Sweetness

by Jude Ouvrard

  I shook my head, still wary of it hurting. “No pain at the moment.”

  “You’ll be released tonight, we’ll keep you for another twelve hours to be certain, but you’re stable for now.” The doctor glanced in Calvin’s direction. “The police officers would like Miss. Hartwell to make a report.”

  Calvin nodded. “What are her injuries?” There was so much anger in his voice, it scared me.

  “She has two bruised ribs, multiple stitches to her head and a mild concussion. She’s a very lucky woman. When we saw the bruising covering her body, we suspected she would have far more serious injuries.”

  Calvin’s body tensed up. “It’s more than enough. She shouldn’t have been hurt at all.” He kissed my hand and I noticed how badly his own hand shook.

  “The nurse will be in to see you soon regarding your medication.”

  I nodded and offered the doctor a faint smile. “Thank you.”

  “I want you to stay with me after the doctor releases you. I don’t want you staying alone at your place while you’re in such bad shape. I’ll stay with you and give you the care you need.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I provoked this situation, Calvin. It’s my fault if it happened.”

  “No man should ever hit a woman, no matter the reason. Never, do you understand me?”

  “I missed you so much.” My eyelids were growing heavy again. “I want to kiss you right now.”

  “You will, later, when you’re not in any pain.” He kissed my hand. “Rest now. You look tired. Rest now, I’ll be right back.”

  “Don’t go, Calvin. Stay with me.”

  “I won’t be long,” he said quietly, avoiding eye contact.

  I knew straightaway, what he was planning to do. “He’s not worth it, Calvin. Let it go.”

  “The last time I let it go, I lost her.” He kissed my fingers again. “You’re worth the fight.”

  Chapter NINETEEN

  CALVIN

  I won’t be like my father. I’m not that man. I won’t hurt the people I love but I’ll hurt whoever hurt them. I have to defend them.

  Fuck!

  I couldn’t do this, but the anger in me was boiling into madness. My arms and my fucking legs were shaking from the rush of adrenaline. Her face, her beautiful face, hurt, bruised and swollen. I should have done something when I saw those guys hanging around in the area. They were a menace to my staff and my customers. I should have called the police, but now it was too late. Iris had to rest, she was exhausted and in pain. Once she was asleep, I left her with Danielle. I had to take care of business.

  I’m not a violent person; I’m not like my father.

  We were a block away when Justin parked the car right at the next available spot. The city was dark, icy, and cold. I hid my hair under a beanie and the hood of my jacket and the collar of it covered half of my face.

  He pointed at two guys walking in the opposite direction of my building. “Those are the guys. They’ve been hanging out near the building for a while. Danielle said it’s the bigger goon but Cal— Wait!” Justin shouted when I jumped out of the car, pumped and dangerous. “Don’t do it, man.”

  I saw the guys walking and acting as if they owned the street. They had attitude, but it didn’t scare me. I ran like I used to run on the field. No fear of getting hurt, no care as to who was in my way. I had to stop the ball, but this time, I had to stop him from hurting the people I loved.

  The bigger of the two of them was wearing the hat Iris had mentioned. He was the one.

  “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Beating up a woman?” I spat, angry. I needed him to respond, to confirm it was him. I didn’t think he was smart enough to deny the act.

  “That bitch needs to show fucking respect,” he retorted. “It was a lesson she needed to learn.”

  It was him. The anger possessed me.

  My body hurt, my heart broke when my fist connected with his jaw. The other guy standing next to him didn’t even try to stop me. I saw my father in me, I had become him. Violent, impulsive and unstoppable. My vision blurred, and I caught glimpses of my memories flashing through my mind; my mom on the ground and my father hitting her. I heard and saw my mom begging him to stop. I hoped Iris hadn’t been through something like this or it would only add to my pain. He’d hurt the person I loved the most.

  My fists were covered with his blood, but I didn’t care, I wanted him to suffer. I despised violence, but I didn’t recognize myself in those few, intense minutes. The level of ferocity Iris had suffered erased all of my moral values for a short time. I had to take care of this. I called it justice.

