Stockholm Diaries, Caroline 2

by Rebecca Hunter

  She nodded against his hand.

  “I’m trying,” she whispered.

  He moved closer and slipped his arms around her waist. She rested her head on him.

  “How was your morning?” he asked.

  “I got the New Hampshire job.”

  Niklas didn’t say anything. He buried his face in her hair, and his chest rose and fell against her.

  She added, “I talked to Veronica yesterday.”

  “Any revelations?” he asked.

  Caroline shrugged. “Can I ask you something?”

  Niklas nodded.

  “What would our life be like if I came to Sweden with you?”

  Niklas didn’t answer at first. He stroked her side with his thumb and pressed his lips onto the top of her head. Then he let her go and pulled back to look at her, his blue eyes clearer than they had been all week.

  “I’d play for my old team for a year or two, as long as my body can take it. You could do whatever you wanted with photography—freelance, news job, gallery. I’m sure you could find something.”

  He rested a hand on her thigh. His words came quicker as he spoke, his face more animated.

  “You could come with me when I travel, but it wouldn’t be far if you wanted to stay in Stockholm. We’d have time to be together. I haven’t lived in Stockholm for years, so you and I can explore it. It would be like your trip, but it wouldn’t have to end. Just us, Caroline.”

  He took a couple breaths, and she let the images of their future float in her mind. She held onto the picture of the two of them walking under the towering pine trees in Vasaparken again, the only people out at dawn. They’d walk back to the old, stone building, through the marble hall and up the spiral staircase to the door of his apartment. Their apartment. Back in the bedroom, she’d take her time undressing him, and they would make love and talk and doze off in the morning light.

  But no matter how enticing it sounded, she couldn’t ignore that the entire plan rested on him helping her, not her helping herself. Still, she couldn’t get past the excitement in his voice. He wanted this. Badly.

  Caroline bit her lip and fought hard against the wave of sadness that washed over her. If Niklas didn’t want to stay in Detroit, the choices narrowed: the New Hampshire job, her ticket into photojournalism, or following Niklas to Sweden. Hadn’t she already been through this with Brad? Hadn’t she decided she’d never, ever be with a guy who would make her choose?

  The excitement faded from Niklas’s face.

  “I’ll find out if I get the Red Wings contract in the next day or so. But the problems with Bauer last spring aren’t going away. The Oklahoma Tornados…” Niklas paused, struggling with his words. “What they’re accused of and what people say about those women—I’m afraid Bauer’s looking for a way to use this against me. He’s already made some comments.”

  Caroline rested her hand on his tense bicep. “Why? I don’t understand why he won’t leave it alone. Didn’t he come out on top of that situation?”

  Niklas frowned and looked away. “I’ve been trying to figure that out all week. I don’t know if he thinks I might try to set the record straight. Or maybe he’d rather not be reminded.”

  His hand tightened around her thigh as he spoke.

  “This is a game for him,” he hissed, “and right now you’re at the center of it.”

  Niklas ran a hand through his hair and turned to look at her again.

  “Remember that other woman, Stephanie, from last spring? This is how it all started, like some sick competition I didn’t even know I signed up for. Except last time I didn’t care whether or not I ended up with Stephanie. This time…”

  His words trailed off, and his eyes met hers, full of heat and pent-up anger.

  Chapter 14

  CAROLINE BIT HER lip and selected her mother’s name from her phone list. The office chair squeaked as she rocked back.

  “Mama?”

  “Caroline?”

  She frowned at the surprise in her mother’s voice. “Sorry I haven’t called.”

  “I guessed you were… busy.”

  Caroline sighed. “I’ve had a lot on my mind. I just wanted to talk.”

  “Are you pregnant?” her mother whispered.

  “What?” Caroline scowled. “No!”

  “Good,” her mother muttered.

  Caroline smiled. “You don’t want grandchildren?”

  “Only if you also get married,” her mother said.

