Never Ending

by Kailin Gow

  When it was over I was shaking with relief, tears stinging at my eyes. A few short hours ago I'd been convinced that we'd never have this happiness again. And now, feeling it, feeling the joy anew, I was terrified to lose it once more. But I could not live a lie.

  “Neve...” Danny kissed my shoulder. “I need to do something, now. I've wanted to do it for months, but being away from you made the decision clearer than ever in my mind.”

  He stood up, then dropped to one knee, his hand still holding mine.

  “I want you to trust me, Neve. I know you have your doubts about me, and I know I've given you reason to have these doubts. But I love you, Neve, and I want you. Know that my heart is true when I tell you that you are the one for me. My heart belongs to you, Neve, utterly and completely. And while I want to make you mine forever today, I know you'll want time to think this through. Before you say yes. And I hope you say yes.”

  He pressed the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen into my palms. A blue diamond ring, glimmering, set in white gold. “This was my mother's ring, Neve. And you're the only girl that's seen it since she died. I want to be with you forever. We don't have to get married right away – we can wait until you've finished school...but I know I want to be with you forever. Call it a wedding ring, call it a promise ring. Just know you have my heart.”

  Now the tears were flowing freely – a mixture of happiness and fear, of utter joy and utter terror. How could I risk losing Danny again, how could I hurt him, when he'd offered me so much? But how could I bear lying to him, either?

  “Are you okay, Neve? You're crying...”

  “I...” My voice was shaking. “I wasn't expecting this, Danny. I need to digest this. I love you, Danny...but...so soon...”

  Danny flinched – but the pain on his face was momentary. “Then give me an answer when you can,” he said, kissing me lightly on the nose. “For now, as much as I've enjoyed making love to you, I don't want us to be late. I don't want to keep Terrence waiting.”

  He took my arm, and we walked together to the car, driving swiftly through the streets of LA.

  “We're going to the Blue Room,” Danny told me. “Technically, it's 21 and over, but I'll make an exception for you. Just don't tell anybody, okay? And don't order any alcohol.” He laughed. “The Blue Room is one of the most exotic – not to say erotic -nightclubs in LA.” He leaned over and kissed me. “There are regular 'play parties' here. Do you know what those are?”

  I nodded, a shiver of desire passing through me.

  “You naughty girl.” He leaned over and kissed me as we parked in front of the club.

  Even arriving on Danny's arm, I felt daunted. The Blue Room was the most elegant, exquisitely decorated, places I'd ever been. Everyone here was impossibly beautiful – from the wait staff to the clientele. Around them I felt gawky, childish...

  “Another Blues Enterprises venture?”

  “Not the most salubrious one,” Danny whispered. “We're known for our discretion here.”

  I didn't even want to ask what that meant. Erotic massage? Dominatrices? Escorts? From the slow, knowing smile on Danny's face I guessed all three.

  “My father wants me to look after this club, too, now that he's ill,” Danny whispered. “But I'm not sure girls and leather are quite my scene anymore. But Terrence, on the other hand...”

  “Terrence?” I raised an eyebrow. “Haven't you just met the guy?”

  Danny's response was so quick as to be almost snappish. “I have a hunch about him,” Danny said. “He knows a lot. And street cred means a lot, here. Speaking of which...”

  Danny looked up. I followed his gaze.

  And then my jaw dropped.

  Terrence Steele was one of the handsomest men I'd ever seen. Dark hair, blue eyes – the spitting image of Danny, in many ways. But younger, slimmer, a bit shorter, with a boyish insouciance that the older Danny lacked. A lascivious smile; a mouth that looked like it was made for whispering the filthiest secrets. A jolt went up and down my spine.

  I could see why people would pay to see him naked.

  “Terrence!” Danny clasped him in an embrace. “I wanted you to meet Never.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, less awkwardly than I felt.

  “Likewise!” Terrence's smile seemed unfeigned.

