The Life You Left

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘Can I help you?’ she said to the woman, who had sat down beside Paul, and then placed a manicured hand on the top of Paul’s thigh in a way that clearly showed she was intimate with him.

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me, sweetheart?’ she purred.

  Sarah thought she was going to faint. She could feel her heart quickening again and tears springing to her eyes. She knew that an axe was about to fall and cut the life she had into millions of pieces.

  Paul looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, and had lost his voice suddenly.

  In what felt like slow motion, the woman leaned over Paul and held her hand out to Sarah.

  ‘Hello, you must be Sarah. I’m Michelle McGuirk, Paul’s partner.’ She purred again.

  Sarah inched back as far as she could from the both of them. She had just been contemplating packing up everything and moving to London with the children, just to make Paul happy. And all along he had a girlfriend. She could feel her face redden with embarrassment. Earlier she had been deeply ashamed of her husband but now she felt her whole body shudder with her own embarrassment.

  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. The phrase popped into her mind and kept going around and around on a loop.

  She looked at Paul and finally found her voice, ‘She’s with you? Paul, please tell me she’s lying.’

  ‘Take a drink.’ Michelle said, her voice dripping with fake concern. ‘You’ve had a shock.’

  She then leaned in again over Paul and said, ‘You know what Paul’s like. He hates to hurt people, so I thought it best to come here myself and meet you. Just so we are all on the same page. It’s less messy that way, wouldn’t you agree?’

  Sarah could not believe the gall of the woman. She was both cruel and ruthless. It was obvious she wanted Paul and was not going to risk the inconvenience of a wife getting in her way.

  Paul still had said nothing and kept his eyes firmly on his glass.

  ‘Now, I hope that you’re not going to make a scene.’ She said with a smile to Sarah. ‘I’m just not up to the stress right now, not in my condition.’ She finished triumphantly.

  ‘Michelle.’ Paul finally found his voice and warned her, ‘You promised.’

  ‘Don’t be silly.’ She said to him. ‘Sarah is a grown up. She would want to know everything. Wouldn’t you?’

  Sarah felt every fibre of her body fighting to run away from this situation. But she had to stay and hear exactly what her husband had done to them.

  ‘What condition, Paul?’ Sarah said turning her body away from Michelle’s. She refused to even speak to the woman draped across him.

  ‘I’m – I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’ He stammered pathetically. ‘Michelle and I fell in love. We didn’t mean it to happen.’

  ‘What condition?’ Sarah said again, her words like ice.

  ‘We’re having a baby.’ He whispered back.

  Sarah couldn’t help herself. She glanced down at the non-existent stomach of the woman sitting next to her husband so possessively.

  Michelle caught the glance and tapped her stomach gently. ‘Three months pregnant, the time is just flying by.’

  ‘Three months.’ Sarah spluttered. ‘Three months. You left home a little over six weeks ago, Paul. And it’s not even five hours since I found out that you’d left me. You bastard.’ Sarah stood up and grabbing her Amaretto, threw the contents into his face.

  ‘What’s on earth is going on?’ A voice interrupted and Sarah turned around to see Ruby standing behind her, her face horrified by the scene unfolding.

  ‘Ruby, you remember Paul? I’ve just been introduced to his pregnant mistress.’

  And despite the years of drifting apart and no contact, Ruby quickly moved over to her friend and pulled her hand into hers.

  ‘You’d better lawyer up, Paul, because that’s exactly what I’m going to do as soon as I get home. I want a divorce. Sweetheart.’ She finished, imitating the drawl of the woman who clearly enjoyed her world being torn asunder.

  The sad thing was that he seemed relieved when she mentioned the word divorce. He didn’t even try to talk her out of it. He had his new life now and it seemed he had replaced one family with another younger, smaller one.

  Ruby walked over to Paul and Michelle, holding Sarah’s hand tightly and looked them both up and down with disdain. ‘You know what, Paul? When Sarah married you I always thought she was way too good for you. And I’m so fecking disappointed that you proved me right. Shame on you Paul Lawler, shame on you! As for you,’ she said, turning to Michelle, ‘remember this, once a cheater always a cheater. Good luck with that.’

