by Julie Eads
Suddenly I felt a splash of water in my face and gasped I planted my feet firmly on the sandy bottom of the creek. Then water hit me again but this time from the side. “Lorcan!” I joked, knowing he was swimming in circles around me, laughing when he managed to splash me with the water.
“This is a wonderful place,” he said, more to himself than me.
“Don’t you have places like this on the Isle of Fire,” I asked him, thinking how it always sounded so strange calling the island that.
“No,” he said, his voice in a more serious tone, “Sadly, we don’t have anything on the Isle that is as beautiful as this.”
Despite myself I wanted to pry as every time his home town was mentioned he acted peculiar, but I reminded myself that I didn’t like to talk about the home I came from, either.
“You have a lot of beautiful things here,” he went on speaking, and I could sense his eyes were on me. Suddenly I wanted so badly to know what they looked like.
Taking a big risk I blurted out, “Can I feel your face?” regretting it the moment I had said it. “I have heard from somewhere that it can help blind people learn what people look like.”
Obviously surprised by my request Lorcan reluctantly responded, “I don’t know why you want to know what I look like, but yes you can touch my face.”
Feeling the water moving around me as he waded through it, I found he was suddenly standing inches in front of me. Instantly my heart began to beat faster and I put my hands through the water, making sure they weren’t sweaty. I had never actually tried this with anyone before yet here I was, doing it now.
Lifting my shaky hands I felt his warm hands grasp mine, “Here,” he said, placing my hands palms up against his face.
As I gently moved my hands I felt his long chin. It was smooth as he had no facial hair which, for some reason was strange as I had thought he would have some. My breath caught in my throat as my hands reached his lips. Slowly I ran my index finger across them. They were bigger than mine, and felt rough in some spots. I could feel his breathing growing ragged but I continued. Next I felt the smoothness of his nose; reaching the middle of it I ran my thumb over the small bump that rested there, and I wondered if he had broken his nose sometime but I didn’t ask. When I reached his eyes his lids closed and told me it was okay to run my hand gently over them. I still wanted to know the color of them so badly but again I was too shy to ask. Finally, I ran my hands over his forehead and up into his hair, not really knowing what I was doing. It was medium length and very soft to the touch although it had patches of dry spots were it was beginning to dry out in the sun. I pictured him with dark hair, hopefully one day that I would see for myself.
“Thank you,” I said breathlessly before pushing with my feet and floating away to the bank. As I floated I realized I had no idea what had just happened. That had felt so much more intimate then I thought it would; the feel of his hands on mine and the soft ruggedness of his features. I couldn’t stop thinking about them so tried to keep my distance for the rest of the day. At one point I wondered if he had felt the same as me, as he too was quiet for the remainder of our time together. Having spent most of the day floating around the creek it was only as the sun was starting to set that we made our way back to the castle.
“Thank you for today, it was relaxing,” he told me. I was happy he thought so because I felt anything but relaxed.
As we made our way into the castle we were welcomed by the wonderful aroma of Eleanor’s cooking. There’s going to be was a full house tonight I thought as I heard Maggie and Knoll in the kitchen laughing and could picture him and Lorcan sitting in the living room later with my father, drinking a glass of good ‘ole Irish whisky.
As I made my way across the hallway I tried to be as quiet as possible but it was a failed attempt. “Mina, is that you,” Eleanor called out, “Can you come into the kitchen please.”
Damn I thought. I had been hoping to get to my room without being spotted. Slowly I walked across the marble floor, trying not to slip.
“Whoa!” said Maggie, “We wondered where you’d been all day.”
“That swim suit is too small,” I heard Liam calling from the living room which made me smile, feeling like a normal teenager today.
Maggie laughed, “Yeah that is way too freaking small! You and dad would have killed me for wearing something like that!”
“Don’t be silly,” Eleanor laughed with her, “You just never expressed any interest in swimming.”
“Mmmhmm,” Maggie said as she walked out of the room to join Knoll.
After she had left Eleanor spoke, “I wanted to have a moment to talk with you Carmina.” Strangely my mother sounded nervous as she called me by my full name.
Shaking I asked, “Can I get dressed first,” I was feeling cold in my dripping wet bathing suit with the cold air from the vents blasting round the kitchen and making me shiver.
“It will only take a moment,” she assured me. “I heard what happened with you and Declan and I want to say how sorry I am that he has hurt you,” then she hesitated before saying, “I just want you to know that I am here if you want to talk about it. Also, I know what you have heard about what you may become at your animal ritual, but I don’t want you to worry about that. You will become who you were always meant to be and that will always be more than enough for us.”
It was a sweet notion and up until this moment I hadn’t been worried about it all. What she didn’t know was that I had talked it all out with Willow and she had helped me, but suddenly I felt bad for not having confided in my mother about it.
“Thank you,” I said simply, doing my best to reassure her that all was well before quickly making my way to my room and closing the door. At last. ‘My safe place,’ I thought as I went to have a shower and pick something out of the closet to wear.
