State of Shock

by Allison B Hanson

  “Sure. Let me know if you need anything.” Malcolm waved and left.

  Once Luca was dressed, Sam set him on the counter while he cleaned up the floor. He didn’t want Riley to come home to that.

  God, he hoped she would come home. He glanced worriedly at Luca.

  Sam wanted to go to the hospital to find out how Riley was doing, but he was also putting it off. He hated hospitals. He’d had to stay in one for a while after he was shot. He hated the way they smelled and the sounds.

  “Momma hurt,” Luca said, pointing to the bloody towels as Sam tossed them in the trash.

  “She’s okay. We’re going to go see her.” When everything was cleaned up, he put Luca on the floor and looked down at his own stained shirt. He had left clothes here. Hopefully Riley hadn’t tossed them. He went to her room with his little shadow hot on his trail.

  Sure enough, on the shelf in Riley’s closet he found a black T-shirt and changed it out. “You ready?” he asked Luca as the boy watched him from the doorway. He wouldn’t let Sam out of his sight.

  “Hops?”

  “Hops is in the sink soaking. He’s dirty. He can’t go with us.”

  “Hops?” he repeated as if Sam hadn’t offered a perfectly good excuse.

  “No Hops. Let’s take someone else. How about the duck?” What the hell was the duck’s name? “Um. Mr. Quacks!”

  After they retrieved the duck, Sam searched for Riley’s cellphone. It wasn’t plugged in on the counter by the refrigerator where she usually kept it.

  He had Cooper’s number, who could tell Roslyn, but he knew they were out of town on vacation. He didn’t have Mrs. Fisher’s number. He checked Riley’s purse and the bedroom. Nothing.

  “Do you know Grammy Fisher’s phone number?” he asked Luca who stared back at him like he was insane. “Do you know Grammy Fisher’s real name? What’s her first name?”

  Sam had only ever called her Mrs. Fisher and he was certain that wasn’t going to help him locate her number in the directory, not that he could find one. “Okay. Never mind.”

  Since it was almost noon, he decided he’d better feed Luca before they left. He made him a sandwich and tried to be patient as he nibbled at it. Sam tossed some crackers into a Ziploc bag for later and then went to the door.

  “Let’s go check on Mommy.”

  “Momma hurt,” he said again.

  “But the doctors are fixing her up, so don’t worry.” Sam was worried enough for both of them.

  He loaded Luca and Mr. Quacks into Riley’s borrowed car, not wanting to mess around with the car seat. He’d taken her keys from her purse along with her wallet in case she needed something from it.

  As expected, he was assaulted by the antiseptic smell as he entered the hospital. Luca was once again stuck to his neck like a baby monkey, and he leaned closer so he could smell the kid’s shampoo instead of the sterile smell that surrounded him and made his body tense.

  It worked.

  “Riley Fisher, please.”

  The person behind the information desk smiled as she looked at her monitor.

  “Are you family?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Sam said. At least one of them was.

  “Third floor. It looks like she’s been admitted for the night.”

  “Thank you,” Sam said, not liking the idea of her being admitted. Although if they’d noted on her chart it was only for the night, maybe it wasn’t that bad.

  At the third floor nurses’ station he was given the details. “Room three twelve. She has pneumonia, an upper respiratory infection, and an inner ear infection. She most likely got dizzy and fell. She has six stitches in her head and needed a unit of blood. She’s sedated and will probably be out for the night.” The nurse gestured toward the correct hall and with another “thanks,” Sam and Luca went to see her.

  “Momma sleeping,” Luca whispered and put his index finger in front of his lips.

  “Yes. She is. She’s very tired.” Sam sat in the chair and situated the duck so it wasn’t in his face.

  “Boo boo,” he said, pointing to the gauze on her forehead.

  “Yes. She has a boo boo.”

  “I kiss it.” Luca did his squirm maneuver to get down, but Sam held on firmly and carried him over to his mother where he dangled the boy close enough he could kiss her forehead without touching anything important.

