by Julie Eads
Making my way into the kitchen I poured a bowl of cereal, offering some to Lorcan who, taking the box and poured himself a bowl full before taking the seat across from me. We ate in silence; the only sound was the two of us crunching away on our breakfast. If he continued always being this quiet it was going to make it harder and harder to get used to having him around. Knoll hadn’t been the most talkative person in the world but still, he had spoken to me.
Reminding myself that he had only arrived recently I tried to involve him in conversation, by saying, “It was strange for me when I came here too. It does take time.”
“But this is your home Banphrionsa,” he replied questioningly.
“Please, call me Carmina as requested,” I insisted. “Yes, this is my home but I lived elsewhere for so many years that it felt like a new place to me; one I had never been to before. It has taken me some time to adjust.”
“I adjust fairly quickly,” he simply stated, “It is not my job to be comfortable; it is only to keep you safe.” I nodded my head and went back to finishing my cereal in silence. It was proving to be harder to get to know him more than I had thought it would.
Having finally finished eating I rinsed my bowl out in the sink and began to make my way to the door, announcing that we had a lot to do today whilst trying to trigger another conversation. But he simply opened the door and said, “After you Princess.”
Slowly I made my way down the stone path and to the gate where Eirnan was working. “Hey, Mina! Thanks again for everything you have done for me and Taya,” he called out.
To be honest I wasn’t really in the mood to talk about that right now, but still I hugged him and replied, “It’s no problem; what are friends for after all,” trying to joke about the matter.
“So, this must be your new guardian? Hey man I’m Eirnan.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Lorcan,” and the two shook hands warmly.
“If you ever need a guardian to show you the ropes around here feel free to call on me,” said Eirnan. It seemed he was really trying to reach out to Lorcan but he was experiencing the same problem I was as Lorcan’s reply was short and to the point.
“Thanks. I will take your offer into consideration.”
After Eirnan had let us through the gate, closing it firmly behind us, we made our way to Willow’s cottage. If anyone could get someone out of their shell it was her. “Is it really a good idea to be outside the gate Carmina?” asked Lorcan. The use of my name sounded strange coming from him but I was glad he had finally stopped calling me Banphrionsa.
“Of course. After all I’m supposed to be safe with you, remember?” I responded smartly.
“Yes, but it seems foolish to purposefully put yourself into the path of trouble unnecessarily,” he responded simply.
“Look,” I said, stopping abruptly in front of him. “I know that you are still new here and that you mean well but you have to stop being so formal and cryptic.”
Suddenly he let out a strained laugh, almost as if laughing didn’t come easily to him and he replied, “Please remember, I am here for your protection Carmina, not to befriend you. That is why I am the best man for the job. When you get too close to someone you compromise your job.”
For some reason I suddenly felt sorry for him for in that instance something told me that where he came from he didn’t have many friends, if any at all. Looking towards him I said patiently, “Well, you can still protect me and be my friend. I don’t care what you say, it is possible.” He didn’t say anything and I flooded with relief as we reached Willows cottage.
Knocking three times we waited, being welcomed by Willow, and the strong smell of burning herbs as she opened the door, before ushering us inside. “What’s with the smell?” I asked curiously.
“If you are referring to the scent of the herbs, then I am trying to cleanse the house again. It hasn’t felt the same since the fire,” explained Willow. Her comment causing me to flash back to the day of the fire, as I tried Shaking off the image. I found my way to the small arm chair that I had started claiming as mine whenever I visited her. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit Mina?” she calmly asked me.
“I am just visiting,” I replied, yet sensing she knew better, after all I wasn’t one for just stopping by and visiting.
“Spit it out,” demanded Willow but in a motherly tone. It felt strange to me bringing the subject up in front of Lorcan but he was now a part of my life and would have to get used to my constant worrying.
Slowly I began explaining, “Willow, I am afraid that I will disappoint you, and the village, on the night of my animal ceremony.” Pausing I suddenly felt terrified by it all. “What if I don’t become the savior of the village? What if I just turn into the fox and that’s it?” I concluded miserably. Sitting with my legs crossed I waited for her to respond.
“Mina, you could never disappoint me,” declared Willow gently. “We don’t expect you to be anything but who you were born to be, and if that person just happens to receive a magical gift which will help us put an end to the evil that lurks within this word, then so be it. Just know that I will love you either way though. I sensed she was smiling at me as I felt the compassion laced within her words. It meant the world to me that she just wanted me to be who I wanted to be.
Suddenly I felt my cheeks starting to get hot from embarrassment as I became very aware of Lorcan’s presence. It had been so easy talking in front of Knoll, unless it had been about him of course, but with Lorcan it was hard because I still really had no clue as to who he was. Running my hands through my tangled hair I couldn’t even remember if I had brushed it or not that morning. I wanted to talk to Willow more. To ask her how she was really doing, but I knew she wouldn’t tell me with Lorcan present either.