  “Man, stop! You got him, now, stop!” Justin wrenched at me from behind.

  The other guy stood before us, not even trying to stop me. He knew I was dealing out payback. I would have taken him, too, if Justin hadn’t intervened.

  “Leave now.” I heard the urgency in Justin’s voice. I was going to kill the guy if I didn’t stop pounding on his face. I hadn’t been able to save my mom; I would do anything to save Iris from facing this situation again.

  I removed the cotton gloves I’d been wearing and threw them in the first garbage can I came across. I started running. I ran faster and faster, until my legs would no longer take it. Out of breath, I crumbled onto the stairs of a building and I cried, I fucking cried like a baby. I had to go home, and lock myself up there until I calmed down. I walked in pain the last block to reach the penthouse. My clothes were covered in blood. I was disgusted with myself. I wanted to drink myself into oblivion. Thankful that nobody was in the lobby, I got into the first elevator. When I opened the penthouse door, it smelled of Iris. Her hoodie was still sitting on the couch, her school papers spread across the coffee table. The dirty dishes were still sitting in the sink. I thanked God for all of this. She had stayed here; she’d done what I’d asked of her. I wanted her back home; I needed her to be back home.

  But not now, not fucking now. I had to take care of my own fucked up state of mind. Justin and Danielle would understand, and know I had to be left alone. In the morning, maybe, I could go back to Iris, but not now, not when I had lost control. I hated to be away from her again but there was a dark shadow following me and I couldn’t trust myself.

  I turned on loud music and I ran on the treadmill, trying to empty my mind of all the anger which was festering. It didn’t work at all; I knew I was fucked. A vision of a bottle of Jack Daniels kept popping onto my head. Getting drunk had never appealed to me, but for the first time in my life, I thought getting drunk might be my single option to escape my demons.

  My clothes smelled as bad as they used to, after a long summer game. I grabbed a bottle of Jack and threw away the cap; I had no intentions of having any of it left by the time the sun rose. Drinking directly from the bottle, I drank enough to make my whole body shudder.

  With the bottle in hand, I entered the shower and undressed. The hot water burned my skin but I didn’t care, all that mattered was Iris. Her bruised face stayed in my mind, it was impossible to think of anything else. The pain in my heart and soul hadn’t fucking receded and the anger still had me shaking nonstop. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt so freaking alone. I crumpled onto the tiled floor and I sobbed like a baby.

  Thirty minutes later, I heard Justin shooting inaudible things at me throughout the house.

  “Banks, get up!” Justin shouted from the bathroom door. “Get your ass off the floor.”

  “Leave me alone, Justin.” I should have known he would barge in to stop me from drinking my anger away.

  “I said, get the fuck up! Iris is in the hospital, she needs you there and you're here, drinking like a loser. Can you even stand on your own two feet at this point?”

  I hated him in that moment. He had no idea what I was going through. “You saw me, you saw what I did,” I shot back at him, avoiding his eyes.

  “I sure did and I doubt he'll be able to eat anything more than Jell-O for the next couple of weeks.” He chuckl
ed. “You were out of control, man, but you stopped and now you’re feeling like shit because of what you did. Stopping yourself shows you have a heart, unlike your father.”

  The mention of Dad made me uncomfortable. “He hurt her.”

  “He did, Cal – that’s why your place is with Iris, not locked up here in your safe place. Be there for her, that’s what she needs from you.”

  I tried getting up, but I was too unstable on my feet.

  “Jesus Christ, Banks.” He stalked across to me, sounding pissed off and turned the water setting to ice cold. “You have five minutes or I'm coming in there to put some clothes on you.”

  Hell no, he wasn’t fucking coming near me again. I turned the water off before hypothermia set in. The cold water had turned me into a frozen mess. I needed to get dressed because there was no freaking way I wanted him to see me fucking naked again. Once in a lifetime was enough.

