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Thirteen Cents: A Novel (Modern African Writing Series)

Page 11

by K. Sello Duiker


  I pass Green Point and go towards town. Even though it’s hot I still think of buying a jacket. I go near Subway and don’t find Vincent there. I find him at his usual hang-out place where he sleeps all night. He sits near the pavement with a torn bag.

  “I’ve been waiting for you, bra.”

  “Don’t tell me it’s true.”

  “I have to go sometime,” he says.

  “Why? What are you running away from?” I say as I carefully sit next to him.

  “From you,” he jokes.

  “This is serious. You’re leaving me. You’re my only connection in Cape Town.”

  “You’ll be all right.”

  “Can I come with you?”

  “You don’t have enough money. I’ve been saving up. I’m going by train.”

  “But you can’t leave. They’ll kill me if you leave.”

  “No one’s going to kill you. You’re with Gerald, remember?”

  I don’t know what to say and feel sad.

  “Just remember, if you’re ever in trouble always go towards the light. Okay?”

  “But you’re leaving.”

  “Blue, Azure, listen to me, okay? If you’re ever in trouble, always go towards the light.”

  “Vincent isn’t your real name, is it?” I say changing the subject.

  “No, they gave it to me.”

  “Who?”

  “Cape Town. The people. You know who I’m talking about.”

  “I don’t like Blue.”

  “But it’s yours now. You’re wearing the pants.”

  “What if I run away?”

  “Don’t be stupid.”

  “They stole my money.”

  “How much?”

  “I don’t know but a lot.”

  “Don’t worry, it’s going to burn them.”

  “That’s what I said.”

  He gets up to go.

  “What about my tackies?”

  “Gerald has them, he’ll give them to you when he’s ready. You must look after yourself, bra. Do you understand that? No one’s going to help you in Cape Town. You must do everything yourself.”

  “You mean, I mustn’t trust anyone with my money?”

  “You know what I mean. Money is complicated. It’s like people. It keeps changing. Sometimes it’s your friend, sometimes it’s your enemy. Don’t trust money too much. It always lets you down in the end. Look at me. When I came to Cape Town I had a suitcase. Look at me now,” he says and I look at his torn bag.

  “There’s nothing much in here,” he says, “but it’s my stuff. You check what money is?”

  I walk with him to the station. He doesn’t look sad that he’s going. He looks strong, like wherever he ends up he’ll be able to breathe.

  “So where are you going? Are you going back to Joburg?”

  “Fuck no. To what? I haven’t seen my family in three years. No, I’m going to PE.”

  “Oh,” I say. He’ll miss Cape Town.

  “But I’ve heard East London is better.”

  We pass the ticket office.

  “This is where I get on,” he says.

  He looks at the old train posing in one corner of the station.

  “Look, I used to copy from you in school; now you copy everything I said and you’ll be fine,” he says and hugs me.

  He’s the only person who ever hugs me.

  “You’re my big brother,” I say, “I never had a big brother.”

  “Just look out for yourself and remember if you’re ever in trouble . . .”

  “Always go towards the light,” I say.

  He smiles.

  “I’ll see you around,” he says and leaves.

  I don’t wait for him to get on the train, I start going. I walk around the station and feel lost. With Vincent I’m never lost. I always know where I’m going because I’m walking with him. No, don’t say it, I tell myself, and resist saying I’m going to miss him. You’re getting stronger, I tell myself. Very strong. I look at the lion showing its teeth on my T-shirt and think of Gerald. T-rex wants me to be strong. He’s watching, listening. I see pigeons outside. They sit on the lawn and don’t look so stupid.

  I go to Long Street. I go to the shop where the woman sold me veldskoene. But she isn’t there. Another younger one is there. She looks like she smokes zol because she greets me when I come through the door.

  “Funky eyes,” she says. I smile at her whiteness.

  In the back I go through a rack. It doesn’t take long before I find a jacket that fits me. A black bomber jacket. And the price is right. It says seventy-five. But it worries me because it’s orange on the inside and Gerald said I mustn’t wear that colour. But I feel a little dangerous as Vincent has left and decide to buy it.

  “Funky jacket,” she smiles again as I pay. I can smell zol under her breath and smile. I wish more people like her gave it to her kind.