  “And welcome to the Blue Room,” said Danny.

  “No need,” Terrence said. “I'm no stranger here. I'm familiar with the clientele.” His smile grew enigmatic. “And with the staff.”

  “Then you won't have to worry about the learning curve,” said Danny.

  “Learning curve?” Terrence furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean managing this. For Blues Enterprises.”

  “Seriously?” Terrence laughed. “That's quite a responsibility for a local porn actor, Danny. I'm not really used to jobs I can do with my clothes on.”

  “You've got instincts, Ter,” Danny said, his voice growing stern and business-like. It was the voice he used to talk to Slayton on the phone. “And you're more in your element here than I am...”

  “That's certainly true,” Terrence said. “But do you really think...”

  “I think you're my brother now,” said Danny. “And that means another Blue! And who better to work on the Blue Room with me?”

  I felt a sudden pang in my heart. Danny was moving quickly – awfully quickly. First proposing marriage to me, then offering his new half-brother management of the Blue Room. His time in London seemed to have left him manic, desperate to create a new family at any costs. But was he moving too quickly? Terrence seemed nice enough, but I wasn't ready to trust him just yet. Was Danny putting himself – was he putting both of us – in danger?

  I tried to smile at Terrence, to be polite, to make idle conversation. But I couldn't help but wonder – what was really going on?

  Chapter 19

  The rest of the evening passed by in a haze. Between Terrence, Danny's marriage proposal, and my own guilt over Luc, I found myself distracted. Even making the idlest of polite conversation felt like a real effort. I could hardly bring myself to talk about music, or tell Terrence about the Never Knights. By the time the dinner was over, I felt a palpable sense of relief. At last I'd be able to go home, to tell Danny everything, to beg him to forgive me. Even his anger – even if he was furious at me – had to be better than this waiting!

  We drove home alone in silence.

  “Are you OK, Neve?” Danny turned to me as we approached the cottage. “You didn't dislike Terrence, did you?”

  “No,” I exclaimed. “No – not at all. It isn't that...it's just...”

  How could I explain how I felt?

  And then we drove into the driveway.

  “Hm...” Danny cut me off, distracted. “Did you leave the lights on, Neve?”

  “No...”

  “Shit!” Danny all but jumped out of the car and went to the door, pushing it on its handle. It creaked and swung open.

  Someone had broken into the house.

  “You stay here, Neve...” Danny called. “Stay where you are...I need to call the police...”

  Even from the threshold I could see the extent of the damage. Clothes strewn everywhere, furniture turned over, photographs ripped apart. My heart sank. Kyle's father? Kyle had been so worried about his father's release from prison, but I'd hardly been able to think about that in the past few days, so obsessed had I been with my own problems. I'd let my guard down, stopped thinking about security. Was I about to pay the price?

  And then I heard a click behind me.

  My heart all but stopped as I turned around.

  It wasn't Kyle's dad holding the revolver. It was Roni. Drunk, disheveled, sloppy – but armed.

  I opened my mouth to call Danny's name, but the cry caught in my throat.

  “So, this is where the bitch and Danny boy go at it?” I could smell the whisky on her breath; I could feel it in the slurring of her words. She grabbed my wrist, turning over my hand so
that she could see the ring I wore. “How dare you take this? The Blue Diamond ring. That was meant for me, you stupid bitch. For me and Danny. Not his prick father.”

  “Roni...” I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. “You've had a bit to drink, you're upset. Maybe you want to sit down, for us to have a talk, to think about some things.”

  “I'm through thinking about things,” she snarled. “I married Clarence to get to Danny, but he moved away to the States before I could show him how much I loved him. I've loved him since I first heard him play, so many years ago, when he and that little slut Peyton had their act going on. And I loved him, even then. And he wouldn't look at me. You and your little nothing band of yours have stolen him away. Because everything works out for you perfectly, you stupid little princess? Your money, your wealth, your famous family, your posh connections, your looks, your talent – does anything go wrong for you, Neve? Or do you just walk on clouds everywhere you go?”

