Bad For Me

by J. B. Leigh

  “Megs? I didn’t expect you back yet.”

  “So I see. Hi, Janet.”

  “Megan.” Janet nodded, but didn’t smile. She was the oldest of the three siblings—a recently qualified solicitor, she was as different from Julie as it was possible to be.

  “Sorry about the biscuits,” Julie said. “I’ll buy some more tomorrow.”

  We both knew she wouldn’t.

  “Do you want a coffee?” Julie offered. “I’ve only just made it.”

  “Thanks. That would be great.” I sat opposite Janet. “How’s life as a solicitor?”

  “Busy, as always,” Janet said. “I hear you're working at DraxSoft.”

  “Yeah. I'm enjoying it so far.”

  Janet glanced at Julie, and then leant forward.

  “Julie tells me you’re seeing JJ,” Janet said in a hushed tone.

  I nodded.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  My initial reaction was to think this was some kind of joke, but Janet’ was stone-faced.

  “Why? Don’t you?”

  Janet checked on Julie again; she obviously didn’t want to be overheard by her sister.

  “I’m sorry, Megan, but no. I don’t think you'll be good for him.”

  I was stunned. I didn’t know Janet particularly well, but our previous meetings had been friendly enough. I couldn’t think of a single reason why she should have taken against me. Before I could ask her why, she'd picked up her bag, and started for the door.

  “I have to get going, Julie,” she shouted.

  “Already? I thought we could tell Megan some embarrassing stories about JJ.”

  “Sorry. Got to rush. Bye. Bye Megan,” she said, but didn't look at me.

  “Thanks.” I took the coffee from Julie. “Had Janet been here long?”

  “No. Only about twenty minutes before you came. I’m not sure why she bothered if she was going to shoot off so quickly.”

  “Maybe I scared her off. I don’t think she likes me.”

  “Nonsense. She barely knows you. Why would you say that?”

  “No reason.”

  Between the two of us, we polished off the remaining chocolate digestives. Although we talked (well Julie did; I mainly listened), I couldn’t stop thinking about what Janet had said. I couldn't shake the idea that she had come over specifically to warn me off. That's what it felt like. What did she mean when she said I'd be bad for him? Did she think I was after his money?

  Chapter 23

  I phoned JJ first thing the next morning to check on Billy. JJ said he was okay. He hadn't wasted any time—there was a private ambulance coming to pick Billy up later that morning. I knew the clinic must be costing a small fortune. He promised to bring me up to speed when he arrived at the office. I almost mentioned Janet, but what would I have said? If I'd told him the truth, I would've run the risk of driving a wedge between brother and sister.

  “Morning.” Julie was on her feet, but barely awake.

  “Morning. That was JJ.”

  “How's your brother?” she half said, half yawned.

  “He's okay. JJ has arranged for him to go to the clinic later today.”

  I wondered what Julie thought of JJ footing the bill for Billy's treatment. She'd half-jokingly suggested JJ might buy her a car. Would she resent him spending money on my brother? What would Janet think when she found out? It was hardly likely to improve her already low opinion of me.

  “Morning, Megan.” Caroline was at her desk when I arrived. “Any luck last night?”

  I'd told her about Billy. She knew I'd been looking for him.

  “I found him.”

  “Really? How is he?”

  “Not great. He was in a doorway—passed out.”

  “Oh god. That's terrible. Where is he now?”

  I hadn't mentioned that JJ had been helping me to look for Billy. I hadn't wanted to stoke the office gossip.

  “He's in hospital.” It wasn't exactly a lie.

  “That's good. Best place for him.”

  I didn't know much about private clinics, but I assumed that they couldn't keep people against their will. Would Billy be receptive to the idea? I wasn't sure if he wanted to get dry. Even if he did, what were the chances? Mum had tried and failed a million times.

  I saw JJ's car pull into the car park just after lunchtime. I made an excuse, and shot out of the office.

  “How is he?” I caught JJ as soon as he walked into reception.

  “He's okay. Let's go to my office.”

  I hated all of this sneaking around, but didn't argue.

  “Is he okay?”

  “He's not very happy. It took me all of my time to persuade him not to take off before the ambulance arrived.”

  “But he's at the clinic?”

  “Yeah. He's there.”

  “Do you think they'll be able to help him?”

  “They're the best at what they do. If anyone can help him, they can. But... ”

  “What?”

  “It doesn't matter how good they are. It will only work if Billy wants to give up the drink.”

  “He does. He will.” I couldn't bear the thought of Billy going the same way as Mum.

  “I hope you're right.”

  “Thank you for doing this.” I gave him a peck on the cheek.

  “Not exactly the night of passion I'd hoped for.”

  “I know. What are we going to do about work?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It's really awkward for me—working alongside Caroline and the others. I think some of them suspect there's something going on, but I can't say anything.”

  “Tell them.”

  “Really? I didn't think you would want it to be common knowledge.”

  “Why not? I want the world to know.”

  So did I.

