“I’m going to be fine.” Desperation edged her tone, and he wondered how often she told herself that. How many times would it take to convince herself it was true? She met his gaze boldly. “What use you find for yourself is up to you, but I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. We were happy before we were together and we’ll be happy after we’re apart.”
“After we’re apart.” His voice was pure animal’s snarl. “Hoping that I die sometime soon or just planning to leave? Do you think the One bond is that easy to escape? We’re stuck with each other, Jana. The only thing that makes it go away is death.”
Her jaw jutted stubbornly. “I don’t like to argue with people, Kyber. This is pointless. Nothing will change by hashing out what we both already know. There’s no need to discuss this. Let’s just get on with our lives.”
Anun help him, her stubbornness aroused him, made the beast purr with the challenge. He glared down at her, his heart pounding as her scent, her nearness, made his body scream for relief. “So everything we’ve been through doesn’t matter to you, is that it?”
“If it didn’t matter, I wouldn’t have come along to drag you out of that hellhole, would I?” Her head leaned back against the wall. “But bringing it up doesn’t help it get better.”
“Denying its importance doesn’t help it get better either.” He snorted. “If anything could ever help it get better.”
“God, you’re maddening. I said I don’t want to talk about this, and you can’t make me.” She arched an eyebrow, her look as haughty as any empress could ever hope for.
He hissed, the beast going wild. He should want to control it, should try to rein it in, but he didn’t. The woman’s obstinacy made him insane. He sank his free hand into her shorn hair, pulled her head back even farther, and exposed her throat. Running one finger down the collar of her shirt, he pushed the fabric aside. She didn’t protest, didn’t struggle.
Close door. He sent the mental command to the ship and the door to his chamber obeyed.
“As you desire, Empress. We won’t talk.” His nostrils flared to catch the scent of her dampness, her desire. It was heady, shredding what little remained of his control. “We seem to be able to connect in dreams again, in sex, so I’m going to fuck you and I won’t be gentle.”
“Good.” She spoke as bluntly as he did, her gaze never wavering. There was none of that shyness in the woman before him, none of the girl he had known. If he had ever known her.
He leaned forward and bit her neck. Hard.
She jolted against him, a low cry breaking from her lips. Tiny beads of her longing bled through their hair-thin connection, and it served only to fan the flames of his lust. The beast didn’t care about the past, the future, or any of the uncertainties of the man. His body demanded surcease that only hers could grant.
Fisting his hand in her shirt, he ripped open the front of it. Her underclothes received the same rough treatment until her breasts were in his hands. He didn’t bother retracting his fangs as he sucked and bit at her tight little nipples. The scent of her wetness increased and his cock throbbed in response. He wanted inside her. Now. It had been so long.
“Kyber!” Her hands twisted into his hair, pulling hard. The pain only increased the pleasure, made him burn for more, for her.
He wrenched open the fastenings on both of their pants, shredded her panties with one hand, withdrew his talons, and shoved his fingers into her sex. She was slick with cream and more than ready to take him. He shuddered, the beast within him clawing for freedom to reclaim its mate, to fuck her until there was nothing left but sweet oblivion.
Yes. The beast was harder to control now, the months of torture had reduced him to little more than an animal, and he embraced the feline more than he ever had before. At this moment, he didn’t even care if that thought was wrong. He dropped to his knees before her, jerked her pants and shoes off, and tossed them aside along with her destroyed underwear.
He had to taste her again, to feel her come against his mouth. He wanted to own her pleasure, wanted her to beg him to come, wanted her to know that no one else could give her what he could, no matter what might drive them apart.
He purred when he licked her clit. She screamed, her hands jerking on his hair as she wriggled to escape. Her ecstasy flooded through their link, and he dug the claws on one hand into her hip, holding her in place. He kept the claws retracted on the other hand, pumping his fingers deep into her hot slit. Her cream slid over his taste buds, and the instinct that had driven him to find her in the first place clamored with a recognition he didn’t want to acknowledge.