  I wink at her as I go.

  “That’s right, man. Thanks is way overrated,” she winks back. I don’t understand what she said but it felt right to wink at her.

  I wear my bomber jacket even though it’s hot outside. It shines in the light. Then I buy myself a chip roll and juice and go to the Gardens to eat. I have twenty bucks left. What am I going to do with it? Vincent always said I mustn’t flash around notes. Fine, I can break it into two fives and a ten. But now what am I going to do with fifteen bucks? I don’t want to spend it. And I know Gerald will give me my tackies, at least I hope so. So there’s no point saving it for shoes. Besides, where can I put it? That stupid bitch took all my money.

  I lie on the grass and think about what I can do with my money. An answer doesn’t come at once so I take a nap. I sleep deeply and dream of being on a boat at sea. But then I wake up suddenly, my heart beating very fast. I breathe in deeply and sigh when I realise that I’m lying under a tree. I dreamt I was at sea and that I had fallen out of a boat but no one had seen me. The boat just kept going and I was beginning to drown. And it was at night too. It was a scary dream. To be alone in the sea, at night and without a soul or land nearby, what could be worse? I decide to hide my money. But there’s no place safe enough in town. I think about where I can hide my money. The sleeping mountain is above. I look at it for a long time and then an answer comes to me. On the mountain, I can hide my money on the mountain, I say. It’s safe enough. But I can’t get there. My leg is still in a cast. I get frustrated and decide to spend all the money. I buy ice cream twice and three pies and I still have something left over to buy zol.

  I go to the bridge to Liesel.

  “Two stops,” I say to her and hand her the money over her little fence.

  She takes it and says nothing. There’s something different about her. We’ve lost that thing we had between us. We used to talk. We used to talk about kwaito and other things we liked. But now she won’t talk to me. And I know what it is. It’s because I stay here now. And she thinks I’ve become one of them.

  She comes back with the two stops and goes back to whatever she was doing. I sit near Ma Zakes and tear some paper from the Yellow Pages. I roll a long zol. One of the old bergies comes to me. “Skyf?” he asks and nearly falls over. I ignore him and smoke.

  “Hey! Tsek, jou naai,” I hear Gerald say.

  He walks over to me like he’s going to beat me up. I cover my head. He grabs me by the scruff and shouts at me to stand up. I get up but still cover my head.

  “Why did you buy that jacket?” he says.

  “Because I can keep warm,” I say.

  “What did I say to you?”

  “You said I mustn’t wear your colour but it’s on the inside,” I beg.

  He lets go of me and goes to the boot of his car. He takes out a saw and comes walking towards me like a madman. Oh fuck, I say. He’s going to chop me up into small pieces. He grabs my bad leg and starts sawing at the case.

  “So you want to be a man?” he says while he saws.

  I say nothing. I just pray that he doesn’t saw off my
leg. White dust goes everywhere.

  “You want to be a man? Answer me, jou naai.”

  “No, Gerald.”

  “Fuck you. I know you want to be a man. You want to see what I’m really about? Huh? I’ll show you. Jou fokken naai. Jy’s vol kak nè? Poes.”

  He cuts me a little bit but I don’t wince. He sees the blood.

  “This is what you want, isn’t it?”

  “No, Gerald. No,” I plead.

  “Tsek, jou naai.” He continues sawing. “I told you not to wear that colour, didn’t I? Didn’t I? Answer me, jou naai, or I’ll cut you up with this.”

  I nod my head. When the case is nearly off he rips it off with his powerful arms and throws it at the toilet.

  “Now voetsek, jou poes!” He kicks me. I run away till I get to the main road. My head is spinning with confusion. Surprisingly my ankle doesn’t hurt. I take off my shoe and hold it. I walk fast and don’t think about where I’m going. I just walk. I go into town and walk into the Gardens. I throw my shoe into a bin. My heart racing, I keep on walking, looking behind me to see if Gerald is there. Pigeons fly everywhere in the Gardens. I’m suspicious of them. A dog barks at me but its owner grabs it by the leash. A man looks at me strangely because I don’t have shoes. I tell him to fuck off with my eyes. In everyone I pass I can see a little of myself. I carry a little of everyone I know in me.