  “Iris... Iris...” I kept muttering her name and each time the emotions kept rolling over me in ever increasing waves. Putting on a pair of boxers and my pants when I could barely stand wasn’t easy. It got me furious with myself all over again. What had I done? This night needed to be forgotten. I wanted my Iris. My beautiful girl.

  “Come on, Banks.” Justin spoke to me as if we were in the army and he was a sergeant and I was a rookie.

  “Give me a fucking break.”

  He shook his head. “I’ve dealt with all of your demands for days. I watched over her, gave her rides everywhere. Now, it’s your responsibility. Get your shit together, put on a shirt and get in the fucking car.”

  The cold shower, the stress over having Justin ordering me around forced me back to reality. The alcohol effect had almost all vanished. Thank God.

  Dammit. What the hell is wrong with him?

  Chapter TWENTY

  DANIELLE WAS TALKING ON THE phone with Justin, and Calvin's name came up a number of times.

  Why hadn’t Calvin returned yet? He came back to New York for me and I had seen him only for a short time. Every damn part of my body craved him. Calvin had to get back here soon, I begged him to.

  “Calvin is on his way.”

  “Really?”

  “He had a rough night; he had a few drinks and was about to... I don't know. He feels like shit, but Justin has picked him up and they'll be here soon.”

  “Thank you, Danielle, and Krys too, for everything you've done.” They’d stayed here and cared for me. Without them, I had nobody else. How lonesome I could feel in this big city sometimes surprised me.

  “I'll help you with anything you need.” Krys offered.

  “I doubt Calvin will let you work for at least the next month. I’ll hang out with you when I’m off.” Danielle suggested.

  “Thank you.” I said.

  The door opened and I heard the voice I craved.

  “Babe.”

  My hands fell to my sides and I met his eyes. He looked as if he’d been to hell and back. His hair was damp and tied back from his face in a messy bun. His eyes were red-rimmed, as if he was tired or he’d been crying. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, but taking care not to hurt me.

  “I’m sorry, I fucked up.” The sound of his voice took my breath away.

  “I fucked up, too,” I admitted. “Can we go home, now?”

  He pulled back, holding my hand in his own, but not putting any pressure on my fingers. “Not yet, I talked to the doctor not too long ago. You’re going to be fine, but they need to keep you here for another couple of hours. I’ll stay with you, I promise.”

  I sniffed. “You reek of alcohol; did you take a bath in whiskey or something?”

  “I had a fight between my heart and my mind and in the end, Jack Daniel’s won. For a little while, at least.” He gave me one of his foolish grins and turned to the girls and Justin. “You guys should go home. I’m good now.”

  The three of them grabbed their winter jackets, said their goodbyes and left, promising to see us soon.

  The room became awfully quiet after Krys walked out. Our gazes met and we stared at one another for a long time. The distress in his eyes worried me, but I also saw all the love he held for me in them, too.

  “Talk to me, Calvin. Tell me what you’re going through.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t do that to you, babe. Not after what you’ve been through, you don’t need to hear my problems.”

  “I’m okay. I’m honestly okay.” I tried to think of a better way to explain myself. “Since I was a kid, keeping my mouth shut has been hard. It has always gotten me into trouble, but never like last night, trust me. Yes, everything hurts, but I’ll heal and be okay.”

  “How can you say that? The guy hit you with your skateboard, for Christ’s sake! The doctor said your back is covered in bruises! Seeing you like this, is like watching what my mom went through, all over again. Growing up, I couldn’t do anything to save her because my father was dangerous and I couldn’t stand up to him. This time, I couldn’t stand on the sidelines and do nothing.”

  “What have you done?” I asked the question, but deep in my heart, I already knew.

  “He’s still alive, don’t worry. But he’ll never hurt a woman again. Trust me.”

  “Calvin... I... I don’t know what to say. I would never have asked you do something like this!

  “I know. It was my decision, not yours.” He looked away, but not before I saw the hurt and worry in his eyes.

