State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  “Sam is a great guy, he’d do anything for anyone. He’s just not the kind of guy who is good at relationships.”

  “I—I know that.” She did know that, but hearing it made it more real. It caught her off guard. Sam had hinted that he was ready for more, but did he even know what that meant?

  “Do you? Are you sure it’s a good idea for Luca to get attached to him?”

  This was the question she’d asked herself more than once, and still hadn’t come up with the answer.

  “There are worse men Luca could get attached to,” she said as she considered the damage Evan would eventually do to her son.

  “He was involved with someone before and it didn’t work out. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “What happened?” she asked, hoping she might finally hear the story.

  “I’m not sure, but it went bad. Really bad. Just be careful.”

  “I will. What do I need to do about Evan?”

  “It depends. I honestly don’t think he has any grounds to take Luca from you, but do you want to get into a war with him?”

  “Not really. Can’t we force him to sign over custody? I mean if he’s not going to pay, I’d just rather do it on my own and take him out of the equation altogether. It would be better than dealing with his threats.”

  “You can’t force him to sign off. I’ll notify Domestic Relations. As soon as he gets a job in Arizona, we’ll set up the garnishment again. Until then, if you or Luca need anything, let us know.”

  “Thanks, Cooper.”

  “We’re family,” he said before he hung up.

  Yes, they were family, but she hated the idea of needing to rely on them to take care of her son. That was her job.

  She sat at the table and assessed her situation carefully. She could take more hours at the hotel for a little while until Evan got set up out there. There were always ways she could cut costs if she had to. She had been thinking about making jewelry and selling it online for some extra money. Something like she’d made for Sam’s niece. She sighed and rubbed her forehead.

  “Momma! Piss!” Luca said as he ran for the bathroom holding his crotch.

  “I can do this. I can,” she said and went to help.

  Chapter 8

  Sam waited to call Riley for two days. It had been a struggle not to call to check in the first night he was in Sacramento, but he was trying for her sake to keep his distance.

  After that first night in the hotel, when he’d woken up drenched in sweat with the guy in the next room pounding for quiet, Sam had been reminded of why he couldn’t have something long term.

  The time he’d spent with Riley and Luca made him feel normal. He thought maybe he could handle things and had a chance to have a family. But he realized it had all been a dream.

  He wasn’t a safe bet for a single mother and a kid. But he missed them both so much. Eventually he gave in and called.

  “Hello,” she answered and he couldn’t miss the hardness in her voice. Was she angry at him for not calling sooner? She hadn’t seemed clingy before. He suddenly felt uneasy. Like maybe he shouldn’t have called at all.

  “How’s the potty training going?” he asked, trying to keep it light.

  “Good. He had one accident at Grammy’s, but other than that he’s doing fine.” He realized the tone he’d taken for anger now sounded more like exhaustion.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. You?”

  “I don’t believe you’re fine. What’s going on?” He hated that he was across the country. Whatever was going on with her, he found himself wanting to see her so he could comfort her.

  There was a long silence before she finally answered. “Evan is moving to Arizona.”

  Sam was stumped by the contradiction between the words she’d spoken and the sadness that coated them.

  “You don’t want him to go?” Good riddance, Sam thought.

  “I’m ecstatic that he’s going. I wish he’d go to fucking Mars.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” he asked, because there definitely was one.

  “He said he would fight me on custody if I don’t back off on the support payments for a while.”

  Sam let out a stream of curses while turned away from the phone. He had always made sure to use a condom so he wouldn’t be in the position of paying child support. But he always knew if something went wrong, he would stand up and be supportive of the child he’d created. It wasn’t the kid’s fault that his parents couldn’t work it out.

  “Do you need some money? I’ll be home tomorrow night. Let me know how much you need.”

  He heard a sniffing sound followed by another long silence.

