Never to Keep (Accepting Fate #1)

by Aimie Grey

  I started with the magazine. On the cover was a photo of Marina and Tate on a red carpet. There was a bookmark about two-thirds through the weekly entertainment rag.

  “Take a look at that page,” he said. “I think you’ll be interested to see one of the pictures.”

  I hesitantly flipped open the periodical to the marker. I looked through the pictures of Marina in a beautiful lavender dress standing arm-in-arm with Tate in a single-breasted tuxedo.

  “Look carefully at the picture in the bottom left corner,” he said.

  I examined the picture closely. My eyes started to burn when I found what he wanted me to see. Sawyer was standing in the background with a gorgeous redhead. She was beaming. His arm was wrapped around her waist, and his lips were millimeters from her ear.

  “Will you excuse me for a moment?” I didn’t wait for a response before I ran to the bathroom. I emptied my stomach and wiped the tears from my face before I returned to my uninvited guest.

  “I’d appreciate it if you’d leave,” I said after I sat on the couch.

  “There’s more.” He pointed toward the manila folder.

  I picked it up and flipped through the papers a few times before I realized what I was looking at. “He wants a paternity test?”

  “It’s what’s best for everyone involved. The other document is a settlement agreement in the unlikely event he is the father.”

  I had trouble focusing on the paper, but was able to pick up on the phrase ‘termination of parental rights’ and a dollar sign followed by five figures. “He wants to pay me off and then walk away?” Maybe he had decided to move on with the woman in the photograph, and the baby and I would just be in the way. It took everything I had to hold myself together.

  “I think you’ll agree the amount is more than fair.”

  “It’s not acceptable,” I said. I couldn’t put a price tag on my baby growing up without his father. If he didn’t want the baby, then I’d just do it by myself.

  “How much do you want?”

  “Nothing. If he wants to walk away, he can do it for free. He just has to be man enough to tell me himself.”

  “You would let him sign over his rights and responsibilities without any compensation?”

  “Yes. I want my baby to have a father who loves him. If Sawyer doesn’t want the baby, he can walk away. He’ll have to pay for the test, though. I can’t afford it, and I already know for sure he’s the father.”

  I stood and headed toward the door.

  “I’ll let him know,” Thomas said as he stepped onto the porch. I guess I had the answer I’d waited weeks to hear.

  “Wait a minute,” I called as he took the first step.

  “Yes?”

  “He doesn’t have a job. How can he offer me so much money?”

  “Did you forget he has rich relatives?”

  “Oh, I didn’t think about that.”

  I leaned against the closed door, but even that couldn’t keep me on my feet. I slid to the floor to wait for the pain to subside. “It’ll be okay,” I said to my baby. “I’ll always take care of you.” I had no idea what I would tell my son about his father’s absence. I could only hope I would be enough for him so that he wouldn’t feel the void.

  *

  I had pulled myself together by the time Ethan and Charlie dropped Peyton off after their trip to the zoo. We made dinner together, played her favorite board game, and then I read to her for a while before she drifted off to sleep. I kissed her soft cheek and then went downstairs to where I’d left my phone sitting beside the couch.

  “Hello,” the happy voice answered. I had to remember that Marina was one of the best actresses in the world. She could easily pretend to be my friend while stabbing me in the back.

  “Hey.”

  “Madison?”

  “Did you give Sawyer money?” I didn’t have any desire to make small talk.

  “Yes. Why?”

  “I appreciate everything you’ve done for Peyton and me, but I never want to speak to you again.”

  I hung up the phone and dialed another number.

  “Sawyer, it’s Madison,” I said into the voicemail. “I wish you would have just told me it was over instead of sending your brother to do it for you. Since you don’t have the balls to say it, I will. It’s over.”

  I threw the phone on the nearby end table. I almost didn’t look when it rang again less than a minute later. I was surprised to see Aaron’s name on the screen.

