by Julie Eads
Being left alone with Lorcan I had crazy thoughts running through my head. I had to admit to myself that I was still trying to figure out if I should thank him for defending my honor or if it was weird just to want to thank someone for hitting your boyfriend, who had acted like a pompous jerk.
Eventually Lorcan spoke, “I am sorry that the evening was ruined. I was having a good time.”
Despite myself I defended Declan saying, “I don’t know what came over him. It must have been the liquor talking, as he’s usually a really nice guy.”
Lorcan obviously didn’t agree saying, “No offense Princess.”
‘So we were back to him calling me princess,’ I thought to myself but decided to let him continue.
“I highly doubt that is the first time he has acted in this manner,” Lorcan responded.
Thinking back to the way Declan had treated me the few moments before I was kidnapped, I remembered how he had left me standing alone; but that hadn’t been the worst part as he had left me alone knowing I was blind. Who does that kind of thing? I felt as if my head was about to explode as it began to pound with frustration. I loved Declan, there was no denying that but he hadn’t been the same since his animal ceremony and it was making me question where we stood. He had been at Thora’s house, the one person in this entire village that I couldn’t stand. It wasn’t that I was being ridiculous or behaving like a jealous girlfriend it’s just that Thora was a horrible person who treated everyone like crap.
I thought back to her saying that Declan could have been hers’ if I hadn’t come along. Up until this moment I believed she was just trying to make me mad as I’m sure there could never be anything between them, but now I wasn’t so sure; maybe she had a reason to think that he was into her. Despite myself I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling creeping up my body, slowly leaving a prickly feeling behind. It was then I realized I had been standing there staring off into space, deep in thought and I felt bad for zoning out with Lorcan’s statement still hanging in the air.
My only answer to him was, “Everyone makes mistakes Lorcan,” and that was all I was going to give him; I didn’t want to say something I couldn’t take back. Starting for the stairs with Lorcan following closely behind me, I was very much aware of the closeness of him as every time I took a step he followed, his breathe warm on my neck. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood to attention and I could feel myself shudder slightly; what was going on with me today? As we reached my bedroom and I opened the door I paused to tell Lorcan goodnight and then I closed the door firmly behind me.
Jumping onto the bed I sprawled out before wrapping the silk blanket around me. This was my safe place, and no matter what the day threw at me, I could come here and let it all go. Finally I decided to change into an old fashioned, white long sleeve night gown, thankful that the bathroom was in my room as I was pretty sure it was slightly see through. I could never tell if the lights in the room were on or not being always surrounded by darkness. Yet despite that, I often found myself wishing that I would just wake up and see the world around me once again. However, tonight I was thankful for the darkness; it is one thing to hear the person you love say horrible things about you, but it would have been a lot harder to have watched the words come from his mouth. At least this way it was easier to convince myself it hadn’t been that bad.
Chapter 21
Sometime later I was woken by a loud pounding on my bedroom door and the sound of two loud voices yelling on the landing.
“I just want to talk to her,” yelled a man’s voice I recognized as being Declan’s.
The Lorcan replied, “I am sorry but the Princess is sleeping and I don’t think she wants to speak to you.”
“But I said I was sorry!” whimpered Declan childishly.
I had known instantly it was Declan and Lorcan fighting but all I wanted to do was curl up under the blankets and hide. The problem was that it was hard to tune the pair of them out as any loud noises in the giant castle just kept echoing around and around, making it that much harder to pretend I was asleep. Stumbling to the door I was still feeling half asleep. As I swung the door open and they both stopped yelling and looked at me as I yelled, “What the hell is going on?”
“Mina!” Declan shouted suddenly throwing his body in front of mine, pushing me back into the room and slamming the door shut behind us, leaving Lorcan on the other side probably feeling as confused as I was.
Shocked I yelled, “What are you doing Declan; have you lost your God forsaken mind?” I was in no mood to play his jealous boyfriend game for as I thought about it, I knew I wasn’t in the mood to see him at all today.