  I would not let her see my fear. “What are you talking about, Roni? You're living the dream. You've got the money, the power, your work at RRR, billions of dollars – you're beautiful...”

  For a split second, Roni hesitated. “You think I'm beautiful, do you?” There was a note of insecurity behind the bitterness. “Who are you to make judgments on me?”

  “For crying out loud, Ron,” a gruff male voice echoed through the house. “Get her in here already. I've already got the boy.”

  “Move!” shouted Roni, and instinctively I backed into the house. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Danny lying prone of the floor, his hands on his head. My heart began to pound faster. All I wanted to do was to run to him, to shield him with my own body, but I forced myself to stay still. “

  Now, it's your turn, Roni. You do the thing with the girl. Fulfill your side of the deal. Then you can do what you want.”

  “You heard the man,” Roni shouted. “Tell him where his son is.”

  For a second my mind went blank. “What son.”

  “You know. Your other lover. Kyle.”

  And then it hit me. This sneering man with the soulless eyes was Kyle's father. I recognized him, all at once.

  “Don't play dumb, girl,” he snapped. “You think I don't recognize you?” His eyes were lifeless, empty – like the eyes of dolls.

  I gulped. I'd seen those eyes before, as a teenager, when I'd taken Kyle to visit his dad in prison for the first and last time. I would never forget how those cold, dead eyes bore through me. He stepped up to me and slapped me so hard my ears rang. The pain was blinding, all-consuming.

  “I haven't spoken to him in years...” I stammered.

  “Liar!” Roni's voice had turned into a screech. “I remember the day we made the announcement about buying RRR. He was on the ship then.”

  “Don't lie to me, girl!” Another slap – harder, this time – and I began to see stars.

  “He's a g-g-g-ood boy,” I began to stutter. “He's smart, kind. A son to be proud of. What do you want with him?”

  “I want to give him a fucking Father's Day present, now tell me where he is.” A third slap, hard enough to send blood spraying from my nose. A sickening crack I prayed didn't mean broken bones.

  I had to change my strategy.

  “Okay,” I said, trying to think fast. “I'll tell you, fine, fine. I know where he is.”

  “Where?”

  “Just...put the gun away, first, okay? I can't think with you waving it at me.”

  Roni hesitated.

  “Do you want to find your son or not?” I grew louder, now.

  This seemed to work. Kyle's dad turned to Roni. “Put it down.”

  “But she's lying...”

  “Why would I lie?” I snapped. “I'm not interested in dying today. I think about myself. That's what people do, isn't it? Think only of themselves, fuck over the people they love?” I couldn't disguise the anger in my voice.

  “I don't know what you're trying to say, you little bitch...” Her hands began to twitch all too near the trigger.

  “Put away the gun, Roni, or I'll wring it out of your hands myself.” Kyle's father took a step forward; Roni teetered back, cowed. “I make the rules here, girlie.”

  I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Roni as she lowered the gun.

  “Now, what were you saying...?”

  No sooner had he taken a step towards me than the door burst open.

  “Everybody freeze!”

  I recognized the voice immediately. Warm, deep – like Luc's, but older. Throatier. Luc's father – the police captain. And ten of his best men, their guns pointed straight at Roni.

  “Arrest them,” the captain barked. “Breaking and entering, attempted kidnapping, assault, attempted murder, use of a deadly weapon – for goodness' sake, is there anything you can't arrest them for?”

  Roni let out a loud, feline wail – a screech so full of agony and fury I wanted to cover my ears. And Kyle's father was staring like a caged beast, an animalistic glint in his eyes as he looked at the men who were set to bring him back to the prison he had only just escaped.

  “Take them away....” Luc's father said.

  “How...?” Relief flooded through me, along with shock. “How did you know we were here?

