Too Far Gone

by HelenKay Dimon

  “Well, yeah.” She made that sound suspiciously like “well, duh” before continuing on. “He’s a mess.”

  Now on that they could agree. Callen lifted the water bottle in salute. “Definitely.”

  Then she took it one step too far. “But you’ve both been there.”

  “How did you come to that conclusion?” Callen asked, not really wanting to know and downing the water instead.

  “I had a front row seat to you screwing up everything with Grace,” Leah said.

  Declan’s smile widened. “That was amusing.”

  She pinched his arm. “And our road hasn’t always been smooth.”

  Declan’s mouth fell as he rubbed the spot she grabbed. “What are you saying exactly?”

  “I care about Mallory, which means I need to try to accept Walker.” She shook her head as if the thought made her crazed. “That will be easier if he stops messing up every two seconds, and maybe you guys can guide him in that.”

  That all sounded logical. Hard to accomplish, but doable so long as Walker stopped acting like a jackass. Callen wondered if they could get him there. “Agreed.”

  “Though I admit I worry about letting you guys be role models for him.”

  Declan wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Always nice to have the love of your life express such confidence.”

  “Whatever.” She glanced up at Callen. “Help him.”

  “Walker is a grown man,” Declan said.

  Callen threw the now empty bottle in the sink. “And I’m still not sure I like him.”

  “You invited him to move in, Callen. You at least want to like him.” She rubbed her hands together. “Come up with a plan.”

  “She’s really bossy.” And smart. The women in this family were a bit too good at reading the men.

  A part of Callen really did want to like Walker. Wanted to see if their family could expand to include one more, one who should have been there from the beginning. But every time the guy acted like a shit Callen wanted to slam the welcome door shut.

  “I am.” She stood up. “Deal with it.”

  Declan didn’t let go of her hand. “I love that about you.”

  “You and Callen need to talk this through . . .” She leaned down to treat Declan to a lingering kiss. “Then come to bed.”

  He winked at her. “I’ll talk fast.”

  She winked right back. “Smart man.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Callen fell against the bed with the back of his hands on the mattress. Pregnant or not, making love to Grace sucked every ounce of energy out of him. Tasting her, touching her. He wondered how he ever thought he could live without her. She had his heart in a vice grip.

  For the last hour, he’d concentrated on making her groan. Now he tried to breathe without wheezing. Not the sexiest thing in the world, but she drained him of strength.

  He closed his eyes and felt the mattress dip. When he opened them again, her face loomed above him. Her silky hair fell off her shoulder and brushed over his bare skin.

  Damn, he loved her.

  She drew a lazy circle on his chest with her fingernail. “It’s really hard to keep up with the shifting loyalties in this house.”

  He could make a comment about too many people living inside these walls, but since he liked having his brothers close, and since he was the one who invited Walker in, complaining struck him as an empty choice. “You should be happy since you want me to like Walker.”

  She leaned over him, braced up on her elbow. “Do you?”

  It was a good question. His automatic answer up until a few days ago would be an equivocal yes. Now his anger wavered. It buzzed in and out, depending on how annoying Walker acted in that moment. Though even Callen had to admit Walker’s mood had evened out.

  Still, the guy who hounded him would never pass up an opportunity to ruin him. The fact he did tonight was new. “Not quite yet, but what he did in that kitchen took some balls.”

  “You mean a conscience.”

  Grace trailed a line of kisses over the path her finger drew. The seductive touches had Callen’s brain misfiring. His body still hadn’t recovered from their last lovemaking session. The woman had more stamina than he did.

  He thought about turning her over and slipping inside her again, but a question pulled at the back of his mind. He didn’t know how to ask, but they’d made a promise to communicate more effectively and he would not break it.

  His hand slipped over her and he rubbed her lower back. “Why do you believe in him?”

  She didn’t hesitate. “For the same reason I believe in you.”

  Since they were in bed and Grace insisted she’d never had anything but brotherly feelings for Walker, the sentiment got muddled. At least Callen hoped so. She was trying to make a point but he was not catching it. “You probably need to explain that.”

  She pushed up higher on her elbows. The move tugged on the sheet and had it dropping below her breasts.

  That sight of her naked body almost proved to be too much. Callen had to force his focus off her breasts and back on her face. Both were beautiful. One had a greater guarantee of them engaging in an actual discussion.

  “You want the truth even though you won’t like it?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “You’re both good men who are determined not to believe you are.”

  Callen didn’t know what to do with that. Every time she could, she drew comparisons between him and Walker. At first Callen didn’t see it because he couldn’t stand the guy. But some of his mannerisms and the things he said did sound familiar, which was weird because they hadn’t know each other until recently.

  But in truth, Walker had a right to be pissed off. Charlie played a serious head game on the guy. Callen got dragged on cons. Walker was wholesale abandoned.

  Callen didn’t know which road was worse. “He had it tough.”

  “So did you.”

  But it wasn’t a contest. Not one he wanted to win anyway. “I don’t understand why Charlie turned his back on him. Who does that sort of warped shit?”