  They sat in her room all afternoon as doctors and nurses came in to check on her. She was given a breathing treatment. When Luca became upset at seeing his mother with the mask over her face, Sam took him for a walk.

  They came back and at some point both he and Luca fell asleep. They’d had a rough morning, and they were both exhausted.

  They were awakened by a different nurse who looked irritated. “Visiting hours are over. You’ll need to come back tomorrow.”

  Maybe it was being woken up, maybe it was the kink in his neck from sitting in a crappy chair. Maybe it was the fact the woman woke up Luca who was now crying. Or maybe it was just the fact that she looked like a snooty bitch who liked to wield her power over the commoners, but Sam glared at the woman before telling her where she could put her visiting hours.

  “And I’ll tell you something else! I’ve served three tours in Afghanistan, and this little guy was found sitting in a pool of his mother’s blood crying his heart out when I got to him. If you don’t think we’ve earned the right to stay in this crappy chair for the night, you can go fuck yourself.”

  “Fuck!” Luca chimed in.

  “No, Luc. That’s a bad word, don’t say that.”

  “Fuck!” he repeated.

  “Oh, shit,” Sam said in defeat.

  The nurse rolled her eyes and left the room. He’d won the battle, kind of.

  “Chit,” Luca said.

  “Shh. Go back to sleep.” To Sam’s surprise, he listened.

  Sam didn’t fall back to sleep right away. He stretched out his legs, making sure not to disturb Luca.

  Then he sat watching Riley’s chest rise up and down the way it was supposed to.

  She could have died today. She could die on her way to work in an automobile accident the way Georgie’s husband had. He would have been devastated with loss. He should have been ready to run from the hospital to avoid the potential pain, but instead he squeezed Luca a little closer and rubbed the back of Riley’s hand.

  He loved her.

  There was no turning back now.

  Chapter 15

  When Riley woke up it was dark and she felt as if something heavy was sitting on her chest. She looked around the room and her gaze fell on the two men sitting in the chair next to her bed.

  One of them wasn’t exactly a man yet. Though some days he seemed to think he was. Luca looked comfy where he lay against Sam’s big chest. Sam on the other hand looked uncomfortable in the silly chair.

  A nurse walked in with a bag of clear fluid. “How are you feeling? Any pain?” the woman asked. The sound of her voice caused Sam and Luca to wake up.

  Luca pointed at the woman. “Fux jurself,” he said with a frown.

  Riley looked over at Sam who was wincing.

  “Seriously?” Riley said, her voice sounded like a frog that had been run over by a truck.

  “Ma’am, I’m very sorry about that,” Sam said to the nurse. “Luca, tell the nice nurse you’re sorry. She’s helping your mommy.”

  “I’m sorry, ma’am.” Luca looked at Sam for approval.

  “They were both so worried about you, they forgot their manners,” the nurse explained with a smile. “The doctor will be in to check on you and go over the plan.”

  “Can I go home?” Riley couldn’t help but ask.

  “Maybe in the morning.” The nurse wrote something on the whiteboard and left. It wasn’t as if Riley could argue. She sounded like death, and felt pretty close.

  “How are you feeling?” Sam asked as Luca shimmied down and tried to get up on her bed. Sam leaned over and gave him a little lift and Luca crawled from her
feet up her body until he was by her face.

  “Boo boo,” he announced while pointing at her head.

  “You must have been so scared. I’m sorry, baby.” Tears came to her eyes as she thought about what trauma she’d subjected her child to. Would he grow up to be a serial killer? There weren’t any more available outlets in his room for additional night lights.

  “He was upset when I found you, but he seems fine now,” Sam told her. “He fell asleep with no problems.”

  “You found me?”

  “Yeah. I stopped by to talk to you. I’ll apologize now for your air conditioner.” She didn’t care about the air conditioner. Someone had given it to her, and she barely used it in an effort to keep her electric costs down. “The key was missing and I had to get inside.”

  More tears ran down her cheek.