  15

  I walk past the government buildings, past the ugly statue of the man on a horse. I head for the mountain panting like a beast. It is hot. I open my jacket. No, fuck him. Fuck Gerald, I say and take off my jacket. I turn it inside out and wear the orange colour on top.

  Destroy, destroy, my feet burn as I walk on the hot tar road and pavement. Whenever I can I walk in the shade. But I keep the pace fast, no matter if there is sun or shade. I just keep walking. The road gets steeper as I get up. I pass a quiet neighbourhood where the only sound you’ll hear is the sound of dogs barking behind closed gates. I walk past a cricket field where white schoolboys practise in the nets. I walk past them with furious energy. They don’t say anything, just watch me go into the trees. I watch the ground as there are broken bottles everywhere. I slow down and walk carefully. Gerald is behind me. My T-shirt is wet with sweat and anger. Destroy them, I hear my feet say as sharp stones punish my feet. I walk and keep shaking out my ankle every once in a while. I’m strong, I tell myself. When I’m tired I sit on a rock in the shade and look above. The sun burns with fire. I stick out my tongue and pant like a dog. A mad, animal energy rushes through me. I’m going to destroy them, all of them. I tell myself. I take off my jacket and wrap it around my waist. I keep climbing, going further, higher.

  I pass a little lake where white people are swimming. They lie in the shade and swim in the sun, their children walking around naked like little gods. They go everywhere. I stare at the sun and then I look at them. I only see circles of fire. I keep walking. I go up a stony path till I get to the bottom of the mountain where there are only trees and rocks. I sit on a rock and roll myself a zol, my last stop. I roll it slowly and think about all the people I’m going to destroy. My body tenses, my muscles flex. You’re getting stronger, I tell myself as I light my zol. I take long, deep drags that fill my head with madness. The zol is clean. It gives me fire. When I look at the sun I can still see destruction. Total destruction.

  My heart beats loudly. You’re alive, it says. The air smells clean. I’m thirsty, I say as I get up to go. I walk up a large black rock. A little stream trickles down it. I lick the water off the rock and it tastes good. I don’t drink much. I keep walking. My legs move quickly. My arms grab easily. I pass dead trees and trees that were burned. The black trunks make me wild with pleasure. I move quickly, like a rat, crawling over everything. I’m stronger, I keep saying, I’m going to destroy them. I come out at a path that takes me onto a road. When I look back I can see the city. The mountain stands high above it. It stands there like a giant that is about to move and crush everything in its way. I stare at the sun again and feel its wild energy. Feed me. Feed me, I plead with my eyes. My muscles get tighter. The veins running down my arms stand out. I begin the final stage. I go up the mountain.

  I walk for a long time before I decide to take off my T-shirt. I also wrap it around my waist. I pass many people, mostly white people and the kind that sound like they come from overseas. They stare and look and point to this and that. Everything is new to them. I pass them in a flash, the rocks scraping at my tough, hard feet. But I don’t bleed. I just keep climbing, higher and higher. I get excited when I think of this ball of fire growing bigger and destroying everything in its path. I feel the sun’s heat on my back. I take in the heat with pleasure and sweat it out. I’m cleaning myself, I say. When I tire I sit in the shade and try to follow the sun. It also climbs higher and higher and starts going down the other side. I’ll see you on the other side of the mountain, I say as I get up to climb. Faster, faster.

  The madness is inside me. The sun burns hot. Lizards crawl in my path. I go up further, the rocks tearing at me. I come across a dog and its owner. He sees me glistening with sweat. I stand in the sun and look at him. My pants shine and my body is wet, also shining. I suck my teeth and he sees the madness in my eyes. He says nothing. The dog sniffs around me. I pass them. I get to a stream. The water is clear. I wash my face and hands first before I drink. I take in as much water as I can. But I don’t drink too much. You must climb higher. Higher. I finish drinking and look at the sun. I stare at it with open eyes and feel energy going through me. It mingles with the zol in my head and gives me fire. I get to the part where there is only shade. My body cools down but I don’t slow down. Fire! Fire! I must give them fire, I tell myself. Higher.

