The Life You Left

by Carmel Harrington

  Sarah felt like her whole body was reeling. She had arrived at school to pick the kids up and the Principal, Art O’Leary was at the gate greeting the parents. Sarah liked Art and more importantly the children loved him. Surprisingly she noted there was no sign of any of the children coming out.

  As she got closer to Art, she realised that something was very wrong. He looked awful, his eyes puffy and red. ‘I’ve some bad news I’m afraid. I’ve just been telling some of the other parents.’ He said to Sarah gently.

  ‘I’m sorry Sarah; there is no easy way to say this. Ms Finch, Rachel Finch, our 2nd class teacher has been found dead on Ballyaislinn beach this morning.’ He paused, and then added. ‘She – she was murdered,’ the normally articulate Art stammered. He was obviously deeply distressed.

  The dream of the bloodied body on the beach flashed back into Sarah’s mind. Was that Rachel Finch? She felt the blood drain from her face and held onto Ella’s pram for support.

  ‘Ms Finch? That’s Katie’s teacher.’ Sarah eventually managed to say. ‘When, what happened?’ She felt sick. This was just awful. This was the kind of news you see on RTE news. You don’t expect to come face to face with it at the school gates.

  ‘Molly and Pat Donovan were out for a walk and found her yesterday morning. She’s been identified by her parents.’ Art continued. ‘There’s no doubt I’m afraid.’

  ‘I can’t take it in. That poor girl and her parents. God help them.’ Sarah said tears glistening in her eyes.

  Art moved towards Sarah and reached over to touch her hand, before he continued, ‘She didn’t turn in for work this morning. Which I thought in itself was strange. She’s never off sick, extremely diligent. When she didn’t call in I phoned her and got no answer. Her parents were at the hospital when I called, identifying her body.’ He finished.

  Sarah looked around, there were groups of parents all gathered together, some crying, all looking completely shocked.

  ‘I can’t believe it, Sarah. She was only twenty four, beautiful, her whole life ahead of her.’ Art finished. ‘I’m sorry. I just can’t get my head around it all. She was my friend.’

  ‘That’s understandable.’ Sarah said with sympathy, wiping her own tears and this time, she moved to him and gently patted his arm in reassurance. ‘Do the kids know?’ The thought of Tommy and Katie having to deal with this was unbearable to her.

  ‘Not yet. We’re going to have an assembly in the morning to talk to them all. But we wanted to give the parents the option of telling them at home tonight first of all. It might be better if they are with you when they hear of it. We’ll have counsellors in the school all day tomorrow, it’s all organised. They can help the kids talk through how they feel.’

  She couldn’t take it in. A murder in her village and not only that, it was Katie’s teacher. This had to be the murder that Edward told her to prepare for. She needed to lean on Ella’s buggy for support once again.

  When the kids came out she gave them both an extra big hug. ‘Come on you two, let’s go home.’ Pushing Ella in her buggy, the four of them set off. When they arrived at home, James’s car was outside the house.

  ‘Hey you guys!’ he shouted to them all. Tommy practically knocked him down as he jumped into his arms. He hero-worshipped his Uncle James.

  ‘You’ve heard?’ James asked quietly.

  Sarah nodded and quickly glanced at the kids, letting James know that they didn’t know anything yet.

  James squeezed his sister’s shoulder. ‘Come on, kids, let’s go in and grab some juice.’

  Sarah went up to her bedroom to splash some water on her face. She needed to compose herself before she spoke to the children. How do you tell young children that their teacher has been murdered?

  Looking into her bedroom mirror, she felt like she’d aged decades in the past month, but her reflection hadn’t changed. She still looked the same old Sarah, sandy blonde hair with blue eyes. Edward appeared in the mirror, standing right behind her. A few days ago this would have made her scream with fright. Now, she welcomed his calming presence.

  ‘So Rachel is the young woman you talked about?’ Sarah said to him. He nodded in response, the pain she felt reflected in his eyes.

  ‘You never said it would be someone I knew. She was only twenty-four for God’s sake, a mere child herself!’

