The Life You Left

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Paul said. ‘Don’t think I don’t realise how hard this is for you.’

  ‘Well knowing that you’ll get the money sorted and come visit the children regularly is making it easier. My biggest concern is that they are okay. I’m an adult, I’ll get through this, but they need some kind of normalcy again.’

  ‘I know.’ He acknowledged.

  ‘By the way, did you know about this big romance of my Mam’s?’ He asked. ‘Fecking ridiculous!’

  Sarah looked up with surprise.

  ‘Rita and a romance? Well she kept that one well hidden! Who with?’

  ‘Some old geezer called Joey apparently. I’m not supposed to know, but I heard her on the phone with him a few times.’

  ‘Joey!’ Sarah exclaimed, starting to laugh.

  ‘Do you know him?’ Paul asked, his eyes widening.

  ‘Yes I do and so do you! Joey is our postman.’ Sarah said with a laugh.

  ‘That bloody old codger.’ He said. ‘How on earth did she meet our postman?’

  ‘Aw I think it’s cute, Paul. And he’s a lovely guy as it happens. The children and I have gotten to know him quite well over the past few months. And as for how she met him, I introduced them!’

  ‘I turn my back for five minutes.’ Paul grumbled.

  ‘And are they definitely dating?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘I asked her last night after I heard her call him “love” on the phone. Love! She says that they are “friends”, but every time he rings she jumps up and gets all flushed-looking. It’s making me feel sick.’

  ‘Don’t be so selfish.’ Sarah admonished. ‘You’re in London and your Mam has been lonely for a long time now. If she can find some happiness with somebody at her age, well good luck to her. And Joey is a really great guy. I think they’ll be really good for each other.’

  ‘I suppose.’ He responded, sounding very unsure.

  ‘Hadn’t you better get moving?’ Sarah asked him looking at the clock. She had loads she wanted to do. Apart from doing a couple of loads of laundry, ironing two baskets of clothes, sorting out dinner, she needed to do some work on Angel Cupcakes. She was itching with ideas on how to market her new enterprise. She was planning on checking out Facebook. Ruby had texted her this morning and suggested she do that. Apparently lots of companies had Facebook pages.

  She got up to walk Paul to the door. He leaned in again to give her a kiss goodbye and this time she let him kiss her cheek. The familiarity of his touch, his smell, took her to a place where Michelle and London didn’t exist. But quickly the pain of knowing that he was no longer hers blindsided her. She pulled away. Then before she had time to gather herself she remembered the flash of him lying in the snow.

  Frantically she said, ‘Listen to me, Paul. You’re to be very careful in this weather. It’s treacherous out there. In fact, maybe you should just stay here and travel back to the UK another day?’

  ‘Relax, Sarah. Just because you fell doesn’t mean that I will.’ He said with a laugh. ‘Nice to know you still care though!’

  ‘No you don’t understand, and I don’t have time to get into it, but Paul, you have to listen to me. I’ve – I’ve been having dreams recently. Dreams about things that are going to happen. Dreams that come true.’

  ‘Yeah right!’ Paul replied laughing.

  ‘I’m serious. And I’m scared you are going to get hurt.’

  ‘Oh I’ve heard it all now! Never mind Mystic Meg, more like Septic Peg!’ Paul said, bursting out laughing. ‘Psychic dreams! Of all the silly things you’ve ever come out with, Sarah, that takes the biscuit. Is this some kind of attempt to get me to stay here with you? Because if it is, I’m sorry it won’t work, I’ve to get back to London and Michelle. She did say you’d probably try to make me feel guilty and stay with you.’ He looked with pity at Sarah.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Sarah replied stung by the look on his face. ‘I’m not that desperate I’d make up a story. I’m telling you the truth, believe me or not. You have to be careful. I’m worried for you. I might not like you very much, but I don’t want you to get hurt!’

  He looked at her face and saw genuine concern. ‘Ok, ok, calm down. Are you sure you didn’t bump your head earlier?’

  ‘No, I didn’t bump my head, but I think you’re going to, that’s my point!’ She said.

