‘What you put up with you end up with!’ Sarah threw in another Dr Phil saying.
Sarah and Ruby dissolved into peals of laughter. The laughter became funnier than their silly Dr Phil impression and they had to hold their aching bellies such were the snorts coming from them.
‘Ssstop, honestly stop, I’m going to pee!’ Sarah begged holding her hand up towards Ruby.
Eventually when they stopped laughing, Ruby asked Sarah, ‘Seriously, what’s going on with you?’
‘I’m struggling. Most days it’s an effort to get dressed, never mind do anything else. But I’ve got to keep going for the kids.’
‘Please tell me you’re not still watching your wedding DVD over and over?’ Ruby said, thinking about the last time she’d called over to see Sarah and found her watching it, not for the first time she suspected.
Sarah looked sheepish. ‘I can’t help it, it’s like car crash TV! I keep looking at myself walking down the aisle, thinking you poor cow. I wish I could warn me.’
‘What would you say? And would your younger self believe you? I think not. And whatever else the weasel has done, he does good kids. Tommy, Katie and Ella are adorable.’
Sarah nodded at this truth. All the heartache and pain at Paul’s betrayal were worth the privilege of being their Mammy.
‘Desperate times, desperate measures and all that, so I am doing a DVD intervention and confiscating it. It’s not healthy, Sarah.’
Sarah knew her friend was right, but felt so tired again just thinking about Paul. She could feel depression sneaking up threatening to undo the joy of the laughter she’d just experienced. It was time to change the subject.
‘What about you, Ruby? I’ve missed so much about your life these past few years. Have you ever come close to getting married?’
‘Not since Eric.’
‘Jeepers, there’s a blast from the past!’ Sarah confessed. ‘Where is he now?’
‘I’ve no idea. Sure, it’s ten years since we split up. He’s probably married with kids. But he was the only one I ever considered settling down with.’
‘I liked Eric.’ Sarah said.
‘I loved him.’ Ruby answered quietly.
They sipped their drinks again in quiet reflection.
‘What did happen with you two?’ Sarah asked.
A look of such pain passed over Ruby’s face; Sarah grabbed her hand and said, ‘Oh Rubes.’
‘Sometime, not now, I’ll tell you about it. Promise.’ She picked up her glass and took a large gulp.
‘I know most people think I’m running around desperate for a man to ‘save’ me, but I’m doing very well on my own! I date, I have fun and if the right guy comes along, great. If not? Well, there’s always a cute sommelier somewhere looking to hook up!’ Ruby joked.
‘Ready to pop your cork?’ Sarah teased to which they both started laughing again.
‘Exactly! Eric is my past, no point dwelling on that now. And you never know what the future will bring? Who knows, maybe my Mr Right is close by.’ Ruby smiled. ‘And speaking of which, don’t look now but there’s a seriously cute guy over by the bar checking you out!’
Of course Sarah couldn’t resist and immediately swung around to look, with Ruby exclaiming, ‘I told you not to look!’
‘Oh my god!’ Sarah exclaimed as she waved back to the man who was now heading their way.
‘Hi Sarah.’
‘Oh hi, Art.’ Sarah could feel herself blushing. What was it with this guy that he had such an effect on her!
Ruby looked on in amazement as she saw them both shyly smiling at each other. Sarah had been holding out on her!
‘Hello there, I’m Ruby.’
‘Oh sorry, Rubes!’ Sarah apologised, flustered again. ‘Art is the children’s principal.’
‘Well now, the scenery has certainly improved from when I was a pupil in Ballyaislinn National School!’ Ruby exclaimed taking in the toned, tanned man before her. ‘Ow!’ Sarah gave Ruby a dig in her ribs to make her shut up.
‘Can I get you ladies a drink?’ Art asked.
‘Yes.’ Ruby answered.
‘No.’ Sarah replied at the exact same time. ‘It’s just we are on a girls night out.’
‘Don’t mind her.’ Ruby gave Art one of her dazzling smiles. ‘Two gin & tonics and then I insist you join us to tell me all about your job!’
‘Well maybe just for one.’ Art said looking at Sarah to make sure that was ok.