  ********************

  It was a relief to know that I didn't have to keep it a secret any longer. Still, I didn't want to make a big production about letting people know, so I decided to have a quiet word with Caroline first.

  “Caroline, have you got a minute?”

  “Sure. Grab a seat.” She pointed to the chair next to her desk.

  “Would it be okay if we talked in the small conference room?”

  “Okay.” She looked a little puzzled.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked as we made our way out of the office.

  “Yeah. I just wanted a few words in private.”

  “You're not leaving are you?”

  “No.”

  “Thank god for that.”

  “I wanted to tell you first.”

  “What?”

  “JJ and me. We're an item. We're seeing each other.”

  I used to think I could read people. As it turned out, I was clueless. I'd thought Caroline would be pleased for me, pleased for us, but I could see by her expression I'd got that badly wrong.

  “What, like boyfriend/girlfriend?”

  I nodded.

  “Oh. Right—thanks for telling me.”

  'Thanks for telling me'—what kind of reaction was that? Not a good one—I was certain of that.

  “What's wrong? I thought you'd be pleased.”

  “I am. Really.”

  She wasn't—her smile was forced.

  “What?” I said. I could tell that she wanted to say more.

  “I'm just surprised.”

  “I thought you would have guessed.”

  “Christ no. I'd no idea. I thought with JJ's problems... ”

  “What problems?”

  Her expression changed again. This time it was easy to read—she was flustered, as though she'd said something she shouldn't have.

  “The money problems with the business.”

  “He's just sold it. He's going to be rich. Oh god, you don't think I'm after his money do you?”

  “No. No. Of course I don't. You're a lovely girl Megan. I would never think that. I meant the problems he had a couple of years ago wh
en the business was in trouble. He got quite stressed.”

  “But that's sorted now isn't it?”

  “Yes. Of course it is. I'm just being silly. Come here.” She put her arms around me, and gave me a hug. “I'm really pleased for you. Both of you.”

  Her words had a hollow ring.

  I didn't tell anyone else that afternoon. After seeing Caroline's reaction, I was a little deflated. I wanted people to be happy for me—I was reluctant to tell anyone else in case I got another negative reaction. I'd hoped to get a lift home with JJ, but he had emailed me an hour before the end of shift to say he had to go out on business, but that he'd pick me up from the flat in the evening, so we could visit Billy.

  My phone rang at dead on five o' clock—just as I was about to leave the office. I thought it might be JJ—maybe his meeting had finished early. It wasn't. I didn't recognise the caller ID.

  “Hello?”

  “Megan?”

  “Janet?”

  “Julie gave me your number.”

  “Oh? Is she okay?” I couldn't think why Janet would call me.

  “About what I said yesterday. About you and JJ.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Go to Russell Street now.”

  “I don't understand... ”

  “Listen to me. Go to Russell Street. There's a greasy spoon cafe on the corner. Buy a coffee in there and watch the building across the road.”

  “Janet. I don't know what you're talking about.”

  “Just do it.”

  The line went dead. What the hell was that about? I called her straight back, but the call went to voicemail.

  “Are you okay, Megan?” Caroline was on her way out.

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I give you a lift anywhere?”

  “You couldn't drop me in town could you?” I knew Caroline drove through town on her way home.

  “Sure.”

  Neither of us said much on the short journey into town. My mind was elsewhere.

  The cafe wasn't somewhere I would normally have visited. I felt dirty as soon as I walked through the door. I ordered a coffee, which I had no intention of drinking, and took a seat by the window. That whole area of town was pretty run down. Janet hadn't said which building across the road I should watch, but I assumed it must be the church hall. All of the other buildings were identical houses, most of which had been converted into low-rent flats for students. The street wasn't particularly busy, so if anything did happen I should notice it—but what was I looking for?

  I didn't have to wait long for my answer. The doors of the church hall opened, and a number of people came out. At the rear of the group was a couple. I didn't recognise the woman—pretty, in her early thirties with long, dark hair. The two of them stood outside the church hall—talking and laughing. After a few minutes, JJ kissed the woman on the cheek, and they went their separate ways.

  I probably should have chased after him, but I couldn't move. It hadn't been a passionate kiss—more of a kiss between friends. Who was she, and why had JJ been with her? Janet obviously had the answers—why else would she have called and told me to go to the cafe? I tried her number again, but she still wasn't picking up. Was she deliberately ignoring my calls? When I left the cafe, my coffee cup was still full. I found it impossible to believe anyone could actually drink that stuff. The church hall doors were closed by the time I'd made my way across the road. I tried the handle, but the door was locked. I knocked, but there was no response. Next to the entrance was a notice board which displayed all the usual notices, but nothing which gave any indication as to why JJ might have been in there.

  Chapter 24

  The Mossbry Clinic was an impressive building, which was almost impossible to see from the main road. Located behind a high wall, the grounds of the clinic were beautifully maintained. The driveway was narrow—only wide enough for a single vehicle. The journey over had been made in almost silence. I'd wanted to ask JJ what he'd been doing in town, but I didn't know how to raise the subject.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as we pulled into the clinic's car park.

