Looks Unimportant...Sense of Humour Essential

by Evie Evans

  *

  Five minutes late.

  Lucy smoothed her hair down for the tenth time and hoped he’d turn up soon. It had been a nerve wracking morning at work waiting for lunchtime. She hadn’t been able to do anything constructive, just watch the clock until it was time. Thank heavens she hadn’t had any important meetings that morning, they would have been a disaster.

  Straightening her top she was still debating if it had been the right choice over the dress. She wasn’t very good at picking outfits, one of the downsides of going through her teenage years without a mum. Some of the clothes her dad had picked for her still gave her nightmares. The fashions in London were much more advanced than in Norfolk where she was from as well. Where she came from leggings and neon colours had never gone out of fashion.

  She hadn’t wanted to look too dressy for this lunch but the top she’d chosen was a bit low cut. Her bosom had a tendency of standing out sometimes due to its generous size on her small frame. She preferred wearing loose clothes that didn’t draw too much attention to it and she was realising this top was just on the wrong side of that. Trying to adjust it so it didn’t cling to her chest so much she only succeeded in attracting a sleazy smirk from the man at the next table. She inched her chair round so he was out of her line of sight.

  At least her date had chosen a nice café. Upmarket but not extortionate, elegant but not snooty. It gave her hope that if he had good taste he wouldn’t be a total washout. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to actually eat anything though, her stomach was tied up in so many knots the thought of food made her feel ill.

  She killed some time fiddling with her mobile phone, flicking through old messages in the hope it made her look popular and less of a loser to the people around her. She had to be careful not to run the battery out though, it was her get out of jail card. A text to Mrs Franklin was meant to be a signal for her to call, providing an excuse to leave if the guy turned out to be a nightmare. If Mrs Franklin had her phone turned on and could remember how to work it. And if her date turned up.

  Lucy was starting to realise the only thing worse than a blind date was being stood up on one. She corrected herself. Technically it wasn’t a blind date, she’d seen a photo of him. The man in the photo was too good to be true though. She looked at it again. Brown eyes and dark hair hinted a Mediterranean heritage, the strong jaw, chiselled cheekbones and dark brows gave an intense look that oozed confidence and charm. It had to be fake but she’d come anyway, willing to take a risk. Shame he hadn’t done the same.

  A bald headed, short forty-something man walked in the door. Lucy looked down at the tablecloth in a sudden panic. Please don’t let it be him. She knew people exaggerated their descriptions but surely he couldn’t be a 32 year old successful businessman, 6ft 1in tall with an athletic build? And he looked nothing like the photo. She breathed a sigh of relief as he sat at another table.

  She didn’t know how much longer she could sit here; the curious looks from the other diners were becoming unbearable. Her nerves were going through the roof and she could feel her face getting redder and redder. This had been a mistake, fancy thinking she was going to meet anyone suitable like this. She checked the time on her phone again.

  Twenty minutes late.

  Well, he wasn’t coming. Shaking her head she picked up her bag and walked to the door, trying to keep her head up high. The other diners could probably guess she’d been stood up but she was determined to maintain some dignity. She tried to leave without making eye contact with anyone; pitying looks would be the final straw at this point, but in her haste to get out the door she bumped right into someone coming in.

  Instead of moving to one side as she did, the other person stood stock still blocking the doorway. She had an idea what was going on, she’d been here before.

  “Getting a good look are you?” she asked fiercely. She was going to throw this top away when she got home, it was more trouble than it was worth. She hated the feeling that she was ‘on display’.

  “You’re…citymiss84?” the person she’d bumped into asked. “I wasn’t sure if I’d catch you.”

  3 Disaster

  Lucy looked up with astonishment. Her heart gave a little leap, she hadn’t been stood up after all. It was the incredibly attractive man and more than that the photo hadn’t been fake! If anything he was better looking than his picture. There was a raw masculinity about him the photo hadn’t conveyed, set off by a sharp suit and a light tan. But obviously no watch.

