The Suicide Project (Rebirth Book 1)

by Yazz Ustaris

  “I don’t know how you could live with yourself…sleeping with your own dad. Like…that’s just sick. Really, it’s disgusting. So why would you even think Gabe would be interested in someone like you, when you did something as disgusting as sleeping with your own father? Like…seriously? Are you for real?” The voice of Ruby had an annoying nasally quality to it, so that coupled with the filth that was spewing from her mouth at poor little Marisol, was enough to send me into a fit of rage. I had been listening to her belittle and insult Marisol for the last five minutes, and not once did Marisol say anything to defend herself against Ruby’s verbal attacks.

  My pencil finally snapped as my clenched fist broke it beyond repair. My chair crashed noisily backwards as I jumped to my feet and spun around, lunging furiously at Ruby. It caused those around us at nearby tables to jump in their seats in surprise at the sound. Somehow, Gideon and Sam both anticipated my actions because they had leapt to their feet in the same instant I did, in order to wrap their arms around me and yank me backwards. My fury was so great that they really had to struggle to keep me from grabbing at Ruby, who was only five feet away from me. Damn it! I had come so close to fisting Ruby’s hair.

  The classroom fell into a stunned silence as everyone watched the scene playing out before them. Ruby had screamed, startled to find herself the focus of my wrath, and I continued to glare at her as Sergeants Flynn and Honda came running over to see what all the fuss was about. Sergeant Honda stopped right in front of me, forcing my attention away from Ruby. “What are you doing Teagan? What’s going on?”

  I was aware that everyone was staring at me with a shocked kind of curiosity, but I found to my dismay that I was having a hard time getting control of my anger. It kept bubbling over and spewed forth like lava from a volcano. I practically trembled with my rage it was that great. Pointing a finger at Ruby, I yelled, “I’m going to take that raging bitch outside and teach her some manners.” I was beyond the point of caring whether or not the camera aimed my way picked up on all my cussing.

  Ruby’s eyeballs were bugging out in her head, aghast to find herself the reason for my temper. The nerve! “But-but… I didn’t do anything to you!”

  “It’s what you’re doing to Marisol that’s pissing me the hell off. Why the fuck do you think it’s okay to talk to someone in such a degrading and disrespectful manner and think you can get away with it? You’re a bully, and I don’t like you at all. You disgust me. You’re damn lucky I have morals because looking at you now, I can see it definitely wouldn’t be a fair fight. Even though it would make me feel better to kick your ass, you’re a puny little bitch. I’d take you out in five seconds flat.” I was breathing hard from my ranting, and somewhere in the back of my mind, my voice of reason was screeching at me to put a lid on my swearing. I couldn’t help it though, it was like a damn had burst and out flooded all sorts of profanity that I hadn’t had the luxury of indulging in since I had transferred to the large barracks. I think partly it was because I knew Kyrie was nowhere near me. Somehow, that made it safe to swear. (In my mind anyways.) In any case, it felt good to let it all out.

  Staring at Ruby, I waited for a reply but clearly none was forthcoming as she began to nervously fidget with her hands. I wasn’t quite done with my verbal attack yet and turned my sights on the two sergeants. It seemed no one was safe from my temper tantrum. Pointing my finger at both of them, I yelled, “And you two! Don’t bother trying to deny that you can’t hear what goes on in your own fucking classroom. How the hell could you let this bullshit go on and not do anything to stop it? Or punish those who are responsible for doing it? You have to know that there’s probably a good number of people here who are participants in this program strictly because of problems with bullying in their former lives. And here they are, being forced to endure it again and no one is putting a stop to it or lending a hand to help.” As I bit out that last statement, I swept my glare around the room to address everyone else. “You can’t all sit there and expect me to believe that you don’t hear what Ruby says to Marisol. If any of you care about each other, even just a little bit, then you would’ve put a fucking stop to it.”

  Gideon had his arms wrapped around my waist, so I struggled to escape as I announced, “I need to go talk to Sergeant Ramsey. I don’t understand how he could expect a person to flourish in this program in an environment like this. It literally makes me sick and it makes me feel like punching someone in the face.”

