All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One

by Nicole Thorn

  He hung his head and didn’t say anything after that. But he kept shaking. I leaned over and shut off the light on my nightstand. Then I pulled Hale’s head to my chest and ran my fingers through his hair until he fell asleep.

  

  I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep. Or how. My body was tired and I think the darkness just took over. I only woke up once. When I had, Hale was behind me with his arm draped over me and his hand on my stomach. The next time I woke up, he was gone.

  I sat up in bed, still wearing my dress from the night before. The sun was up and I could hear chatter from outside of my closed door. The door opened and Hale walked back in. He was holding a tray of food.

  “Oh, you’re awake,” he said.

  I nodded, realizing that we’d just slept together. That was…huge for me. I’d shared my bed with him.

  “Yeah,” I watched him cautiously.

  He sat beside me and put the tray in front of me. “I made this for you. Your mother said that you like chocolate, so…”

  I looked down at the food and took in everything. There were chocolate chip pancakes. I was sure they were pancakes, though there were so many chocolate chips that it took me a second to figure it out. The breakfast also came with bacon, sausages, and a glass of chocolate milk.

  “Why would you do this for me?”

  “Because what you did yesterday. You went to great lengths to help me. And you put yourself in danger. The least I could do was make you breakfast.”

  I fought the urge to kiss him on the cheek and just said, “Thank you. That was very sweet.”

  His eyes were on my lips. “Five.”

  I sighed. “I’m not going to bother asking anymore.”

  I started eating and I forced Hale to eat with me. He sat close enough that our legs were touching, but I didn’t make him move. I didn’t want to be my usual snippy self when he was in such a bad place.

  “How’s Ethan?” I asked.

  He finished chewing and said, “Better. He’s still sleeping but his heart rate is steady now. Mason and Mollie came by last night when we were asleep. They had to leave for work, but at least they got to see him.”

  The worst was yet to come, but I was sure he knew that already. But my mom could handle it. She’d dealt with much worst in her time.

  “And,” he continued. “We’re excused from school today. Your mother wanted us here.”

  I nodded. “Good. I don’t think I’d do well in today.”

  “Same.”

  When we were done eating, Hale took the tray and brought it back to the kitchen. I offered but he wouldn’t let me. While he was gone I showered and got dressed for the day. By the time I was done, he was sitting on my bed waiting for me.

  “Anything new?” I asked.

  He shook his head, “No.”

  I stood awkwardly by the wall. With no places to sit other than the bed, my options were limited. And I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to linger in a bed with Hale. One more slip like last time and I’d have to cut him off all together. Distance was the only thing that could keep him safe.

  “Lamb?” he said after a few minutes of quiet. “Why don’t you want to sit with me?” I didn’t answer him. He sighed and leaned against the bed. “Are you upset that we slept together?”

  My cheeks flushed and my body felt warmer. I knew what he meant but the way it sounded… The way he made it sound… “No,” I said honestly. “I just don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

  “About you? I don’t think you do that kind of thing often, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m willing to bet that I’m the only person other than you to sleep in this bed.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I told you I don’t date. And I don’t do anything that goes with it. But that wasn’t what I was worried about.”

  “Good. Because one day we’ll be sharing a bed on a permanent basis. It would be upsetting if you didn’t enjoy it.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip. “That’s the problem. We’re never going to be more than friends. I can’t be with you in any way other than that.”

  He stood and started sauntering over to me. “And you won’t tell me why. I don’t think that’s fair.”

  “I know,” I closed my eyes. “I know it’s not fair. And that doesn’t change anything. You need to drop any and all thoughts of us being a thing. I just can’t do it.”

  He closed the distance between us and his hands went to my face. He gently held it and whispered, “No.”

  “Yes,” I corrected him. “Please.”

  “If there was ever any doubt in my mind about me wanting to keep you, it left yesterday. You keep telling me no, and I keep finding reasons to say yes. I want you, Aurora.”

  I shifted on my feet. “You can’t always get what you want.”

  He smiled for a fraction of a second. “Let me rephrase that. I got it wrong. I need you. I feel better when I’m with you. Life doesn’t seem nearly as pointless.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t understand what I was telling him and I didn’t think he would take the hint.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore,” I said out loud even though it made my chest tighten.

  His eyes widened like he never expected that to come out of my mouth. “No,” he nearly growled. His hands dropped to my hips and he held me tighter. Like he was scared I might take off.

  “Hale, I can’t give you what you want. Do you really want to be my friend knowing that’s all we’ll ever be? If it’s going to hurt you, you should agree with me.”

  “No,” he said again. “Don’t do that to me. Don’t make me care about you then abandon me. Please,” he pressed his forehead to mine and said the word again.

  “What else are we supposed to do?”

  “Be together.”

  I moved his hands off of me and went back to the bed. “No.”

  “You’ll change your mind. I know you will.”

  I looked up from the bedspread and to him. He looked sure of himself, as always. I didn’t want to keep saying no to him. But I knew I had to. It would save us both.