One. His One.
A growl rose in his throat, and her slim body writhed in response. She lifted one thigh over his shoulder, opening herself wide to him. Her fingers stroked through his hair, her palms cupping the back of his head to urge him closer. His cock jerked at her gentle touch, craving that softness as he’d craved nothing else before. Sweat broke out across his forehead at the many conflicting needs that darted through him. He flicked his tongue over her clit, the tight little bundle of nerves hardening. Adding a second and then third finger to her wet pussy, he stretched her, let her juices drench his hand as her lips grew even more swollen and slick for him.
“God, I’m so close,” she breathed. The muscles in her thighs tensed, and she dug her heel into his back. She arched against the wall, moving with the rhythm his fingers and tongue set for her.
He slowed down, batted her clit lightly, and buried his digits deep inside her but stopped moving. He sent a thought to her. You won’t come until I tell you to, until you beg me for it.
A low, helpless moan broke from her. He felt her resistance thrum along their link, a spurt of rebellion, of anger, and a memory she quelled before he could see it. “I won’t!”
“You will,” he growled. He hated that she hid from him—it only spurred him on. He swiveled his fingers inside her, curling them until he rubbed over the spot he knew would make her squeal.
The effect was electric, a scream sounding above him as she jerked and danced between his body and the wall. “P-please, Kyber. Let me come. Please, please, please.”
No. He grinned against her sex, letting a cool breath blow over her hot, wet pussy. He wanted to be in control as he hadn’t been of anything in months. If he couldn’t control the beast, he could control this. He needed it, and she would give it to him.
She choked on a sob when he pulled away to shove his pants down his thighs. A hot rush of her anger whipped through their connection, but he dragged her down to his level and put her on her hands and knees facing away from him. The beast liked her in this position, purred as he mounted her from behind. He was beyond wild, driven only by the need to fuck, to brand her with his scent, his essence.
He plunged into her pussy, seating himself to the hilt. Another sob tore from her, but her back bowed and she slammed her hips back into his, taking him as deep as she could. The feel of her tight, sleek channel wrapping around his cock made his jaw lock, made him hiss through gritted teeth. His belly slapped against her ass as he drove them both hard and fast, gripping her waist between his hands. He was relentless, didn’t want to think, to feel with anything but his body. This was fucking, not lovemaking. It would never be perfect like it had been before, never be fine as she insisted. Ever.
She was not his One, not truly, not anymore.
The beast snarled at the reminder, thrusting deeper inside her. Punishing them both for him craving her so much he couldn’t breathe. His muscles burned from the hard use, his lungs heaving as he panted for breath. Her sex clamped around his cock, so hot and wet and welcoming he thought he’d die of the pleasure after so long of knowing only pain.
“Kyber!” He could hear her nails scrabble against the metal floor as she rocked herself into him. He felt the grip and release of her inner muscles around his thrusting cock. She held off her orgasm, not coming until he allowed it, just as he’d ordered.
A rush so hot and sweet it terrifi
ed him rocketed through his body, his mind. The carnal scent of sex, of her, of him, of them mingled in the room. He ground out the words that would send them both flying. “Come for me. Now.”
Her long, thin scream echoed in the chamber as she obeyed him and let go of control. Her pussy flexed around his cock, her internal muscles milking him hard. It had been so long since he’d felt her completion ripple through their bodies and their link at once, calling to him like a siren’s erotic song. Even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t have stopped himself from coming with her.
Orgasm ripped through him and he released all the pent-up frustration, rage, need, and longing into her. He jetted into her wet slit, filling her with his cum. Shudders wracked his body, over and over, until he slumped against her. Spent.
A deeper peace than he’d known in months flooded him and he closed his eyes to savor it. It wouldn’t last. Nothing this untamed ever did. It shouldn’t. He needed to get a handle on the beast inside him, lock it away as he had before, and leave only the psychic behind, the rational ruler. Hadn’t his childhood taught him that lesson?