A knock sounded at the door. Standing up I would have offered to answer it but it would have taken me too long to shuffle my way across the room. Hearing someone making their way to answer the knocking, I waited listening for it opening with a loud creaking noise.
“Hello, Salvador,” Willows aged voice called out, obviously inviting him inside.
Sitting back down in the chair I suddenly felt strange being around him. The last time I had seen him he had been trying to kidnap me because of his restless animal syndrome; I had come up with this term shortly after the incident, although I would never say it out loud to anyone because I didn’t think they would find it as amusing as I did. Then I heard the floor creaking under his weight and I had a vision of him being a large bulky man.
“Princess,” he suddenly called out, “I was hoping I would find you here. Might I ask to speak with you for a moment?”
I rubbed my hands against the soft fabric of the chair and took a deep breath in. In all honesty I really didn’t want to be alone with him, but I couldn’t be that rude for he seemed to be doing a lot better. Now I could hear the calmness in his voice compared to the restless rage that had been laced in every word when he had spoken before.
I pointed in the general direction of the door saying, “We can speak outside.” I figured whatever it was he wanted to say it wasn’t something he wanted everyone to hear. As I stood I felt a strong hand come into contact with my chest, stopping me from taking another step. “What the hell?” I called out, annoyed by whoever had stopped me.
“I apologize Princess,” announced Lorcan, “but I cannot allow to you go out there alone, especially with a man who cannot control his animal.”
I could feel my face and ears growing warm as the familiar heat of anger started to spread through me. “I am sorry Lorcan,” I said sinisterly, “But you better move your damn arm and stop trying to control every move I make! I am going to go outside and speak to Sal, who for your information has his animal under control!” As I said this I could hear Willow and Sal whispering to each other across the room
Then I heard Lorcan’s uneven breathing as he stood in front of me, his hand still pressed firmly to my chest. Suddenly I realized that his hand w
as basically resting on my boobs. Whilst I am sure he hadn’t meant to place his hand there I was aghast as the heat from it was spreading across my chest, making my breath come out in uneven gasps. Placing my hand on top of his, I asked in a low voice, “Would you please remove your hand from my boobs?!”
He quickly did as asked as he began sighing and started to say something, sounding as if he was tongue tied, “I…. I am sorry; I had no intentions of touching you inappropriately Carmina; I was simply trying to stop you from once again putting your life in danger.”
“Well, I don’t want your help!” I declared before walking past him and heading for the door where I grabbed the doorknob, opened the door and calling behind me for Sal to follow me I went outside where with my arm’s crossed tightly across my chest, I waited for Sal to join me.
Moments passed I was about to head back inside to see what was taking him so long, when I heard the door open and close. “I am here,” Sal yelled out, a little too loudly.
“I am blind not deaf!” I yelled back in the same tone he had used but spreading a smile across my face, hopefully showing him it was intended to be a joke. Sometimes it was hard to know if people took my sarcastic humor in an offensive way or not, especially as I couldn’t read their facial expressions.
Sal spoke drawing me from my thoughts, “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the way I acted when we first met. I was in such a dark place and even though everyone thinks it was me who saved you, in all honesty Mina, it was you who saved me.” He paused before explaining, “I was just a ticking time bomb sitting in that cabin all alone, growing restless and starting to lose more and more of myself each day. If it wasn’t for you the guardians would have killed me, so thank you. If there is anything I can ever do to repay you for your kindness, please let me know.”
I thought that was the longest speech I had ever made him give so I stood stunned for a moment. I also hadn’t been expecting him to apologize to me. I thought back to the night I had come running towards the gates with him in his animal form charging after me. I don’t know why I hadn’t just let the guards kill him; he had been terrifying. But, it there had been something inside of me, telling me that he could be saved; just as now there was something inside telling me that we weren’t out here alone. “Lorcan!” I called out, “I know that you’re out here!”
“I am,” he called out, as if that was a good enough explanation for him to eaves drop on our conversation. If it was always going to be this difficult to talk to him, it was going to make my life hell. Although I knew he meant well, it was the way he went about doing it that drove me insane.
Sal cleared his throat breaking into my thoughts and apparently trying to remind me that he was still there. Turning to where I thought he stood as I told him, “I am glad that you are doing better. How about we just say that we are even; you saved my life and I saved yours. You don’t owe me anything Sal, other than to be happy.”
“Thank you Princess, that is very kind of you,” he replied, “I will not take up anymore of your time.” Shortly afterwards I heard the door open and close behind me; he had gone back inside Willow’s house which I found odd. Deciding to let them talk in private I chose to make my way down the path and head back to the village.
As we walked along I suddenly chose to stop in the center of the path and turning I walked straight into Lorcan’s chest. Rubbing my nose I backed away feeling foolish then sat on the soft grass, patting the ground close by and indicating that Lorcan join me.
“I am fine standing,” he assured me.
Reaching for his shoe I pulled on his trouser leg instructing him, “Will you just sit!” After a few seconds he sat down across from me.
“Did you get tired Princess?” he asked, obviously confused by my sudden need to sit down.