  ‘Ok, I promise you. I’ll be careful. But you needn’t worry, I’ve got grips on my boots – see?’

  Sarah nodded and in fairness he was dressed ready for the snow. She could see that he didn’t really believe her but maybe her word of warning would just make him be a little bit more careful. As she had no idea when he was going to fall she had no timeline to guide her when it might happen, it could be years away for all she knew.

  She walked to the door and watched him make his way carefully to the car.

  Then all of a sudden, ‘Help me, Sarah!’ He shouted at her. ‘I’m slipping!’ He had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, one Sarah knew so well, and laughed the whole way to the car as he pretended to fall.

  Sarah felt like picking up a lump of snow and throwing it at him. Right then she was glad he was her ex-husband. He was really annoying.

  Closing the door behind her though she couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that something bad was about to happen.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Roger was on his way to Wickham Farm. They had Mal in custody and were letting him sweat it out in a cell for a few hours.

  He was glad of the break from the interrogation room as he wanted to personally supervise the search warrant. There was a team out on the farm already. Apparently Marie was there too, she had come home from the office and was hysterical. Roger hoped that in her hysteria she might just say something that would help them with their case.

  The roads were treacherous. He’d passed a couple of cars already who’d been in a fender bender. Nobody was hurt thankfully, but if the snow kept up like this he was sure that there would be some fatalities from it. Ireland just wasn’t geared up for cold spells.

  He arrived at the farm and pulled up behind the Gardaí squad cars that were already there. Another car pulled up beside him and he realised it was James.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Roger asked his friend. ‘I told you to stay away.’ He had called him on the drive over to Rosslare.

  ‘I thought Marie might open up more if I was here.’ James said in response. ‘I’ll not get in the way I promise, it’s just I’ve met Marie before. I might be able to help?’

  Roger nodded. Maybe he would come in handy. Standing in the drive, looking half–perished, was Marie. But sure enough she seemed relieved when she saw that James had arrived.

  ‘James. What’s going on?’ She asked him tearfully. ‘Nobody will tell me anything.’

  He felt sorry for the woman. She really didn’t have a clue who she had married.

  ‘Let’s go inside, Marie.’ He said to her gently, leading her towards the farmhouse. ‘This is Detective Roger McElvoy. He’s a good guy honestly. He’ll explain everything.’

  They walked inside and he brought her over to the Aga stove that was in the kitchen.

  ‘Warm yourself there. I’ll make a cup of tea for you.’ James said kindly.

  He found the kettle and put it on, finding the teapot and cups quickly enough. When the tea was made he poured a large mug for Marie.

  ‘Here, drink this.’ He said, as he heaped a couple of spoons of sugar into it.

  ‘All I’ve been told is that you’ve got a search warrant. What are you looking for? I don’t understand any of this.’ She sounded hysterical again.

  ‘Marie, I need you to calm down. Take a sip of the tea.’ James said reassuringly.

  She did as he asked like an obedient child. ‘Where’s Mal?’

  ‘Mal is in the station helping us with our murder enquiry.’ Roger replied.

  ‘Rachel’s murder.’ Marie stated flatly.

  ‘Yes, that’s right.’ Roger repl
ied. ‘You don’t seem surprised.’

  ‘You think he did it, don’t you?’ she asked in a small whisper.

  Roger nodded.

  ‘Have you arrested him?’

  ‘Not yet. At this point we’re still questioning him.’ He wasn’t looking forward to breaking Marie’s heart, but she needed to know what was going on. ‘I take no pleasure in telling you this, but you have the right to know, Mal has admitted to an affair with Rachel.’

  He watched her reaction carefully. She looked shocked at first, and then resignation crept into her face, as if she had been expecting to hear something like this for a long time.

  She started to cry quietly. ‘I don’t know why I’m crying. I knew that he was having an affair already. Or at least I suspected as much.’ She picked up a tea towel and used it to wipe away the tears.

