Never Say Love (Never Say Never #1)

by Carly Phillips

  “I am.” Reaching between their bodies, he caught her clit between two fingers, sliding back and forth until she started to pant, then sheathed himself with a condom and slid into her heat. “I definitely am.”

  Chapter Eight

  Nate slept wrapped around Ellie, sharing the same bed.

  The thought circled Ellie’s mind as she ordered a second mimosa. The sparkling combination of orange juice and champagne paired nicely with the massive plate of eggs and bacon that she’d grabbed from the buffet before joining the long table of women at Meredith’s bridal brunch.

  She’d turned toward her habitual Greek yogurt and berries out of habit, and then had remembered Nate’s comments about chicken salads. And the truth was, despite the massive order of spaghetti that she’d devoured at two in the morning, she was still starving.

  This weekend might make her fat and give her a drinking problem. Being with Nate sure worked up an appetite.

  The chatter of the women surrounded her as she took a seat at the end of the table, but to her tired ears it was just noise. Her mind was focused on Nate, churning out a never-ending reel of the previous night’s activities in vibrant detail.

  He’d spanked her, and she’d liked it. More than liked it—it had been the single most mind-blowing experience of her life. Intense—that was the word she was looking for.

  It had taken everything she had to leave him in the room this morning, and she was already aching for him. Aching for the sex, yes, but also for that camaraderie that had come with the non-sex stuff too.

  Damn it, she liked him. Like, like liked him.

  She was so screwed.

  Scowling, she shoved a piece of bacon into her mouth, looking down the table. Her cousin was there, chattering brightly, dressed in a very short, very tight little floral sundress. Looking at Holly made Ellie think of Harry, and she winced a bit as she remembered that she’d get questions about him today.

  Yes, he was nice-looking, and he’d seemed pleasant enough. But after a night with Nate? There was no way she’d be able to settle for ‘nice’.

  And she hadn’t been lying to Nate last night. Giving up control to him had blown her mind.

  The thought of giving it up to another man? In fact, the thought of having sex with another man at all?

  Not even on her radar.

  “Good morning!” Meredith plopped herself into the seat next to Ellie, sunshine evident in her voice. Clad in a sleek navy sheath, she looked absolutely radiant. Her brother had chosen well.

  “Someone’s perky this morning.” Ellie grinned at her soon to be sister-in-law and ate another piece of bacon, trying to push Nate out of her head and enter the moment. “I thought you were supposed to abstain from sex the week before the wedding.”

  “Ha, ha.” Meredith grinned and reached for the silver creamer, adding a generous dollop to her coffee. After a brief hesitation, she reached for the sugar bowl too. “Screw it, at this point the extra calories won’t have time to mess with the way my dress fits. And after that, Chase will be stuck with me anyway.”

  “Chase wouldn’t even notice if you gained fifty pounds and all your teeth fell out.” Ellie rolled her eyes, a hint of envy sparking in her chest. What would it be like, she wondered, to have someone who loved you that much—the real you, the one deep inside?

  “True. Though he has quite a love for my ass the way it is.” Meredith winked, picking up her coffee.

  “Please. I don’t need to know anything about my brother and your ass.” Ellie made a face, sipping at her drink. She glanced surreptitiously at the clock on her phone… and maybe took a quick scroll to the text icon.

  Nothing. Not that she’d expected it. But still.

  “Expecting a message?” Meredith spooned up some yogurt, grinning at Ellie. “I heard that Holly introduced you to Harry. Surprisingly enough for one of her exes, he’s a pretty nice guy. And I heard he was quite taken with you.”

  “Who?” Ellie tore her eyes away from the screen—damn it, would it have been too much to ask for a good morning, thanks for rocking my world message? “Oh, right. Harry. Yes, he was very nice.”

  “So?” Meredith nudged Ellie’s mimosa with her coffee cup. “Did you give him your number? Is that why you’re looking? Because the guys are golfing this morning, remember? So don’t worry, he’ll probably text you later.”