Once he walked over to the bar and was out of earshot, Ruby turned to Sarah and joked, ‘Jeepers, get a room you two!’
‘I don’t know what you are talking about!’ Sarah huffed in reply.
‘I’m talking about 6′2 hot teacher over at the bar that can’t take his eyes off you and you blushing like a schoolgirl, that’s what I’m talking about!’
‘He’s been very kind since Paul left.’
‘Evidently!’ Ruby said with a laugh.
‘Not like that. I’ve only ever been with Paul, as well you know!’ Sarah said. ‘I’m not interested in dating anyone; my head is literally melted from all this Paul and Michelle stuff.’
‘I know. I get that, I honestly do. But you mark my words; Teach over there likes you. And he’s hot. Seriously hot.’
Sarah looked over at Art’s back as he happily chatted with some people at the bar.
‘You are allowed to have a life after Paul you know. If you move on, it doesn’t mean you didn’t love him or aren’t grieving for your marriage still. But it might make it a bit easier to deal with.’
Ruby just didn’t understand what it was like for her, Sarah realised. The very thought of being with another man sent her into a panic. It was as if a heavy anchor of fear held her down and she was drowning. She could not breathe.
‘I need to get some air.’ Sarah gasped and ran to the door, much to the astonishment of Ruby and Art who had returned with drinks in hand.
‘Shit! Sorry. Back in a minute.’ Ruby apologised then ran after her friend.
She found Sarah outside holding onto a bench, her whole body shaking. Ruby pulled her friend into her arms and held her close. Intuitively she recognised that this was a time for no words, just strong arms to calm the storm that was raging within her friend.
After a few minutes Sarah could breathe once more.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t you dare apologise.’ Ruby declared. ‘My fault for teasing you about Art. It’s too soon.’
‘It is too soon. Problem is though, my mind says that, but my body seems to say something else!’ Sarah admitted.
‘I knew it!’ Ruby shouted. ‘You do fancy him!’
‘But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not ready to do anything about it.’ Sarah said firmly. ‘It’s just every time I see him, I can’t seem to stop looking at his forearms. And then my imagination moves on from that to his chest. What is wrong with me, Rubes?!’
‘How long since you and Paul had sex?’ Ruby asked gently.
‘I’m embarrassed to tell you.’ Sarah said.
‘Spill!’
‘I’d say at least five months.’
‘Well that right there is what’s wrong with you! Of course you can’t stop looking at Mr Sexy Teach in there! You need to get laid & quick!’
Sarah started to giggle. ‘I keep telling you, I’m not ready.’
‘And I keep telling you that the best way to get over one man is to get under another. That’s all I’m saying!’ Ruby replied with a wink, gratified to see Sarah begin to giggle.
‘Seriously Sarah, you have all the time in the world. If he’s meant for you, he won’t pass you by, so how about we go in and have that drink with him, just have a laugh? Nothing else and I’ll try to behave, honestly.’
Smiling in response, Sarah agreed and the two girls went back in to Art.
‘All ok?’ He asked when he saw the girls returning. ‘I thought you’d legged it on me!’
‘Just needed some girl talk.’ Ruby replied wi
th a smile. ‘And don’t know about you Sarah, but it’s made me thirsty! Cheers!’
Chapter Twenty One
The kids were at Rita’s house with Paul for the day, which maybe wasn’t a bad thing, as she was rocking a serious hangover from the night before. Together with Art and Ruby, she had been the last to be chucked out of the pub. It was a fantastic night and one that they had all promised they would make a more regular occurrence.
She thought about the horrendous moment earlier when Paul drove off with the children in his hire car. Not a Kodak memory for the family album that was for sure. It was such a surreal feeling getting the children ready for a family day out, but one without her, their mother. It was the ‘new normal’ Sarah supposed and one she needed to get used to. She smiled brightly as she waved them off, with the sound of Ella crying in protest at leaving her Mama behind and it just broke Sarah’s heart. She knew that the children were in safe hands and in fairness Paul had always been a good daddy. Rita would be there too and that gave Sarah an extra layer of comfort as the children loved her.
