Holding On

by Karen Stivali

  The thought made Marienne’s heart pound. Justine was beautiful and powerful and seductive. Can I compete with that? The rational half of her mind answered without hesitation. Yes. Daniel loves me, not her. He fell out of love with her a very long time ago. I’ve given him the life he always wanted, a family, children, things Justine would never have provided. He belongs with me. She couldn’t keep the other side of her mind from piping in with commentary. He’s still a guy. And she’s still gorgeous. And she’s tricked him before. Justine had often bragged to her about the number of times she’d gotten Daniel to do what she wanted by misleading him. The thought made Marienne nauseated. She knew she trusted Daniel, but she didn’t trust Justine, at all.

  ****

  The sun was coming up before Marienne nodded off to sleep. What felt like minutes later she heard knocking at the front door. She checked Ella and Drew as she squeezed past them, shivering as the blanket slipped from around her shoulders. The fire needed more logs.

  She shuffled to the front door, wondering who could be knocking so early in the morning. She peered through the living room window and saw Bob standing on her front porch.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  He smiled. His teeth gleamed white in contrast to the dark scarf wrapped around his neck. “I’m checking to make sure you guys are okay. I was going to stop by last night, but I couldn’t get my truck out of the garage—had a tree across the driveway, just like you’ve got now.”

  Marienne leaned out her door and saw the two tall birch trees lying crisscrossed in front of her garage. “Oh God. I didn’t even see those. It was so icy yesterday I didn’t even consider driving, and you can’t see them from inside the house.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll buzz them for you. I let my neighbor borrow the saw but as soon as he gives it back I’ll come over and take care of them. In the meantime I thought I’d bring you my generator. They’re working on the lines on my street right now, so we’ll have power by the end of the day. I don’t think they’re going to make their way over here for a couple more days.”

  “A couple of days? Seriously?” Marienne’s heart sank.

  “Yeah, this storm was huge. I should be able to get your furnace and fridge and a few outlets running on the generator, but it only goes for a few hours at a time. I’ve got enough gas on hand to run it maybe twice today. It won’t make the house warm, but it’ll take the chill out and keep your pipes from freezing.”

  “You’re a life saver.” She smiled, her teeth starting to chatter from the cold air that rushed into the house.

  “I’ve got Katie in the truck. Why don’t you take her in the house with you while I hook up the generator?”

  “Of course. Ella should be up any minute. She’ll be thrilled to see her.” Marienne heard Drew starting to whimper.

  “Go get the baby. I’ll bring Katie, and then I’ll get to work.”

  Marienne rushed into the family room. Drew was in full wail by the time she got to him, probably starving. Ella sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her hair was all staticky, half matted and half flying up away from her head. She pulled her hood back up. Drew quieted as soon as Marienne picked him up.

  “Katie’s here. Her dad’s going to set up a generator for us so we can turn the power back on for a little while.”

  Ella perked up. “Katie’s here? Yay!” She squirmed out of her sleeping bag and ran to the front door. Drew whimpered. She could feel how gigantic his diaper was. He needed to be changed. “Just a minute sweetie.” She kissed his nose.

  Bob walked into the room. “Hey buddy.” He shook Drew’s arm.

  Drew stared at him, wide-eyed.

  “I need to get into your garage so I can hook things up.”

  “Oh, okay.” Marienne headed through the mudroom and opened the door for him. “Do you need anything else?”

  “Nope.” He smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything.”

  She sighed with relief. At least we’ll have the heat on for a little while. And not having the pipes freeze sounded like a very good thing. I miss Daniel. I wish he was here.

  “Mommy can we have breakfast?” Ella asked.

  “Of course, girls. Go sit down at the kitchen table. Would you like scrambled eggs? Or oatmeal? Or French toast?” Thank God we have a gas stove. The girls couldn’t decide what they wanted so she decided to make all three. She needed to keep busy and Bob would surely be hungry when he finished working. She gave each of the kids a small cup of Cheerios to snack on while they waited.

