by Julie Eads
Sitting and thinking about my situation I felt miserable and it was late in the day before I noticed it had already turned five o’clock. ‘Where has the time gone,’ I thought to myself as I made my way downstairs. I was hoping to just grab a sandwich in the kitchen and get back up to my room so I could hide from Knoll. Fortunately it was quiet so I was relieved to find the downstairs deserted. Making my way quickly to the kitchen I found some luncheon meat which between two pieces of soda bread made for an interesting sandwich. Just about to take my plate back to my room, I heard the front door open and several footsteps heading towards the kitchen. ‘Damn,’ I thought to myself; I was so close to self-solitude.
Making my way out of the kitchen I hoped that if it was Knoll I would be able to make my way up the stairs without having to speak to him. I may not have wanted to see him hurt, but it didn’t mean I wanted to see or talk to him anytime soon. Just as I reached the stairs I was stopped by Liam and Eleanor.
“Hello, Mina,” they both greeted me happily. “We have just come from a meal at a friend’s house,” announced Liam smiling at me.
“Oh, I am glad that you have found yourself something to eat,” said Eleanor as she pointed to the plate I was carrying.
“I am so glad that you are feeling better; if I had known we would have invited you to join us,” Liam said, appearing to have some guilt at not having offered the invitation. I looked at Eleanor with questioning eyes as I hadn’t been feeling unwell and then it dawned on me that she must have told a lie so I wouldn’t have to deal with Knoll. I gave her a grateful smile, as I reassured Liam that I was alright and feeling much better. Just when I thought that they would let me continue to my room Liam stopped me by asking, “Mina, would you like to join us to watch a movie?” Although surprised by his invitation, but not really wanting to watch a movie I somehow found myself agreeing to join them; after all how could I say no? I mean they were my parents.
As we made our way into the family room, Eleanor and Liam asked me about my favorite movies. I laughed, not quite believing how normal this all felt, and in a fantasy world of a castle of all places. “I really like anything scary,” I replied, “I am a big fan of horror films although I prefer the older to the newer ones.” It suddenly felt good that they wanted to get to know the real me.
Exchanging knowing looks with each other they smiled brightly, and just then a voice announced, “Well some things never change.” It was Maggie speaking as she entered the room. “I know that you are too young to remember, but you were a big fan of scary movies as a child too.”
Chuckling she crossed the room and took a seat on the sofa; motioning for me to join her. I couldn’t help but have a quick look around the room as I was expecting Knoll to appear and ruin what looked like the peak of my evening. Aware of my unease Maggie leaned over and whispered, “Don’t worry; he is in the dog house, so to speak. I told him he wasn’t invited to view the movie.” And she smiled warmly as she continued, “He’ll get over it. Besides, he is spending some time with a few of his friends, so it will do him some good.” She seemed to be trying to reassure me; but I wasn’t sure whether it was me or herself she needed to convince.
“Have you ever seen the movie ‘Wake Wood’?” Liam asked absentmindedly as he searched through a stack of DVDs, “It’s not a thriller or a slasher film but it is a good movie.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen that one but, if you say it’s good I will take your word for it,” I replied easily, hoping it would be a good movie.
Maggie sighed saying, “Thank goodness, I can’t take watching another bloody zombie movie.” And as we all gathered round the TV to watch the movie it felt as if, for the first time in my life that I could remember, I was finally doing something normal, and this time with my real family.
Several bowls of popcorn later and after my laughing at Maggie every time she jumped at the slightest noise, I was sad to see the movie end. Liam got up to turn the lights on and the TV off. “Well Mina what did you think?” he asked, appearing interested in hearing my response.
“I thought it was good, sad but good. I also think it was horrible how the dog killed the young girl and that her parents were only granted three days to spend with her,” I told him with some sadness in my voice.
Liam shook his head. “Mina, I think you missed the point. To be able to see her face again, if only the once, and to know that she would move on to a better place, that was more peaceful than they could ever have known. It gave them great peace. The same peace I felt the day you walked back into my life,” he said and he smiled a sappy smile as he pulled me into a strong hug. Then kissing me on top of my head he turned and rejoined Eleanor back on the couch where she playfully punched him on the arm, “Oh you big, old sappy bear,” she joked causing his face to turn red.
The playfulness and joy that was spreading throughout the room was suddenly interrupted by footsteps. “Hello, Knoll,” Liam called out. Knoll stood in the doorway of the room, looking down at the floor and not meeting my eyes, for which I was glad. Liam joked, “I am afraid these ladies are turning me into a sap. Come in and join us.”
Knoll looked at Liam, before replying, “No thank you. I’m tired and must get to sleep as I have a lot to do in the morning.” Then calling out goodnight he turned and made his way up the stairs without so much as another word.
Liam stared after him for a few moments then looking at Maggie he innocently asked her, “Does he seem odd to you?”
Maggie put a smile on her face, which seemed a little false to me and replied, “Who knows, he is probably mad because Bryan beat him at poker.”