  “Hello?” I cringed when I heard the residual anger in my voice.

  “Madison? It’s Aaron Perkins. Are you okay?”

  “Sorry about that; I’ve had a rough day. What’s up?”

  “Two things—first I wanted to tell you that Hailey Fox’s social work license was revoked today.”

  “That’s great news,” I said. I just wished there was a way to punish Kristy for all of this, too. “What’s the second thing?”

  “I want to ask you for a favor, but it might not be appropriate.”

  “It’s fine, really.” I owed him more than I could ever repay, so I would do just about anything in my power to help him.

  “Well, I know it’s last minute, but the firm is having a Christmas party tomorrow evening. I was wondering if you would like to come with me.”

  “I’m sorry, Aaron. I’m still not in a place where I can date. I think I’m even more messed up than I was before.”

  “What if it’s not a date? Maybe I just need a beautiful woman on my arm to keep the vultures away.”

  I didn’t have to feel guilty about spending time with him, since I was officially over with Sawyer. Maybe this could be my first baby-step toward moving on. I had photographic proof that Sawyer had already taken a leap in that direction. I was sure Nana wouldn’t have a problem watching Peyton. I didn’t have to worry about Peyton going to school on Monday since it was winter break. “I think I can do that.”

  “Great, I’ll pick you up at six.”

  “See you then.”

  CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

  Sawyer

  I spent my first full day in Indiana shopping for Christmas presents for Peyton and spent the entire evening trying my best to wrap them neatly. I found Madison’s present in the drawer of my nightstand and placed it in a small, rectangular box. I carefully folded silver paper around the box and then wrote her name on it.

  My phone rang a few minutes after I had finished.

  “Hello?”

  “What did you do?” The anger in my sister’s voice resonated through my entire body.

  “I haven’t done anything.” I was completely clueless as to why she would be so upset.

  “Then why did Madison call me last night saying she never wanted to speak to me again?”

  My heart stalled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about—and why are you just now telling me?”

  “I had to wait until I calmed down enough to not kill your dumb ass through the phone.” If that was calm, I would hate to see what she was like the night before. “You’d better figure it out. I’ll be damned if I lose my friend and my niece and nephew over your stupidity.”

  “I’ve gotta go.” It was time to confess my sin. I prayed I wasn’t too late.

  “Figure it out!” she yelled before slamming down the phone. I wondered if she’d intentionally called me from her landline just so she could punctuate her anger.

  I shoved my phone in my pocket and loaded the packages in the car. Christmas was still a few days away, but I wanted to have them with me tonight just in case it was my last chance.

  I sped to Madison’s house only to find all of the windows dark. I parked across the street and waited for a little while. I finally decided to leave the presents behind the short brick wall on her front porch so they couldn’t be seen from the road. I would have to come back to talk to her, but at least she would know I was back.

  I sat in my truck and stared at the house that been the backdrop for most of my favorite memories. My fin
gers were beginning to go numb from the cold when a brand new BMW pulled up in front of the house.

  A clean-cut guy in an expensive suit stepped out of the car and walked around to open the passenger side door. He reached in and helped a beautiful brunette—my beautiful brunette—from her seat.

  I had to force myself to stay in my car. Causing a scene wasn’t the way to get her back. I watched as he walked her to the porch and then held both of her hands in his. Neither of them seemed to notice the pile of gifts I’d left. I couldn’t take it anymore when he leaned in to kiss her goodnight. I started the engine and sped away.

  *

  Thomas was parked in my driveway when I got home. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked my older brother when he stepped out of the car. I had no idea he was in town, and I certainly wasn’t in the mood for visitors.

  “Saving your ass, that’s what.” He stepped into the house behind me. A trail of frigid air followed us from the door to the living room. I would never get used to Indiana winters.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I went to see Madison. I got her to agree to a paternity test, and I offered her a fat wad of cash to let you off the hook for the baby.”