“Your damn night gown! Lorcan just saw you’re’…,” and he stopped speaking as he struggled to say the word ‘breast.’
“Oh my god!” I gasped, shocked and threw my arm over my breast as I felt a familiar heat of embarrassment overtake me as I hadn’t even thought about the night gown when I answered the door. Quickly scurrying to the closet I pulled my robe from the hook and slipped it on, tying it tightly so that nothing showed.
Returning to the room I said, “I am sorry about that. I really had forgotten about the stupid night gown. I paused before continuing, “I wasn’t even certain that it was see through. It’s very hard to know when you can’t actually see anything!” putting stress on the last few words in order to make a point.
“It’s ok,” he said sighing and sounding defeated. “Just another thing being blind takes away from you I suppose.” As it happened I had just been thinking the same thing but when he said it, it stung a little as if it was him who was always being affected by my not being able to see. I appreciated it had to be an adjustment for him, but what the hell did he think it did to me. Up until then I had almost forgotten I was mad at him.
Deciding to get some answers I asked, “So, what happened last night, why were you at Thora’s party?”
Without answering me he turned the subject to suit him by saying, “Yes, well I was coming to apologize about that but that idiot guardian of yours wouldn’t let me in your room. I don’t know why your parents keep him around, I just don’t like or trust the guy.” All of a sudden I could hear the green-eyed, jealous monster peeking its large annoying head out and I had to admit to myself that green definitely isn’t a good color for Declan.
“I don’t know why you can’t answer my question!” I demanded, getting more and more irritated with him and the whole situation.
Finally he chose to answer me, “I just went over there to have a good time. I have had a hard time these past few weeks and just needed to cut loose and have some fun like most people our age do.”
More than anything I could understand the need to be normal and do what normal teens do, but it was just too much for me; he had said some horrendous things to me and even if he was drunk I didn’t know if I could forgive him that easily. Eventually I told him, “I just need some time,” and that was all I could really say to him.
Surprised he questioned me snidely, “Time away from me or time away with your guardian?”
That was it. I had had enough and turning on him I shouted, “You know what! I have had it! I don’t have time for this crap. I don’t know what your problem is with Lorcan but it is about time you got over it. Do you know that you said some really hurtful stuff to me last night, and instead of owning up to it and coming in here to apologize, all you do is talk more crap about Lorcan,” and I shook my head as tears of anger started rolling down my cheeks.
His response sounded peevish, “I did come here to apologize, but I don’t feel like I am the only one who needs to say sorry Mina. You just stood there and let your parents say that I wasn’t good enough to be your guardian in front of everyone! What do you think that made me look like? I will be lucky if I ever get a job offer in this village again.”
I couldn’t believe what he had just said. As I ran my hands along the rough towel like fabric of the robe I felt my hands were shaking. “You really are mad at me?
” and I laughed, not believing my ears as I told him, “There was nothing more for me to say. It was a done deal. And I have no say over what my parents do; after all this is their house so you cannot hold me accountable for what they do.” Pausing I took a deep breath before continuing, “I am sorry you feel as if I should have stood up for you; but where were you when Thora was trying to make a fool out of me? Instead of defending me Declan, you go to a party at her house!” Suddenly I knew I had never, in all my life felt as angry with someone as I did now. I wanted to kick him out of my room and my life, but I loved him so deeply that by doing so I knew I would hurt myself, probably more than him.
Finally Declan spoke, “So, I went to a party Mina and drank a bit too much, that is all there is to it. Anyway I would never touch Thora; I’ve been there once and have regretted it ever since.”
My heart sank. What did he just say? It was now that I really wish I could see him. All I could ask was, “You did something with Thora; evil, crazy Thora?”
“It was a long time ago Mina, and we just dated for a little while,” he responded matter-of-factually.
Although I didn’t want to ask I knew I had to, “Exactly how long is a little while?”