  “I was trying to stop you from helping me,” she admitted.

  He shook his head. “Key or no key, I’m still going to help you, Ri.” He stood and came to sit on the edge of her bed. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I came to tell you I’m making progress in therapy. I’m taking a medication that’s helping with the nightmares. I’m trying to get better, so I can be good enough.”

  She started full out crying which prompted a horrible coughing fit. Sam picked Luca up as a nurse came in, followed by the doctor. They put a clear mask over her mouth and told her to take deep breaths. The task seemed impossible as more coughing racked her body. Every breath felt like fire in her lungs. Eventually the fit subsided.

  “Ms. Fisher, you have pneumonia and an inner ear infection. We’re going to need to keep you here for a few days,” the doctor said.

  Panic set in as she immediately shook her head and pointed to Luca.

  “I’ll take care of him,” Sam said. “He’ll be fine, I promise.”

  She wasn’t able to speak, but she didn’t need to. Sam seemed able to understand her thoughts.

  “Don’t worry about work and bills right now.” His deep voice soothed her a little bit. “You need to rest and get better. We’ll figure things out later. I’m going to take him home now that he’s seen you awake. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

  She mouthed the words “thank you” from behind the mask as whatever they’d injected into her IV started pulling her under.

  Sam was there. Her hero.

  * * *

  It was two days before Riley was released from the hospital. She couldn’t wait to get out.

  Sam and Luca had come to visit her as much as possible. Luca had fussed and whined when it was time to go, but he listened to Sam.

  “Thank you for cleaning up,” she said as she looked at the spot on the floor where she had fallen. Unfortunately she’d been dizzy when she fell and hadn’t blacked out completely until she was on the floor with blood everywhere.

  She remembered hearing Luca call her name, and not much after that. She kissed Luca’s hair at the memory and set him down so he could go get all the pictures he’d drawn while she was away.

  Sam pulled out a chair and pointed.

  “I’ll make you some tea. The doctor said it will help.”

  “I don’t have any tea.”

  “I got some yesterday.” He opened her cupboard and pulled down a variety box of tea. “What kind do you like? Earl Grey? Breakfast Blend? Mint? Lemon?”

  “Earl Grey is fine. Thank you.”

  She started to get up to help, but he pointed at the chair again.

  “Unless you’re going to agree to wear a hard hat, I’d appreciate if you would sit until my hands are free to catch you. Just in case.”

  She smiled at him.

  “I love you, Sam.”

  He paused in what he was doing for a moment and then nodded before going on. “I love you too. We need to come up with a better plan. Kicking me out of your lives isn’t working for me,” he said.

  “Okay.” It wasn’t working for her and Luca either. He brought her the tea and sat down next to her.

  “My therapist suggested we sit down with the agent at child services, and make sure my being with you doesn’t impact your custody arrangement. A lot of people have PTSD, and they have kids and lives. My life is at a standstill right now, and I’m miserable. Can we work this out?” he asked point blank before he added, “Please.”

  She looked into his hazel eyes and knew what he meant. Her life felt like it was at a standstill, or worse a tidal wave. She was miserable, and not just from the pneumonia.

  “Yes,” she answered simply. “Before I got so sick, I had been reading up on PTSD while at the hotel. I read a few articles on how to deal with this. I don’t want to lock Luca out in case he needs us, but we could put bells on the door so it wakes us when he comes in.”

  Sam swallowed loudly and looked up at the ceiling as if praying. “Thank you,” he said as Luca ran in with colorful papers trailing behind him.

  * * *

  Sam had his life back.

  The contracts were all signed, and he and Dalton were set to take over McGuire Builders the next week. Sam would have a steady job in town doing what he loved. And when his day was over he was able to come home to Riley and Luca. The people he loved.

  As Riley suggested, they installed bells on the door knob of Riley’s room that would ring when Luca came in the bedroom. Dr. Younger had agreed with Riley. She didn’t like the idea of locking the door—at least for sleep—as it might stress Luca if he couldn’t get to Riley when he needed to.