Just about to go into the bathroom I heard a knock on my door, feeling annoyed as the water was running and all I wanted was to get under the hot steam. Going to the door I answered it and discovered Lorcan waiting nervously outside.
“Mina,” he asked, “Can I come in please?” For some reason it felt different having him in my room. He went on to say, “I just wanted to clear the air; I shouldn’t have let you get so close to me today. I know that you are going through a lot right now and I would not want you to think that I was taking advantage of the fact that you are vulnerable. Please forgive me for my behavior.”
What could I say; I hadn’t thought for an instance that he was taking advantage of me. All I had done was touch his face. Okay, maybe my hands had lingered a little longer than they should have and yes, maybe when I had grazed his sun chapped lips I had wanted to kiss them, but now standing here I knew it was all so stupid. I had been trying to lose myself today and apparently he was what I wanted to lose myself in.
Finally I told him, “It’s alright Lorcan; there’s no need to apologize.” Continuing I said, “All I did was touch your face,” and I tried to put it off as if it was nothing; but we both knew better. “Besides, it’s not as if we kissed or anything,” and I smiled, trying to reassure him.
Sighing Lorcan hesitated before saying, “But, that is the thing Mina. I wanted to kiss you today so badly that my lips ached from your touch.”
My heart began to beat quickly again and suddenly I found myself saying the exact opposite of what I should have said, “Then why don’t you?”
He was standing inches from my face, his warm breath and mine meeting together, as he suddenly placed a long soft kiss on my cheek.
Pulling back he whispered, “I don’t know what is happening Mina, but I am your guardian. I told you we couldn’t be friends,” and he walked away without saying another word other than leaving my lips aching for the touch of his. What the hell had I gotten myself mixed up in; it was a whole different kind of mess than any other I had experienced.
Suddenly I realized that I only had a few seconds in which to shower before Maggie came to tell me dinner was ready. Jumping
under the hot water I quickly washed my hair, and then taking my bath sponge I washed the creek water off my skin. What the hell was happening to me? I had no clue what to do about Declan; I still loved him, yet now there was someone else occupying my mind, someone I hadn’t even seen before. How would I know if I was attracted to him? ‘This all was getting out of hand,’ I thought, ‘and it would only be a matter of time before it all blew up in my face.’ I felt as if I had wronged Declan; I was supposed to be thinking about our relationship or if we even had one, not if it was a good idea to start a new one! My life just continued to get more and more complicated.
Having showered, I quickly got dressed before making my way downstairs, just happy to be surrounded by my family. They had prepared the same dish as the night I arrived soup and soda bread. Sitting at the table I was thankful I was no longer as clumsy with my hardware as I had been the first time I had tried to eat after losing my sight.
Maggie was the first to talk. “Lorcan,” she began asking, trying to draw him into a conversation. “Did you and Mina have a good day at the creek? It is stunning at this time of year isn’t it?” Although I knew she was trying to be nice I felt she was making it worse.
“I did have a lovely time,” he assured her, yet I could tell he regretted letting me get so close to him. I just didn’t know if I regretted it as well.
“It will be both a beautiful and sad thing for me to witness your animal ceremony tomorrow Carmina. My little girl will be all grown up and it saddens me that I have missed so much of it,” declared my father. Liam might be the King of Glamorgan who ruled with an iron fist when he needed to but when it came to me or our family he was a big softy at heart and I realized that he loved me more than I would probably ever know. The thought was enough to make me tear-up. Listening to the family chattering I was happy that they didn’t care if I turned out to be the one the prophesy spoke of as they would love me for me, which was nothing better than I could ask for as a gift. My only wish was that I could have spent my last thirteen years here with my real family. The night went by so fast; after dinner was over we decided to sit and watch a movie; well everyone else watched and I listened.
As the evening drew to a close Eleanor decided it was time to pick out my dress for the following day. Leading the way, Maggie and Eleanor followed me up the stairs to rummage through my closet whilst I sat on the edge of the bed; my favorite place and one I found myself sitting more often than not when I was in my room.
“There just isn’t anything suitable in here that will do,” Eleanor called out, clearly sounding annoyed. “I might have something in my closet,” she said and she hastily left to make her way down the stairs and into her gigantic bedroom.
Thinking about her room I had thought mine was huge but it could fit inside hers at least three times over. There was a king size poster bed with large ivory posts on either side. A large vanity mirror and closet on my mother’s side of the room and the same on father’s side. Her closet was practically the size of the living room! I was happy to have had the chance to see it before I lost my sight. I could see her now in my mind rummaging through the hundreds of dresses she had, saying this won’t do, nor that one; she was picky to say the least.
Whilst we waited for her to return Maggie joined me on the bed. “I heard about Declan calling this morning,” she said
“Has everyone heard?” I asked her. ‘Who were they getting all their information from,’ is what I wanted to know.