  Now that he was going to be a father, Callen couldn’t imagine leaving a kid behind. He hadn’t met his kid yet and he would fight to the death to protect the little thing. Using him or forgetting him . . . it was so outside of Callen’s realm of understanding that he actually started to believe he might not suck at this father thing.

  “Knowing Charlie’s selfish perspective, he probably thought he could hide the truth about one kid but not two from Kim. It was all about his survival.” Grace’s voice shook as she spoke and her nails pinched his skin. “To hell with his kids.”

  Callen guessed if his parental instinct hit this strong, Grace’s must be off the charts. She’d been dealing with the pregnancy a lot longer than he had. She was fully settled into her role as loving protector.

  Taking her hand, Callen unclenched the nails and flattened her palm against his chest. He thought about ending the conversation there. He’d opened the door to accepting Walker and that’s all she’d asked him to consider in the past.

  But there was one more thing that never made sense. “Why did Charlie pick me over his oldest born?”

  A sad smile touched her lips. “I was wondering when you would ask that.”

  God knew he’d been thinking about it since that day in the yard when Walker confirmed the truth. “It’s a reasonable question.”

  “It’s also one we can’t answer.” She sighed. “Walker was old enough to talk and have memories and maybe say something that would expose Charlie. Maybe it hurt his first wife more to steal the youngest child away and Charlie wanted to break her, the sick bastard.”

  Callen thought about what Charlie did to Kim, the woman he viewed as his mother, and to Leah’s mother when he slept with her, let her believe they had something but just used her the whole time. Yeah, Charlie wouldn’t think twice about destroying a woman who stood in his way. Thank God he didn’t have daughters. “That sounds like
a Charlie move.”

  “The list of possibilities is endless. There is no way to explain the actions of a soulless schemer.”

  “I guess.” Those explanations all made sense on some level. There was no way to justify any, but there was a type of logic Charlie would employ.

  Still, Callen wanted something more concrete. The question would pick at him, which made him even more understanding of Walker’s rage.

  She slipped her fingers through his hair with a loving, intimate touch she did so well. “I would point out that the question probably runs through Walker’s head a thousand times a day.”

  Callen had already figured that out. The thought now played into the way he interpreted every sentence Walker uttered. “So I should cut him a break because living his life would suck.”

  “Big time.”

  Callen shifted to get a better look at her face. “You’ve forgiven him for not being honest with you?”

  “Of course. That’s what you do with people you love.” Her hand stilled on his chest as she said it.

  She opened the door so he plowed right through. “Any chance you’ll forgive me soon? I’m guessing you haven’t totally forgiven me for leaving you all those months ago and that’s why you’re not saying yes to my proposal.”

  Slow and deliberate she sat up while the sheet fell around her waist. Her auburn hair cascaded over her shoulders and she held her body proud as if she knew what seeing her like this, all sure and in control, did to him.

  Her intense stare burned through him as she spoke. “I love you the most of anyone. More than I ever thought possible. I’m overwhelmed by it.”

  He blew out a breath. Then another. Suddenly he felt as if his entire world teetered on the brink.

  That sounded great, but she avoided the direct question. Forcing his voice to stay steady, he pushed her into a conversation that still tended to make both of them squirm. “The forgiveness part?”

  She lifted her leg and straddled his waist. With her hands in his and his body pinned to the bed, she smiled down at him. “You are forgiven. I forgave you a month ago.”

  The tension rushed out of him on a harsh breath. The tightness in his chest and the squeezing of his lungs eased. “Are you sure?”

  “All the crap and battles are behind us.” She slid down until her body settled on top of his. Sheet and bare skin mixed. There were places they touched and others they didn’t. “I know you will be a great father.”

  That’s not quite what he meant. She’s been saying that from the beginning, and this time he was not talking about what he could do for their family. He wanted to be everything to her. “What about being a husband?”

  She lowered her head and treated him a mind-numbing kiss. The type that wiped your mind clear and had you wondering how to spell.

  When she lifted her head again joy danced in her eyes. “Yes.”

  “Wait.” He wanted to sit up but he couldn’t hurt her. And having her take control and trap him against the bed ranked pretty high on his wish list. So did getting married.

  Him, the guy who expected to ramble through life alone, now couldn’t imagine a world without his family gathered around him. “Does that mean you’re saying yes to my proposal?”

  She brushed a hand over his cheek and her eyes filled. “Yes, Callen. I will marry you.”

  A mix of happiness and relief rocked through him. Careful not to hurt her, he linked an arm around her waist and flipped her over, putting her underneath him.

  He held his entire life in his arms and she’d just handed him everything. “I want to ask what made you change your mind but I’m afraid to curse it.”

  Both of her palms cupped his cheeks now. “I was always going to marry you. I just needed you to understand that you’re worth marrying.”

  As to that . . . “I still think you could do better.”

  “Not a chance.”

  ***

  The sounds of their lovemaking filled the room. The subtle squeak of the bed. The punch of his breaths against the back of her neck. The pounding of her heartbeat in her ears.

