Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1)

by Aimie Grey

  Sawyer ignored my outburst and rambled on and on about the importance of academic achievement. I would have sworn he was intentionally trying to make me late. My phone buzzed after what felt like fucking forever.

  “Excuse me,” I said to Sawyer. I stood and turned my back to him.

  “Hey, Ethan, what’s up?”

  “Are you still at the school?” he asked.

  “Yes.” I looked over my shoulder at Sawyer and said, “We’re almost done.”

  “Do you want me to come?”

  “No, I can handle it. I’ll call you after work and tell you about it.”

  I walked back to Sawyer after I hung up the phone. “Will you please get to the point already? I know school is important. Just tell me what I need to do to help her.”

  “She needs extensive tutoring.”

  “Why couldn’t you have told me that over the phone or in an email? Why does it take,” I looked down at the time on my cell, “an hour and a half to say, ‘Peyton needs tutoring’?”

  He opened his mouth to respond, probably with another insult. Without thinking, I put two fingers on his lips to keep him quiet. “I’ll work with her. Just tell me what she needs help with.” I felt his lips barely press against my fingers before I yanked them away.

  “She requires a special kind of tutoring.”

  Fuck, one more thing I can’t afford. “Just email the information for the tutor, and I’ll get her signed up. I really need to get going.”

  “I’m the only person in this area trained in this tutoring method,” Sawyer said smugly. “I can get her from latchkey around three-thirty and take her back after.”

  “So, this whole meeting was a sales pitch?” I rubbed my forehead in frustration.

  “Here are my rates.” He slid a half-sheet of paper to me. “She is going to need five sessions every week.”

  I held back the tears of frustration that pricked my eyes as I reviewed his fee schedule. Five hours a week cost more than all of my other monthly expenses combined. Hell, one hour per week was a big chunk of what I earned at the club. Ethan would probably help some, but with his student loans and limited hours at the hospital, he couldn’t do much.

  “This is extortion. You realize that you are in a small Midwestern town and not California or even Indianapolis, right? I think one-quarter of these rates is reasonable for this area.”

  “I’m open to negotiation, or alternate forms of compensation.” Sawyer’s lewd grin made my skin crawl. “You obviously didn’t wear those fuck-me heels to work at the hospital. Did you wear them for me?”

  “No,” I said firmly. “I’ll look into a few things, and then email you to let you know.” Even with the reduced rate, I felt completely defeated. I would not be considering his alternate forms of compensation. I stood to leave.

  “Where are you going?” He stalked toward me with heat in his eyes.

  “Leave me alone. I’m not in the mood for any more of your head games tonight. I have to get to work. You’ve already cost me two hours that I can’t make up.” I stormed out of the room, relieved he didn’t try to stop me.

  *

  “Hey, Mad. Poppy didn’t show up, and I need another dancer for the feature show.” The manager, Bruce, spent most of his time arranging coverage for the stage. The strippers here didn’t have the best attendance, which surprised me because they didn’t get paid if they didn’t show up.

  “Why are you asking me? I’ve never danced in that show before.” Being a featured dancer meant going topless and giving private dances after. The thought of doing either was nauseating.

  “You’ve got the best tits,” he said as if it was obvious. He ran a hand over his shiny bald head. “I’m desperate here. I’ll pay you double, and the tips out there are way more than what you’d get in the Leather and Lace room.” At least I got to keep all of my girl parts covered up in the fetish room.

  All I could think about was Peyton. I did the math in my head and realized that one night in the main show and a couple of private clients would pay for several weeks of tutoring if she went only twice a week. “Fine, I’ll get changed.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Sawyer

  “Didn’t I tell you to keep your interactions with her professional?” My sister’s exasperation was justified; I was exasperated with myself.

  “I know. I fucked it up again.” I flopped onto my pillow-top mattress and draped my arm across my eyes. “Why can’t I keep my shit together around her?”

  “You need to figure that out, pronto. She’s probably ready to have a chat with the principal.”

  “The principal already knows.” Linda had called me into her office after school.

  “Did Madison tell her everything?”

  “It wasn’t her. Apparently a guy from maintenance told Linda that I brought a whore to my classroom last Friday night.” The maintenance guy better pray I didn’t find out who he was. “She didn’t believe me when I told her what happened; the security cameras recorded Madison coming to my room dressed like a hooker. She also brought up the incident on back-to-school night. We were caught on tape going to the supply closet and leaving a while later looking disheveled.”

  “Is your job in danger? I know how much you love teaching. I’d hate for you to lose that.” Marina’s concern for me radiated through the phone. I was more worried about what Linda might do to Madison and Peyton.

  “Let me tell you about Linda. She’s probably only forty and has had every plastic surgery procedure known to man. She’s also a manipulative bitch. The nasty shrew actually said that she’d forget the whole thing if I went with her to the closet.” The thought alone made me want to hurl. “I told her I’d rather lose my job than touch her.”

  “Couldn’t you file a harassment complaint against her?”

  “I can’t go to the teachers’ union because she has the videos of what I did with Madison. Plus, it’s my word against hers.”

  “At least you’d be okay financially.”