  “Thank you, anyway. I wish you hadn’t done it, but I appreciate you looking out for me. Later in the morning, the doctor will put my hand in a finger splint.”

  Calvin glanced down at my bruised fingers. “Does it hurt?”

  “No, not really. The pain meds are keeping a lid on things.”

  “Shit,” he cursed. “It kills me to see you like this, babe. It fucking kills me. I grew up watching my mom recovering from shit like you went through last night. She called her bruises ‘dark clouds’ to make them sound not so bad. For me.” He cupped my bruised cheek in a loving way. “I don’t like seeing you like this. It hurts me in way I don’t even know how to explain. I swear, you’re going to heal and you won’t ever be hurt like this again. I’ll never leave you alone to get hurt, I’ll be so close and keeping an eye on you, you’ll get sick of me.”

  “Never.”

  “God, I love you so much. I’m taking a few days off and I’ll stay home to care for you. I’m going to make sure you have everything you need.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” I protested. “I’ll be fine. You have work to do. You’ve already been away for a couple of days.” The pain in my head returned, making me wince.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Give me a second.” I tried to push the ache away, not willing to let this ruin our conversation. We needed to talk and now seemed like a good time.

  “Let me get the nurse.” He was out the room before I was able to stop him. I knew they would give me more drugs and I would be asleep in no time. I didn’t want this; I wanted him. No drugs.

  “Cal... Cal...” I tried to say his name louder. “I’m okay.” I lied.

  He returned alone. “They should be here soon.”

  “I’m okay. Calvin, and please, don’t call my parents, okay? I don’t want them to know.”

  He nodded. “I’m here for you. You can ask me anything and I’ll do whatever I can.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t ever thank me for something like this.”

  The nurse came in but I lied and told her the pain had gone away, avoiding Calvin’s suspicious gaze. I asked when I would be able to go home. Hospitals were without doubt not my cup of tea. The cold air, the shitty mattress – everything about this room sucked compare to Calvin’s home.

  Thinking about the penthouse, I cringed as I remembered the state I’d left it in. “I’m sorry; the apartment was messy when I left yesterday. I had planned on cleaning it up after I got home from work.”

  He laughed. “Do you think I car
e? It’s great, having your stuff in there, it brings everything to life.”

  Wait, Iris. Not here, not now. My desire to tell him about my decision to move in with him kept taunting me, but I wanted to surprise him and he’d had more than enough emotions to deal with tonight.

  By the time the sun started to rise, my body ached and I gave in to taking more pain killers. Calvin looked exhausted.

  “I think you should go home, baby. I’ll get some sleep, and you should too.” I could tell from the look on his face, he was about to protest. “No, I’m serious, Banks. You’re exhausted, so am I. Plus, the meds are kicking in. I’ll be out for hours. Go on, please. I want you back in good shape and ready to pick me up in a few hours.”

  Calvin shook his head. “I don’t know what I did to cross your path, but damn, I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you. But I have to tell you, this idea of yours, I hate it. My place is here with you.”

  “Come on, Calvin, a tall man like you can’t sleep on that tiny wooden chair.” I yawned and even that movement freaking hurt. “Go home, take a shower and get some sleep. Bring me back some clean clothes, too.” I smiled.

  He grinned and winked. “That means I get to pick what you’ll wear to go home. I might come back with lingerie,” he warned.

  “Don’t be such a guy.” We both laughed and I winced as my head pounded. “Please, bring me some comfy gym clothes. Please.”

  He kissed me, stared at me for a long moment and then kissed me again before leaving.

  When Calvin arrived at the hospital a few hours later, I’d been released and was ready to leave. “Take me home, Calvin.” I saw the hesitation in his eyes, as he tried to decide where home was. I didn't add any more, this was a subtle hint that I planned to be moving in with him in the next couple of days.

  “Can you walk, or do you need a wheelchair?” he asked in silence. “I could carry you in my arms, instead.” He tried to make it sound like a joke, but I knew my injured condition was responsible for taking the sparkle from his eyes.