  “sound_of_music_lover?” she asked.

  Leander cringed. He really was going to have to kill Sebastian when he got home. He’d only come because he felt bad about leaving someone waiting all afternoon.

  A woman entering the café forced them to move to one side giving Lucy the opportunity to confirm the description had been right about the 6ft 1in athletic build part. Okay, he was gorgeous but he was still late. She hated it when people didn’t turn up on time, it was very disrespectful. He was going to have to explain.

  “I was just giving up on you,” she told him looking pointedly at her watch hoping he had a good reason for not being there sooner.

  “I wasn’t going to come–”

  “–really!” This was going from bad to worse. She was being stood up. Just to rub it in it seemed the person had come to tell her she was being stood up. And she thought she’d had some bad dates before.

  “There’s been a mistake.”

  “You’re telling me.” He may be good looking but she wasn’t going to take this kind of treatment from anyone. She flicked a look through the window of the café fearing they had an audience.

  “Perhaps you’d let me finish?” he requested icily.

  “By all means, I’ve waited this long,” she responded in kind, tightening her grip on her handbag strap over her shoulder like it was a lifebelt.

  “I came to explain this was a hoax. I’m sorry but someone else put my picture on the website. It was him you arranged this meeting with.”

  “Someone else? Who? And they aren’t coming?” She couldn’t stop the questions stumbling out in a jumble.

  Leander paused a second. “Someone not, um, authorised. They’re not coming, no, he’s only a teenager.”

  “What? Why did ‘this person’ drag me here? Is this their idea of a joke?”

  “No, he wanted me to meet you, although I obviously don’t need to go on the internet to get a date,” Leander added quickly.

  So not only was he standing her up he was also calling her a loser. “Are you trying to insult me or are you just downright rude?” she asked crossly. Her patience was running out. It had been humiliating enough sitting in the café waiting for him without being insulted on top of it.

  “Look, I came to stop you sitting here all day waiting for someone who wasn’t going to turn up. I could have just left you to it.”

  “Well, what a gentleman you are. Thanks.” For nothing, she thought.

  “You’re welcome. You’re being a little hostile. I was trying to do you a favour.”

  “Really? You sure you didn’t just change your mind now that you’ve seen me and decided to try to get out of this date? Because that sounds slightly more plausible than ‘someone set me up’. Couldn’t you come up with a better excuse?”

  “Oh, like what? Invent some urgent phone call and run away?”

  Lucy flushed, quickly shoving her phone in a pocket.

  “Anyway, this isn’t an excuse,” he continued, “that’s what happened. The person, it was my little brother,” he admitted. “He didn’t have your phone number or I would have made him call you. Besides,” he looked her up and down, “I happen to think you look like your photo, I wouldn’t have any reason to run off if I were meeting you, would I?”

  Lucy was beyond being reasonable. She gave him a hard look.

  “I can see you’re upset,” Leander told her. “If it means that much to you, by all means let’s go in and have a cup of coffee,” he offered. “I just didn�
�t realise people really did this internet dating thing.”

  That was it. She wasn’t listening to any more of this. “Look,” she started impatiently, “I happen to work very hard and don’t have time to meet men.” That was the truth. Mostly. More truthful would be that she didn’t make much of an effort to meet men. She’d never had much confidence in that area, something today would not help.

  Why was she defending herself to this person? “Not that it’s any of your business,” she told him. “In fact I don’t have time for this. Thanks for the offer of the drink but I’m afraid I might choke on it. Please tell, whoever it was set this up, I really wasn’t impressed and thank them for wasting my time. Goodbye.” Without waiting for any further comment from him she stalked off down the street ending a date that had been an even worse disaster than she’d feared.

