The Man Who Turned Into Himself

by David Ambrose

  Several weeks later, I received a call from him at my private office. He asked to come and see me. You have read the patient's account of that interview and the ensuing session of hypnosis. At the end of the session he thanked me for my help and left. Although I suggested at least one follow-up consultation, the patient did not consider this necessary and declined to cooperate.

  It was some three months after this that the patient committed the double murder of his wife and her lover. You inform me that the patient had been aware of the affair for some time, and had apparently hoped that it would run its course. You say he had bugged the motel room where they were meeting; then, when they had changed venue and also begun taking trips away together, he had hired a private detective agency to detail their movements.

  These acts, in and of themselves and without reference to their surrounding circumstances, do not necessarily indicate a paranoid state of mind. In this particular case, the patient's acts would seem, to some extent, justified and therefore rational. We must be careful about the strategy we attempt to use in his defence.

  The precise circumstances leading up to his final violent act are, you say, not known. It is clear, however, that the patient made no attempt to conceal his crime or evade arrest, and was still on the scene with the murder weapon in his hand when the police arrived.

  On the first occasion I interviewed him in prison; he was sullen and uncommunicative, exhibiting marked suicidal tendencies. When I asked him whether the murders had been committed by 'Rick' or 'Richard', he once again said that 'Rick' did not exist and never had existed. When I reminded him of his earlier conviction to the contrary, he insisted that he had been cured of this delusion since our last hypnosis session.

  He stated emphatically that he wished to take full responsibility for what he had done, adding that his only regret was that the crime had not been committed in a state where capital punishment was practised.

  I told him that if he did not want my help in establishing a defence against a charge of murder, then he was not obliged to accept it. However, I informed him that there was something he could do for me which would be valuable in my work in general, not just with reference to himself. I told him that I would like him to write an account — from the perspective of his currently normalised condition — of the experience of being two persons in one.

  After brief consideration, he agreed. Five days later, the document you have read was completed.

  As you will see, the patient begins his narrative in the 'parallel' reality, in which his wife supposedly dies in a car accident, and ends it in this reality, in which he kills her. It does not require special training to recognise here the mechanism of guilt and denial at work on an unconscious level. Nor is it difficult to see in the figure of the child, as in the whole idyllic picture of the 'other' marriage, the elements of wish-fulfilment fantasy.

  You will also have observed the dual role which I myself play in this narrative. I do not propose here to analyse this duality beyond noting that it is consistent with the common phenomenon of transference between patient and physician.

  I believe that it would be possible to construct a defence to the charge of first degree murder on the grounds of the patient's mental condition. However, the question of whether or not he is fit to stand trial is more difficult to establish, and I will give you my opinion on that after my next visit to him.

  Yours sincerely,

  Emma J. Todd, M.D.

  FROM THE DESK OF EMMA J. TODD, M.D.

  Dr Roger Killanin

  Dodge-Kesselring Clinic

  Castle Heights

  Dear Roger,

  A delicate matter has arisen on which I would value your advice. It comes out of my visit to Richard Hamilton this morning to discuss the document of which you have a copy.

  I found him significantly altered in mood. He was positive, relaxed, and seemingly self-confident. The first thing he said was that he hoped I hadn't been embarrassed by what he had written about me. I assured him that he should not worry on that score.

  He said he had found that writing the account had been a therapeutic experience, adding that he suspected that had been my real reason for asking him to do it. I conceded that it was certainly one reason.

  At this point he asked me if I had my tape recorder with me. I told him I had, and he asked me to switch it on. The following is a transcript of our conversation:

  Transcript From Tape

  PATIENT: I think it may be useful for you to have this for reference later. We have nothing to hide any more.

  DR TODD: 'We'?

  PATIENT: Richard and I. Or, if you prefer, Rick and I. Let's not quibble about the billing. We are as one now. Which is not the same thing, you understand, as being one. Frankly, the importance of writing our story down didn't strike either of us as being quite as enormous as it was until after we'd finished and sent it off to you. That accounts for the downbeat ending. We're both feeling a lot more positive now.

  DR TODD: I can see that. Tell me, am I speaking with both of you at the moment? Or just with one of you?

  PATIENT: You're speaking with both of us. We find we can listen, think, consult, and come up with a mutually agreed response so fast that nobody is aware of any delay at all. It's Richard's voice, of course. That's because Rick's voice, like the rest of his body, is back where he left it, in the other universe looking after Charlie.