“Maybe Six months. We broke up about a week before you returned to the castle,” he simply stated as if it was nothing.
Standing there I thought about all the things he had said to me, about how I was the only one here who understood him, that he didn’t date the girls here because he had never found the one who made him complete but it was lies nothing but useless meaningless lies. Now I wasn’t sure what hurt most; the fact that he had kept all this from me or the fact that he was actually at his ex-girlfriend’s house last night.
That was it, I had had enough and turning on him I whispered loudly, “I can’t believe a word you say! You are no better than my pretend, kidnapping parents!” Doing my best to calm myself down I took in a deep breath then spoke, “I am going to ask you this one time Declan and once only. I want you to think long and hard before you answer because right now I am not beyond having my guardian, whom you just enjoy being around so much, punch you in the face again. Pausing I waited for the words to sink in before asking him, “Did anything happen between you and Thora last night?”
“Mina….,” and he sounded as if I had just hurt him, “How could you think that; I love you.”
The trouble was I didn’t believe him so I demanded, “Tell me the truth Declan, please, for once tell me the truth.”
He hesitated then finally stated, “She kissed me. Fine, there I said it, are you happy now. Is that what you wanted to hear; that I’m a horrible guy who got drunk and kissed my ex? Because I did, and I feel so damn stupid as I have never loved anyone the way I love you. I see the way Lorcan looks at you and it makes me so mad that you are spending endless hours alone with him. I got jealous and I messed up, so what did you expect! Can you not forgive me?”
I didn’t and couldn’t at that moment reply so I sat down on the edge of my bed, letting it all sink in. He had lied, kissed another girl, not mentioning that it just so happened to be the one person I couldn’t stand, and here he was expecting me to forgive him. What was I to do?
The minutes slipped by then I answered him. “I don’t know,” I admitted, “Can you please leave?”
Surprised Declan began, “But Mina, listen to me please. I’ve said I’m sorry.”
I knew I couldn’t take anymore so I just yelled, “Leave! Now!”
Quickly following that I heard the door open and someone step into the room, “I do believe the Princess has asked you to leave,” requested Lorcan calmly.
“You stay out of this,” Declan warned, “I am not in the mood for you.”
But Lorcan was not to be messed with me and he quietly but firmly told Declan, “I don’t care what kind of mood you are in, she has asked you to leave and you will go, either willingly or by force.” Strangely I had never wanted to hug someone so much in my life as I did Lorcan at that moment. Declan didn’t speak he just turned and walked out the room and down the stairs, slam the front door shut as he left.
Strangely it felt as if a weight had been lifted from off my shoulders, it felt odd hearing Declan speak the truth, no matter how painful it was, it was still liberating. I now knew that he wasn’t the man I thought he was. Lying back against the pillows I began to cry; not loud sobs or ugly crying as my pretend mother used to; no, it was quiet and as my tears flowed I released the hope of ever knowing who someone truly was. It always seemed to me that no matter how much you think you know someone, they always surprise you rather in a disappointing way or a good way; either way you never truly know the people around you or what they are capable of. I knew it should have taken the actions of my pretend parents to make me realize that yet despite myself I still wanted to give Declan the benefit of the doubt.
Remembering his beautiful smile and breath-taking eyes, he had captured my heart the moment he had said ‘hello.’ I was so sure that he was my happily-ever-after; he still could be I reminded myself, but things would never be the same. Yes, I could forgive him, but the memory would always be there in the back of my mind and every time he was gone too long or he forgot to call me I would find myself assuming the worst, because as hard as we try to forgive someone we never forget their betrayal. I didn’t have all of the answers and I didn’t know if I could ever put myself in a position to be lied to again.
Having spent enough time thinking over the problem I sluggishly walked to my closet and thanks to Maggie’s wonderful color coding system found a t-shirt and jeans, quickly throwing them on before making my way downstairs. Moping in my room all day wasn’t going to make it any easier for me to decide what to do about Declan. I wouldn’t put a time limit on myself but once I figured it out I would tell him, until then I wanted nothing more to do with him.