  Leander watched her walk away. “This is what you get for doing a good deed,” he told himself. He set off in the opposite direction, the wrong way but he was damned if he was going to follow her. She hadn’t been what he was expecting. He’d been convinced he was going to meet some middle-aged, frumpy fright not an attractive, well-dressed young woman. Who had curves. But was a harridan, he reminded himself. He hailed a cab to his office feeling annoyed. He would be having words with Sebastian when he got home.

  *

  Lucy had to go back to work after her dating disaster. Luckily the atmosphere in the office had changed to match her mood when she returned. A big case one of the partners was leading wasn’t going well and a black cloud seemed to have descended over everyone. It wasn’t sympathy for the client, he was a thug and probably guilty anyway, more to do with the loss of status for their law firm.

  It suited Lucy anyway; she was feeling pretty low after her dreadful lunch. It wasn’t exactly the kind of start she’d imagined to her online dating. She felt sensitive about the whole lonely hearts thing and embarrassed she couldn’t get a date the old fashioned way. Having someone knocking her was the last thing she needed. Plus she was going to have to ring Mrs Franklin and tell her to stand down.

  “How did it go?” Mrs Franklin inevitably asked.

  “Not that well really, I’ll tell you about it later.”

  “What a shame. Isn’t this computer thing any good?”

  “Maybe I’m out of practice but I don’t remember there being so much public humiliation in dating,” Lucy told her, feeling sorry for herself. “Thanks for your help anyway, I expect I’ll see you later.” She had a feeling Mrs Franklin would make sure of that.

  Lucy had a client to visit that afternoon. At least that might take her mind off what had happened. She changed out of her smart date outfit to something much more sedate with a lot more coverage. That top would be a mistake where she was going.

  When she’d first met Jimmy she was still a trainee at the firm. Now a year on she was a junior and earned the right to handle his case on her own. It was her most difficult case to date. She left details of where she was going with reception and headed off.

  She didn’t normally travel to her clients but in Jimmy’s case there wasn’t any choice. This journey always made her feel a little depressed which just compounded her current mood. The grey day outside didn’t help matters and she had to work to push the negative thoughts out of her mind, she’d need to be upbeat when she saw Jimmy.

  Lucy put her finger in the little slot and waited while it scanned. When the machine beeped the guard let her in. The heavy door clanged loudly behind her revealing a long queue of people already waiting. Lucy joined the back and got her bag ready.

  Twenty minutes later she sat down in the interview room opposite Jimmy.

  “So, how’ve you been?” she asked, trying to forget what had gone that day and giving him a smile.

  “Hmm. Alright I ‘spose.” He was picking at the skin around a fingernail. Lucy couldn’t help noticing his other nails were badly bitten.

  “Food hasn’t picked up then?”

  “They’re still not serving steak,” he muttered, staring at his fingers.

  “You haven’t missed much outside. Weather’s been crap and the telly’s terrible.”

  “I know, I have got one in my cell.”

  “Yep, I forgot.” Lucy tried to think of something that would cheer him up but failed. “Well, let’s talk about your appeal then.”

  “Is it gonna work?”

  “We have some grounds but I can’t say if the judge will agree. It’s worth trying though.”

  Jimmy looked her in the eyes. “I can’t stay in here much longer.”

  Oh dear. He’d only done two weeks of his sentence so far. It was going to be a tough six months. “I know it must be horrible being in here.”

  “Horrible? It’s a nightmare. There are some really nasty blokes in here.”

  “I’m asking that you be moved to an open prison. The prisoners there are lower category.”

  “You need to get me out. I didn’t know they were going to rob that bloke. They never said nothing to me.”

  “I know. That will go into the appeal.”

  “What if it doesn’t work? I can’t spend half a year in here.”

  “With parole you should be out in three months.”

  “Three months! That’s a lifetime!”

  Lucy tried to remember if three months sounded like a lifetime when she was nineteen. “Try to stay strong. If we don’t get leave to appeal there’s good grounds for you to at least be moved to a lower category prison. It’ll have a better atmosphere there.”

  Jimmy didn’t respond.