  She walked away quickly, pulling Sarah with her. Paul began to run after them into the lobby.

  ‘Sarah, wait up. Please, wait.’ He begged.

  Sarah turned to look at the man she had loved for over a decade. She thought that she knew everything about him; she thought that she understood him, all of his intricacies, his good points and his bad. But the man standing in front of her was unrecognisable now.

  ‘For what it’s worth, I’m deeply sorry. Michelle was way out of order coming here. I told her not to.’

  He waited for a response, but seeing none was forthcoming he continued.

  ‘I know I have done things all wrong and I know I’m a coward. But I do want to do right by you and the children.’ He handed Sarah an envelope.

  ‘It’s €1000. We’ll agree a regular monthly payment immediately. But until then it will tide you over.’

  €1000 would just about cover their next month’s mortgage and bills. But she couldn’t get into that now. She just needed to get away from Paul. She could feel her pulse quickening again, her heart hammering in her chest, her breath getting shallow.

  ‘She’s a nice girl when you get to know her.’ Paul added pathetically, as she pushed the button on the lift. ‘You’ll like her, honestly you will.’

  ‘Un-fecking-believable!’ Ruby exclaimed.

  Sarah turned around and looked at her husband in disbelief. ‘Did you just tell me that I’d like THAT in there? What she did tonight was malicious and intentional. But these past few months you have shown a side to yourself that is cruel beyond my wildest imagination. You know what? I think that you both are well matched. Guaranteed to make each other miserable for years to come!’

  For once, timing was on her side. The lift door opened and as Ruby and she walked in, at least, if nothing else, she had the last word.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ruby quickly took control as soon as they walked into the room. She pulled from her handbag a bottle of Prosecco and rinsed out two glasses.

  ‘I’m glad I stopped in M&S now!’ She declared. From her large tote handbag, she pulled out several bars of chocolate and laid them down beside the glasses. ‘Right, while I get this open, fill me in. I take it this was your first time meeting her ladyship downstairs?’

  Sarah nodded then quickly brought Ruby up to speed with the previous few months’ events, leaving out Edward of course.

  ‘I’m just gobsmacked. I mean he did all of this with forethought. That’s a whole new level of cruelty.’

  ‘Did you always think he was a weasel?’ Sarah asked her suddenly.

  ‘I kinda did. He was always just so full of himself.’

  Sarah flinched at the words. ‘Go on.’

  ‘Look I won’t lie, Paul is a charmer, I’ll give him that. We always had a laugh didn’t we, when we’d all hang out together, back in the day?’

  Sarah smiled at the memory.

  ‘But he was always flaky, he’d take up a new hobby and then five minutes later it seemed, he’d run out of the enthusiasm for the same thing he’d only just been waxing lyrical about.’

  Flashes of Paul in tennis gear, with golf clubs, in hiking boots, badminton racket in hand all skimmed across Sarah’s brain. All fads he started and got bored of.

  Ruby continued, ‘It’s just that commitment comes from staying loyal to some
thing you said you are going to do, even when the mood you said it in has left you. I worried about that aspect of Paul’s personality.’

  ‘How did I not see any of that?’ Sarah asked with self-reproach. ‘He obviously had started the affair with her before he left home. She said she’s three months pregnant.’

  ‘You never suspected a thing?’ Ruby looked sceptical at that.

  ‘You think I’m stupid.’ Sarah stated. ‘I am stupid.’

  ‘Not in the least! Only one gobshite in this equation is and it isn’t you!’ Ruby assured her. ‘Listen, one thing I’ve learnt over the years with men, is that it’s easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear!’

  Sarah smiled at her friend, ‘When did you get to be so wise? I’m so glad you are here. I can’t believe you are, to be honest. Thank you.’

  ‘You’ve popped into my head a few times over the past month! Isn’t that weird?’ Ruby said.

  ‘Not weird at all. I kept thinking of you too Rubes!’ Sarah reached over and squeezed her hand tightly.

  ‘You know today when you called? Well I never have my personal mobile phone on during the day in work. Never! But I had overwhelming urge to turn switch it on, just before you called.’