  “Are you fucking crazy?” I asked. “I don’t want to be let off the hook. What makes you think I’d want to give up my son?”

  “Let me finish,” he said. “She didn’t want the money. She said she’d let you walk away for free.”

  “Do you realize what you’ve done?”

  “Yes, I proved that there is at least one woman in the world that isn’t a gold digger. You’ve been a wreck for weeks. Once you came back to this icy hell hole, I figured it would only be a matter of time before you threw your life away on her.”

  “So you decided to make it so she’ll never speak to me again?”

  “I thought I’d get proof that she’s a bitch, so you could see her true colors and leave her alone for good.” He diverted his traitorous eyes from mine. “Instead, I realized that you actually found one of the very rare good ones. If you are determined to settle down, I guess she’s okay.”

  “You guess she’s okay? How the fuck am I supposed to fix this?” I paced the length of the room and then rounded on my older brother. “Get the fuck out of my house, and mind your own goddamned business.”

  “Calm the fuck down, bro. I was just trying to help.”

  I was sure I would turn green and rip through my clothes like the Incredible Hulk. “Out! Now!”

  “Whatever.” He shook his head as he stormed out of my house.

  I grabbed my phone and hit the name at the top of my call history. “Marina, I need your help,” I said as soon as my sister answered. I explained what had happened with BMW guy and Thomas. “What am I going to do?”

  “You’re going to go to her and grovel like you’ve never groveled before.”

  “Is that the best you’ve got? There’s no way that’s going to work,” I said and then hung up the phone without another word. I knew I was too late. Madison had moved on, and Thomas had driven the final nail in my coffin. I fell back onto my couch and cried.

  CHAPTER SIXTY

  Madison

  I dropped off Peyton and Brianna at Nana’s house for a New Year’s Eve sleepover. Charlie had asked Nana to watch Brianna, so he and Ethan could go out, and Peyton had wanted to go, too.

  I fiddled with the small, rectangular box I’d been keeping in my coat pocket for nearly a week as I walked up the steps to my house. I couldn’t bring myself to open it or throw it away, so I’d just left it in my pocket.

  I came home to find Ethan and Charlie making out on the couch. “That was fast. I was only gone five minutes,” I said. They pulled apart and grinned. “I thought you guys were going out.”

  “We are, but we want to talk to you first,” Ethan said.

  “You’ve been spending too much time alone lately,” Charlie added.

  “Not true, I spend most of my time with Peyton,” I countered. “Plus, I went out with Aaron that one time.” It had been a pleasant evening, but I would have rather been home with Peyton.

  “You know what he meant. You need more adult companionship. That one night out doesn’t count,” Ethan said.

  “I’m a fat, hormonal, bitchy mess. No one wants to spend time with that. You’re going to regret moving in with me before long.” Ethan had moved in a few days earlier when his lease expired. His stuff was in the spare room, but I hadn’t seen much of him because he spent most of his time with Charlie and Brianna.

  “Not true, you’re barely showing,” Charlie said with a grin.

  “Ah, so you agree that I’m a hormonal bitch?” I asked with a smile.

  “We want you to come out with us tonight,” Ethan said. “You may be bitchy, but we love you anyway.”

  “This isn’t optional, is it?” I asked.

  “Of course not,” Charlie said. “Now, go get changed.”

  *

  I swung my hips to the beat of the dance mix with Charlie in front of me and Ethan pressed up against my back. We didn’t have a real dance club in town, but the tavern three blocks from the house tried its best to fill the void on certain holidays.

  “This is the most I’ve seen you smile in a long time,” Ethan said. His lips were close to my ear, so I could hear him over the loud music.

  “I’m doing better. I decided to focus on what I have, instead of what I’ve lost. I’ve got Peyton, a little guy on the way, and the two best friends a girl could ask for. What more do I need?” I was nearly shouting in his ear. I was glad the music and the dim lighting gave us some sense of privacy in the crowded room.