  “Yeah, I haven’t touched any of the money you forced on me from your mother, except to pay for moving expenses.”

  “Our mother,” she corrected. I didn’t think she knew just how uncomfortable I was taking money from a dead woman I’d never met. “What did the bitch say when you refused her advances?”

  “That I’d regret it. I told her I’d recorded the entire conversation and would file harassment charges against her if she did anything to Madison, Peyton, or me. I think she knew I was serious.” I hadn’t actually recorded the conversation, but Linda didn’t need to know that. “She changed her tune rather quickly. Made it seem like it was all a joke. We came to an agreement that all recordings would be deleted and forgotten.”

  “Your life is like a movie. Maybe I’ll write a screenplay about it.”

  “That would be the lowest grossing film in the history of Hollywood.” I chuckled. “No one wants to watch a movie about a twenty-six-year-old elementary school teacher who lived with his parents most of his life.”

  “No, but they would love to watch a film about a handsome man who moved away from the glitz of California and his glamorous sister, to a small town in Indiana in search of a beautiful stranger who’d broken his heart.” Her sigh was sickeningly sweet.

  “It hasn’t turned out very well. You’d have to make up the happy ending.”

  “It’s not over yet. You need to have some faith.” I appreciated her misplaced optimism. I, however, stayed focused on reality and decided it was time to change the subject.

  “Any interest in writing a horror flick? Thomas, Finn, and the Bitch are coming to town in a couple of weeks. I bet I can get you a lot of material from that.”

  “I’m always up for a challenge. Try not to kill the bitch, and call me as soon as you’re sober enough to dial.” She didn’t realize how much she was asking of me.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Madison

  “You did what?” I yelled.

  “I said, I signed us up to
help out at the school carnival this afternoon.” Ethan stretched out the words as if speaking to small child.

  “I wish you would have asked me first.” Maybe I should just tell him about what happened with Sawyer, I thought, but quickly dismissed the idea. “What are we going to be doing?” Shouting as I ran upstairs to change. I threw on a pair of shapeless jeans and tugged a baggy sweatshirt over my tank top.

  “We’re going to be playground monitors,” Ethan answered when I hit the bottom step. “You realize it’s still summer, right?” he asked as he took in my ensemble.

  “I’m aware,” I said as I pushed past him. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

  “I must have forgotten. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.”

  “Sorry, I’m just tired from work last night.” And I didn’t want to see a certain teacher. “Is Peyton ready?”

  “Yep!” Peyton said as she hopped down the stairs. “I can’t wait!”

  “All right, ladies, let’s get going.” Ethan held the door open for us.

  “I’ll drive,” I said.

  *

  It was stupid to wear winter clothes in the summer, but I knew Sawyer would be there and didn’t want to encourage him. I had problems controlling myself around him, so I needed to prevent his next salvo.

  Ethan and I played with the kids on the jungle gym for a while. When a few more parents showed up, I decided to sit in the shade against the red brick building while Ethan pushed Peyton on the swings. I looked around the schoolyard where I’d spent my childhood as I tried to cool off.

  “Is this spot taken?” A smooth, deep voice sounded from above. Every hair on my body stood at attention. He was pointing to the ground next to me when I looked up.

  Great, just what I need.

  “Would it make a difference if I said yes?”

  “Not really, just trying to be polite.” He sat down a little too close to me. “I’m surprised you came.”

  “Didn’t have much choice,” I said jutting my chin toward Ethan.

  “Ah. I thought the handwriting on the signup sheet was a little masculine. Dr. Madden—or, should I say, your boyfriend—looks like he’s having a good time.”

  “He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

  A ghost of a smile flashed on Sawyer’s face. “I’m sorry for my behavior last week. I can’t seem to figure out how to keep myself in check around you.”

  “You keep apologizing, but nothing changes.”

  “I know. I think I’ve figured out the problem.”

  “Oh, really? This ought to be good.”

  “I want you so badly that I lose all rational thought,” he said. I hugged my knees into my chest. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that when you have a fiancée waiting for you at home. It’s really sleazy.”

  “I’m not engaged. Never have been, never will be,” he said.

  “You don’t have to lie to me.” I struggled to get to my feet, but a strong hand grasped my arm and kept me in place. “That night in the hotel, your phone went off after you fell asleep. Your fiancée sent you a topless picture.” The anger I felt that night made an encore.

  He was quiet for a long moment, probably trying to come up with a lie to cover his tracks. “What made you think she was my fiancée and not some random girl?”

  “The caller ID said ‘Future Wife’, which is a pretty good indicator that she was your fiancée,” I replied.

  Sawyer cursed under his breath as he put the pieces together. “That was my brother’s wife. I was in town for his wedding, and our phones got mixed up.” He raked his fingers through his shaggy brown hair.

  Relief pulsed through me. “I feel much better knowing I didn’t fuck someone else’s man. It may not seem like it, but I take fidelity very seriously.” I was finally able to release the heavy breath I’d been holding for months.

  “Finn wasn’t happy when he found out I’d seen his wife’s boobs, or lack thereof.” His easy smile chipped away at the wall between us. This version of Sawyer was too easy to like. This was the man I’d met in the bar a year ago.