Liam laughed. “Yeah, that would put the lad out,” he said with a small chuckle, as if he wasn’t quite convinced that was the sole purpose as to why Knoll had left the room so abruptly.
Leaning over I whispered thank you to Maggie but she just smiled in response. I was glad she was my sister; as she was proving to be everything I hoped she would be, and yet so much more.
Eleanor stood and stretched. “Well folks, I’m off to bed,” she said leaning down and kissing Liam gently. It was nice to see that they were still in love after all the years they had been together. It made me think back to how strange Stephanie and Jack’s relationship seemed to me now. They had never held hands or kissed each other. I used to think it was because they weren’t big fans of PDA, but now I wondered if their marriage had ever been real.
Following our mother’s lead Maggie stood and told everyone goodnight, as she followed Eleanor towards the stairs. She joked that she had to check on the poor loser upstairs. Liam smiled, looked at me and with a huge grin said, “Ah young love. Speaking of which Mina, I noticed you and Declan spent quite a bit of time together the other night.”
Surprised, I nearly choked on the sip of water I was in the process of taking. Suddenly I knew what a deer must feel like when caught in car headlights. Desperately I tried to think of something to say but as Liam stood up from the couch he merely laughed saying, “Breathe Mina, it was only a joke. But if there is anyone that I would approve of you dating then it would be Declan. He is a fine young man and a hard worker, especially since his father was killed.” Liam’s eyes turned glossy and he looked away but quickly continued, “That boy has stepped up and provided for his own; it takes a real man to do that.” I couldn’t help but smile back feeling grateful that he approved of Declan, yet sadly I wondered if he needed to approve of him. Trying not to show the hurt I knew was spreading across my face like an open book I knew Liam had caught sight of my expression as he asked, “I can tell that something is troubling you.” And he paused. “Did Declan do something to upset you? Because it’s not too late to change my view of him,” he said, obviously half joking.
“No, he has been great. It’s just that he seems to work so much and appears to not have a lot of spare time,” I responded simply, trying to make it seem as if it was a lesser deal than it was.
“Perhaps I should have invited him over here tonight,” Liam
said.
I smiled and said sadly, “That is sweet but he was working.”
Liam’s brow seemed to curl, and he appeared to contemplate his words before he spoke, “Mina, he wasn’t working, he was at the dinner we had with his mother and sister this evening.”
I shot him a worried glance, and tried to make out that I must be confused, “Oh I must have heard him wrong then.”
Liam smiled saying, “I suppose so; maybe next time he can join us?”
About to excuse myself, as I needed to be able to hide in my bed in self-pity, Liam said “Goodnight,” and left the room, making his way up the stairs. Quickly I pulled my phone out of my pocket deciding it was time for Declan to be honest with me. I didn’t want to play mind games as I had already been through too much, without having to add a broken heart to the list. I re-read his message, making sure that I didn’t get it wrong and quickly sent a text. ‘How was dinner? I hope work didn’t make you too tired!’ and then I sat on the couch watching the clock tick by. It was several minutes before he responded.
Opening my phone I read his message aloud; “I am sorry that I lied. Please give me a chance to explain myself. Meet me outside in five; at the same place?” Feeling annoyed by his deception I felt like telling him to go to hell, but I knew that I would always wonder what he would have to say for himself, so I slipping my shoes on I quietly tip-toed out of the house.
I knew it was early and the minutes passing as I waited felt like a lifetime. Finally I saw the familiar face that housed those awe striking eyes, heading my way. As he arrived he slowed down, seeming nervous as he kept looking around him.
“I don’t have much time,” he declared, “But I just wanted to explain myself,” and he paused before continuing. “I have great responsibility for taking care of my family, now that my father has gone. I work all day, every day, and whilst I might have a day or night off here and there I use that time to catch up on my sleep. Once I have my animal ceremony, the healer will chose a profession best suited to me. Only then will I be able to provide for my family without working myself to death; but that is still some weeks away.” He stopped allowing what he had told me to sink in. “I actually like you a lot,” he said, blushing as he ran his hand through his silky hair which was as black as the night. “I just don’t have the time for you right now,” he finished calmly.
It seemed so strange. I had only just met him; less than two days ago. We had spent maybe a few hours together. In total we had been alone together only twice and yet, just by saying those simple words, he had practically destroyed me. My heart hurt worse than it had when I had found out that Stephanie and Jack had told me nothing but lies. Suddenly it seemed as if I couldn’t breathe and, as Declan stood there expectantly waiting for my response; I knew I could so easily lose control.
Finally Declan cleared his throat, “Carmina?” He left my name hanging in the air, the silence building up once more. I was shell shocked; what could I say? If it had been anyone else but him standing there offering me this plausible explanation, I would probably have understood. But, the words ‘I don’t have time for you’ made me feel as if a dull knife was being thrust deep into my chest again and again. “Carmina!” he repeated; this time a little louder, sounding a bit frustrated.