  Sarah smiled and knew that somehow or other it wasn’t a coincidence that had caused that.

  She looked at her old friend. It had been years since they’d spoken, yet it didn’t feel awkward or strained in the least.

  That was the way it was with good friends. There was a time when they were inseparable, but life moved them in different directions and years had passed without any real contact. But nothing had changed at all. Sarah realised she had so much to catch up on.

  ‘What about you Ruby? I heard you were back in Ireland. Are you? Last I heard you were working on cruise ships?’

  ‘Yeah, I ran the fitness lounge for the past few years for one of the big liners. But when I heard that the Ferrycarrig Hotel was looking for a new gym manager I decided to apply for the job and sure would you believe it, I got it! Mam is having her hip replaced shortly; I wanted to be around to help her recuperate.’

  ‘And is there anybody special in your life?’

  ‘Depends what your definition of special is, Sarah. I mean the sommelier from the hotel I’m staying in, he felt pretty special last night. Just saying!’

  Sarah started to snort with laughter. ‘You didn’t!’

  ‘I did. Three times!’

  The two friends burst into peals of laughter until tears streamed down their faces.

  ‘Good to see you laugh.’ Ruby told her.

  ‘It’s been a while.’ Sarah admitted.

  ‘Well it’s a good job I’m back so.’ Ruby declared. ‘Now I think I’d better call room service. We’re going to need another bottle!’

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‘This is so not like Tommy.’ Sarah said worriedly. She was sitting in Art O’Leary’s office.

  ‘I agree. Tommy has never been in a fight before in school. But I was in the school yard when it happened so I saw it myself. Young Joseph O’Dowd passed the basketball to Tommy and it hit him on the head, but purely by accident. The next thing I knew he was running at Joseph and had him on the ground, punching him.’

  She glanced outside the window of Art’s office and saw Tommy sitting on a bench, head down, sullenly kicking a stone with his foot. Katie was playing hopscotch in front of him.

  Ella was asleep in her pram beside her.

  ‘Is everything ok at home?’ he asked gently. He’d heard rumours that Paul had left her, but didn’t know how true they were. ‘You look a little pale?’

  Sarah looked up at him to assess if he was being nosy, but no, he seemed genuinely concerned.

  ‘The gossips have been having a field day over my life.’ Sarah said quietly.

  ‘I’m not interested in rumours and gossip.’ Art answered gently. ‘How you and the children are doing, well, that’s a different matter.’

  ‘Paul and I split up. He’s moved to London and has a new girlfriend. I had to tell the children that Daddy has moved out. They are not taking it too well. I still have the joy of telling them about Michelle, Daddy’s new girlfriend, who incidentally is a piece of work.’

  Art drew in a breath and replied, ‘That’s rough. It explains a lot. I can’t imagine how much of an adjustment it must be for you all.’

  They sat in silence for a bit then Art said, ‘You don’t have to allow Michelle to see the kids surely? Can’t Paul see that it would be better for the children to do things in stages and see if this relationship with Michelle is going to last before he introduces her to them?’

  ‘Bit late for that Art, they are having a baby. So the kids are going to have a new brother or sister soon. I think Michelle is here to stay.’

  ‘Sarah, that’s bloody awful.’ Art said shocked. ‘When I split up with my girlfriend I found it really hard to deal with but there was nobody else involved or any children either. This must be really messing with your head.’

  ‘You could say that alright.’ Sarah replied. ‘I’ve just explained that their Daddy has changed jobs and has met a new friend in England. You’ll understand if I ask you to keep that to yourself?’

  ‘Absolutely. Nobody will hear any of this from me I can assure you. How did they take it?’ Art said, glancing to the door of the office. ‘Stupid question, sorry. Doesn’t take a genius to work out that the fight Tommy was in was all connected to his Daddy going.’

  ‘I could kill Paul.’ Sarah said fiercely. ‘This is such a mess.’

  ‘Have Tommy and Katie got anyone that they can talk to?’ Art asked.