While they were out, Sarah decided she would use the time to get working on her paperwork for the solicitor. She had been given the job of outlining all her living expenses for the children and the house, so that a maintenance schedule could be drawn up. Paul had intimated that he wouldn’t want them to sell the house, but he wasn’t prepared to pay the full mortgage every month, only a percentage of it. It was down to the solicitors to start horse-trading now. Whatever magic Conor managed to do, Sarah knew that she was still going to have to come up with more money herself.
She’d already spoken to the boutique and they had no more shifts to offer her. In fact Martina the owner was almost in tears herself. Her sales were down by 50% on the previous year and she was struggling to remain open. Sarah sympathised with her, it was an awful situation to be in. She thought about all the money Paul and she had squandered during the better days – the so called ‘Celtic Tiger’. They’d had two holidays every year, the kids had been given every toy and gadget they’d ever expressed an interest in. She had a wardrobe full of handbags and shoes that she’d never in a million years ever wear. What had she been thinking? If only she could go back in time she’d have never bought all those things. Then inspiration hit her.
‘I’ll sell some of my handbags on eBay!’ Sarah had used eBay before to buy decorations for the kid’s birthday parties. This time she was going to be a seller rather than a buyer.
Paul had bought Sarah several expensive handbags over the years for various occasions. When he got a big bonus in work, he’d normally buy her something then too. She went upstairs and decided to have a sort out on items she could easily get rid of.
There were two Marc Jacobs bags, both of which could go. She also had a Louis Vuitton, Prada and two Orla Kiely bags. Her Guess bag and her Fendi spy bag were both well used, she didn’t think she could give them away never mind sell them, so she put those back on the shelf in her wardrobe. But the others could all go as they were as good as new really. She picked up her Chanel handbag. Looking at it tugged at her heartstrings. This was her pride and joy, it was the first designer bag she’d ever owned, and she took it out for all special occasions. One day she dreamt she’d pass it on to Katie. No, she was going to keep this one. She placed it back reverently on the shelf. If things got worse she’d sell everything in her wardrobe if she had to, but she hadn’t gotten to that point yet.
She was on a mission now, and continued routing through her wardrobe. She found a Hermes scarf. Paul had won that in a sales competition. He had been so proud handing it to Sarah when he came home. Tommy and Katie were only toddlers at the time. She smiled at the memory. Paul and her dancing around their kitchen with the scarf wrapped around both their necks, pulling them in close.
‘I love you.’ He’d whispered and she replied as she had always done, ‘I love you more.’
She closed her eyes to erase the memory and, like a bubble popping, it disappeared. If someone had suggested that in a few years she and Paul would be on the brink of divorce she would have laughed out loud at the ludicrously of it. They were rock solid in those days, the two of them against the world.
Sarah shook her head. She knew that memories didn’t buy Santa gifts so put the scarf on the pile of handbags.
She also found two pairs of Jimmy Choos. She had only worn each of them once, so again they were in perfect condition. They could go too. She piled everything into a wicker laundry basket and headed downstairs to the computer to start listing everything on eBay.
She looked at her clock, surprised to see that it was midday already. Setting up the sales had passed the morning quickly for her. She felt invigorated right now. The feeling of taking control of her finances was wonderful. Now to take control over the rest of her life.
So much about her future was unsure, but the time for wallowing was gone, it was now time for action. She knew now that Edward’s arrival had come at a time when she was at her most vulnerable. Before she even recognised that she needed him, he was by her side. And she was going to need him to help sort out her next problem. She flicked onto her Google homepage and checked the weather. Snow was forecast for the following day and rest of the week on the east coast of Ireland. She jumped up and grabbed her car keys. Time to sort out Bridie.
Sarah had formulated a plan on how to help the pensioner earlier that morning. An hour later, Sarah was driving down the lane to her house. It was a narrow lane and in bad need of some work on the potholes. She could see Bridie peeping out of her front window, obviously wondering who was calling. Sarah jumped out and opened the back door of her car, pulling out a large box.
Bridie looked in surprise at Sarah and the box she was carrying.
‘How are you Bridie?’ Sarah asked her neighbour.
‘I’m in fine form. What have you got there?’ She asked curiously.
‘Can I come in?’ Sarah enquired.
‘Of course, I’m delighted for the company!’ Bridie said, opening her door wide.