  “Right. Thanks.” Ellie struggled to fight back guilt as she shoved her phone away. She couldn’t tell Meredith who she’d actually gone home with last night, because Meredith would tell Chase.

  And if her big brother knew what she’d done with his best friend—and more, that she’d loved it—there would be hell to pay.

  Never mind that there were already going to be consequences—namely, the state of her heart by the time the weekend was over.

  Ellie looked up into Meredith’s smiling face and struggled to find something to say to change the subject. She didn’t want to dwell on the inevitable outcome of this weekend—she just wanted to savor it while it was here. Was that too much to ask?

  Surprisingly, it was her cousin Holly who saved the day by shuffling down the table, landing in the seat next to Meredith. Like Ellie, she had a mimosa in one hand, but the brightness of her smile told Ellie that she’d had a few already.

  “All right, ladies. Time to talk about the bachelorette party!” Holly giggled, Meredith groaned, and Ellie snuck another peek at her phone.

  Still no message, but Nate’s promise to peel her dress off of her tomorrow made her think that they’d be together tonight, too, and the very thought made her shiver with excitement.

  It was going to be a very long day.

  * * *

  There weren’t many options when it came to strippers in Ruby Beach, so Gavin hadn’t had much to work with. And as Nate sat uncomfortably on the questionably upholstered chair at Ruby Love’s, the first and last strip joint he’d ever stepped foot in, he could see why.

  The titular Ruby was the only actual entertainment in her establishment. And since she’d been in her early thirties back when Nate was a teenager, she was now of an age that just wasn’t working for any of the guys gathered for Chase’s bachelor party.

  Well, except for Gavin. Nate was surprised to see that, for the second time in as many days, his serious former soldier friend was three sheets to the wind. He had a handful of single bills out and seemed to be enjoying Ruby’s show just fine.

  The groom, on the other hand? The look on his face said that he couldn’t wait for the show to be over. And Nate was right there with him.

  He’d been in and out of their room between groomsmen activities, and Ellie had been gone all day. The memory of her beneath him, her skin flushed from arousal, had given him more than one uncomfortable moment throughout the day.

  And there was something more than that, something that he could admit to himself but wasn’t quite ready to say out loud. He’d missed her, entirely apart from the sex. He liked spending time with her, talking to her. It wasn’t news to him—he’d always liked her. But the woman who was so intent on this just being a fling was making him feel things he’d never felt before.

  He was busy contemplating ways to make an early exit and to convince Ellie to do the same when the man who’d been hitting on Ellie the night before slid into the vacant seat next to him. What was his name again?

  “Nathan. Nice to see you again.” The man—Harry, that was it—nodded, his fancy imported beer dangling from his fingertips. He gestured toward Chase with it, grimacing. “I’m thinking our groom isn’t too impressed with the evening’s activities.”

  “Hmm.” Nate hummed dismissively. His mind was still on Ellie, mentally composing a dirty text. Some kind of order that would have her wet and on edge by the time they were both back in their room that evening.

  “So, I wanted to ask you something.” Harry shifted in his chair, looking right at Nate. Nate knew what he was going to ask before he actually did, and couldn’t hide his irritation, working his
jaw hard.

  “Last evening I got the impression that you and Ellie were together. But Holly says that that’s not true.” Harry arched an eyebrow.

  Nate tried to suppress a growl.

  “And why does that interest you?” He heard the deathly calm come into his own voice, knew it was a dead giveaway of his feelings, but he couldn’t bring himself to refrain, not when faced with competition.

  Harry seemed to pick up on his tone as well, and flushed. “I just wanted to make sure the field was clear before asking her out.”

  With every other woman that Nate had been with, he really wouldn’t have blinked an eye at the thought of her dating someone else. Dating and sex were separate entities, to his way of thinking.

  But the mere thought of another man with his hands on Ellie, talking to her, leaning in close? It made that inner beast of his rage.

  He knew that Ellie would kill him for admitting that anything had happened between them, but at that moment he didn’t care. He needed to be the alpha, needed to let Harry know without a doubt that Ellie was his.