  ‘I know.’ Edward replied.

  ‘Where was her guardian angel? Why didn’t they save her?’ Sarah hissed at Edward.

  ‘It doesn’t work like that. We can’t stop that kind of force. We can’t stop death. Her angel did her best to warn her. She tried to make Rachel listen to her intuition that something wasn’t right. But she ignored it. But I promise you she was with Rachel right up till she died. And she’s still watching over her now.’ Edward had tears in his eyes.

  ‘How can I tell Katie? She loved Ms Finch. She’s making her Holy Communion this year and Ms Finch was helping her prepare for it. She’ll be devastated. Only last night she was practising her Communion walk.’ Sarah smiled sadly at the memory. Katie with her hands clasped in prayer, walking solemnly from one end of the hall to other.

  ‘Give me strength Edward, help me tell the children.’ Sarah pleaded.

  ‘They will be fine, as long as they have you Sarah. I’ll be right here by your side. Always am and always will be.’

  Sarah took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from flowing that were prickling her eyes. ‘I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do to help. I don’t feel any different than I did a few days ago, except I can see and talk to you again.’

  ‘Just be prepared Sarah, take note of any strange things you can see in your mind’s eye. Trust your instincts because you have a great gift. You will see things that others won’t and I’m certain you will be able to help with Rachel Finch’s murder.’

  Sarah thought for a second about the dreams she’d been having lately. Were they the start of her gift? They didn’t make any sense and she really couldn’t see how she was supposed to help based on what she had dreamt. But she didn’t have the time to look into it now. Her priority right this minute was her children. Only they weren’t just hers; she needed her husband more than ever right now.

  She picked up her phone and quickly dialled Paul’s number. It went straight to voicemail. She took a deep breath and left a message.

  ‘I need you. The children need you. Please baby, call me. I’m begging you. Whatever is wrong, I can help make it better. Together we can get through anything. Remember? That’s what we always said. Once we are together, we can do anything. I love you…’ She hit end on the phone call quickly, before the tears overtook her. Lying down on their bed, she pulled the covers over herself, suddenly cold, her eyes never leaving the phone, willing it to ring.

  James was making Spaghetti Bolognese for their dinner when Sarah came downstairs ten minutes later. Ella was in her highchair, swinging her dolly by its leg around in the air, giggling at how clever she was. Every now and then she’d let out a high pitched scream which resulted in everyone around her laughing. The children were watching SpongeBob on TV.

  ‘Thanks James. You are a starbar!’ She shouted to her brother, as she walked through the kitchen. ‘Thought you had a date tonight?’

  ‘I do, but I’ve cancelled. This is more important. When I heard on the grapevine that a schoolteacher from here had been murdered, I thought I’d better get here quick.’

  ‘This is losing-my-fecking-mind-freaky.’

  James nodded in return. He knew the feeling; he felt the exact same way.

  ‘You know when Art first told me about Rachel, I got such a shock I didn’t think about Edward’s prophecy at all. And then it struck me and I nearly passed out. It was one thing having Edward telling me something would happen, but to actually be faced with it, it’s too much.

  James squeezed his sister’s hand. He didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Try not to think about that yet.’ James said. ‘I was talking to one of the lad
s in Wexford Gardaí station and they will be doing an autopsy today, so we’ll know more after that. No word on forensics yet either.’

  ‘How’s her dog?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘What dog?’ James answered in surprise.

  ‘I don’t know.’ Sarah answered looking confused. ‘A dog just popped into my mind. He looked pretty sick. I think he was Rachel’s dog.’

  They were both silent for a few minutes.

  ‘Ok. It’s going to take a while for me to get used to this.’ James said quietly. ‘I’m going to call my mate in the station and see if there was a dog.’ He punched a number into his iPhone and walked away.

  A few minutes later he was back. ‘Well, there was a dog.’ He said with his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

  ‘Oh feck.’ Sarah said.

  ‘Yep, feck.’ He echoed.