  

  Ethan woke up and Hale wouldn’t leave his side for anything. Mom too. I stayed with them while Hadley ran off to get whatever any of us needed.

  Ethan was in rough shape. He wasn’t doing much other than yelling at Mom and trying to rip his IV out.

  “Hale,” my mother said, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

  Hale nodded and they walked out of the room. I stayed with Ethan. He was sitting up and trying to drink a glass of water.

  “What?” he asked me with an attitude I understood but didn’t like.

  “You know what. Do you have any idea the Hell you put your family through this week? Do you care?”

  “Why should I?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Because they love you. And I know you’re only being a dick right now because you’re in pain, but guess what? I don’t care that you’re in pain, because you put Hale in pain.”

  He set his cup down. “Don’t think for a second that Hale doesn’t know how to hurt people.”

  “He loves you.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “Good,” I said harshly. “Then you’ll understand fully why I’m saying what I’m about to say. If you pull this shit again, I’m going to put you though far worse than this. If you think this is pain, let me tell you, you don’t know pain.”

  He scoffed. “And you do?”

  I smiled. “My father is a bit of an expert in torture. Don’t think for a second that I’m less than capable of hurting you.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I would. If you do this to Hale again. I will do whatever will make you understand. If you’d died, what do you think that would have done to him? He thinks this is his fault.”

  Ethan looked at his crossed arms. “Of course he does.”

  “He told me that you saw him doing some of what you’re doing. That’s no reason to go off and almost kill y
ourself.”

  He glared at me. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I was trying to get some time where I wasn’t miserable.”

  “How’d that work out for you?” I gestured to the stuff he was hooked up to.

  “You don’t have a clue about the shit Hale and I went through. I know he wouldn’t have told you. So don’t act like you understand anything. You don’t know me and you don’t know why I do what I do.”

  “True. But I know what it did to your brother, and I know what that did to me. Please,” I softened my voice, “don’t do this again.”

  Hale walked back in with my mom. They stood at the foot of the bed.

  “Ethan, love,” Mom started. “The next day is going to be quite hard on you. And I think it would be best if you were sedated.”

  His eyebrow went up. “You want to knock me out?”

  “Yes. You’ll be in less pain that way. Or, you can just suffer through the sweats, nausea, misery, maybe even hallucinations—”

  “FINE!” Ethan snapped. “Do it.”

  Mom looked to Hadley who’d appeared in the hall. “Sweetheart, I need you to do me a favor.”

  “Aye, aye, captain,” she saluted Mom. “What’ll it be?”

  “Don’t suppose you’re up to breaking into the hospital again?”

  Hale leaned into me. “Again?” he whispered and I didn’t explain.

  “Sure,” Hadley beamed. “What do you need?”

  Mom gave her the name of some drugs and Hadley took off. I heard her car start up and remembered that she must only be using it so the boys wouldn’t suspect her.

  Hale and Ethan talked privately while Mom and I waited for Hadley downstairs. She wasn’t gone very long and she came back with way more than we needed. Mom brought it up and Hale watched as she knocked Ethan out.

  Mom called Mason to let him know what was going on. They decided that he might prefer being in his own room. So Mason, Mollie, and Hale were going to search it for drugs and set up the hospital equipment in there. Mom was sending Hale home with everything he’d need to take care of Ethan with.

  “Are you going to be alright?” I asked that night right before Hale was about to take Ethan home.

  “Yes. But I’ll miss sleeping in your bed with you,” he smiled. “I’ll find a way to move on from the loss.”

  I rolled my eyes. “If you need anything you can call.”

  He nodded. “I hate doing this, but I need to postpone our date until next week. If you still want to do it.”

  I should have said no. “I do.”

  He relaxed against the door frame. “Thank you. I just don’t want to leave him so soon. Mason and Mollie need help.”

  “I understand.”

  He leaned down to kiss my forehead. “Truly, you are an angel.”

  I laughed. If he only knew what I really was. The second farthest thing from an angel. Though I did have the wings…

  “I’m not.”

  He walked quietly back to his car and I watched him drive away from me. And I felt worse for the loss.

  Chapter Eleven: I’m Your Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb

  I woke up with half a dozen texts from Hale on my phone. They weren’t anything important. Just nonsense and small talk. One that said he wished I were in his bed with him. I rolled my eyes at that one.

  He thought that his feelings for me were more than just sexual. But I had major doubts. He hardly knew me, why should he want me?

  I rummaged through my closet for something to wear but I wasn’t having much luck. I hadn’t done my laundry in almost two weeks and I was painfully low on clothes. I picked out a red button up and a black skirt and got ready for school.

  I picked up my backpack and walked out into the kitchen where my family was waiting for me. Mom was putting food onto a plate for me and Hadley was on the floor with Brom Bones.

  “Come on, Brom Cat. Play with me.” She was winding her hand around the lazy cat as he laid flat on the floor.

  I sat down and started eating. “That cat doesn’t have a soul, Had. I don’t think he wants to play.”

  She turned to me. “Oh…he does. I’ll force him to like me if I have to.”

  “You will,” I mumbled while I drank my juice.