  “Do they even qualify as boobs?” I ran my eyes up his stomach and stopped when I got to his chest. “I think yours are bigger.” I failed miserably at my attempt to keep a straight face.

  “I would have to agree with you. Anyway, I think I’ve come up with a solution that would be mutually beneficial for us.”

  “And what might that be?”

  “Since we are both single, what would you think about the two of us making an arrangement?”

  “What sort of arrangement?”

  “Friends with benefits. It’s all I can offer. We could fuck whenever we feel the urge.” His tone was all business.

  “Is that all you can offer me or all you can offer anyone?”

  “Anyone. I don’t do relationships.”

  “I don’t know. I have a lot going on right now, and I could get laid anytime I want.” I tilted my head toward Ethan.

  “Do you want to fuck him?”

  “Touché.”

  “Friendship and orgasms are all I can offer,” he said.

  His offer was appealing on a carnal level, but I didn’t have the time or energy to deal with his mood swings. I also couldn’t bring myself to be in any kind of real relationship when I had a job that requires me to be unfaithful. “I need some time to think about it. I’ll let you know when I make up my mind.”

  “Fair enough. Now tell me why you looked so sad when I came over here.”

  “It’s just this place. It has too many memories. Some are great, but most are awful.”

  “What happened?”

  “There was this girl in my class. I think her mission in life was to make my life hell. I don’t know what I ever did to her.”

  “She was probably jealous of you.”

  I looked around the playground again while we sat quietly for a minute. Memories flashed in my mind as my eyes scanned each area.

  “I met Peyton’s mom, Olivia, over by the monkey bars. She was a grade ahead of me. One day, I was swinging across them when Kristy, my nemesis, climbed on top of the bars and stomped on my fingers. It had been raining, so when I fell, I got covered in mud from head to toe. Olivia saw it, shoved Kristy’s face in the mud, and told her to eat dirt. We’ve been best friends ever since.”

  “My current nemesis’s name is also Kristy. She’s the flat-chested bitch married to Finn.”

  “Surely she can’t be as bad as my Kristy,” I retorted.

  “She asked me to fuck her on her wedding day. In the church! And that wasn’t the first time. She’d propositioned me every time I was in the same room with her up to the point she said, ‘I do.’ I think she only stopped being so obvious about it because she signed a pre-nup and doesn’t want to risk losing my brother’s money.”

  “That’s awful. My Kristy decided she wanted Ethan for herself. Of course, this was after his skin cleared up and his muscles came in.” I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “She climbed through his bedroom window one night. He was passed out cold from playing in the homecoming game followed by some amorous activities. She took off her top and climbed into bed with him. She didn’t realize that I was in the bathroom down the hall. I walked back into the room and found her trying to take a picture of them in bed together.”

  “She wanted you to think he cheated on you with her?”

  “Yeah. I wouldn’t have believed it even if I’d walked in on them going at it. Ethan would never cheat. Even if he was single, he wouldn’t touch her.”

  “Sounds just like my bitch-in-law. I wouldn’t touch her if my life depended on it.”

  “Wow, we actually have something in common. We both hate a bitch named Kristy.”

  We shared a laugh at the unfortunate coincidence. “I don’t have the fondest memories of school either,” he added.

  “You mean you weren’t the quarterback of the football team and didn’t have
a different cheerleader each day of the week?”

  “You couldn’t be more wrong about me, but that describes my brothers perfectly. Let’s just say I had an awkward phase that lasted from puberty through my second year of college.”

  “I’m sure the ladies would have overlooked the awkwardness if they’d known about that monster in your pants.”

  “Probably, but those aren’t the kind of people I’d want to hook up with.”

  “True.”

  “Wait, is that the reason you went to my room with me that night?”

  “No. I was actually a little scared of it when I touched it in the bar.”

  “That’s interesting,” he said with a smug smile as he glanced over at Ethan. “So, why did you pick me up that night?” he asked.

  “I was determined to score with someone. I figured a guy who was concerned with my safety was a good choice. I just didn’t have the courage to say something until you—um—pointed out your interest.”

  “You’re gorgeous. Who wouldn’t be interested?” He ran the backs of two fingers down my cheek. His hand abruptly fell as he remembered our surroundings. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed.

  “I had no reason to believe I would succeed that night. I’d only had one boyfriend my entire life, and I certainly never had any admirers.

  “Were you a walking pimple, too?”

  “No, I’ve pretty much looked the same since I was twelve. I doubt I’ll ever know how I ended up on the unpopular list, and I don’t really care anymore. They can all kiss my ass.”

  I felt his eyes examine every inch of my covered body, as if remembering what I looked like underneath. “I am so hot for you right now.” He leaned in close to my ear. “Have you decided to accept my offer yet?”

  “We barely know each other,” was my attempt to stall.

  “I know you better than you think.”

  “Prove it.”

  “You’re the most feminine tomboy I’ve ever met. You look like a lingerie model, but you’re practically a dude on the inside.”

  “You like dudes?” My relationship with Ethan finally made sense. I was the only girl he wanted because I was more or less a guy on the inside.