  James looked closely at the woman in front of him. She barely resembled the glamorous blonde he’d met the first time at Rachel’s funeral. Her blonde hair was now streaked with dark roots. She had bags under her eyes and without any make-up on he could see the remnants of a large bruise. She’d also put on quite a bit of weight. He could hardly fathom how a woman could age so much in such a short space of time. It made him so angry to see the physical repercussions of a living with a cruel man.

  ‘Are you okay?’ James asked her gently.

  ‘Not really.’ She replied. ‘I can’t get my head around all of this. Ok, I believe he was having an affair. As I said I’ve suspected it for months. But why do you think he’s murdered Rachel?’ she finished in a whisper.

  ‘Do you not think he’s capable of murder?’ James asked her. ‘Is he not capable of acts of extreme cruelty? If anyone knows what he’s capable of, it will be you Marie. You’ve lived with him now for a year or so.’

  ‘Oh he’s cruel alright.’ Marie said, bitterness creeping into her voice.

  Roger and James sat there quietly, waiting for her to continue.

  ‘You know he hits me almost on a daily basis now.’ She continued in a whisper. ‘Anything seems to trigger him off. I used to get really upset that he would be out all evening. I knew he was with another woman. But lately, I’ve been praying that he’ll go out and stay out all night. That way I’ll not be on the end of his fist.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ James said to her.

  ‘Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.’ She replied tartly. ‘It’s my bad. Marry in haste, repent in leisure, isn’t that what they say? I just thought he was the perfect man. He was so charming when we met and I fell in love with him so deeply.’ She smiled at the memory. ‘I thought we’d have children together and grow old together. That’s not going to happen now is it?’

  ‘It can still happen.’ James replied, grabbing her two hands between his own. ‘But just not with him. You hold onto that same dream and one day in the future you’ll meet the right guy and he’ll treat you with the love and respect you deserve and I’ve no doubt you’ll have those children you crave.’

  She smiled at James, ‘You’re a kind man. I’m not so sure I believe you though.’

  She picked up her tea again. ‘What are you looking for outside?’

  ‘The murder weapon.’ Roger replied. ‘Can you think back to October 3rd, the night of Rachel’s death? Can you remember what time Mal came home that night? We know he was with her that evening. Anything at all that might help us.’

  Marie closed her eyes and rested her head on her hands. She felt so tired and she just wanted to pack a bag and drive home to her parent’s house in Dublin. She needed to feel the warmth of their love; she needed her Dad to tell her that everything was going to be ok and her Mam to fuss about her and tuck a blanket around her legs.

  ‘I don’t know. I can’t think. My head is about to burst!’ she shouted, tears falling again.

  ‘Marie, I believe that Mal murdered Rachel Finch brutally. She may not have been a good friend to you; in fact it’s fair to say that she treated your friendship appallingly. So I can understand you feeling angry with her for having the affair. But you’re a decent woman, I can see that. No matter what she did to you, you answer me this, did she deserve to die in such a brutal and callous way?’ Roger pressed on.

  Marie shook her head. ‘No, she didn’t deserve that.’ She replied quietly. ‘Nobody deserves that. But what can I do about it now?’ She started to cry again.

  Roger needed her to toughen up if he was going to get any answers from her. She was falling apart in front of his eyes.

  ‘Marie, you listen to me. Your husband is a vicious man. Look what he’s done to you. You’ve admitted that he hits you on a daily basis. What else is he capable of? You can walk away now and pretend that none of this is happening. But could you sleep at night knowing that you may have helped a murderer go free? You can help us ensure that Mal never gets out of jail and hurts you or any other woman again.’

  Marie stood up from the table and walked to the kitchen window, wiping her face once again with the tea towel. Mascara was running down her cheeks, a black river, her nose was running. She sniffed and turned around to face Roger.

  ‘I do remember that night.’ She said quietly. ‘To the day I die, I’ll never forget it.’

  Roger looked at her, feeling his pulse quicken. This was it. ‘Tell me about it.’

  ‘Mal didn’t come home until almost 3am. I know that for definite because I was awake waiting for him and when he pulled into the drive I looked at the clock.’