  I heard a nervous giggle somewhere off to my left which got quickly muffled as if someone had clapped a hand over their mouth. Still furious, I didn’t bother sparing that person a glance. What the hell was so funny about this situation?! Instead, I turned my full heated gaze on Marisol next. It was the first time I had seen her from the front view, and I saw that she had beautiful blue eyes that stood out in stark contrast to her dark brown hair. I noticed that each time I had seen her, her long hair had hung forward over her face, partially hiding it from view. Her vacant eyes looked too large for her small face, and I saw that she was even skinnier than Ruby. It looked like a strong wind could blow her away if she were standing outside. Up until this point, she had been quietly observing my outburst with a semi-blank expression on her face. It made me wonder if she was being heavily medicated with antidepressants. I pointed my finger at her last as I addressed her. “And you! Meet me in the gym after class; that’s not a request—it’s an order. Don’t make me come looking for you either. Understand?” My warning was clear and it hung thickly in the air as I waited for her response.

  A fearful look finally entered her eyes as she looked back at me inquisitively. Her voice was hushed and timid when she finally spoke. “Why?”

  “Because I’m going to take you under my wing, that’s why. You’ll train with me every freakin’ day until you get strong enough to stomp Ruby’s bony ass into the ground by yourself. If I don’t get to beat her up, then you sure as hell should get the opportunity to do it. Someone needs to put her in her damn place so it may as well be you. Agreed?”

  A ghost of a smile graced her lips at my declaration and she nodded her head shyly at me in agreement. Satisfied with her response, I quirked an eyebrow at Sergeant Flynn who was standing closest to me, and barked, “Any objections?” I might have been imagining it but it seemed to me as if he was struggling to mask a grin, and when I looked at his face, I swear that I saw a hint of approval. He didn’t bother responding, he just shook his head indicating that he was okay with me calling the shots.

  I struggled harder to free myself from Gideon and Sam’s grasp and announced, “I need to get out of here, otherwise I might end up doing something stupid…like going after Ruby after all. Just being in her presence is keeping me in a rage. If you want her to live to see another day, you’ll give me permission to go to the gym.”

  “You have permission to leave,” Sergeant Honda granted my request before turning to address the rest of the class. “Everyone back to work. Show’s over.”

  Spinning back around, I started to gather my stuff together and caught the eye of the blond guy who had glared at me the first time I saw him in the Mess Hall. I still didn’t know what his name was but I saw he wasn’t glaring at me this time. He still sat in the same pose, leaned back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest, but this time a smirk was clearly visible on his face. Bastard! I had chastised the entire classroom so if anything, he should’ve at least had the decency to look remorseful. I figured I was justified in shooting him a glare this time, so I did so with relish.

  As I turned to leave the classroom, I couldn’t help but notice that Logan, Cassidy, and Gabe were all sitting in a group at the same table and they were all openly grinning at me with admiration clearly written on their faces. I resisted the urge to flip them off. Assholes! Those jerks didn’t look repentant either. They were probably excited over the possibility of a girl fight. Nevertheless, I shot them a venomous look as well, making it clear I was disappointed in everyone. I was slightly mo
llified however, when I saw the expressions of two girls sitting at the table behind theirs. A wavy-haired blonde girl about my age, and an olive-skinned girl with shoulder length black hair and grey eyes. They clearly looked sad as they met my gaze on my way out the door. At least they looked sorry. Maybe there was hope for some of them after all. I planned to confront them the next time I saw them to see if there was more to the story that I wasn’t aware of. For all I knew, maybe someone had tried to defend Marisol.

  As I stomped down the hallway in the direction of my room, Gideon and Sam fell into step beside me. Suddenly, I felt ashamed at my outburst and felt like I owed them an apology, even though I wasn’t the least bit sorry for giving Ruby a piece of my mind. Abruptly, I stopped walking to face them but was brought up short when I saw the matching grins of glee on their faces. Taken aback, I demanded, “What the hell is everyone smiling for?!”