Maggie went on, “I know it must be hard to have your first heart break the night before your animal ceremony. It’s really tough enough as it is. I remember mine.” And she began telling me her story, “I was thirteen when we had some new guardians transfer in for the summer. There was this guy who was two years older than me, his name was Dillion; he was from Russia.” Pausing the smiled as she remembered before continuing, “He had long, dark eye lashes, dark eyes and a smile that could kill. We spent every night together laughing; he was my first kiss. Of course, we were too young to go further than that, but I loved him, or so I thought I did. He was applying to transfer here full time but his parents came and took him home. As they left he sat in the back of their car and our eyes never left each other’s until they were too far away for us to see each other anymore.” Taking a deep breath she sighed as she remembered, “I wouldn’t leave my room or eat for days. It felt as if someone had reached into my chest and pulled my heart out. It was the worse feeling in the world, so I know what you are going through,” and she patted my leg. “Mina it will get better. I never knew I would love someone again until Knoll came along. He makes my skin hot just by looking at me. When you feel such desire for someone it’s worth giving it a shot like you did with Declan.” Pausing again I sensed she was looking at me. Taking my hand in hers she continued, “But, that is all he deserves one shot. Mina, I’m not trying to tell you what to do but remember you do deserve better than that.”
Smiling I pulled my loving sister into a hug; she really was an amazing person and I was blessed to have her here with me now. I knew we only had a few minutes before Eleanor returned so I told Maggie about what happened at the creek. She sat listening to me and I pictured the look of concern on her face. Although when I told her that I had wanted to kiss him she laughed. “I knew there was something between you two by the way he looks at you,” she said. Sadly, I was remembering she wasn’t the first person to say that to me as I recalled Declan saying the same thing, making me feel even worse for feeling the way I do about Lorcan. Suddenly I wanted to see the way he looked at me so badly.
Maggie sighed. “I am not going to tell you what you feel is wrong Mina,” she said, “and I can tell that is what you are expecting of me. I know that everything seems so complicated right now, and that you feel bad for thinking about someone else when you and Declan just broke up but, like I tried to tell you in the kitchen the other day, you are not promised to anyone. You are still so young and don’t feel as if you have to be with someone just because that is what everyone tells you. I know you care for Declan and he cares for you but you both seem to be going in opposite directions and maybe you are too afraid to let go because of your supposed “Destiny” together. Remember, you make your own destiny Mina, and don’t forget that.”
Maggie was wise beyond her years and I was so happy that she was here as she was the only one who seemed to understand the pressure of people’s expectations. I still didn’t know what to do about Declan or Lorcan, but at least I would be able to go to bed tonight feeling that at least someone understood.
Eleanor stormed into the room. “I finally found the dress,” she announced excitedly, “It’s perfect for you. Although I will have to have the seamstress let the chest area out,” she said, “but the rest will fit perfectly.” That was the one thing I hated about myself, being big breasted. Everything had been a custom fit. Why couldn’t I just walk into one of the few shops we had to choose from in the village and wear what I purchased the same day? No, it was always way too tight in the chest area.
Maggie began describing the dress to me, which I found thoughtful but unnecessary. “It’s a white dress and is long and silky. It was the dress mom wore to her animal ceremony.”
My breath caught in my throat and I felt very pleased to be wearing her dress, although it felt odd that she hadn’t offered to let Maggie wear it. “It is the prefect dress for you Mina,” and she hugged me whispering in my ear, “I gcónaí ar mo dheirfiúr i gcónaí mo chara.”
“What does that mean,” and I felt silly for having to ask.
But Maggie didn’t seem concerned, “It means, ‘always my sister, always my friend;’ I want you to remember that tomorrow. Hugging her once more they both whispered goodnight, closing the door quietly as they left. Now it was time to go to bed. After tomorrow everything would change.
Lying on the bed I was thinking that I had no idea what was to become of me, if I let the village down what would happen to me. Will it be a normal animal ceremony or will I b
ecome the one they all seemed to hope I was? I felt nervous as I fell asleep and for the first time since arriving here I was scared that after tonight I would never be myself again.
Chapter 22
No one knocked on the door to wake me up the following morning. It was the first time in days that I had the choice of when I got out of bed. I would have been relieved any other day, but today was the day of my animal ceremony so I was nervous and on edge. Getting up out of bed, my messy hair was pressed against my face. Ever since it had been cut I had been having a problem with controlling it. Leaving the room I made my way down stairs, not even bothering to change out of my pajamas.
Once in the kitchen I sat in my normal place and poured myself a bowl of cereal. I had grown to love my simple routine and feared that even it might change after today. Well, it was going to change after today at least for the next three days. That was the time required for me, like everyone else, to stay in the cabin during my transition. I was less scared of the pain than being alone out there all day and night.
The house felt empty and I wondered where everyone had disappeared to. ‘Probably off doing whatever was necessary before this evening’s event,’ I thought. Lorcan was around somewhere but today he was giving me space. I heard someone come through the front door and was surprised to hear that it was Taya.
“Hey,” she called out before enveloping me in a tight hug. “I thought you could use some company today. It seems everyone is having a meeting at the guard’s station; going over the security for tonight and afterwards whilst you’re at the cabin. Rest assured,” and I could picture her smiling at me as she finished, “You will be well taken care of.”