure that the world could never touch. I wanted her mind, her body, her soul. I found a diamond in the rubble around me, just waiting to be scooped up in my hands.
I want it all.
This angel was mine. Even if she begged me, I was never letting her go.
She looked so beautiful, her face flushed and damp from sweat. The sun burst through the trees behind her, making her body glow, showering her anger filled expression in glittering speckles of yellow rain.
I was turned on instantly, flooded with the need to take her right there. I had walked away from her because I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving. Now, now I couldn't shut down my body, I couldn't stop myself from making sure she knew she was mine.
“I'd rather show you.” Taking a long step forward, I pulled the ax from her hands and dropped it to the ground. Her breath hitched as I swept her off her feet, lifting her by the waist and setting her down on the block of wood.
“Pax—”
Silencing her voice, I kissed her hard, I kissed her with all the feelings that she seemed to bring to life inside me. Feelings I didn't think existed anymore, feelings I thought had been driven away, dissolving into nothing as my mind became crusted in a hardened shell.
But Vera broke that shell, she shattered it to bits, letting everything I had buried flood my body.
Our lips locked, the touch hot and cold as a chilled gust blew between us. The woods went silent, despite the wind and rustling trees around us. I could feel the breeze on my skin, I could see the branches around us moving, but right then, all I could hear was her body.