  Ella and Katie chattered. Drew watched them intently, occasionally flinging a Cheerio in their direction and giggling. Marienne made the girls tea with milk and honey then went to work on the French toast. The heat from the stove was starting to take the chill off her and cooking made her feel more in control. It felt normal to be making a big breakfast on a cold morning. The only thing missing was Daniel.

  Marienne heard a loud engine start. It sounded like an enormous lawn mower.

  “Mommy, what is that?” Ella asked, her eyes round.

  “It’s the generator,” Katie explained. “It’s really loud, and it smells like a gas station.” Katie crinkled her nose.

  Marienne laughed. That was a better explanation than she could have given.

  The door from the garage creaked open, and she heard Bob step inside the house.

  “Man it smells good in here.” He strode over to the stove, pulling off his gloves and breathing into his hands. His cheeks and ears were a deep red from the cold, his sandy blond hair tousled from the wind. He placed the gloves on the kitchen counter and held his hands near the stove. “Wow. That’s quite a breakfast you’ve got going here.”

  “I cook when I’m stressed.”

  “I eat when I’m stressed.” He laughed. “Sounds like a match.”

  Marienne smiled. She felt bad for Bob. It couldn’t be easy to be raising Katie by himself, being both mother and father to her, doing all the cooking and cleaning for both of them, learning how to braid hair and shopping for dance tights. She was glad she could at least cook him breakfast to thank him for being so thoughtful as to bring them his generator. He’s such a nice guy. Some woman’s going to be really lucky to snag him. “Everything’s ready.”

  “Who’s hungry?” Bob asked.

  “Me,” the girls yelled in unison.

  Marienne reached into the cupboard and got out four plates and Drew’s suction cup bowl.

  “Forks in here?” Bob pointed to the drawer next to the stove.

  “No, the one by the sink.”

  “Ahhh.” He opened the drawer.

  “Could you grab one of the plastic baby spoons for Drew?” It felt odd to be saying that to someone other than Daniel.

  She set the plates on the table and looped a bib around Drew’s neck. Bob carried over the oatmeal and scrambled eggs and began dishing them out. “Careful girls, it’s hot.”

  “What do you put on your oatmeal?” Marienne asked Katie.

  “Maple syrup.”

  Marienne grabbed the syrup from the fridge. She drizzled it onto the girl’s bowls. “Stir that in—it will cool the oatmeal down enough for you to eat it.” She turned to Bob. “What about you?”

  He took the syrup from her hand. “New England boy. Maple syrup, on everything.”

  She laughed. “Everything?”

  “You’d be surprised.” His eyes sparkled.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  The airport was filled with weary travelers, each looking as frustrated and exhausted as Daniel felt. Every flight back east was delayed or cancelled. The lines at the ticket counter seemed a mile long. “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have the revised list of flights available yet. I can’t check you in until we have the flights on the board.”

  “Do you have any idea how long that will take?” Please say sometime today.

  “There’s no way to predict that. As soon as we know, we’ll post them on the board and allow ticketed passengers to head to the
gates. Keep checking the departure list. Next.”

  Daniel stepped aside and heard the man behind her asking the same questions he had.

  People were camped out on every available seat. Some slept propped up against planters or on benches. Daniel set his suitcase down next to a bare patch of wall and perched on top of it. He rubbed his eyes then leaned his head against the wall to wait. He was just about to nod off when he heard a familiar voice.

  “You’ll never get a flight,” Justine said.

  He opened his eyes and there she was again, looking extra fresh and shiny compared to everyone else in sight. Her hair was slicked back into a high ponytail and she wore a white cashmere sweater atop skintight black jeans.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked. What is she up to now?

  “I went to the hotel to apologize for last night, and they told me you’d taken a car to the airport.”

  “Well that’s not really respecting the privacy of their guests much now is it?” He scowled. His back was tight and cramped from sitting.

  “I may have mentioned something about being your wife—”

  “Of course,” he said. “Anything to get what you want.”