As I reached the hallway I sensed that the house was nearly empty. It seemed as if everything was back to normal. My parents were off doing God only knows what and I was left alone, with Lorcan.
A cough near the kitchen door heralded his arrival. “Mina, may I come in?” he asked as he stood in the doorway.
Although I really wanted to be alone I invited him in anyway, handing him the box of cereal.
Gently he said, “I am sorry for what has happened with you and Declan; it is never easy to put your trust in anyone.”
“Yeah,” I agreed sighing between bites of my cereal. I wasn’t up much for talking today, and eventually Lorcan was quiet; the only noises coming from us crunching on the cereal.
I nearly bit my tongue when Lorcan reminded me that tomorrow was my animal ritual. How could I have forgotten! One thing I knew was that I was glad I opted out of the usual party before the ceremony; it didn’t seem like a good idea seeing that there were people still out there who wanted to kidnap me and all. That meant I only had one day until everything changed. Deciding I wanted to spend it having fun, so I could put all my worries to the back of my mind I sat contemplating what I could do that would be fun.
With no hesitation I asked Lorcan, “What do you do for fun?” hoping he would have an idea.
“I don’t usually do fun,” he replied laughing although he sounded a little sad at the thought. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who needed to have a good time today.
“Well, that is going to change right now,” I announced, making my mind up, “We are going to have some fun today.”
He didn’t answer immediately but finally asked me, “And what do you think we should do?”
“Mmmm. I’m not sure,” I admitted thinking about the options. “Let’s go swimming. I haven’t been once since I got here and I really love it!”
“Sounds like a good idea Princes, sorry,” he said quickly correcting himself, “I mean Mina.”
With a decision made and breakfast over with I made my way up the stairs, careful not to fall. Once in my room I found the drawer with the blue marker on. Opening it I pulled out the bathing suit I
had picked out before losing my sight; it was a two piece which I was now regretting buying as it was a dark orange and the bottoms tied on the sides. Smiling I remembered how Liam had nearly had a heart attack when Eleanor showed it to him; well he would have to get over it. I was going to have fun today, even if it killed me. With my track record as of lately, it might not be that impossible. For a moment I thought I could see the headlines: Carmina, died having fun. The universe just wouldn’t allow that kind of nonsense to go on in her life. The idea caused me to giggle.
Once ready I made my way down the stairs with my towel over my arm. Lorcan was already waiting. And clearing his throat he asked, “Do you think it’s wise to wear that costume around me? I may be your guardian but I am still a man and that is very eye catching.”
Laughing nervously I knew he was probably right and maybe I should have changed, but it was getting late and if we didn’t hurry then everyone would have taken all the good spots at the creek.
By the time we reached the creek everyone was starting to make their way home for lunch which meant they left the area deserted and all ours. Approaching the creek’s edge I stuck my toes in the water and smiled. It felt as if it was going to be a good day. Lorcan, surprisingly, was the first one to jump in and as he did the water came up and splashed me in my face.
It was a bit too cold out for swimming but I wasn’t ready to admit that summer was over, so taking a quick breath I jumped in and let the icy water engulf me. Floating on my back I began picturing what the creek looked like even though I had only seen it a few times since I had lost my sight. It was beautiful with crystal clear water you could see through all the way to the bottom. And there was also a small run-off with a waterfall as part of it; by no means was it big, but it was still breath-taking to look at. Large green plants ran along the bank which was also littered with bright red and yellow roses. I remembered walking past here on my way home at night from Willows and seeing the stars and moon beaming off the water as it mirrored the sky. I had always wanted to swim in it, but never got the chance, and even though I could feel the heat from the sun on my face I pretended it was night time, and I was swimming in the sky, because that is what I thought it would feel like to swim here at night, with the light from the stars glittering all around me. These thoughts, strangely enough, were helping me to cope with the forever darkness I was now stuck in.