  “Are you over Ramsay?” Charlie asked.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely over him, but I’ve gotten to a place where I can function.” I was sure I would lose my voice by the end of the night.

  “There’s something we want to ask you,” Ethan said from behind me.

  “We want you to be with us,” Charlie added.

  “What do you mean?” I was completely befuddled by their question.

  “We want you to join our relationship. You would be our girlfriend, and we’d be your boyfriends.” As Charlie spoke, I thought back to the incredibly sexy scene I’d walked in on earlier in the evening, and how I’d had to change my panties before we left the house. “The three of us can raise the girls and the baby together.”

  “I don’t know…. My life is such a mess right now.” I missed being in a relationship, and I really missed sex. I wondered if being with them would be enough to distract me from the heartbreak I still felt for Sawyer. I had an up-close-and-personal view of Ethan and Charlie kissing over my shoulder. “I don’t want to be a third wheel.”

  “You wouldn’t be. I’ve loved you since we were kids, remember?” Ethan said quietly in my ear. He rubbed his growing excitement against my bottom.

  “And I’ve been hot for you for as long as I can remember,” Charlie whispered. He mirrored Ethan’s movements to prove it to me. “I just never had a shot, thanks to this guy.”

  “Don’t forget about your promise,” Ethan said. “You agreed that you’d give me another chance if you were single and I still wanted you after I gave another relationship a chance. I think this situation qualifies.”

  My hormones went up in flames. I had two extremely hot men rubbing their erections against my body. Maybe it was worth a try. Maybe it was the best I could get now that I’d lost Sawyer. I looked up into Charlie’s heated eyes. The noise of the bar faded away as his lips came toward mine in slow motion.

  My lips connected with Charlie’s, and I felt Ethan’s full mouth on my neck. After a chaste moment, Charlie ran his tongue along the seam of my lips. I began to open for him, and then he was suddenly gone.

  I opened my eyes just in time to see Charlie dodge a large fist flying at his head. It didn’t lose momentum and missed my face by only a few millimeters. I realized Ethan had pulled me out of the way just in time to avo
id a collision.

  I righted myself and looked for Charlie to make sure he was okay. Instead, my gaze locked on a pair of blue eyes I never expected to see again.

  “Madison,” he said frantically. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean—”

  My brain and body became disconnected. My fist slammed into his face before I knew what happened. “Holy fuck!” I yelled as I cradled my hand. I looked up to see Sawyer rubbing his jaw.

  “That was freaking awesome, Mads,” Ethan said. “Let me take a look at your hand.”

  “It’ll be okay.” Still unable to control my actions, I took a step closer to Sawyer and knotted my uninjured hand in his shorter hair. I pulled his head toward mine and slammed my lips against his. Just as I suspected, his kiss still set me on fire in a way that Charlie’s never could.

  The spell was broken when his hands moved to my ass and pulled my hips into his straining erection. I jerked away and rammed my knee as hard as I could into his family jewels. I guess he won’t be giving my baby any siblings. Holding his stomach, he collapsed to the floor.

  “I’m going home. I’ll see you guys later.” I didn’t acknowledge Sawyer’s feeble attempt to get my attention as I stormed from the bar.

  *

  I wasn’t surprised when my doorbell rang fifteen minutes after I’d gotten home.

  “I have nothing to say to you,” I yelled through the closed door.

  “Just give me five minutes. You owe me at least that much,” he yelled back.

  I flung the door open and fought the intense urge to punch him again. “I don’t owe you shit!” I screamed.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Can we please just talk?”

  “You’ve given me seventy-three seconds of your time over the past six weeks. How dare you show up here with that entitled attitude?”

  “You have every right to be angry, but we need to talk.”

  “I’ll give you the same courtesy you gave me.” I made a show of looking at my watch. “You have seventy-three seconds. Go.”

  “I found out what Thomas did. I swear I had nothing to do with that.”