  Of course her mother would turn their conversation to marriage. Caroline sighed.

  “We’re not getting married, Mama. Ever. Niklas…” Caroline’s voice trailed off as she searched for words. “It’s just not his thing.”

  Thankfully, her mother didn’t press her further in that direction.

  “Not pregnant, not secretly married,” her mother listed off. “Did you call to say Niklas is playing for the Red Wings again? We already read about it.”

  “What?”

  Caroline heard the rustle of what sounded like a newspaper at the other end.

  “‘A Second Chance for Almquist?” That’s what the article says, anyway.”

  “I don’t think he’s playing for the Red Wings, Mama,” she said flatly.

  “Oh.”

  The line went silent.

  “You’ve always been so quiet,” her mother whispered. “I can’t even guess what’s going on in your mind right now.”

  “I’d let you know if I could get a word into this conversation,” said Caroline dryly.

  Her mother chuckled. “Sorry.”

  Caroline drew in a long breath. “I’m worried I’m about to make a big mistake.”

  “What kind?” her mother asked, not bothering to hide her worry.

  “The choosing-a-life-path kind.”

  “I see,” said her mother. “Not marriage, not pregnant, and this new guy is from Sweden. Are you considering following him back there?”

  Caroline sighed. Her mother’s choice of words—following him—didn’t make her feel better. “I guess, but I’ve only known him for a few months. And then there’s the job problem, and I’d need a visa, but we’re not getting married, so I don’t know if I could get one…”

  Caroline closed her eyes and shook her head. “Mama, what made you decide to elope with Papa?”

  “He was leaving Texas, and I decided I didn’t want to live without him.”

  “That’s it?” asked Caroline.

  “I’m not saying it was easy. My family depended on me to do my share at the ranch, and they didn’t speak to me for a long time after I left. I’m just saying that in the end, being with your father is what mattered the most.”

  Caroline frowned. Could she be happy living in her mother’s footsteps, her life shaped by following a man she loved?

  “But you’re not the same person as me,” her mother added. “I don’t know what feels right for you.”

  “That’s the problem,” said Caroline. “None of my options feel right.”

  WHEN THEY WALKED through the heavy wooden doors the next evening, Caroline understood immediately why Niklas had chosen this restaurant. The old tavern was dimly lit, with dark wooden walls, deep red curtains and brass railings. The bar and a few round tables took up most of the front room, and if she had only glanced into the place, she would have assumed the establishment ended there. But Niklas asked to be seated in back, and the hostess led them through more double doors. The place opened up into a maze of little nooks, each with space for only a couple tables. They passed other diners, but no one looked up, deep in their own conversations.

  “Like it?” Niklas asked as they wove through the restaurant.

  Caroline nodded.

  “Private. Perfectly designed for you,” she said.

  “For us,” he said, his hand finding her rear. “Plus, they have enormous burgers. We go here as a team sometimes.”

  “I think I could eat a
burger,” said Caroline. She had stayed in the office all morning, hoping to avoid any more interactions with Niklas’s sexy housekeeper. At this point, she was starving.

  Just as they turned the corner to another dark nook, Niklas’s hand clamped around hers. She glanced up at him and followed his gaze to the table in front of them.

  Bauer.

  They quickened their pace. But just as they were about to turn into the next room, Bauer looked up. His eyes first registered surprised before they glittered with amusement. Next to him, a well-styled blond woman clung to his arm.

  “Niklas, nice to see you out,” he said, gesturing at Caroline. “I see you’re going the extra mile for this one.”

  Caroline heard all the thinly veiled insults in his comment. That she was just another one of Niklas’s conquests. That Niklas’s intentions with her were the same as his intentions had always been with other women—Caroline was just harder to catch.

  Anger radiated from Niklas, so easily tapped. She looked back at Niklas, his jaw clenched in his search for a reply. Before Niklas had a chance to respond, Bauer continued.

  “Caroline, right?” he said. “We had a nice talk back at the rink.”