  “So we’re going to do it then?” Lucy asked.

  Jimmy looked up again for a minute. “Okay Luce.”

  “Right, I’ll set that in motion then.”

  As she prepared to leave, Jimmy seemed to come to life. “Oh yeah. Jordan said to say hello from him next time I saw you. He said you should give him a ring.” He winked at her.

  “Right. Thanks.” When hell freezes over, Lucy thought, Jimmy’s older brother was a slimy half-wit she suspected was a drug dealer. “I’ll see you soon,” she told Jimmy as she left. She’d tried to make their meeting upbeat but the fact was Jimmy’s case wasn’t that strong, he’d been found guilty by association despite being an unwitting participant. If they got a sympathetic judge then maybe…

  Lucy tried to plan out the wording for the application on the train back to the office but couldn’t keep her mind on it. She couldn’t get over that terrible date. What if some of the other men on the site were the same? She’d heard people weren’t always truthful on these sites but she hadn’t considered the possibility some would be totally fake. How did she know the other men she was messaging were genuine? Part of her wanted to type a steaming message to the person who’d arranged the fake date earlier, part of her wanted to abandon the whole dating scheme there and then. Even after a crap day and her visit to jail she was still obsessing about her messages.

  She couldn’t resist having a quick look when she reached the office. There were two new messages. No more messages from ‘sound_of_music_lover’ she noticed and none from ‘simon582’, the self employed businessman in the city, either. He still hadn’t responded to the last email she’d sent a week ago. He’d been a fairly regular replier until then. She tried to think if something she’d written might have put him off. Her message had been innocent enough. Maybe he’d met someone through the website and found love already? Perhaps he was married and his wife had found out?

  Just then one of the legal secretaries poked her head through the door making Lucy jump. “We lost,” was all she said before walking off to inform the occupant next door. Was that it? Had ‘simon582’ been Mr Locke’s client and had just been sent to prison? In her current mood she wouldn’t have been surprised.

  There was a new message from ‘mister_smith’. Typical, he was the one she had the least in common with; he was very into music which Lucy didn’t find much time for. At least he’d replied to her email. He was inviting her to a swin
g evening. Lucy considered it for a second. Would it be another disaster? He’d attached a photo. She opened it wondering if it was a photo of the band but when it loaded she couldn’t make out what it was. It looked a bit like a close up of a sausage. Why would he be sending her a photo of that? She checked his message again. That’s when she realised it actually said ‘swingers’ evening. She closed the image down feeling a little sick and deleted his message. That was another one she could wipe off her list. Besides, he clearly wasn’t as young as he said he was if that photo was anything to go by.

  A big sigh escaped her lips. This online dating idea certainly hadn’t been a success so far. One prospect she suspected may have just been sent down, one was a pervert and the one she’d met had really been a teenage boy. Brilliant. Suddenly Jimmy’s brother didn’t seem that bad.

  As she thought about it she came to a decision. She was going to give up on the whole thing. Online dating had been a big mistake, it was too humiliating. She’d just have to go to the wedding on her own. Yes it would be embarrassing to turn up without a date again but nothing was worth this.

  She was just looking for the link to cancel her online dating subscription when the phone rang.

  “Lucy Davenport.”

  “Hello Lucy, it’s Aunty Suzi.”

  Talk of the devil. Literally. Lucy cursed herself for not programming Aunty Suzi’s number into her phone’s caller id. As mother of the bride, no doubt this was something about the dreaded wedding.

  “It’s ages since we’ve seen you,” Aunty Suzi gushed insincerely. “I suppose you’re too busy for us now.”

  “I don’t have much chance to get home nowadays.”

  “Mind you don’t work too hard, you’ve got to get out there and catch yourself a husband.”

  Here it comes, Lucy thought.

  “I’m just ringing because you haven’t RSVP’d yet. I wanted to check you’d gotten the invite to the wedding.”

  “Yes, I got the invite thanks.”