  “No. I’ll be okay. I won’t be home tomorrow night. I can’t do this, okay?” Her voice sounded strained as if she were holding in tears. He didn’t understand why his offer would upset her. He didn’t mind helping out. He didn’t want her or Luca to struggle. And what did she mean she couldn’t do this? Did she mean him?

  “Okay,” he said, not really understanding.

  “Goodbye,” she said, and didn’t wait for him to say it back before she’d hung up.

  Sam decided to let it go, and by the next day he’d upgraded the decision to letting her go. Riley and Luca surely didn’t need him. And if she didn’t want his help, he wasn’t going to force himself on her. There were plenty of other fish in the sea. The next time he went out he was going to make sure he found a fish that didn’t have any little fish.

  He slept fitfully that night. To his surprise his nightmares weren’t so much about being pinned down by insurgents and having his men killed, but about Riley and Luca being in danger and needing his help. He saw them in a burning building and he couldn’t get to them. Then they were being whisked away by a flooded river and he couldn’t reach them.

  All night he failed them over and over again, just to be faced with another situation in which he couldn’t help them.

  * * *

  Riley was sitting at the hotel desk on Wednesday, working out a budget. Even without the support payments she was going to be fine. She would add an extra shift at the hotel just to make sure, but she had enough saved to keep her afloat for a while.

  Earlier she had dipped into those savings to order some supplies for her new jewelry-making venture. She saw the beads and charms as an investment. There were always craft fairs in town during the summer where she could sell them. Plus it gave her a way to make money while being at home with Luca. He liked “helping” her make “pretties.”

  Reassured that her situation was not dire, she was on her way to the snack machine for a celebratory pack of M&Ms when she heard the loud crunch from outside. It was a little after midnight, she hadn’t seen a guest in hours.

  She went back to the desk to look over the monitors, specifically those in the parking lots where she’d heard the noise. The cameras were set to look out over the guest parking areas on both sides of the building and the front door.

  Nothing seemed amiss.

  With a sigh, she locked up the till and went outside to investigate, phone in hand. As she’d seen on the monitor from inside, the main parking lot looked normal. She moved around the building on the way to the back lot and froze.

  Her SUV was parked in the side lot, the one designated for employees.

  But now her vehicle was sitting sideways with a large dent along the driver’s side.

  “What the hell?” she said out loud, wondering if it only looked bad because of the harsh blue glow from the parking lot light. She tried opening the door, but it wouldn’t budge.

  It probably wasn’t the light then.

  “I was just walking to my car when I heard it,” a teenage boy in a fast-food uniform said as he walked up. “I didn’t see the license plate, but it was a white tractor trailer.”

  That made sense. Only a vehicle of that size could have caused this much damage and kept going.

  The Mountain Gate Hotel was conveniently located near Interstate 81
which was the main truck route from New York to Tennessee. She knew as she dialed the police that finding a white tractor trailer was going to be nearly impossible.

  “At least, I’m pretty sure it was white,” the boy said, dashing what little hope she’d had.

  * * *

  When he landed in Roanoke he was determined to go to his apartment and stay there. Riley hadn’t called him, and he wasn’t ever going to call her again. He could read between the lines. It was better for all of them to just let it go before someone or all of them ended up hurt.

  But as soon as he was unpacked he was back in his truck, driving to her place. Her dark, empty apartment should have been enough to put him back on his original plan, but he couldn’t shake the visions of her and Luca needing him. And he wanted to end things officially. He didn’t want a miscommunication.

  He pulled in the driveway at Mrs. Fisher’s house and waited a few minutes before getting out. When the door opened, Luca was right there.

  “Sam! Sam!”

  Mrs. Fisher opened the screen door.

  “Hey monkey!” he greeted the little boy who was already clinging to his leg, trying to get up. He lifted him, and kissed the top of his head. Noticing how holding Luca felt like the most natural thing in the world.

  “How’s it going?” Luca felt smaller in his arms without the bulk of the diaper. “Are you playing blocks?” Sam asked, noticing a pile of them on the living room floor.