  “Look, I really am sorry. Come on. Let me make it up to you.”

  Daniel’s eyebrows rose.

  “Let me buy you dinner. It’s not like you’re going anywhere. There’s nothing flying anywhere near New Hampshire right now, and there probably won’t be at least until tomorrow. You can’t just starve to death in the airport. I’ve got my car. I promise I’ll bring you back to wait with the masses as soon as you’re done eating.”

  Daniel narrowed his eyes at her. He was starving. He’d scoped out the airport restaurants, and they all had lines out the door. His eyes scanned the flight log. She was right. No one was flying anywhere. Marienne wouldn’t like this at all. “Thanks, but I’m fine right here.”

  “Okay,” Justine said. To his surprise she sat down on the floor next to him. “Then I’ll just keep you company for a while. I actually did want to hear about your screenplay.”

  Daniel eyed her warily, but softened. He didn’t see the harm in chatting, so he started to tell her about Pregnant Pauses.

  She listened intently, then asked about who was working on it. She knew several of the names and started offering helpful tips on dealing with them. Daniel relaxed as they talked, though he still checked the flight list every few minutes. His stomach rumbled and he glanced toward the food court, which was still overflowing.

  “You sure you don’t want to get something to eat?”

  “I’m sure,” he said, though his resolve was wavering. More and more people seemed to be flooding the terminal and they had yet to reinstate any flights. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He grabbed for it quickly but saw that Justine hadn’t moved.

  It was Marienne.

  “Hi sweetie,” he said, turning away from Justine.

  “Hi. You stuck at the airport?”

  “Yes.” He sighed and closed his eyes. He wanted to be home. “Is the power back on yet?”

  “No, it’s still out, but Bob came by and brought us his generator. He hooked it up and everything.”

  Daniel tensed. “Doesn’t Bob need his generator at his house?”

  “The power’s back on at his place so he said we could sleep there if it’s still too cold in our house tonight. In the meantime he started the generator so at least I’ve been able to turn lights on and run the furnace for a while—it’s been so dark and dreary. I guess the generator only runs for a few hours at a time then you have to refuel it. He said he’d be back at ten to put more gas in it, and if we decide to go to his house he’ll drive us.”

  Daniel gnawed on his lip and glanced back at the unchanged flight log. He saw Justine looking at him with a puzzled expression and turned away again. A generator is a good thing. At least she can turn some lights on and get some heat back into the house. Fucking Bob. Why is it always him who comes to the rescue? He rubbed his eyebrows and took a deep breath. “I’m glad he was able to help.” He cleared his throat. “Are you going to stay at his house?” The thought turned Daniel’s stomach.

  “I don’t know. I’m sure Ella wants to. And it would be warmer.”

  “True,” Daniel said, eyes closed. Please don’t stay there. I don’t want you to stay there.

  “I won’t go if you don’t want me to.”

  He felt ridiculous. How can I tell her to stay in a cold house when she’s got an offer of a perfectly warm one? “No, of course you should go. I’m glad he brought the generator over, but it’s not safe to have it running unattended, and I’m sure it’s too loud for you to sleep properly anyway. You should go to Bob’s.” Daniel sat down on his suitcase, feeling defeated. A beeping sound interrupted them.

  “The battery is going on my phone,” Marienne said. “I’ll have to remember to bring the charger with me. You have Bob’s number right? Call me if you get a flight.”

  “Yes, I have his number. I’ll call.”

  “I hear a car. Bob’s here. I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Yes, of course. Kiss the kids for me. I love you.”

  “Love you too.” She hung up.

  Daniel closed his phone and rubbed his temple. He had a splitting headache. He looked up to see Justine staring at him.

  “What?” He was annoyed at the world.

  “Who’s Bob?”

  That did it. His nostrils flared. “Bob is this arrogant prick neighbor of ours. A single stay-at-home-dad who loves to chat up all the local mums and play Mr.-fix-it whenever anything goes wrong.”