  DR TODD: Okay, but let me understand this. If Rick is still back in the other universe, what is the part of him that's here now?

  PATIENT: We don't know. While he's here it feels like it's the whole of him. But that can't be so, because it's not his body, it's Richard's body. And the experiences he is having are Richard's experiences. They're comparable to his own, but not the same.

  DR TODD: I see.

  PATIENT: No you don't. (Laughter) You think you're talking to a crazy guy. It's okay — you've been great, Emma. Can we ask you just one last favour?

  DR TODD: What's that?

  PATIENT: Rick has to go back. He can't do it without you.

  DR TODD: What are you asking me to do?

  PATIENT: Let's just review what we know, Emma. We know that Rick can jump between two universes. Maybe in time more than two, but for now let's stick with what we've got. The first time he did it by accident, the second time by intention, under hypnosis. That second time he arrived back at exactly the point of his departure — which was what he wanted. And this last time he dreamed himself here.

  DR TODD: Has he tried dreaming himself back?

  PATIENT: As a matter of fact he has. And d'you know what? He can do it. Or at least he could if he wanted. He dreamed himself back and almost woke up once. But he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't want to go back to exactly the point where he left. We have something more ambitious in mind. You want to know what that is?

  DR TODD: Of course I do.

  PATIENT: Time travel.

  DR TODD: Time travel?

  PATIENT: It's the only way to clear up this mess, Emma. We've talked about it and we really believe it'll work.

  DR TODD: Would you like to explain how?

  PATIENT: Emma, you've read what we wrote about Rick coming over here, and how all that thing happened. You remember it pretty well, don't you?

  DR TODD: I do.

  PATIENT: So you remember how it all started — Rick having all those strange feelings, waking up in the night, almost killing himself in his car, passing out, finally getting this premonition that Anne was in danger. Don't you realise what the explanation of all that is?

  DR TODD: Why don't you tell me?

  PATIENT: Rick was reaching back in time — from here! — and trying to warn himself what was going to happen. Only he didn't make it. It all happened anyway.

  DR TODD: I see.

  PATIENT: Do you, Emma? Do you really? We'd both really like to believe that.

  DR TODD: I understand perfectly what you're saying.

  PATIENT: But do you understand what we have
to do now?

  DR TODD: Tell me.

  PATIENT: We have to try again, Emma! Put Rick back under hypnosis and get it right this time.

  DR TODD: I'm not sure I can do that.

  PATIENT: You can do it, Emma. We've figured it out. All you have to do is put him —

  DR TODD: I mean I'm not sure I can administer hypnosis — here.

  PATIENT: What's the problem?

  DR TODD: This is a prison. I'm not free to behave here as I would in my own office, or in a hospital room. I'm constrained by certain legal obligations here. We both are.

  End of Transcript

  So that, Roger, is my problem. What do you think I should do?

  As ever,

  Emma

  DODGE-KESSELRING CLINIC

  Director: Roger A. Killanin

  Mr Raymond P. Garrison

  Office of District Attorney

  Dear Mr Garrison,

  The shocking death in custody of Richard A. Hamilton clearly requires the most scrupulous investigation. However, I feel that neither truth nor clarity is well served by the current tendency both in professional and media circles to make a scapegoat out of my colleague, Dr Emma Todd.

  I would like to make it absolutely clear that, before undertaking the course of action which led to this unfortunate event, Dr Todd went to considerable lengths to ensure that her action was both legally and professionally justified. I strongly oppose any suggestion of improper conduct on her part, and have every confidence that the upcoming inquiry will exonerate her.

  You have seen a copy of the letter in which Dr Todd asked my advice before agreeing to her patient's request for further hypnotic treatment. I in turn spoke by telephone to the State Correctional Board and to the President of the State Psychiatric Association before passing on their advice to her.

  I was informed that Dr Todd would be in violation of neither law nor ethical propriety if she administered to the patient any treatment she saw fit in order to establish his unfitness to plead. The patient's stated desire to stand trial on the criminal charges brought against him, without any mitigating pleas on the grounds of his mental health, in no way compromised her right or duty as his physician, in cooperation with his lawyers, to establish such grounds if possible.

  The clinical justification for this treatment was unchanged from the previous occasion. It seemed plain to both Dr Todd and myself that the patient was exhibiting, by this roundabout means, a willingness to seek out and confront the root cause of his delusion. It was our duty to encourage, not discourage, such an intention.