  Luca nodded and wiggled out of his grasp to go show him what he was building.

  “Is Riley okay?” he asked the woman who stood next to him.

  She frowned. “She’s been working so much. I’m worried about her,” she said.

  “She’s at the hotel?” he guessed, knowing the jewelry store wouldn’t be open this late in the evening, it was nearly nine. “I offered to help.”

  She nodded. “She doesn’t like to need help.” Mrs. Fisher frowned again, as if this were a character flaw.

  “Everyone needs help sometimes.”

  “And you look like the kind of man who would take an offer of help without making any trouble.” Mrs. Fisher raised her brows, calling him on his hypocrisy. “It’s even worse now with the car.”

  “What happened to her car?” he asked. Her little SUV wasn’t that old.

  “She didn’t tell you what happened?”

  “We haven’t gotten a chance to talk this week.”

  “Two nights ago, a tractor trailer hit her car while it was parked at the hotel. Then the driver left.” She frowned. “I offered to let her use my car, but Roslyn and Cooper gave her one of theirs. They offered to help with the insurance deductible too, but of course she thinks she needs to do everything on her own.”

  “What should I do?” he asked. He realized forcing money into Riley’s hand wasn’t going to work. He wouldn’t like it if someone did that to him.

  The woman shrugged and sighed. “She doesn’t make it easy. Be supportive.”

  “Does Luca need anything?” he asked.

  “He needs his mother.” She frowned again.

  “What time does she get off work?”

  “Three a.m.”

  “And she works tomorrow?”

  “Nine to six,” the woman answered. Sam rolled his eyes. How did Riley think she would survive this kind of schedule?

  “And while she’s at the hotel she’s also working on making jewelry for her new business.”

  He rubbed his forehead and watched the little boy on the floor. “You could probably use a break,” Sam said. Since Mrs. Fisher was Luca’s babysitter, extra hours for Riley meant extra hours for her as well.

  “I’m getting by all right.” Of course she wouldn’t admit that caring for her grandson for long periods of time was a burden. She loved him. But Sam could tell she was exhausted.

  “Can I take him home?” he asked. “So he can sleep in his own bed.”

  “You have a key?”

  “I know where it is.” Riley kept a spare key on the porch under a pot.

  She tilted her head to think it over for a moment and then nodded. “I know Riley trusts you with our boy. I’ll get the car seat.”

  “I’ll call her and let her know he’s at home,” Sam offered.

  She turned to her grandson. “Luca, do you want to go home with Sam?”

  “Fire truck!” he said.

  “Yes. You can use your fire truck stool.” She turned to Sam with a smile. “God forbid my stool is just a normal stool. He brings it up every time he needs to use the potty.”

  “Where’s Hops?” Sam asked as Mrs. Fisher went to gather his things. He tore off down the hall and came back with the rabbit a second later. He went right for the door and pointed.

  When the car seat was installed and Luca was sitting in it, Mrs. Fisher leaned in and gave him a kiss.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told him.

  “Love you, Grammy,” he said, cute as could be.

  Sam thought about the three days off he had in front of him with no plans. “I can keep him tomorrow,” he offered. “Isn’t it bingo?”

  The woman laughed and shook her head. “Sam, my own son doesn’t care about my bingo. You are a pleasant surprise.” Sam wondered what she had thought he was before, but didn’t press. “Let me get you some food,” she said. “I don’t think there’s much at Riley’s house.”

  Sam looked at Luca, sitting happily in the backseat of his truck, chewing on the rabbit’s ear. “Don’t worry about it. We’re going to go do some shopping before we go home, right Luc?”

  Luca nodded, though Sam was sure he didn’t really understand the question.

  “Brave man,” Mrs. Fisher said. “Have fun, boys.” Sam was shocked when the woman gave him a hug. She felt frail, and Sam simply patted her back so not to break her bones. “Thank you, Sam.” She released him, gave Luca another kiss, and went inside.

