Stockholm Diaries, Caroline 2

by Rebecca Hunter

  He paused, frowning.

  “I get it, Caroline,” he said. “If we had somehow met in Sweden just before I joined the Red Wings, I couldn’t have let go of that opportunity. I would have tried like hell to make both things work. But you leaving for a month at a time doesn’t work for me. What happens after that? Back for a few weeks and then another month away?”

  Niklas leaned back in his chair and looked away. When he met her gaze again, his eyes were dark, and he sounded almost angry. “I can’t help but wonder where on the list of priorities the two of us will fall when it comes to making career choices.”

  Caroline struggled to understand what was happening. Of course he was frustrated. He had just followed her around the world for the summer, but she balked at doing the same. But something else was going on, too, and she didn’t know what. She looked down at her hands, clasped tightly in her lap.

  “I’m sorry, Niklas.”

  A long sigh came from across the table. She looked up at him.

  “I told myself I wasn’t going to push you,” he said, rubbing his forehead with his hand. “If you feel like you’re giving up your career, that doesn’t work either. But you have to be ready to choose us. And spending more time away than with me doesn’t work.”

  The candles blew in the warm, gentle breeze. Niklas’s face shone in the flickering light. Was falling in love enough to build a relationship? Would everything else just work itself out? Sitting across the table from Niklas right now, she wanted to believe it.

  “I want to choose us and my career,” she finally said. “I just haven’t figured out how to do that yet. What do you want, Niklas? Would you really be happy in Detroit?”

  The hint of a smile faded from Niklas’s face. “I don’t know. I’ll keep practicing for the next couple days and see. It’s a great team this year.”

  “What about Bauer? And the…”

  The word abuse sat on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t say it. She didn’t have to. Niklas’s face shuttered closed before she said more.

  “The Red Wings haven’t offered me a contract at this point, but I’ll probably know by next week whether or not playing here is even an option.”

  He wasn’t answering her question. He was considering playing for the Red Wings for her, not for him. After spending the afternoon at Joe Lewis Arena, immersed in his world, she wondered what kind of bargain that would turn out to be in the end.

  Caroline took a sip of wine, fortifying herself for the next subject. “Bauer was pretty awful. I didn’t expect him to be that direct.”

  Niklas shook his head slowly. “Honestly, I didn’t either. Last spring, he wasn’t like that. I told you before, he… he thanked me for not defending myself when the articles hinted that I had hit that woman. As if the problem was the publicity, as if he didn’t understand he had crossed the line into something really serious.”

  Niklas looked away, his face darkening.

  “Today was different,” Niklas said, his voice harder. “Makes me wonder what happened this summer. I think something gave him a little more awareness.”

  Caroline had to wonder who would choose to get involved in the life she had taken a step into. Why did women pursue hockey players or anyone in professional sports, for that matter? Hockey seemed to reward physical aggression and the single-minded drive to win, with no room for compromise or tenderness.

  “I don’t want us mixed up in those darker parts of what playing an aggressive sport can do to a person,” Niklas added, as if he were following her thoughts.

  “Are any of the guys on your team married?”

  “Yes, some of them,” he said.

  “How do they make it work?” she asked. “I didn’t see any other women watching the scrimmage today. I just can’t see how women would fit in.”

  Niklas frowned as he considered her question. Or was he frowning at her mention of marriage? Even the word felt raw in her mouth. They sat in silence, the night noises surrounding them, until Niklas finally spoke.

  “Honestly, I’ve never thought too much about the other guys’ wives,” he said with a little smirk. “I think some guys marry women who like money and publicity. I’m sure there are other parts to the relationship, but that part seems to feed it.”

  He took another drink of his wine and looked out into the dark night.

  “But some of the guys keep that part of their lives separate,” he continued. “There’s one guy I’ve played with for a few years. Swedish, too, so I know him pretty well. But I’ve only met his wife once. Still, the idea of leading two separate lives…”

  She nodded. No, as out of place as she felt in the world of hockey, she wouldn’t want him to have a separate life that she stayed away from, either.

  Niklas looked back at her, and his expression softened. “What do you think, Caroline? Why would a woman be interested in a relationship with a hockey player if she wasn’t after the obvious things, like money?”

  Caroline felt the blush creep up her neck, and she laughed. Yes, she could think of a couple reasons. Niklas must have felt her shift, too, and he smiled.

  “Well?” he said, his voice a little lower.

  “You mean besides their well-sculpted rears? I guess guys who play professional sports are known to be…” Caroline searched for the right words. “Performance-oriented?”

  Niklas let out a deep laugh, shaking his head.

  “I hope I haven’t disappointed,” he said, still chuckling.

  Caroline raised an eyebrow.

  “Are you fishing for compliments?”

  “I sure am,” he said. “And I’m pretty certain I know how to get one out of you.”

  Caroline shook her head. No matter how long they were together, she was sure she’d never be as comfortable talking about sex as he was.

  Niklas met her eyes, and the amusement turned into something more serious.