  He opened his mouth to reply, but a voice from across the table cut through.

  “Guys, I’m sorry, but I’m just not comfortable with this.” Chase was leaning back in his chair, discomfort evident on his features. His flushed cheeks and glassy eyes said that he’d had a few more drinks than Nate had taken notice of, and the alcohol only seemed to be contributing to his misery. “I want Meredith.”

  Gavin groaned a protest, holding out a bill for Ruby, but Nate saw his moment.

  “Well, let’s go get her then.” Deliberately turning away from Harry, he closed the space between himself and Chase and heaved his old buddy out of his chair. “Come on, bud. Let’s get your lady.”

  Chase blinked up at him. “I suppose you’ve seen so many naked ladies that leaving one isn’t a big deal for you, huh?” He gestured blearily toward Ruby, who shrugged, clearly not offended.

  Nate frowned. There it was again, that mention of his playboy past. Was that really how people thought of him?

  “I know where they were headed.” Lucas chimed in, holding out his phone. Nate wondered how exactly he knew, since the women had been pretty secretive about the location, but he supposed it didn’t really matter.

  Squinting at the phone, he saw a picture of Harper, one of the bridesmaids, pouting saucily at the camera. Behind her was a neon sign that he recognized only too well—it had been hanging over the pool table in the only bar in town since he’d been sixteen and had to come haul his stepdad’s drunken ass home.

  He didn’t hold a grudge over the venue, however. The bar wasn’t anyplace special—his stepdad would have done his drinking anywhere, this venue had simply been the closest.

  Chase peered at the phone too, then let out a tipsy cheer. “To McKay’s Pub! I’m coming, Meredith!”

  He pushed back from the table, looking elated at the thought of seeing his bride. And then, in a movement comical enough to make Nate forget all about his angst for Ellie for a moment, fell over on his ass.

  It felt really, really good to laugh.

  * * *

  The neon hurt his eyes as the group of guys pushed into the dimly lit bar. A squeal rose up from the group of women when they noted the new arrivals. The men had braced themselves for irritation that they were crashing the bachelorette party, but the women—with bottles of wine scattered over their table—seemed, for the most part, happy to see them.

  Nate ignored the sudden increase in volume in the room, his eyes scanning the party for Ellie. Like a magnet, he found his stare drawn straight to her.

  Her hair was drawn into a loose ponytail tonight, and he liked the way some strands had escaped to frame her face. She was dressed simply, in snug jeans and a red v-neck T-shirt, but she’d brightened up the ensemble with a coat of scarlet on her lips.

  She was, without a doubt, the sexiest thing he had ever seen. Images flooded his mind, pictures of Ellie naked and kneeling in front of him, those cherry red lips wrapped around his cock, and he found himself shifting uncomfortably against the sudden tightness in his pants.

  Making his way through the crowd, he leaned over the back of her chair. He let his lips brush her ear as he spoke.

  “You’d better come up with an excuse to leave, because I have plans for that mouth of yours.” He pulled back just enough to gauge her reaction.

  A stone settled in his gut when, rather than flushing prettily or gasping, as he’d expected, she shifted uneasily in her chair.

  “I’ve been debating texting you all night.” She bit into her lower lip, momentarily distracting him. “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

  Ice formed in his veins. Ignoring the guy behind him who’d been about to sink into the closest empty chair, Nate pulled it right next to Ellie, seating himself close enough for them to speak over the din.

  “Look, if I crossed any lines last night, I’m sorry.” The very idea was terrifying, not a sensation he was accustomed to. “But don’t pull away. Tell me what bothered you and we’ll work through it.”

  Ellie looked perplexed, then shook her head vigorously as comprehension dawned. “No, no. Jesus, Nate, it’s not all about sex.”

  Relief flooded him, then suspicion. “Then what has you so worked up?”

  Ellie’s gaze was pulled from his face to something above and behind him. She smiled weakly, then looked back at him.