  ‘That’s good. You’re doing brilliantly.’

  ‘I was so angry with him. It had been weeks and weeks of him not coming home till all hours and he never had a reasonable explanation. He was so offhand with me whenever I asked what he was doing. I didn’t need to be Einstein to know that something was going on. That night I’d had enough and I was determined to confront him once and for all.’

  ‘Were you not scared?’ James asked her.

  ‘I was , but I was more angry, I suppose, so I ran outside to ask him where he’d been and was surprised to see that he wasn’t on his way inside at all. I remember thinking that was very odd. I went looking for him and found him in the barn.’

  ‘And would he normally go to the barn when he got home?’ Roger asked.

  ‘No, that’s why I remember it so clearly. It didn’t make sense to me that he would go out there at three in the morning. When I got to the barn he was over at the wood pile.’

  ‘What was he doing?’ Roger asked.

  ‘He had his back to me, so I couldn’t really see. But he was definitely putting something on top of it.’

  ‘Could you guess what it was that he put on there?’ Roger asked.

  ‘No, as I said, he had his back to me and I couldn’t see properly. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he’d been sorting out firewood.’

  ‘Did you not think that was strange?’ Roger asked her.

  ‘Yes of course I did. But it was his face that I remember the most. He looked guilty when he turned around and saw me. It was like I had interrupted him doing something wrong. But then he seemed relieved that it was only me there.’

  ‘If you had to guess as to what he was doing, could you?’ Roger asked.

  ‘I suppose he looked like he was hiding something.’ Marie replied.

  ‘Did you question him about it at all?’

  ‘I was scared to. He got very angry with me. And there was something else too. When he walked into the house, he trailed sand into the hall carpet.’

  Bingo, James thought.

  ‘Surely that must have made you curious as to why he had sand on his feet?’ Roger asked again.

  ‘It did and I was going to say something to him about the sand, but he was in a temper and I was afraid to upset him further. So I decided not to say anything more on the subject. Didn’t matter though, despite me saying nothing he still lost his temper with me.’

  ‘What happened?’ Roger asked gently.

  ‘When he went to bed, I got back up and went out to the ba
rn. I couldn’t shake the memory of how guilty he’d looked when I interrupted him. I wanted to see what he’d put on the woodpile.’

  Roger was holding his breath. ‘What did you see?’ He asked her quickly.

  ‘Nothing really unusual or so I thought at the time. It was just the usual load of chopped wood piled there. But underneath a couple of logs, sticking out slightly, was a lump of driftwood, it was really worn and aged. It looked odd lying there among the freshly cut logs. It stood out I suppose.’

  ‘Did you see anything else?’ Roger asked with hope.

  ‘I don’t know. Because the next thing I knew somebody was grabbing my hair from behind. Mal had woken up and followed me to the barn. He was furious with me for going out there.’

  If it was possible for her face to go even paler, it had just happened. She was deeply distressed remembering that night, it was evident to see.

  ‘He slammed me hard onto the floor of the barn. I felt winded, it had happened so quickly. I thought my head was about to explode into two. He was standing over me, shouting at me for being a nosy bitch. With every shout he kicked me, over and over again.’

  Roger felt the bile rise in his mouth. He had dealt with domestic violence several times in his career and it was one of the parts of his job that he hated. He felt guilty just for being a man, listening to what some women had to go through.

  ‘I begged him to stop. Please Mal, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please stop. It hurt so much, but he didn’t stop.’

  ‘I had to take a week off work after that. I was black and blue from head to toe.’

  James wanted to kill Mal himself. He didn’t care what happened; he was going to get that bastard even if the Gardaí didn’t.

  ‘Do you know what I remember the most about that night, James?’

  James shook his head.

  ‘His face as he kicked me and hit me. He was smiling. He enjoyed it.’

  They were both silent for a few moments. James felt that anything he could say right then would only be trite.

  ‘So you can see that the reason I remember that day so well, is because that night was the first night that Mal hit me. One minute I was out at the log pile, the next minute I was barely conscious on the barn floor.’