  ‘All I know so far about the murder is that she was on Ballyaislinn beach. The fact that her dog was with her indicates to me that she was taking him for a walk probably. Whether it was a random act of violence or premeditated they don’t know yet. Remember Roger, my mate from school, the guard? Well he’s on the case and will keep me posted.’

  ‘You never said how the dog was?’ Sarah asked again.

  ‘He died a few hours ago.’

  They both were silent again.

  The sound of the Bolognese sauce bubbling broke the silence. ‘Oh, you doing a Jamie Oliver?’ Sarah said nodding at James and the chopping board.

  James bowed as he answered, ‘But of course. No chance of a bit of parmesan lurking in that fridge of yours?’ James answered. ‘Then I’d really pep this baby up for you!’

  ‘Not a hope!’ Sarah responded. ‘Cutbacks, its only essentials these days, no luxuries.’

  ‘Thing’s that tight?’ James said with a frown.

  ‘Yep, things are “squeezed into a pair of too small spanx” tight. I’ve been going through my savings like crazy, what little we have anyhow. Tommy and Katie both outgrew their trainers this week. And it’s coming into winter again, they’ll be needing boots. They both were asking me about Halloween costumes yesterday. All their friends are getting new ones from Woodies apparently. I went in to have a look this morning, but they’re nearly €30 each. I just can’t afford it. Then next thing it’s going to be Santa. It never ends. I’ve asked for more shifts at the boutique, hopefully I’ll get a few more for Christmas.’ Looking at James face, Sarah felt guilty suddenly. ‘You don’t need to be listening to me moaning about money. Ignore me. I’ll make it work.’

  ‘You can’t keep going like this. You need to track Paul down. Or let me do it for you, I can do some digging, find out where he is. It’s just not good enough him sending you the odd email telling you he needs time to sort himself out. He’s got responsibilities. He had enough wits about him to empty your bank account, he’s not that bad.’ James ended sarcastically.

  ‘I’ve got to go talk to the children.’ Sarah said, ignoring James last comment, because she knew he was right. No matter how much she tried to rationalise Paul’s behaviour, the fact that he took most of their money with him, made her break out in a cold sweat of fear.

  ‘You can’t keep dodging that bullet,’ James shouted at her as she walked into the living room. She stuck her tongue out at him. She knew she had to face up to the fact that her husband had walked out on her, but there was a bigger crisis to deal with. Taking a deep breath she turned the TV off.

  ‘Tommy, Katie, I need to have a chat with you.’

  ‘I didn’t do anything!’ Katie quickly shouted.

  ‘I know, nobody is in trouble!’ Sarah reassured them gently.

  Gathering the kids both close to her, she gently told them that Ms Finch had been hurt badly and was now in heaven. They were both confused and scared. They’d not really had to deal with a death before; this was a first for them. And Sarah knew that there was little point in lying about how it had happened, as they would get all sorts of stories in the school yard tomorrow. She needed to prepare them for some of the things that they might hear.

  ‘Who hurt her?’ Tommy wanted to know.

  ‘Will he come and hurt us too?’ Katie added, her big eyes round with fright.

  ‘No, darling, nobody is going to hurt any of us. The guards will find the person who did this to Ms Finch and they will be locked up for a very long time.’ Sarah replied firmly, pulling them in even closer to her.

  ‘Uncle James will catch the bad person.’ Tommy said quickly. He really believed that his Uncle was a superhero.

  ‘Maybe, or one of Uncle James’s friends in the Gardaí. Don’t you worry; they will catch whoever did this. Bad people go to jail for a very long time, and that’s where the person who did this will go.’ Sarah promised.

  ‘Mammy does that mean I won’t have a teacher anymore?’ Katie asked with big tears in her eyes. ‘Do I have to stay at home now forever, and never go to school again?’

  ‘No, darling. Of course not. You will have a new teacher soon. I bet that one has already been picked especially for you and your class. Mr O’Leary will explain it all tomorrow when you have assembly.’