None of that answered the question of what to do now. About Arthur and Earth. About Jana and the One bond. All of it tangled together in his mind, the animal instincts and reactions muddying any logic Kyber might put to it. What should he do? What was the right thing? Who was he if he couldn’t contain the animal? Who would trust an emperor who was more beast than man?
His One hadn’t trusted him. Maybe being in his mind had shown her something he couldn’t admit. Maybe she was the only one who could understand—if they could reach each other again, if they could know each other.
3
The days ground by into more than a week, and all they did was fight and fuck. Kyber wanted to delve into what had happened with them, with Arthur, and Jana was just as determined not to. It didn’t help. Soon she doubted they would be able to stand being in the same room together…except for the times they couldn’t control the animalistic craving that cycled between them, betraying them both. Together even when they were apart, it was their curse, their burden.
Jana lay in the huge bed they didn’t really share, the gelpad cupping her like a lover as she stared up through the skylight at an endless panorama of stars. She missed him. She had missed him while he’d been gone, missed him when they were apart now. That was the most damnable part of the entire thing. Even as their infinitesimal connection remained withered and almost dead, as it seethed with all the things she couldn’t acknowledge lest they break her, she hated every single moment without him. Yet she was desperate to keep Kyber out, to never let him into her mind again, to keep him from seeing she wasn’t as together as she pretended. She’d had her chance with him, her moment of perfection, and it was over.
Everything they’d had, everything they’d ever been to each other was ruined.
Even the sex, as hot as it was, was a mockery of what they’d once shared. It was empty, broken, like they were.
Like she was. She stomped down on that thought, denying it. She was fine. She could forget all the bad things, put them all behind her, if she just kept going. If she just outran the memories that hounded her.
Closing her eyes against tears she wouldn’t let fall, she swallowed and dragged in a deep lungful of air. She shouldn’t allow herself to think about it. It wouldn’t help. She knew that by now. It didn’t change anything. She threw aside the silken rishaami bedcovers and jerked to her feet. Time to get up, get dressed, and get on with her day.
Restless energy vibrated through her, and she couldn’t get her mind to settle as she walked toward her office. Since Kyber’s return, she’d found herself at loose ends. She no longer needed to plan or train for his rescue, and the Sueni no longer needed her to make decisions that were once made by the emperor. It had been overwhelming at first, so many advisors, so much to learn, but she’d dedicated every waking moment to it, driven to right all her wrongs, to make certain no one else suffered for her mistakes.
But the emperor was here now, and he was determined to do it all himself, to be the perfect ruler, sliding back into place as though he’d never been gone. A bitter smile curved her lips. It sounded like something she would do.
But the difference between Kyber and her was that Kyber expected himself to be perfect and allowed no room for human fallibility, for failure. She put on the mask of perfection, but she knew she never was. It was a sham, a lie she told the world. It had started when her older brother died, and her parents needed so desperately for her to be healthy and happy. They’d lost Craig, and they’d clung to Jana. Their only child, their baby. She’d learned to be what they needed her to be, just as she’d done for the Sueni when Kyber was gone. A harsh laugh bubbled out of her, echoing down a long corridor.
Circular lights brightened overhead as she walked, gleaming off the metal ship that wasn’t quite the color of any metal on Earth. It was silver, but not. Darker, richer. Her steps were a dull thud against the floor, and the deeper into the spacecraft she went, the higher the level, the more people she passed. She forced the smile onto her face that she’d used as a flight attendant. Odd that her experience there—and her experience with her parents—would come in handy as an empress, but she hid her tension behind a pleasant facade.
“Your Majesty,” they called her. They issued slight bows, stepping aside to give her the right-of-way. It felt so wrong, so false. This wasn’t her life. The unreality expanded inside her until she thought she’d scream, so she made a sharp right turn where she should have gone left to her office.