  They also had a talk with him about staying on Riley’s side of the bed if he needed to come in. Luca seemed more than willing to avoid getting thrown against the wall again. He occasionally brought up the incident, and every time Sam felt like crap. It wasn’t that Luca was scared of Sam or angry. It was just what it was. Something horrible that had happened.

  Sam carried Luca into the offices at Child Services and instinctively pulled him a little closer, as if a horde of workers would come steal him away. It would take a horde to get Luca away from Sam. He would protect the boy with his life.

  “Ms. Fisher? You can come on back.”

  It was a different woman than the one who had been at the hospital. Sam took Riley’s hand as they walked back the hall together. She squeezed it tightly. Tighter than he would have expected for someone so small. She was fierce, and not to be underestimated. He’d learned that by now.

  “Have a seat. I’m guessing you are Sam, and this is Luca, right?”

  Luca nodded and Sam said, “Yes, ma’am.” Which made Luca repeat him.

  The woman smiled. “I’m Evelyn Winters. I took over your case. It’s not every day that someone wants to make an appointment to come talk to us.” She seemed surprised.

  Riley looked at Sam. They hadn’t discussed who would be doing the talking, but it appeared it was going to be him.

  “Uh. Yes. Well.” He swallowed and rubbed his hand on his pants. “We had an incident, and I accidentally hurt Luca when I was having a nightmare.”

  “Yes. That’s in the file. You suffer from PTSD.”

  “Yes. But I’ve been seeing a therapist, and I’m on medication to help with that. I still have an occasional nightmare, but we’ve taken measures to make sure Luca stays clear of any possibility of getting caught up in one.” He held Luca closer. Luca’s fingers were clenching his T-shirt, as if he was expecting the horde too.

  “It says here it was suggested that Sam be removed from the household until he was deemed safe.” She flipped over a paper.

  “Yes. Here is a letter from my therapist. She’s willing to talk to you personally if you want.” Sam thought he might suffocate while the woman scanned the document he handed her.

  Finally she looked up and took off her reading glasses. “I don’t think that will be necessary. She’s pretty clear in this letter that you’re no danger to Luca.”

  Sam wasn’t sure if he agreed with the letter. There was really no way to guarantee that. But as Dr. Younger had said, other people live with this every day and they
have kids. They find a way to work around it and keep everyone safe.

  “Our main concern is how this might affect a custody hearing if Riley’s ex-husband tried to push for full custody. I don’t want this to be used against her.”

  The woman flipped to the front of the file and scanned another paper.

  “Evan Fisher?”

  “Yes,” Riley said, after clearing her throat. She was sounding more like herself and less like a duck.

  “He lives in Arizona?” the woman asked, her brow pinched while she slipped the glasses on again.

  “Yes.”

  “He’s court ordered to pay support through garnishments, and I don’t see any record of anything for two months.”

  “That’s right,” Riley said.

  “He’s not working?” Ms. Winters asked.

  “I don’t believe so,” Riley answered. “Is there any way to force him to give up his rights to Luca? If he’s not paying support, can I have his rights revoked?”

  “You could try, but it probably wouldn’t work. If he’s not willing to sign off, you’d be hard pressed to get anything better than a ninety-ten split on custody. As for the support, you would need to file a complaint with domestic relations and they could go after him for it.”

  “But you’re sure he can’t use this issue with Sam to try to take Luca from me?”

  “Again, he could try, but he wouldn’t have any more luck with that than you would with getting his rights revoked. It would just be a lot of name calling and finger pointing and in the end the judge would most likely keep things the way they are now.”

  Riley seemed to relax next to Sam. He wanted to relax too, but there was something still bothering him about the idea that Evan could just come by one day and take Luca back to Arizona for a week or more. Luca belonged with him and Riley, not with strangers. Evan was a stranger, despite his DNA.

  Riley smiled as they left the office holding hands. “I feel better. How about you?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he said. He did feel better.

  “What?” She could read him well.