  “Momma’s car hurt,” Luca told him when he started his truck.

  “I know, buddy. I’m so glad you and your momma weren’t inside when it got hurt.” When he’d gotten home tonight he had an entirely different set of worries than the ones he had now.

  At the grocery store, Luca sat in the cart and pointed to stuff, asking what it was. He was well behaved and didn’t make a fuss the whole way through the store.

  “Your son is adorable,” the cute checkout girl said as she rang up their purchases. Sam looked down at the very white boy with the pale blond hair. His big brown eyes blinked at the lady and she smiled at him again. Other than the flirting, he and the kid had nothing in common. And yet this woman automatically assumed he was Sam’s son. Sam would never tell anyone the way that made him feel—kind of warm and terrified at the same time.

  “Pretty,” Luca said while pointing at the woman. He was, no doubt, meaning the sparkly necklace around her neck, but the woman’s face lit up and she gave him a sticker. One day the girls would be giving up other things to get his compliments. Who was going to teach him to be respectful to women? His father—the cheating asshole who was leaving him high and dry to go to Arizona? Sam didn’t think that was likely.

  As he pushed the cart out to the truck he realized he was having more fun shopping with Luca and teaching him how to say “artichoke” than he ever imagined. Who would have thought?

  Luca was almost asleep by the time they got home so Sam carried him in first and put him in his bed. Then he put away the groceries, noticing there was plenty of room in her cupboards for his three massive jars of peanut butter.

  He also noticed a pile of bills on the counter, and the fact there were no clean towels.

  He ran a few loads of laundry, even pulling her sheets off the bed. He took care of the dishes in the sink and glanced over at the pile of bills again. She would be so angry if he offered to help her with them. If he was in her position he would be pissed if someone swooped in to save the day by taking over.

  He put the few toys away and, knowing Luca would sleep through anything, he ran the va
cuum.

  When everything was in order he crawled into her bed with clean sheets and closed his eyes. He was proud of himself for not touching her bills. Though tomorrow, they were going to have a serious talk. While he would be upset if someone took over when he was trying to handle the situation, he also knew he would be grateful if someone was willing to ask what they could do to help. Maybe.

  Besides, this wasn’t just about her and her stubbornness. There was a child involved who needed things. She couldn’t say no.

  At least he didn’t think so.

  * * *

  Riley had to focus on the road to keep from falling asleep as she drove home at a little after three in the morning. What she really wanted was to kiss her son goodnight, but he was at his grandmother’s, sleeping.

  Due to a plumbing issue at the hotel, she hadn’t even had the chance to call to say goodnight. She missed him like crazy and worried that he would forget who she was by the time she saw him next. It seemed so long since she’d been able to read to him or hold him. She hoped he understood why she couldn’t be there. Not about money and bills and things like that, but that she was taking care of him.

  Her headlights swept across a familiar black truck in her parking area and she noticed a light was left on in her kitchen. She’d seen a message from Sam on her cell phone, but hadn’t listened to it. She wasn’t ready to deal with breaking things off with him, but she didn’t have time for her own son right now let alone a relationship.

  Curiosity made her more alert as she slid out of her car and walked to the door. The pot where she kept the extra key was moved. If Sam thought he’d stop by for a booty call, he was going to be disappointed. Riley’s booty was dragging and not up for any sort of call.

  The smell of fabric softener greeted her as she walked in the door. Her washer and dryer were in a small closet in the kitchen, and through the open door she could see a large stack of folded laundry sitting on the dryer. In the kitchen she noticed the dishes were done, and there was a brand new box of cereal on the island. She opened the cupboards and gasped at how full they were. Soup, peanut butter, pasta-O’s, and snacks. The refrigerator had juice, milk, lunchmeat, and cheese. Even the freezer was stocked full of hamburger and . . . steaks?