  ‘I think that Tommy thinks he’s got to be the big man now. Katie cried when I told them, Ella is just too young to understand and Tommy clammed up and just said that he’d look after all of us. He’s a kid, I want him to have a childhood, not feel that he has to grow up overnight.’ Sarah felt so sad and so very tired all of a sudden.

  ‘And who do you have, Sarah?’ Art asked her gently. ‘Do you have someone to be strong for you?’

  Sarah looked up at him quickly. He was staring at her so intently that she felt herself blush under his gaze. When he said her name again, she realised that she had been staring at him and she could feel herself getting even redder. Flustered, she quickly answered, ‘Yes, I’m lucky in that regard, Art. I have James, my brother, and also some good friends. Paul’s mother, Rita, is a rock too.’

  Sarah glanced out the window at her son. ‘What should I do about this situation with Tommy and Joseph O’Dowd? Should I ring the O’Dowd’s and apologise?’

  ‘Don’t you be worrying. Joseph is one of five brothers and as tough as old boots. Tommy didn’t connect any of his punches to Joseph’s face thankfully, so no harm done. I’ve spoken to Joseph’s Mam and she’s fine about it all.’

  ‘That’s something to be grateful for.’ Sarah said ruefully. ‘I’ll talk to him tonight. Try to work out what’s going on in his little head. I’m so sorry for all of this. Thank you for your help.’

  ‘All part of my job. I’ll keep an eye on the two kids in school. I’ll talk to each of their teachers too. On top of Rachel’s death, well, it’s been a hard year for them both.’ Art summed up.

  Sarah felt her eyes drift to Art’s arms. His white shirt sleeves were rolled up and she wondered how she’d never noticed before how muscular and tanned he actually was. She quickly looked up, flustered again and stood up quickly. What on earth was wrong with her?

  ‘It’s taken its toll.’ Sarah agreed quickly. ‘But Katie’s new teacher seems to be a big hit. She was full of praise for Mr Brennan yesterday.’

  ‘He’s a good guy. He’s very musical too, so he’ll throw himself into the Wizard of Oz play. I know the kids loved that with Rachel.’

  ‘Apparently he looks just like the teacher Will from Glee!’ Sarah said with a smile. ‘I think my little girl has got her first crush.’

  Art started to lau
gh. ‘She’ll have to join the queue! All I heard in the lunchroom yesterday from the other teachers was just how gorgeous young Mr Brennan is! I’ll have to check this Glee out and see what the fuss is all about.’

  Sarah laughed and thanked Art as it was time to go get the kids. Suddenly she felt tired and so sad and she wasn’t sure she had the energy to deal with any more problems. She felt like crying – again. She was going to have to toughen up. But the past couple of weeks had taken their toll. As it seemed they had on her son too.

  ‘Sarah?’ Art enquired quietly. ‘You ok?’ Seeing that she was far from ok, he walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. Sarah’s first instinct was to pull away from him, but it felt good to be held, to have someone comfort her.

  She relaxed and allowed herself to move closer into Art’s arms and closed her eyes, lost in the moment, and then the tears that had been prickling her eyes, came thick and fast.

  ‘Sshh.’ Art said to her as he stroked her hair. ‘It will be all ok, you’ll see.’

  Sarah pulled away from Art quickly, feeling embarrassed that she had gotten so upset.

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Sarah was mortified as she noticed mascara smudged onto Art’s white shirt. ‘I seem to have made quite a mess.’

  ‘Come’s with the territory.’ Art joked. ‘Comforting damsels in distress, that is!’

  Sarah smiled and as she didn’t trust herself to speak, she left quickly.

  She walked outside to get the kids, pushing Ella in her pram in front of her.

  ‘Come on you two.’ She said with a big smile, hoping that they wouldn’t notice she’d been crying. ‘Who’s hungry?’

  ‘Me!’ replied Katie. ‘Is Tommy in trouble?’ She added with just a hint of joy at the thought of her big brother getting into trouble.

  ‘Never you mind, little monkey.’ Sarah said to Katie. She squeezed Tommy’s hand tightly in hers.

  When they got home she did what she swore she’d never do, but more and more she had to rely on, she turned on the TV and used it as a babysitter for Katie and Ella, so that she could talk to Tommy.