  “Why, Caroline?” he said, quietly. “Why would a woman be interested in a hockey player when she doesn’t even like hockey, when so much is stacked against the relationship?”

  In his voice was a hint of uncertainty and fear. And she felt that fear as well, because in the end she didn’t know the answer. Why anyone would choose a relationship with a hockey player was beyond her. But in that thought was her own answer, too.

  She kept her eyes fixed on him, wanting him to understand the depth of her feelings, despite her hesitation. “Because in the end, we don’t choose the person we fall in love with. Whether or not it’s convenient doesn’t seem to factor in.”

  She had said it. The word she had held back from saying for all these months. Love.

  He walked over to her side of the table and turned her chair to face him. He got down on his knees in front of her and cupped her face in his palms. He stroked her skin with his thumbs and coaxed her toward him for a slow kiss.

  “Let’s just decide that nothing else matters for now,” he whispered.

  She nodded. In that moment, nothing else did.

  “ARE YOU SURE your neighbors can’t see us from here?” asked Caroline, dipping her foot into the water.

  The lake was still and warm in the thick night air. A scattering of lights shone faintly across the water, but the houses nearest Niklas’s were dark.

  “No, I’m not sure,” he said. “But I don’t think anyone is home.”

  “You’re not worried someone will catch us?”

  He lay out a blanket on the grass and walked up behind her on the sand. He stroked up and down her bare arms, and his body skimmed against hers. He lifted her hair off her shoulder and kissed the base of her neck.

  “Honestly, I’m not thinking about that right now,” he said, his voice growing deeper.

  The trees shaded the grassy stretch of his property, but his little beach glowed in the dim night light.

  “I think you’re the one with an exhibitionist streak, not me,” she said, smiling. “Are you forgetting Bondi Beach?�
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  “Bondi Beach was your idea,” he laughed.

  She gave him a little shove. “Going to Bondi Beach was my idea, not taking off our suits. That was all you, Niklas.”

  “I just thought you might be uncomfortable being the only woman on that side of the beach with her suit on,” he said with mock sincerity. “Just looking out for you, älskling.”

  Niklas’s unshaven jaw tickled her skin.

  “I’m not an exhibitionist,” he added, easing her body against the hard muscles of his chest. “Experimental is a better word for it.”

  Caroline’s cheeks warmed at the memory of the long, white beach and the clear, rolling waves. The day had been unseasonably warm for Australian winter, and she and Niklas took the ferry and then the bus out to the sleepy beach town for the afternoon. For once, she had left her camera behind, taking in the sparkling water from the edge of the boat with Niklas behind her, his body warming her skin.

  “Swimming nude in Australia was fun,” she admitted. “But I’m not sure I can do it here.”

  “Come on,” he whispered in her ear. “It’s dark out. Just give it a try.”

  “So I just… take my clothes off?” she asked.

  Niklas’s laugh rumbled, and his body tightened against hers.

  “Or I can help you,” he said, reaching down for the hem of her dress. “Whatever you like.”

  His last words came out in a soft growl as his hand slid up her thigh. Were they really going to skinny dip here, in his own yard? It was one thing to try this kind of crazy idea half the world away from home, but it was another thing to do this near her hometown. Still, she was certain no one would recognize her here—no one she knew lived in houses like these. And soon one or both of them might be leaving Detroit, and everything here would be over. She pushed the thought away, forcing herself to concentrate on something more immediate.

  Caroline turned around and slipped her hands under the hem of Niklas’s shirt, moving her fingers over the taut muscles of his stomach. He bent down and brushed his lips over hers.

  Her words came out breathless. “Have you ever swum here at night like this before?”

  “I’ve swum around in the evening before, but never like this,” he said. “I’ve never met anyone I’ve wanted to try it with before.”

  His hand slid up her thigh again. Heat radiated off his body, irresistible in the cool night air. She lifted his shirt and pressed her lips to the flat muscles of his chest.

  “Does this mean you’re willing?” His voice was a low rumble, hinting at other meanings in his question. His hand slipped under her panties and over her rear, pulling her closer.

  “When you get me to this point, I’m willing to do just about anything,” she said, running her hands along the planes of his chest.

  His chest moved with a chuckle. “I’ll remember that.”

  Niklas released her and stepped back so her hands dropped from his chest. He lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it back onto the blanket in the grass. His gaze fell back on her, and the corner of his mouth turned up a little as he reached down for his belt buckle. Slowly, he undid his belt and the top button of his jeans. Her mouth dropped open a little as her gaze fixed on the straining bulge in his jeans. He pulled down his zipper and his erection pulsed.

  “Caroline.” Niklas’s voice startled her out of her daze. “If you watch me like that, we won’t make it into the water.”

  Caroline looked away, and she was sure he could see her fierce blush, even through the darkness. He had caught her staring at him before, and she wasn’t sure why this particular time made her feel uncomfortable.

  Niklas took a couple steps forward and stroked her cheek until she looked up at him.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s just that you turn me on so much and I… well, I get distracted. I start thinking about all the things I want to do with you.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in, his warm breath in her hair.