  She started petting the cat’s stomach and I watched and waited for him to bite her. While I waited, my phone kept buzzing and I ignored it. For a little while. I pulled out my phone and started looking over the texts. Each one sillier than the last.

  “Texting your sexy British boyfriend?” Hadley grinned.

  I glared at her. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s almost not even my friend.”

  She crossed her arms and the cat took off. “Where did he sleep that night when Ethan was here?”

  My eyes dropped to the table. “Irrelevant.”

  “Hardly,” she said in a mocking tone. “I bet you guys cuddled all night.”

  Mom laughed. “I know I shouldn’t be encouraging you to be dating, as a mother it’s my job to make sure you die a virgin, but he’s a very sweet boy. I think you should give him a chance. He’s clearly quite taken with you.”

  “And he’s human,” I pointed out. “Mortal and fragile.”

  “Aurora,” my mother sat in the chair next to me. “Most of the people in this world are human and fragile. You can’t keep cutting yourself off from people because it might cause you pain. It’s not healthy to not let yourself have friends or love people.”

  “It’s easier this way,” I stood up. “I don’t need friends and I don’t need a boyfriend.”

  Hadley sighed. “Haven’t you ever heard that phrase it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I have. And it’s garbage. This way, I can just avoid the pain altogether. Why should I be happy now if I’m just going to be miserable later?”

  My mom and sister exchanged a look before Mom said, “Because you’ll hurt either way. You’re only trading one pain for another. Once you realize how lonely you are, then you’ll understand. Being alone is a lot worse than having a love so deep that it tears you apart when you lose it.”

  I didn’t believe her. How could the pain of losing someone not be as bad as being alone? It wasn’t possible.

  

  “Is your phone broken, Lamb?” Hale said after he sat down in history class.

  I looked over at him. “Nope. It’s working just fine.”

  “Then,” he scooted close to me, “why on Earth would you not get back to me this morning?”

  “When most of what you say is referring to something sexual, why should I?”

  “It wasn’t that bad.”

  I laughed through my nose. “You said you wanted to taste me. What the Hell am I supposed to do about that?”

  He smiled. “Well I never said what part of you I wanted to taste. So shame on you for having your mind in the gutter. I could have meant your skin,” he slowly ran his hand up my arm as he leaned in. “Or your lips,” he touched them with his fingertips and I prayed to no one that he wouldn’t notice the goosebumps. “Like sugar I imagine.”

  There was an obnoxious cough behind us and it poorly covered the word Freakshow.

  Hale glared at the girl behind us. “Something you’d like to say to my girl?”

  Kenna leaned forward and rested her chin on both of her hands. “How cute that the psycho claims his victim like property.” She looked to me. “You like that, Freakshow? Or is it upsetting that someone finally wants you and it’s some murderer? Someone evil.”

  I turned my body around and called upon every ounce of my father that I felt in my soul. “Do you understand what real evil is, Kenna? Have you seen it? Felt it?”

  She shook her head slowly.

  “Do you want to?” I smiled.

  She looked like she was hardly controlling her body from shaking. But the fear she felt didn’t keep her mouth shut. “Oh, you think you’re evil, Freakshow? I bet you just love having your very own Psycho to paint t
he town red with.”

  I just kept smiling. “I think you need to learn when to stay quiet. You can pretend all you want to that you’re something special, that you matter. That everyone is beneath you and you know all. But you don’t know a damn thing about this world and the evil in it. You wouldn’t know evil if it was staring into your dead eyes and giving you a far kinder warning than you deserve. So I’ll say it once more, learn to keep quiet. Because one day you might meet the kind of evil that doesn’t give you warnings.” I turned back, but not soon enough to miss the look on her face. It was so good that my smile hurt my face.

  Hale leaned in and I felt his lips at my ear, “You are absolutely fantastic, Do you know that?” he moved back slightly.

  When I turned my head to face him, I almost jumped at the closeness I wasn’t expecting. “Only you could hear me say I’m evil and not run.”

  “Nothing you do would make me run from you. Not ever.”

  One day he’d find out just how wrong he was. Once day he’d see me do something, he’d see my true nature and it would send him far from me. It was strange how much I wanted that. And stranger how much I didn’t.

  “You don’t want me, Hale.”

  “I really do, Rory. I’m going to find a way to prove it to you. You’ll believe me because I’ll find a way to rid your mind of any and all traces of doubt. And you’ll love me then.”

  “You can find a lot of girls better than me.”

  He smiled. “I don’t understand why you see yourself like that. You keep calling yourself evil—”

  “Hale, don’t ask questions. Because I won’t answer them. Just know that I see myself for everything I am and all I came from. I know better than you do.”

  He sighed. “I don’t believe you.”

  I turned from him.

  He’d learn one day soon. The hard way, but at least I knew he’d get the picture.

  After class was over he followed me to lunch and got in line behind me. He kept bumping into me and I tried not to kick him in response. I grabbed my two milks and went to my table. Hale was on my heel.

  We sat down and the first thing he did was give me my milk. I forced the muscles in my face not to smile after I thanked him.