  Bauer winked at Caroline, hinting at much more than their actual conversation had covered. He managed to pull this off while keeping one hand on his date’s leg. A shiver ran through her. Underneath Bauer’s easy-going façade, she felt cold, hard competition in the look he gave Niklas. This guy knew exactly where he was pushing, going for the vulnerability that he so easily found in Niklas: her.

  Everything inside of her froze. Were these doubts exactly what Bauer was after? Was Niklas a threat to his position on the team? Did he want to drive a wedge of uncertainty between her and Niklas, provoking Niklas’s well-known temper? Caroline’s mind raced to figure out what Bauer had to gain from provoking them both. Finally, she decided she didn’t care. She and Niklas just had to get away from him.

  No one had spoken for too long. She looked over at Niklas’s clenched jaw. He had let go of her hand, she realized, and his was balled into a tight fist by his side. Niklas seemed to be just as aware as she was of Bauer’s intentional provocation, but she wasn’t entirely sure he would be able to stop himself from rising to it.

  Caroline covered his fist with her hands, laying her fingers gently over his knuckles. Heat radiated from his skin, and she stroked the thick veins that pulsed over the back of his hand. After another beat, she felt the tension of his fist ease a fraction.

  “What are you looking for, Bauer?”

  Niklas’s voice was low and unsteady, and Bauer had the nerve to chuckle.

  “Heard a rumor the offer came through,” he said. “You’re back on the team.”

  “Got my offer today.”

  What? Why hadn’t Niklas mentioned the offer yet? But now she understood. This is why they were here at a private restaurant. Caroline couldn’t decide if she should read the location as a good sign or a bad one.

  “So we’ll be seeing more of each other,” Bauer said, raising an eyebrow.

  Niklas shrugged. Both Caroline and the other woman watched this exchange like it was a tennis match, their heads turning back and forth between the two men. Caroline couldn’t begin to guess the end game of the conversation.

  “We have a table waiting,” grunted Niklas.

  Bauer’s smile dropped for an instant. He wasn’t getting any more information out of Niklas. Bauer must be fishing for an answer about Niklas’s position on the team, and Niklas wasn’t biting.

  “You’ll have to excuse Almquist’s manners,” Bauer said, smile back in place as he looked back and forth between the women. “He’s a little rough around the edges.”

  Niklas wasn’t the only person Bauer provoked with that comment. Caroline met the eyes of the other woman.

  “I’m not sure what you think of Bauer’s manners,” said Caroline. “But those are the least of his problems. I’d get as far away from him as you can.”

  The woman’s eyes widened, and no one moved. Before anyone had time to respond, Caroline tugged at Niklas’s hand, and they walked away.

  The hostess was waiting for them in the next room, and she set their menus on a narrow table for two in the corner. A candle glowed in the middle of the white tablecloth, inviting them. Niklas waited until the woman walked away before he spoke.

  “If you still had any worries about being a push-over, that last comment to Bauer should ease them,” said Niklas, the corners of his mouth turning up.

  Caroline smiled a little. He was right. She had come a long way since she left Detroit at the beginning of the summer. She could definitely stand up for herself—and Niklas, in this case. She hadn’t waited for Niklas’s response. When she had sensed Bauer attacking Niklas’s defenses, she simply acted.

  Still, the whole interaction had left her with another, more pressing question.

  “You got an offer today, Niklas?” she whispered.

  Niklas nodded. “And I’m not taking it.”

  His heavy chest rose and fell with a long breath. His face flickered in the light of the candle.

  “I tried, Caroline, but I can’t stay here,” he said. “I wanted this to work, but playing for the Red Wings isn’t going to make either of us happy.”

  “Why didn’t you tell Bauer you’re not taking the Red Wings contract?” she asked softly.

  Niklas frowned.

  “Part of it was pride, I guess,” he said. “I didn’t want to give him anything that could feel like a victory in that conversation. But the biggest reason is that I hadn’t told you yet.”