  The session took place in an interview room in the prison. Only the patient and Dr Todd were present, though guards and a trained nurse had been posted outside to be called upon if necessary.

  Trance was induced by a standard technique and with no resort this time to a secondary trance. Only 'Rick', however, was to be regressed, while 'Richard' was to remain in light trance.

  The patient and Dr Todd agreed upon a self-reporting technique, whereby he would automatically report the depth of his trance on a scale from zero (normal consciousness) to fifty (plenary trance) whenever Dr Todd requested.

  The following is an excerpt from the tape of the session.

  Transcript From Tape

  'RICK': 45 . . . I'm now at 45 . . .

  'RICHARD': I'm at 10, Emma. This is Richard. I can see Rick way down there. He's way ahead of me.

  DR TODD: What can you see from where you are, Rick?

  'RICK': I can see where I have to go . . .

  DR TODD: Where is that, Rick?

  'RICK': Further back . . .

  DR TODD: What is there further back?

  'RICK': Him . . . me . . . it's myself, but it's him . . .

  DR TODD: What is he doing?

  'RICK': He's dreaming. He's having some . . . (the patient laughs slightly here) . . . he's having some pretty sexy dreams there . . . Oh, wow, he'd really like to remember those dreams, but he's not going to . . . no, he's definitely not going to . . .

  DR TODD: Why not?

  'RICK': Because he's anxious about tomorrow, but does not want to admit it, and that's making him restless . . . He's coming up now . . . he's coming towards me . . .

  DR TODD: Can he see you?

  'RICK': I don't . . . no [know?] . . . no, he's gone right through me, like I was a ghost . . .

  'RICHARD': Emma, he's got to go further back . . .

  DR TODD: That's all right.

  'RICHARD': I'm still at 10, Emma. I can see him down there, but I can't help him.

  DR TODD: Give me your depth, Rick.

  'RICK': I'm at . . . almost . . . 50 . . .

  'RICHARD': Go! Go, Rick! Go!

  NOTE: The patient's voice as 'Rick' is now weakened as though by strenuous physical effort, while 'Richard' remains vigorous and full of energy. There is no difficulty on the tape in telling which is speaking.

  'RICK': I must . . . I must . . .

  DR TODD: It's all right, Rick, go back as far as you need.

  'RICK': I'm . . . I'm afraid . . .

  DR TODD: There's no need to be afraid, Rick. What's your depth now?

  'RICK': I'm at 57 . . . it's still not far enough . . . Emma . . .

  DR TODD: It's all right, Rick, you can go on back without deepening your trance. You're deep enough now to go back as far as you need. You don't have to go down any further, just go back. Can you do that?

  'RICK': Yes, I think . . . I think I . . .

  'RICHARD': I've got to help him, Emma. He can't do this by himself.

  DR TODD: I don't think that's necessary, Richard.

  'RICHARD': I have to. He needs help. Rick, Rick . . .

  DR TODD: All right, Richard, let's take you down slowly, calmly . . .

  'RICHARD': There's no time for that. Oh, my God, look what's happening! I've got to get there!

  DR TODD: Rick — give me your depth, Rick [No response]. Rick, give me your depth.

  'RICHARD': It's no use, Emma. He's too far gone. Rick. Wait for me. Hold on. Wait for me.

  DR TODD: Rick! I'm going to start counting from 50. When you hear me at your depth, say 'I'm here, Emma'. 50, 51, 52, 53, 54 . . .

  'RICHARD': It's no use. Too late, Emma. Rick! Wait for me! I can help you! Rick . . . !

  At this point the tape records the sound of the patient in convulsion. This is followed by a loud crash as he falls to the floor, overturning his chair and the table and tape recorder.

  The tape continues to record as the guards and nurse posted outside run in.

  Dr Todd is heard asking what has happened. Someone says that the patient is lying unconscious, his head badly gashed.

  The tape then ceased to record. It was later discovered that one of the guards had stepped on the machine.

  End of Transcript

  As you are aware, the patient did not regain consciousness despite X-rays showing that the injury to his head was only superficial. He died in coma seventeen days later.

  I shall be happy to discuss this matter further with you on a personal basis at your convenience.

  Yours sincerely,

  Roger A. Killanin

  FROM THE DESK OF EMMA J. TODD, M.D.