  “Yeah. Just a little nervous.”

  “Come on. It will be okay.”

  He took my hand, and led me to the main entrance. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't this. Inside, it was more like the reception of a five star hotel than a clinic. We weren't allowed to see Billy straight away. First, we had to meet with Dr Westgrove, a middle-aged man with a slight limp.

  “The good news is that your brother has indicated he wishes to pursue a course of treatment.”

  “Great.” I hadn't been sure Billy would play ball. I'd half expected him to bail on the first day.

  “So far, so good. He has a long road in front of him. We have to hope he can see it through.”

  “How long will it take?”

  “It's impossible to say. Everyone is different. Usually between one and three months.”

  “Three months?”

  “Sometimes longer.”

  “If he sticks it out—will he be cured?”

  “There is no cure for alcoholism. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Our job is to help Billy to choose not to drink.”

  “What percentage of people, who complete the treatment, stay off drink?”

  “Of those we treat, approximately forty-five per cent.”

  “Less than half?”

  “That's right. It doesn't sound good, but our numbers are far better than the industry average.”

  “Is there anything I can do to make sure Billy is one of the forty five per cent?”

  “You can support and encourage, but ultimately it's up to your brother.”

  Billy was in a beautifully furnished private room. His face lit up when he saw me. The sense of relief was overwhelming—I hadn't been sure what kind of reception I'd get.

  “Look at this place, Megs. It's like a five star hotel.”

  After our meeting with Dr Westgrove, I'd asked JJ to wait for me in reception. I wanted to see Billy alone.

  “Are you okay?” I said.

  “I'd kill for a drink.”

  My heart sank.

  “I'm only kidding.”

  “You have to see this through, Billy. It's your only chance.”

  “I know.”

  “You have to promise me. I couldn't bear to lose you too.”

  “I promise. I'll give it my best shot. Anyway, who's paying for all of this?”

  “The NHS.”

  “Bollocks. The NHS doesn't pay for this type of treatment.”

  “Don't you worry about that. Just make sure you see it through.”

  “You aren't selling your body are you, Megan?”

  JJ jumped out of his seat as soon as I walked back into reception.

  “How is he?”

  “Better than I expected. He seems determined to see it through. Thanks for doing this for him.”

  “It's nothing. Come on, let's get back.”

  JJ asked me to go back to his place, but I made some excuse about being mentally exhausted after seeing Billy. I felt bad about lying, but I had to find out what was going on. Why was it that everyone who knew about me and JJ seemed to be so down on the idea? First Janet and then Caroline. Julie was the only person who had seemed genuinely happy for us. I had to speak to Janet again, but she wasn't taking my calls. There was only one thing left for me to do.

  Chapter 25

  I'd told Julie that I had to go back to work for a couple of hours, but I'd warned her not to tell JJ if he phoned. I'd said I didn't want JJ to worry I was overdoing things at DraxSoft. It was all bullshit of course, but luckily for me, Julie was incredibly trusting.

  I rang the doorbell. I could see a light on inside, but I couldn't hear anyone. After a few moments, I saw a shape through the frosted glass panel at the side of the door. I was nervous as hell; I hadn't worked out what I was going to say.

  “Megan? How did you know where I lived?” Janet asked.

  “I found yo
ur address in Julie's address book. Can I come in?”

  “I was just about to go out.”

  She was clearly lying. She was dressed in her slobs, and hadn't done her makeup. I knew enough about Janet to know she wasn't the kind of person to let the world see her looking like that.

  “This will only take a few minutes.”

  She stepped aside and ushered me through to the living room. It wasn't what I'd expected. I assumed Janet—the solicitor—would have the perfect apartment: spotless with everything in its place. It turned out that untidiness ran in the family. Her living room looked like a war zone.

  “Sorry about the mess.”

  “It's okay. I'm used to it.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I think you already know.”

  She shook her head.

  “Come on Janet. Why did you say I would be bad for JJ?”

  “Didn't you go to the cafe?”

  “Yes. I saw him kiss a woman, but they were obviously no more than friends.”

  “Did you see where he'd been?”

  “In a church hall. So what?”

  “He'd been at his AA meeting.”

  I felt sick and light-headed. I sat on the sofa—if I hadn't, I would have collapsed. I could see Janet's lips moving, but I didn't hear what she was saying. My body had closed down. My hands were clenched together—shaking.

  “Megan? Are you all right?”

  “Yes.” I wasn't.

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  I nodded.

  “I'm sorry, but you had to know.”

  “AA?”

  “JJ went through a bad time a while back. His business was in serious trouble. He managed to keep it afloat, but it put a tremendous strain on him. He started to drink—heavily. It was really bad—I thought I was going to lose him a couple of times.”

  “Julie never said... ”

  “Julie doesn't know. We both thought it was better that she didn't. JJ didn't see her for ages. I told her he was too busy with the business. He went to a clinic... ”