  Sam chuckled as he slung his arm around my shoulders and started to guide me back down the hallway. “You! You’re magnificent when you’re angry! We saw a whole other side of you today that we had never seen before and it was AWESOME! I think everyone in that classroom would’ve paid good money to see you take Ruby on in a fight. Too bad you were right about it not being a fair match though.”

  I was quick to point out, “I’m sure I made a few enemies today though since I basically called everybody out on the bullying issue. I just couldn’t believe all the shit that was coming out of Ruby’s mouth and I was incensed that Marisol wasn’t even standing up for herself. She was just taking it. Nobody should have to put up with that.”

  Gideon gently nudged me with his elbow as he explained, “I think that’s why you’re so popular Teagan. It’s because you’re honest, you have strong morals, a strong sense of justice, and you always fight for the underdog. Look at what you’ve accomplished with me and Sam. We’re both aware of how we were when we first arrived here. We turned out the way we did because of you. You Teagan, and not anyone else. Everybody in that classroom knows it. There’s just something about you that makes everyone around you want to be a better person. I can’t help but smile because I’m looking forward to seeing the transformation you’ll pull off with Marisol.”

  I was touched by Gideon’s words, but I was doubtful about what I could pull off with Marisol because there seemed to be several layers of hurt to work through before I could uncover the source of her pain. If Dr. Duffy and Jamie had been working with her for months and hadn’t been able to make much progress, then what could I possibly do to help her? But if Sam and Gideon both had that much faith in me, then I owed it to them to give it my best shot in helping Marisol like I helped them. With an effort, I tried to shrug off the self-doubt and instead, basked in the warm-fuzzy feeling spreading through my chest. I linked my arms with each of theirs and said, “Thanks for always having my back you guys. It means a lot.”

  Sam bent down to kiss the top of my head affectionately. “We’re a team and we always will be. But I don’t envy you when you meet up with Sergeant Ramsey later. My ears are still burning from all the salty language back there.” I cringed as Gideon just chuckled at me. As we entered the Mess Hall, I could see the object of our conversation standing right outside the double doors with Mercer on a leash at his side. When Gideon saw Mercer, he quickly blurted, “Well, see ya later! We’ve been informed that my gaming console has arrived, so since we won the class challenge, we’re going to go set up the system and spend the afternoon playing video games in our room. We’ll see you at dinner Teagan!” With that, he pivoted on his heel and Sam had to hurry to catch up with him. Sam cast me a sympathetic look over his shoulder after seeing the thunderous expression on Sergeant Ramsey’s face as he waited for me outside. He flashed me a hesitant thumbs-up sign before he disappeared around the corner.

  Worriedly, I chewed on my bottom lip. But I concluded that if he had been out walking Mercer, then how could he already know what had taken place in the classroom? Maybe I was jumping to conclusions and he was still clueless. As soon as Mercer saw me, he started jumping in excitement and tugged frantically on the leash. Taking a deep breath, I pushed through the door and faced my fate.

  “NO CHOCOLATE FOR A MONTH!” Sergeant Ramsey practically roared at me, as soon as I set foot outside. Well, shit. That answers that question. I winced when I saw his livid face. I wondered how much trouble I was in. Instantly feeling the need to defend myself, I blurted, “It was all Ruby’s fault. I couldn’t stand listening to her berate poor Marisol anymore!”

  Holding his hand up to put a stop to my excuses, he bellowed, “I don’t care about any of that! What I care about is your problem with profanity. What am I goin’ to do with ya? Yer my star pupil! What kind of example are you settin’ for everyone else with all those obscene words that keep spillin’ out of yer mouth? How can I trust you to be around my sweet, innocent little Kyrie if you keep using such vulgar language?”

  Dumbfounded, I stared mutely at him for a moment before clarifying, “So let me get this straight… I’m in trouble for swearing, and not because I threatened to beat the crap out of Ruby?!”

  “That is correct!!” Sergeant Ramsey shouted back at me. “I wouldn’t care if you took a box knife to Ruby’s chest, extracted the silicone gel, and beat her to death with her own implants! I want you to make a greater effort to stop yer cussin’!”