  “Tell me how you really feel.” Justine laughed.

  Daniel glared at her.

  “You’re not seriously saying you’re jealous of this guy, are you?” Justine blinked then her eyes widened. “Are you?”

  His anger deflated and all he felt was miserable. He slumped against the wall. “I don’t know.”

  “Look, you’re tired and hungry and miserable and you’re not going anywhere.” She stood up. “Let’s get out of here and get some food.”

  Daniel hesitated.

  Justine sighed. “Come on. You’re always cranky on an empty stomach. Let’s go.” She pulled him up.

  “Fine.” He checked the flight board one last time. Nothing. “But it has to be somewhere nearby.”

  Daniel followed Justine into the short-term parking lot. She clicked her key fob, and a silver Mercedes SL convertible let out a shrill sound.

  “This is what you’re driving these days?” Daniel asked as he hoisted his suitcase into the barely there trunk.

  “It’s one of the aforementioned Byron benefits.” Justine grinned as she gracefully slipped into the driver’s seat.

  The inside of the car was stuffy from the day’s heat, but the warm leather seats felt good against his aching back.

  “What do you want to eat?” Justine asked.

  “Whatever’s close.”

  “This is LA. Nothing’s that close, and nothing’s that far either. What are you in the mood for?”

  He caught a hint of mischief in her voice, but her face betrayed nothing. “Honestly, I don’t care. A burger’s fine. Anything.”

  “Burger it is.” She started the car. They rode in silence with Justine interjecting trivia about a landmark here or there. Daniel was busy brooding about Bob. He kept imagining Marienne snuggled in a blanket on his couch. Laughing with him over a mug of cocoa. Ella and Drew sleeping under his roof. Stomach acid singed the base of his throat.

  “Where are we going?” Why are we driving so far?

  “We’re not going anywhere,” Justine said. “We’re here.” She pulled into a parking spot on the street.

  “Sorry.”

  “Like I said, you’re cranky when you’re hungry.” She grabbed her purse and climbed out of the car. “These are the best burgers I’ve found out here. You’ll feel much better after you have one.”

  He followed her down the street and into Twenty Si
x Beach. His mouth watered from the aroma of grilling meat. They took a seat and Daniel scanned the menu. There were over a dozen burgers to choose from ranging from standard to bizarre.

  “Peanut butter and jelly on a burger?” He crinkled his nose.

  “Yeah, that’s a popular one, but I’ve never had it.”

  “You hate peanut butter, I know.”

  Justine smiled. “I’ve had most of the others. They’re all good. You’d like Olé. The guacamole is fantastic. Or the brunch burger—they’re famous for that.”

  “Bacon and eggs on a burger. Sounds perfect. Particularly since I may well be at the airport straight through breakfast.”

  “Why don’t you just wait and take your flight on Friday?”

  “I want to go home.”

  The waitress came up and gave them a huge smile. “Are we ready?”

  Justine ordered a caprese burger—fresh mozzarella, heirloom tomato, baby greens and balsamic drizzle, with a salad instead of fries and an unsweetened iced tea. Daniel went with the brunch burger, fries and a Coke.

  “I’ll bring your drinks right away.” The waitress finished scribbling on her pad.

  “Could we start with an order of Chilaquiles Diablo?”

  “You got it.”

  Daniel’s brow furrowed.

  “They’re like nachos, only better. And very hot.”

  Daniel glanced at his watch.

  “Don’t worry. I’m sure the planes are still a million hours behind schedule. Relax.”

  The waitress brought their drinks. Daniel folded his straw wrapper into a tiny square while Justine chattered.

  “You’ll never guess who I ran into a few weeks ago at a CD release party.”

  “Who?” He didn’t really care. He looked around to try to tell if the restaurant might have internet access and wondered how much Justine would bitch if he asked the manager if he could connect his laptop so he could check flight status.

  “Mark Feldman.” Justine sipped her tea, looking at him with her bright, expectant eyes.