  ‘But who will help me make my Communion? Ms Finch said she had lots to teach us this year.’ Katie started to cry and within seconds Tommy joined in. Sarah held them close and let them stay there crying their pain out. James was in the doorway rubbing his eyes with a tea towel.

  ‘Onions.’ He said gruffly, not wanting to admit that the scene before him had deeply moved him.

  Ella, who had up to that moment been intently playing with two plastic balls, sensed that something was going on and wanted to get in on the act. So she started to scream. James walked over to her and picked her up, quickly laying her on the floor, tickling her and blowing bubbles on her tummy. This trick always worked and very quickly she replaced her tears with giggles. The sound of Ella’s giggling was too irresistible for Katie and Tommy and both of them peeped up from their mother’s embrace, watching their Uncle James tickle their baby sister. Sniffing away her tears, Katie wandered over to join in the tickling, Tommy following within seconds. And with that the house was filled with the sound of giggles again as James tickled each of the children one by one.

  Sarah smiled through her own tears and watched her family, marvelling at how resilient children were. Their world can be pulled apart in a snap of the fingers, but they just picked themselves up and found joy in their baby sister’s laughter in the next. They weren’t moping about like she had been for the past couple of weeks since Paul had left. She could learn a lot from her children.

  The time had come to find her husband. Yes, he was having some kind of mental health crisis. But by walking out of their life, he had in effect given up on his parental responsibilities. He didn’t have the right to walk away from those or indeed his financial responsibilities too without at least a conversation about it all. He’d only sent a couple of hundred euros that he supposedly sent via his mother about a week after he left. Only Sarah felt it was a safe bet that Rita had used her pension to give her that money, out of embarrassment for her wayward son.

  Watching her children deal with yet another blow, she realised that it was time she regained control of her life that had been spiralling out of control these past few weeks. She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looking up saw it was Edward.

  ‘Good girl,’ Edward said to her. ‘That’s the fighting spirit I remember when you were a child.’

  Smiling, she vowed that tomorrow she would start her search for Paul. But right now there was a tickle fight to be won!

  Chapter Six

  Sarah woke with a start, her heart thumping so hard she felt like it was going to burst through her chest. She’d just had the weirdest dream about her postman Joey. If she had to guess all day who she might dream about, she didn’t think that Joey would have ever been on her list. He had been her postman for years and although she saw him most mornings through her sitting room window, she only spoke to him the odd time, when a par
cel or registered letter would arrive. She really didn’t know anything about him on any level, other than he was punctual and very kind to the children if they did get to speak to him. Joey was in his mid-fifties she reckoned, and had a really pleasant manner. Always cheerful and if the children were around, he had a little joke or story to tell them. Sarah instinctively liked him, but if she was honest, other than when he came to her door delivering, he would never cross her mind from one day to the next.

  Sarah shivered at just the mere memory of the dream.

  The desperation. The poor man fumbling with a rope. A noose.

  It was so vivid it felt real. But that was ridiculous, surely? She closed her eyes and tried to remember the details of the dream. Maybe it had happened in his house? She had no clue as to why he had done it, but she had felt an overwhelming wave of sadness and despair. It was incredibly unnerving.

  A thought popped into her head, maybe she was losing it, and maybe she was really going mad this time. Was she having a nervous breakdown of some sort? First seeing angels and now dreaming of her postman’s suicide. She barely knew him, for goodness sake.

  She looked at her mobile phone, it was 6am. Damn it, it was early but at the same time too late to go back to sleep. She crept into Ella’s nursery and straightened her up. She was as always scrunched up against the corner of the cot, blankets awry. She then peeped in at Tommy and Katie and they were both peaceful. They had to be tired because it had taken her a long time to get them to sleep last night. They were scared, worried that the ‘bad man’ who murdered Ms Finch might somehow come into their house and kill them.

  James was asleep on their sofa. It was the only way that they agreed to go to bed, knowing that he was there keeping guard. He had left shortly after she told the kids about Rachel Finch, to go into the office. She wasn’t sure what time he came home at, but she figured it was late as she had only gone to bed a little after 2am. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Coffee was badly needed.