  “Um.” She gestured with fingers that had a death grip on the dregs of what looked to be a vodka cranberry. Nate craned his neck to see what she was looking at.

  When he did, his blood turned to icicles in his veins. The woman standing behind him, wearing a black apron and holding a tray, was one he hadn’t seen in a very long time—years, in fact. And yet, she was as familiar to him as his own face.

  “Hi, Nathan.” The brunette smiled nervously, her pale gray eyes darting nervously from Nate to Ellie and back. “Um, can I get you anything?”

  Pale gray eyes—just like his.

  Ellie had been trying to tell him that his mother was here.

  Chapter Nine

  Watching the reunion between Nate and his mother was like watching really bad reality television—awkward to the extreme. Hannah Archer looked far older than she had the last time Ellie had seen her, which was at least five years earlier, before she’d left town with her husband—the stepfather who had caused Nate so much pain.

  Apparently she was back. And no one had thought to tell Nate.

  Ellie watched as a myriad of emotions passed over Nate’s face in silence. Shock, pain, rage… and then nothing. Just an icy cold veneer that froze his expression in impassive lines, so vacant that it sent a shiver down her spine.

  The silence stretched out until Ellie wanted to do something, anything—break into song, strip naked, whatever—just to break it.

  “Um. Eleanor, would you like another vodka cranberry?” Hannah awkwardly gestured to Ellie’s near-empty glass.

  Nate said nothing.

  Ellie nodded, probably with more enthusiasm than was strictly necessary. “That would be great. Thanks.” At least if Hannah went to get her another drink, it would give Nate a chance to recover.

  With a lingering look at her son, Hannah nodded, then headed back to the bar. Nate sat frozen for a long moment before pushing away from the table.

  “I need some air.” He didn’t look at Ellie as he moved, just shoved away from the group, his long stride eating up the distance to the front door.

  Ellie watched him go, her heart in her throat.

  She remembered every single time that Nate had come to the Marshall house with bruises and cuts, distress hanging over him like a dark cloud. His pain had in turn hurt her¸ but he’d hidden so deeply behind his veneer of badass that she hadn’t been able to reach him to help.

  Now she ached to run after him. To soothe his hurt.

  But… they were involved now. Kind of. And in the early stages.

  Would he appreciate her poking h
er nose into his business? Questioning him about something that was clearly tender?

  She hesitated for a long moment, torn. Finally she let her gut lead her and hurried away from the table herself. They’d known each other for a very long time, and she’d be damned if she’d watch someone she cared about in pain while she sat back and did nothing.

  She didn’t have to look very far. Nate was seated on the edge of the sidewalk just outside the bar, his arms looped loosely over his knees. His expression was still blank, but he didn’t tell her to go away when she seated herself on the pavement beside him, so she decided to take that as a win.

  Going with her gut yet again, she sat with him in silence, leaning against him lightly so that their shoulders just brushed. She squeaked with surprise when he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in closer, squeezing tightly like he could draw on her strength.

  “Do you know if she’s still with him?” Nate’s voice was tight, as though it had been stretched over a thousand razor blades. Ellie’s own heart bled at the raw emotion that she heard in it.

  “I don’t.” She shook her head to emphasize the point. “I didn’t even know that she’d moved back to town.”

  Nate digested this in silence before surprising Ellie yet again by pulling her into his lap, right then and there. She stiffened for a moment—anyone who walked by would have the news of their embrace all over town by morning.

  But Nate needed her. And that was more important that worrying about what her family would think of whatever this was between them.

  “You know what always hurt the most? It wasn’t the beatings, wasn’t the harsh words, wasn’t the pain.” Nate brushed a hand absently through the long tail of Ellie’s hair, and she wasn’t sure he even knew he was doing it.

  “It was the fact that she wouldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t leave the man who hurt her child. And I had no control over that, no way to make her love me more.” Ellie half-turned in his arms to find Nate smirking at her darkly. “I bet you’re going to have a field day with that tidbit, huh?”