  Mallory grabbed the sheet in her fists. The edges came untucked from the edge of the bed as her body shifted on the mattress. Walker pushed her hair over her shoulder and bit the skin he exposed. Not painful. A tiny sting that matched the fullness as he plunged hot and deep inside her.

  This was one of her favorite positions. He controlled the thrusts. He decided when to bring his fingers around her body and touch her. She couldn’t see his face, and she missed that, but the heat of him, the way he curled around her, filled that void.

  With one last push the muscles in her arms gave out and her chest hit the bed. She turned her head to the side as she gasped for air. Sweat gathered on her skin and every cell snapped to high alert. She’d just opened her mouth to tell him to go faster when the orgasm hit. She couldn’t control it or hold it back. It crashed over her.

  She’d barely caught her breath when she heard him grunt. His weight fell heavier against her and he pushed in and held. When she felt his body buck against her, she knew he’d found his release.

  She tried to lift her hand. To touch him. But her muscles refused to work. She was amazed she could still breathe.

  A few seconds later he rolled off her and fell on his back beside her. His hand skimmed up and down her back while his chest rose and fell on harsh breaths. “Damn.”

  She wanted to laugh but she couldn’t find the energy. “That about sums it up.”

  At least they were in the same state. Exhausted.

  He turned his head to face her and the back of his hand traveled to her cheek. “You are amazing.”

  That deserved a kiss . . . or something. She’d get to that as soon as her lungs started functioning again.

  “Well, thank you, sir. I thought you were pretty amazing tonight, too.” That didn’t even come close to describing what just happened.

  They used that position before but he’d never spent so much time licking and kissing her. He treated every inch of skin to a festival of touching until she could barely lie still on the bed.

  “The thing with my tongue . . . before we . . .” He was still out of breath.

  Man, oh man. “You were just full of surprises.”

  He opened one eye and glanced at her. “Meaning?”

  She didn’t want to kill the mood but they did have things to discuss. Things normal couples would talk about, and she knew that broke the rules, but she’d make an exception. “The house.”

  He rolled over on his side and slipped an arm around her waist. “It’s no big deal.”

  Somehow she found the strength to push up on her elbows. “Wrong.”

  “I didn’t do it to win you over or get back in your bed, if that’s what you’re thinking.” His gaze searched her face. That intense stare traveled over her, almost willing her to believe him.

  “I know.” She did. This wasn’t some big play. He didn’t engage in cons like Charlie had. “You did it because under all the gruffness and anger is a guy who knows what it’s like to get a pile of shit heaped on him.”

  He didn’t deny it. “The house is all they have.”

  She switched to her side so she could face him. “No, they have each other.”

  “True.”

  The sheet was wadded up in a ball and somewhere around their knees. She faced him naked and secure in the knowledge he didn’t care about a few extra pounds or the chips she ate yesterday. There was a certain freedom in being able to be herself and not feel judged.

  She wanted to give him a bit of that feeling when it came to his family. “If you unclenched a little, you could be a part of it.”

  “You think I want that?” There was no heat in his voice. It sounded like an honest question.

  So she gave him an honest answer. “Desperately.”

  “I could tell you that I’ve never had a family and don’t need one now.”

  It was the way he said it. He used the argument as a hypothetical a
nd did not show one ounce of anger. The darkness that normally settled in his eyes when talking about the Hanovers never appeared.

  It all gave her hope that she could make him believe. “You’re not an island.”

  He leaned in and kissed her, soft and gentle, lingering a few extra seconds. “I have you.”

  “And them.” She needed him to start thinking about that. She didn’t expect him to accept today, but he needed to turn a corner. “You don’t have to be alone.”

  “Maybe I like it.”

  “No, you don’t.” She could see that in every line of his face. In the way he would sit quietly and stare, thinking no one was watching, and his body would still. “I know because I’ve been there, and it sounds great as you sell yourself this story about being self-sufficient, and you are, but we all need people.”

  She learned that early. Leah handed her that lifeline and she never took it for granted.

  He brushed her hair off her shoulder. “I only need you.”

  It was a lovely sentiment, one that made her heart do a little dance, but there was so much more sitting right there if he would only grab on to it. “That’s not true. You need the connection of some form of family.”

  “You don’t have any and you’re doing well.”

  “You’re wrong. I don’t have a family by blood, but I have one in fact. I have Leah. I’m growing closer to all of the Hanovers and I love Kim.” Every day her life became more interconnected with the lives at Shadow Hill.

  “And that doesn’t worry you?”

  That was the issue right there. For Walker caring meant pain and abandonment. So many people had screwed him over that he now expected it. She got it because she’d lived it, but her friendship with Leah showed her another way. And she never looked back.

  “Caring about people doesn’t make you weak,” Mallory said.

  “I didn’t say it did.”

  She blew out a long breath, but it did nothing to the desperation churning inside her. “But you think it.”

  “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

  Maybe that was a sort of progress. He didn’t flip the switch into denial mode. He didn’t fight or storm out.