“Vishra?”
The ship’s mellifluous voice responded, “Yes, Your Majesty?”
“Please send a message to Lady Brenna Arjun and ask if she’s available to meet me for a sparring lesson. Do not make it an order.”
“As you wish, Your Majesty.” A glass panel to her left flickered to acknowledge the command, and there might have been a hint of disapproval in the ship’s calm tone.
Jana had learned the first week she was here that if she wanted to enter a doorway, it opened for her, regardless of whether the people on the other side had locked it. Being the empress overrode all but emergency lockdowns and made every word that came out of her mouth a royal edict.
She’d accidentally walked in on Farid and Brenna as well as Tylara and Johar on different occasions doing things that were downright indecent. Then again, Kyber had done all that and more to Jana in the week and a half he’d been back, expanding her definition of physical pleasure by the day. A shiver ran down her spine, utter want throbbing within her sex. She gritted her teeth and shoved the longing aside. The ecstasy of Kyber’s touch was empty without that perfect bond between them.
Shaking her head, she slammed her way into the large sparring room she used. She pulled on a set of exercise clothing from a storage container hidden behind a wall panel. A harder version of the gelpads that lay on Sueni beds covered the wide floor and she moved to it to stretch her tense muscles.
The ship’s imagers could provide a hologram to instruct her on sparring, but nothing replaced pitting her mind and body against another person. She needed to burn off the frustration and strain, to bury the self-loathing and doubt. To make the ugliness go away so it could be okay again the way she needed it to be. Kyber’s sense of failure filtered through their link, and it made her feel horrible, guilty.
She was the one who’d failed. It was her job to make it all right for people. Her parents, the Sueni, Kyber. She had done that, and she still couldn’t make the memories stop. Why couldn’t she forget? Why couldn’t she put the memories aside the way she always had when things went badly? She did her best, but there were days like today when the darkness filled her until looking at herself in the mirror made her sick to her stomach. All she ever saw was Arthur. His hands biting into her skin, ripping at her clothes, pinning her down. She hadn’t even fought back, let him do whatever he wanted to her, needing her One to be free so badly she’d believed the general’s lies.
Her stomach heaved and she bent to brace her hands on her knees. Swallowing the rising gorge, she choked and scrubbed her palm over her eyes. The door to the room swished open and she forced herself to straighten.
She smiled but couldn’t meet the older woman’s gaze. “Bren, I’m glad you could squeeze me in.”
“Of course. It’s no problem.” Bren was already dressed in a loose exercise outfit.
“There’s no ‘of course.’ Thank you.” There were very few humans on board, and only Bren had ever treated Jana like she was the same as everyone else, had never once bowed to the empress while giving her the surreptitious glances that said they knew what she’d done with Arthur. It was something she valued more than she could ever say.
“You’re welcome.” Bren swung her arms, linking her fingers together to bend and stretch. “How are things with Kyber?”
The laugh Jana managed sounded more like a sob, so she cleared her throat and pinned her gaze to the floor. “Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be? We’re so happy he’s back.”
She startled when the other woman touched her arm, finally meeting her gaze. “It’s okay if everything isn’t all right, Jana. No one expects what happened to just disappear. People make mistakes.”
“No, Bren, they don’t. Not like I did.” Jana twisted out of the gentle hold, blinking back tears at even that slight show of kindness. She could not lose it, she would not. “We both know you would never make the same choices I made.”
“No, I’ve made other mistakes that cost lives.” Bren’s gaze hardened with tough sympathy. “I was involved in the preemptive strike that killed thousands of innocent Sueni people. You think I don’t feel guilty now? You think it doesn’t haunt me? We all do things we wish we could take back.”
Jana swallowed and nodded, stepping back. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me for the truth.” She sighed and moved to the middle of the mat. “It isn’t kindness, it just is.”
Primal Heat Page 20