“Sorry,” I finally responded. “I just don’t get it, that you don’t have the time for me.” Quickly turning I headed for the castle calling back over my shoulder, “I think I’d better go; after all I wouldn’t want to waste anymore of your precious time.”
As I got to the door, I turned and saw that Declan was still standing where I had left him, peering after me. Clearing my mind I walked into the house, slammed the door and headed straight up the stairs to my room. When I finally climbed into my warm, welcoming bed and knew I wanted to never leave it. As I settled I realized that I had spent a lot of my time wrapped up in its covers since I had been here; and after tonight I thought I would spend much more. Leaning back against the pillows I finally let the grief and heartache pour out.
I was about to try and sleep, someone tip-toed into my room. “Carmina, are you still awake?” I heard Knoll whisper. I was tempted to pretend to be asleep, and I would have, but of course the universe once again worked against me. Suddenly, I sneezed. Atishoo; the sound echoed round the room and I softly cursed under my breath. Why couldn’t I have a petite, quiet sneeze like most girls I knew? Instead it sounded as if someone had shot me every time I sneezed.
“Ah hell, what do you want?” I practically screeched. Knoll made his way to the side of my bed asking if he could speak to me for a moment. “Do I have a choice?” I snorted out; probably meaner than I had planned.
Knoll stood quietly for a moment then he spoke, “Look, I know that I was harsh today, it just hit me the wrong way. My father is a powerful leader of the guardians and he may seem light hearted to you but that is because he has to be that way with you. But he is indeed a force to be reckoned with. I could have lost my place as your guardian or as a guardian period if I hadn’t stood up to you.”
Reaching over I turned on the lamp on the dresser next to the bed and looked at Knoll. “I understand. It’s okay,” I said, saying anything that would make him leave me alone. Tonight he was the least of my problems.
Shaking his head Knoll went on, “Mina, please don’t lie to me. I can tell that I hurt you, and for that I am truly sorry. Everyone has been under a great amount of stress lately, and no matter how tough we appear to be even we can crack under the pressure sometimes. Surely you can understand that?” He pleaded with me, a look of true remorse spread across his face. Then he continued by saying, “I will step down as your guardian if it pleases you. I vowed to put your well-being over all others and I have failed.” As he stood there with his head hung low he reminded me of my dog Banksey and how he had always looked when he’d done something wrong.
I couldn’t let him suffer any longer. I sat up and I spoke. “No! I said, a little too loudly, “You made a mistake and that is okay, everyone is entitled to make one now and then. Knoll, you are just like everyone else believe it or not, and you are allowed to feel emotions too.”
He looked surprised by my response, but then he smiled that brilliant smile of his, showing his stark white teeth. “Thank you,” he said simply,” I needed to hear that.” Getting out of bed I gave him a light pat on the back, and telling him goodnight in a kindly manner I hoped I had given him enough of a subtle hint that I needed to be alone. Thankfully he got the message and headed back to his bed, as did I. Fortunately, this time I fell asleep but I didn’t enjoy a dreamless night as I had a horrid nightmare.
Chapter 9
I stood in the center of the woods alone, feeling the cold; too scared to move. I was searching for something or someone, but no-one was there. Or, I had thought so until I heard the familiar laugh of Stephanie; the one I used to love hearing. She was standing in front of me, looking alive and as beautiful as she had before Knoll had snapped her neck. I tried to push down the bile that had started to grow in my throat because of the horrid image.
She kept laughing, and then turning towards me she spoke. “Mina, Mina, Mina,” she said mockingly. “Are you that deranged that you thought someone would want you? No, he doesn’t want you!” And throwing her arms in the air she continued, “I know I didn’t want you; it was horrendous that I had to pretend to love you.” As she spoke she seemed to make a scrunching noise; almost as if she smelled something foul beneath her nose. Then suddenly the woods were filled with people. Everyone was there; from this life as well as the one I had left back there; the place I had called home. They were not all pointing at me, laughing and chanting that no one had ever really loved me, nor would they. On and on they went, chanting that the only reason they wanted me is because I would save them! “Do you think if it wasn’t for them needing you that they would have come looking for you?” someone said; whispering it over and over to whoever was standing in the shadows.
The sound of an agonized scream
rendered the air. I was drenched in sweat, wondering how long I had been screaming. Lying still I hoped that no-one had heard me, but apparently someone had as within seconds both Knoll and Maggie came rushing into my room. Knoll was the first to enter; turning on the light which hurt my eyes. It took me a minute to adjust my eyes and to try and come up with an explanation; I didn’t want to have to explain the horrors of my dream……..Not ever!
“What is the matter?” exclaimed Knoll searching around the room frantically, Maggie right behind him, fear spreading across her face.
I motioned for them to stop. “I’m okay,” I told them, “It was just a bad dream.” It was all I could say as I hadn’t had enough time to think of a plausible explanation, so decided I was going to make it up as I went on.