Sarah walked into the front room where a big fire was crackling away.
‘It’s cosy here.’
‘I love an open fire.’ Bridie said with a smile, giving the fire another poke. ‘Nothing like it.’
‘Do you have any central heating?’ Sarah asked her.
‘I never bothered with it. I got a back burner on the fire, which heats the radiators lovely. I’m only in here or the kitchen or bedroom anyhow.’ Bridie replied.
Sarah nodded, feeling worried. If that fire went, so did her heating for the whole house.
‘Did you hear that snow is on its way?’ Sarah continued.
‘Yes, I saw that on the news earlier. The kids will all love that I’m sure. What age are yours?’
Sarah told her, smiling as she always did whenever she thought of the children.
‘I remember my two when they were that age. Full of mischief the pair of them.’ Bridie answered.
‘Do you see much of them?’
‘They’re both very busy with their own families now. But even so, they both come and visit me at least once a month. And they’re always begging me to go visit them too.’
‘Would you not think of going up to stay with one of them for a few days? It’s to be awfully cold this week.’ Sarah asked her.
‘Oh no, I’ll not leave my house. I’m as cosy as anything here. Anyhow, speaking of visiting, I’m sure you haven’t called here to listen to me talking about my children. What can I do for you?’
‘Well I was concerned about you when I heard about the snow. So I pulled together a box full of groceries that I thought you might need in case you get snowed in.’
Bridie stood up to look in the brown box Sarah had placed on the sofa, close to tears. ‘Sarah that’s so thoughtful of you. Well I never.’ She finished, at a loss for words. ‘It’s like Christmas has come early!’
‘It’s not much.’ Sarah protested. ‘But some tins of various things that are non-perish
able in case you can’t get out for a few days with the weather. I’ve also put in some basics like tea and coffee and bread and milk with a few cupcakes that were made fresh this morning.’
‘That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Let me get my purse. How much do I owe you?’
‘Oh I don’t want money.’ Sarah said immediately. ‘It’s only a few bits from Centra, it didn’t cost very much. I’ve some coal for you in the boot too and some logs. To help you keep that fire going for you.’
‘It’s too much.’ Bridie said protesting. ‘I can’t accept it all.’
‘Not at all, it’s my pleasure. And listen, I want you to promise me one thing.’ Sarah said seriously to her neighbour. ‘Just promise me that you won’t go out into the snow for any reason. It’s going to be treacherous and if you fall it could be very bad for you.’
‘Sure I won’t need to go out now; you’ve got everything in for me!’ Bridie exclaimed happily. ‘But I insist on giving you some money.’
‘I won’t hear of it. But here’s my number, ring me if you need anything else. And also, I’ve spoken to Colm in Centra, I’ve asked him would they do deliveries if it snows badly and he’s agreed they would. Here’s their number. Call them for more fuel if you need some and a list of any groceries you need. They’re happy to come up here with them; Colm has a big jeep that he said would get around most weather conditions.’
‘I just can’t believe you’ve done all that for me.’ Bridie said and this time she couldn’t help herself and started to cry.
‘Sure, you’d do the same for me.’ Sarah replied. ‘Neighbours have to help each other out.’
‘I’ll not forget this.’ Bridie said grabbing Sarah’s hand and holding it tightly between both of hers. ‘I’ll never be able to repay you. But if you ever need anything you need only ask.’
‘Well there is something you can do for me.’
‘Anything!’ Bridie exclaimed.
‘Put that kettle on, I’m parched!’ Sarah said. laugh.
While Bridie prepared the tea, Sarah looked around the cosy living room. A pile of books on the coffee table and beside that the TV Guide, where Bridie had circled her favourite programmes to watch that day. Was she happy? Sarah wondered. Was this the life that she could look forward to one day? Children living miles away immersed in their own busy lives and she, on her own, reliant on a friendly neighbour to help her out? She remembered a night that seemed a lifetime ago now, lying in bed, her head resting in the crook of Paul’s shoulder. He whispered to her, ‘I hope that I die first, because I don’t want to live a day without you.’ And they had both fervently agreed that neither could be without the other.
The Life You Left Page 18