  When I look back I can see the now-quiet city. It lies weak beneath me. I spit. I’m going to crush you, I tell myself and step up. I start to see the top. Birds with long wings fly there like guardians of the mountain. Animals with lots of hair that look like big cats come out to see me. They have small tails and are fat. I pass them and go up towards the light. The walls of the mountain get closer as I get near the top. I get up the steps that seem to lead to a door without the top part. The top part leads to the sky, to the sun, to fire! I move up into the light.

  You reached the top, I tell myself as I look at grey-white rocks. I can hear people on my right. I go left. I climb a little further up and walk as if I know where I’m going. The sun is slowly going down on the other side. Faster, faster, it says. I move with it and keep walking. The top eventually levels out. I can see far. Ahead of me are more mountains and the sea. It just seems to go on forever. I pass more people but they say nothing to me and I have nothing to say to them. I’m done with grown-ups. They are full of shit. They want fire. I’ll give them fire. I move towards some rocks in the distance. The mountain air makes my head dizzy with its cleanliness. I dodge the wet patches on the ground. I roll my pants up to my knees and keep going. My sweat drips. My waist is wet.

  I get to the rocks and the sun seems to smile. I can hear insects, birds whispering. He is mad, they say. He is mad. I keep going. Eventually the ground becomes flat again. I can see the edge of the mountain. That is where I’m going. I’m going to the edge, I tell myself. Destroy them, I say as I get closer. I begin to see the city again. It moves closer. The only sound I can hear below is the big boats coming in. They hoot and look like toys from up here. Fire! Fire!

  I go through tall grass and wonder what my feet are stepping on. But it is all wet and soft. I keep walking and opening the tall grass. Closer. I get to dead trees that have been cut down. The ones that look like Mr Lebowitz. The ones that grow straight and have needles. I will make fire with them, I say.

  The sun has gone down the other side but it is still light. Must find a place to sleep, I tell myself. I jump over a stream and climb up a wall of rocks. Dead trees are scattered everywhere. I scramble up a rock till I get to a small cave. This is where I’ll sleep, I laugh. I won. I’m going to destroy them.
I walk into the cave and see ashes. Someone has put stones around the ashes. It is big enough for me and the fire. And it is a closed cave. The wind will stay outside. I bend down to get out and move closer towards the edge. There is a drop that leads to more rocks. I jump over it onto another large rock. From there I can see the city. It is windy up here. And a large bird floats by. Kwaa! It opens its sharp beak and circles before it goes. My heart slows and I start to feel cold. I take off my wet T-shirt and jacket.

  I jump back to the other side and go through a tunnel. I come out in the sun. I lay my clothes on a rock and go below to get some wood. I feel happy and miss nothing. I don’t feel hunger and I don’t feel thirst. I just feel myself. I feel strong. I jump from one rock to another like a buck, a small buck. But I am careful. I shake out my ankle and think of Gerald. He thought he was going to destroy me. I’ll give him fire. I’ll give him destruction. I’ll give them all destruction, I say and start gathering wood. I take the dead ones, the ones that look grey and white from too much drying in the sun. They will burn easily, I say, and leave the brown ones. It is hard work carrying them up and down and through the tunnel but I enjoy it. I work silently. For the first time I work like I know what I’m doing. I don’t think too much. I choose wisely. That one will do. No, that one is still green. No, that one is heavy. That one is light. That one looks like a snake. That one looks like a leg. I pick the ones I like, the ones that look like something. I carry back arms, legs, bodies, birds, elephants, monsters with many arms and legs and other things. I even see one that looks like a head with a long neck. I pile them outside the cave.

  I go to the stream. I take off my pants while it is still light and wash. I wash my face first and think about what I’m about to do. I wash and ache to swim. I splash lots of water. No one watches me. It is quiet all around. I sit on a large warm rock and dry. The sun has gone down. It knows what I’m about to do. It knows my secret. It is warm. I thought it would get cold. From below you always see a white cloud hanging over the mountain like a wet cloth and you think it must be cold up there. But there are few clouds in the sky. Tomorrow, I say, I will go there. I climb down the rocks and jump over the stream. I put on my pants and they are still clean. I get my jacket and T-shirt from the slab coming out the wall. I go into the tunnel. It is darker in here.

 

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