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything around me,” he said, stroking her hair. “It’s us, just like it was before we came to Detroit, right?”

  Caroline nodded, her face rubbing against the scattering of hair across his chest. Niklas brought out her desire to be touched, to be held, to feel the weight of him, and she was a little wary of this desire. She had left Detroit to find her own path to happiness. Was Niklas’s appeal a different kind of dependence, a temptation she should resist? Or was she learning how it felt to open the door to her heart?

  Niklas was still holding her tight, her cheek pressed against his bare skin, the scent of him surrounding her as she breathed. If she just concentrated on how she felt right now, everything was perfect.

  Caroline raised her head off Niklas’s chest and looked into his eyes. The glow off the water reflected in them as he looked down at her. He didn’t ask or say anything this time. He just smiled.

  “I think I’m ready for some skinny dipping,” Caroline said.

  Niklas’s eyes widened, and he bent down to kiss her.

  “Then let’s get naked before you change your mind,” he whispered.

  Caroline gave a little snort of laughter. “You certainly know how to sweet-talk a girl.”

  Niklas smirked. “There’s more where that came from, but I’ll save it for the bedroom.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  She turned away into the shadows of the trees and lifted off her dress. As she undid her bra, she heard the gentle splashes from Niklas entering the water. She slipped off her panties and turned around to find Niklas waist-deep, waiting for her. She stepped out of the shadows and into the glow of the night. Niklas stilled in the water, the silhouette of his broad shoulders and thick muscles clear against the shimmering water. As much as the day had shaken her up, this man was who she wanted, and by some strange miracle, he felt the same way. In the dark stillness of the night, it was that simple.

  She made her way across the sand to the water’s edge and stepped in. The gentle breeze felt strange around her body, blowing across places not usually exposed. The cool water lapped at her ankles, and she shivered with all the moment had to offer.

  “It’s warmer out here.”

  Niklas’s voice traveled over the water and rippled straight into her body.

  “Are you sure?”

  She could hear his smile as he answered. “No, but I can warm you up if you come closer.”

  As cold as the water felt, standing on the shore naked didn’t seem like the better option. Slowly, she waded in. Darkness hid the nuances of Niklas’s expression, but his gaze burned into her, warming her as she entered the cool water. She stopped when the water reached the middle of her thighs and bent down to wet her hands. The further she walked, the cooler the water felt.

  “You’re so beautiful, Caroline,” he whispered.

  Oh, Niklas. His words were simple, but this reserved, turbulent man seemed to have a direct line to her heart’s deepest hopes.

  Caroline smiled, and she started forward again. She drew in a sharp breath as her body entered deeper into the water. Niklas chuckled.

  “Come closer.”

  She closed the distance between them, pressing her body against his, taking in his warmth. He rested his hands on her ribs, his thumbs brushing over her breasts, as he came down for a kiss.

  “Are you ready to dive in?” he asked.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “It’ll be refreshing,” he said. “Then we’ll have fun warming up again.”

  Caroline laughed. “Sounds enticing.”

  “Together,” he said. He kissed her again on the forehead and let her go.

  She turned out to face the darkness in front of her.

  “The water is a little eerie at night,” she said.

  “But the best things in life involve a little risk. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  He wasn’t just talking about their swim. Caroline
smiled up at him, his face shining. She nodded in answer to his question and looked back down at the water in front of them.

  “Ready? One, two, three…”

  Together, they dove head first, into the lake. Caroline closed her eyes, shutting out the murky darkness and concentrating on the rush of cool water over her bare breasts and stomach. The sensation was much different without a suit, much more intimate. She took long strokes with her arms, her fingers brushing against Niklas, telling her he was still close.

  She surfaced and felt around for the sandy bottom. She could still stand, though the water came to her neck. Her breath came out in little pants, and her body tingled with the sensation of the water around her. Niklas appeared a moment later, just a little further out. He swam back toward her and put his arms around her.

  “This feels good,” he said, taking her a few steps deeper.

  She was face to face with him now, toes barely scraping the bottom while he stood. She held onto his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his waist. His wet lips met hers, warm and inviting.

  Caroline brought one of her hands to his cheek and stroked. She ran her hands down his jaw, along the stubble, until she came to his soft lips. She let her fingers glide over the worry lines on his forehead, wanting to ease them, to soothe the tension she had seen in him since they had arrived.

  “This summer was the best of my life, Niklas,” she whispered. “I just want you to know that.”

  He took her mouth in a kiss full of longing, slow and needy. He stroked her lips with his, warming her. Heat radiated off his body into the cool water that surrounded them, and he slid his hands to her waist to pull her against him. She felt his erection grow under her, despite the cold. He groaned as she shifted so that it pressed between their bodies.

  Caroline pulled away from his kiss and smiled.

  “Here?”

  He looked up at the starry sky above them. A half moon hung above Niklas’s dark house, glowing down on them. The water stretched out around them, smooth except for the ripples of their movement. A few lights glowed from the houses around the lake, but even those felt far away.