“No,” I replied, “I just wanted to talk to you, and this is as good of a spot as any.”
“Okay….,” he said, stretching the word out.
“You have been here a number of days now and I just want to know more about you. All I know is that you come from this creepy island that everyone talks about, as if it’s some sort of place where guardian celebrities are born. If you are going to continue being my guardian then I need to know who is walking around with me all day.”
I heard him snigger before saying, “As if you have a choice if I am your guardian or not.” His answer made me feel very annoyed; mainly because he was right. I didn’t have a choice; he was the only guardian in the valley who wasn’t already taken.
“I am not trying to sound rude Princess, but I don’t see the point in all this. As I have told you before I have no want to be your friend, it just makes my job harder and more complicated,” he told me.
“Well! That is exactly why we need to have this talk! I don’t understand why you are so against me getting to know you; why would it be so horrible if we became friends? “I questioned, “What are you so scared of? I thought you were supposed to be fierce and a Mr. Big bad guardian, but for some reason you don’t want me to get to know you. “Has it never crossed your mind that not everyone wants to be friends with the princess? Princess, I have been ordered to protect you and that is exactly what I am going to do, nothing more and nothing less. And, the sooner you get over yourself and the need to be accepted and loved by everyone the better off you will be.” It was cold. There was no emotion in his voice whatsoever.
Still trying to get my mind around what he had just said I remained lost in silent thought. I only wanted to get to know him a little better, although a small whisper deep within me made me accept that no matter how painful his words were, there was truth in them. I was always trying to get everyone to like me or to accept me. After all hadn’t I shed tears earlier this morning because I felt afraid of disappointing everyone on the night of my animal ritual? Damn, I knew he was right, but it would be a cold day in hell before I would admit that he was. He was still a jerk and I couldn’t wait until Declan became my guardian. At least he would be kind and we would be able to steal moments away where he could wrap his strong arms around me and kiss away my troubles.
Standing up from the ground I wiped the dirt from my legs and continued walking. If he didn’t want to be my friend or speak to me, then I decided I wasn’t going to force him, or make the mistake of trying to be his friend again. I would just count down the days until Declan became my guardian.
As we got to the gates, I heard Eirnan greet me, “Hey Mina!” Waving at him, hopefully in the right direction and stopped walking. It always felt strange waving to people, especially now since losing my sight. I could almost picture my hand waving but it was usually way too fast or too slow. Eirnan went on to ask, “I was hoping that you had seen Declan. We were supposed to go down to Glam creek to fish.”
Sadly I admitted I had no clue where he was and felt bad for not knowing or for realizing that we hadn’t had our usual phone conversation today. “Tell you what,” I replied, “I will call him and see if he picks up.” So standing just inside the gate I quickly pulled out my cell phone. Running my fingers across the number pad I found the three small dots that Maggie had put on the number three key, hitting it before putting the phone to my ear; I was immensely grateful for speed dial.
The phone rang and rang, until it finally stopped reaching his voicemail. It wasn’t like him to not pick up I thought so I decided to leave him a message. “Hey, Declan it’s me Mina, call me when you get this or call Eirnan as he is looking for you.” I paused not knowing if it was socially acceptable to say I love you around all these people so I just said, “Bye,” and hung up the phone.
As we left I heard Eirnan call out thanks; not sounding in the last bit worried that Declan couldn’t be contacted. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt worried either but I had started getting that darn feeling once again that something horrible was about to happen. My feelings hadn’t proved me wrong yet, and that worried me, strangely no more than the fact that I couldn’t even tell my boyfriend I loved him in front of our
friends. What was wrong with me? Why was it so hard for me to touch Declan or express my love for him in front of other people? It felt so wonderful to do all those things when we were together alone, but around others I pulled away, finding myself wincing whenever he took my hand or kissed me. Somehow I felt broken, in all the senses of the word.
Chapter 20
As Lorcan and I made our way into the castle we could hear pots clattering and people talking. Walking into the kitchen I was happy to hear the familiar chatter and laughter of Knoll and Maggie. “Hey little sister,” she called out before pulling me into a tight one armed hug. I presumed her other arm was occupied with either Knoll’s hand or a cooking utensil.
Knoll patted me on the shoulder with his familiar rough palm. “Hey,” he said still sounding a little annoyed with me for firing him as my guardian. The thought made me feel like telling him that I also felt annoyed with myself at the moment for doing it too because Lorcan was not the nicest person to have to spend your entire day with. But I couldn’t say that in front of Lorcan, or Maggie, because I knew for the first time that she was truly happy and I wouldn’t, no couldn’t take that away from her, even if that meant I was stuck with Mr. Sourpuss all day.
“Where is Mom and Dad,” I asked Maggie, enjoying the smell of the food wafting through the air.
“They had some sort of business trip to take but will be back in a few days; just in time for your animal ceremony!” she responded.
“Ah, don’t remind me. Anyway I am glad that you guys came over,” I admitted, not wanting to tell them how much I now missed them since they had moved into their own house.