  Okay. Wow. Yet another mystery solved, because a woman could just tell if another woman had breast implants or not. Ruby looked to be about Gideon’s age too, so why in the world would a 19 year old need to have a boob job? The hilarity of Sergeant Ramsey’s statement sank in and I tried to smother a laugh at the picture he painted. Those words were completely unexpected coming from his mouth. I lost the battle as I bent over and started laughing hysterically. I couldn’t wait to tell Sam and Gideon about his breast implant comment.

  I quickly pulled myself together when I saw that he was still glaring at me. Wiping at a tear from the corner of my eye, I struggled to keep a straight face. I totally felt like I was gonna lose it again though, so I put my hand up to my mouth to at least block his view of my grin. When I felt composed enough to speak, I commented, “On the contrary, I bet you would mind if I pummeled one of your test subjects to death with her own implants. What a horrible way to go.” That finally got his mouth to twitch a little, so I rushed on to explain my side of the story.

  “I’m deeply sorry, Sir. I really am. But when I get angry it’s like I have this alter-ego, and depending on how mad I am, sometimes I have no control over what comes out of my mouth. Back in that classroom, I was beyond angry. I was enraged. But I definitely would’ve dialed it down a lot if Kyrie were there. It was because I knew she wasn’t around that I let loose with the cussing. I apologize. I fully accept whatever punishment you decide to dole out.”

  Releasing a pent up breath of frustration, he admitted, “We’ve all known that Ruby was a problem. She’s been a thorn in our sides since her arrival, and we’ve been debating on methods of discipline for her in hopes that she’ll get better and lay off Marisol. We didn’t know how bad it was though until you called her out in class. Marisol doesn’t talk much during her counseling sessions with Dr. Duffy, and she won’t confide in Jamie so we’re at an impasse on how to help her. I fully admit that we decided to hold off on punishment until your arrival to see what your reaction to Ruby would be. Now that we know you like her about as much as we do, we want your input on how to deal with her. She’s disrespectful to everyone and doesn’t take anything here seriously. She came from money in her former life so she’s used to getting everything she wants. None of the other sergeants or I have much experience in dealing with spoiled rich girls. She’s constantly testing us to see what she can get away with. We don’t want to have to put her down by lethal injection since we’ve already invested so much in her.”

  I contemplated his words before I voiced my opinion. “I think you need to make an example out of her.” Gesturing to Mercer, I added, “Make her the residen
t “pooper scooper” as punishment for the next week. She can pick up all of Mercer’s droppings, and the droppings of any other animals that you might have hiding around the base. If she refuses, then you can place her in solitary for a week. And I’m talking about true solitary confinement… a bed, a toilet and sink, and that’s it. Meals are simple and under-seasoned; a protein, a veggie, no dessert, and only water to drink. No television, books, or any other item of comfort. After that treatment, she’ll realize how good she has it here with everyone else. Make it clear in a way that she’ll understand that she will be penalized every single time she acts out and misbehaves. That’s the best way to show her you won’t put up with her crap any longer.”

  Sergeant Ramsey seemed to seriously consider my words before nodding his head in satisfaction. “I’ll run that by everyone else before we take action.” Glancing down at his watch, he handed over Mercer’s leash before advising, “You need to make good on your promise to Marisol and go change back into workout gear to meet her in the gym for your first training session. We are placing her well-being fully in your hands; you have our full support in treatment where she’s concerned. We all care about her, but are at a loss as how to help her. Her health is declining and she’s starting to waste away. If you can Teagan, please help save her.”

  “I’ll do everything in my power to help her in any way I can.” I was filled with a new determination and resolve to help save Marisol since the Sarge voiced it as a life and death situation.

  I said goodbye to the sergeant, and ran with Mercer back to my room to change clothes before heading back out to the Gym. One interesting thing I had already noticed about the puppy is that he somehow could pick up on my moods. Earlier outside, even though he was happy to see me, because I was apprehensive about meeting with Sergeant Ramsey he instantly had become subdued and sat on the ground to watch me. Even his tail had stopped wagging as he became fully attentive to me. Now, because I was happy again and looking forward to starting the training with Marisol, Mercer was happy too and his tail was once again wagging with enthusiasm.