  Caroline blinked. “Does that mean you’re going back to Sweden?”

  “Yes,” he said quietly.

  He didn’t ask her to come this time or reassure her that everything would turn out fine. Instead, he was telling her goodbye.

  The last of the excitement about the New Hampshire job left her. Niklas wouldn’t eat or hike or sleep with her there. And he wouldn’t be in Detroit when she returned. She’d do this on her own, just like she had told herself she wanted.

  “I’m so, so sorry I’m not quite ready to drop everything and leave, Niklas,” she said, her eyes filling with tears.

  She wanted to beg him to stay for just a while longer while she figured things out. She wanted to ask him to wait for her, but she couldn’t. Instead, she simply looked down and let her tears fall.

  “Don’t do that,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “Don’t make me feel worse about my decision. I need to get out of here and start a new life. You’re the one who’s leaving for New Hampshire.”

  Her gaze snapped back up to his face. His cheeks flushed red, and his teeth, bared. She had seen Niklas angry before, but never at her.

  She swallowed and glared back at him. “You want me to hide how torn up about this I am? Would it make it easier to go to Sweden if you thought I just don’t care enough about you?”

  Niklas’s fist came down hard on his thigh. “What the hell else am I supposed to believe? I drop everything to follow you around the world. I was about to take a position that I knew would tear me up for the next year. And none of that was enough to keep you in the state.”

  Caroline frowned. “Why is my traveling for jobs different than the traveling you’d do for hockey?”

  Niklas didn’t say anything at first. He looked at the ground, slowly shaking his head. Finally, he muttered, “It’s different.”

  “Because you’re a big pro hockey player and I’m just starting out?” she said, not bothering to hide her irritation.

  “Because I’ve already been left once,” he snapped. “I’m not letting you do that to me, over and over.”

  Whoa. It took a moment before the pieces came together in Caroline’s mind. His father had left him and his mother. Until this moment, she hadn’t made the connection. All this time, Niklas had stayed away from the subject of his father, giving her only the barest details, but his
father had been at the center of their discussions all along. This was his fear—to be left again. She was about to hurt him in exactly this way. And he didn’t let her know until now.

  Caroline bit back the fury that brimmed inside.

  “Your father?” she whispered. “This is about your father?”

  “Maybe. I guess so,” he said, quieter now. “Does it matter? I asked you to stay, and you’re not going to.”

  Even at this point, he still didn’t want to discuss it.

  She lowered her voice and forced herself to continue. “Niklas, I can’t blame you for leaving for Sweden, but I’m not going to pretend this isn’t breaking my heart.”

  Niklas let out a shaky breath. “So you go off and do what you need to do, and I move on?”

  No, don’t move on. The words rattled inside of her, begging to be spoken, but she couldn’t even ask that of him.

  “If that’s what you need to do,” she whispered, refusing to look at him.

  SILENCE HUNG OVER the rest of dinner and the car ride home, a dark, heavy blanket that shut out any other thoughts. As they walked inside the house, it occurred to Caroline that she and Niklas were going to bed when they were angry. What did they do now, as they headed down the steps? Would he look away when she undressed? Would he turn away from her when she crawled into bed?

  Niklas entered the bedroom without turning on the lights, and she followed, her eyes on the floor. She sat down on the side of the bed, facing the lake. He opened the French doors, letting the warm breeze into the room. The moonlight glowed around his silhouette as he turned around. He knelt down in front of her and rested his hands on her thighs. They were the same height in this position, and his deep blue eyes were wide and dark as he gazed at her. Most of the anger had left his face, but not all of it.

  He said nothing. He lifted his hands to cup her jaw and gently stroked her skin with his thumbs. She held his gaze as long as she could until the tears blurred her sight. But she fought against them.

  “How I feel about you isn’t going to change,” he whispered. “But staying here and watching you plan your life without me isn’t working.”