  “My son apparently drove out to see you. Followed you to the cottage – wanted to talk. When he saw the break-in he called me immediately...”

  Danny was staggering to his feet. An angry bruise covered his forehead. “Neve!” He rushed to me and gathered me in his arms. “Are you okay?”

  “I'm just....” How could I even begin to explain. “I'm okay.”

  No sooner had Kyle's father and Roni been led into the squad cars than the others arrived – Kyle, Luc, and Steve, worried expressions on all their faces. I avoided Luc's concerned gaze.

  “I'm so sorry!” Tears were rolling down Kyle's face. “I should have known, should have sensed...” He enveloped me in a bear hug. “I've been so selfish – making this your problem, making all this your problem, putting you in danger...” He sniffled, tears dripping down the end of his nose. “I'm so sorry, Neve...”

  “It's okay, Kyle.”

  “No, it's not!” He was almost hysterical. “Neve – I'm sorry – I've been a basket case these past few months – I've been so freaked out about my dad, about everything that's happened – I put you in danger...”

  “Never Ever!” It was Steve's turn to grab me and pull me into a hug. “Don't you dare scare me like that ever again, okay? Or I'll have to punch them in the face! I can do that, now.” He held up his broken hand, now free of its bandages. Except for a nasty purple spot, it looked as good as new.

  “You're better.”

  “We're all better now, Neve,” Steve held me tight. “Me, you, Danny, Kyle, Luc...”

  Luc was in the corner, talking to his dad. He caught my gaze, fixing his brown eyes on me. His look was so full of intensity, so full of love, that my heart sank. I hadn't even begun to think about what I'd tell him. That Danny and I were back together? That it had taken all of thirty minutes after Danny's return before we were sleeping together again? I felt embarrassed, ashamed. What kind of person was I?

  And now the truth would have to come out.

  Chapter 20

  Before I could say anything to Danny, Luc came over to me, a nervous expression on his face. “Neve...” His voice was shaking. “Are you okay, Neve?”

  I nodded, swallowing down my fear. “I'm okay,” I said. “I saw a few stars, there, but I'm okay, now.”

  “Here you go,” he handed me an ice pack. “We practiced here so often, I know where Danny keeps his frozen pizzas...”

  “Yeah, sure,” I forced myself to laugh, but it sounded awkward, feigned.

  Luc's eyes darted over to Danny. “Do you want to...talk? Like...now?”

  I nodded, hoping Danny wouldn't notice the blush spreading over my face – the sign of my shame.

  “Let's go.”

  I followed Luc outs
ide to the cliffside. Together we stood, side by side, in the moonlight, hardly daring to look at one another.

  “You know...Neve...” He took a deep breath and gulped. “You're so beautiful, you know. Standing here in the moonlight. I've always known how beautiful you were. Always found you so lovely. I've had the longest crush on you – a crush that's lasted as long as I can remember. I put you up on a pedestal. I used to think you'd never date anyone, never...be intimate with anyone...that you were too perfect, too wonderful, to lower yourself to be with anybody. While I was seeing girls every night. And that wasn't fair to you, Neve. I get that. I put a lot of expectations on you I shouldn't have. And the truth was – I was just jealous. I wanted to be the only guy for you – the only guy you dreamed about. The way you're that girl for me. But am I, Neve? Am I the guy you dream about?”

  I couldn't answer. How could I possibly break his heart another time?

  “Luc...” I began. “I care for you a lot. I always have. You make me feel warm, safe, secure. When I'm with you, I feel safe. And I know I can count on you to be there, and I know what to expect with you...”

  “And that and two dollars will buy me a coffee, is what you're saying?”

  “No – I don't mean...”

  “You do mean, Neve...you mean I don't make you go wild, make you go crazy with desire. You mean you care about me, but I don't make your mind go blank. Isn't that what you're saying?”

  “What we had, Luc, what we shared...it was great.”

  “I loved being with you like that, Neve. It made my mind go blank. I wanted to go all the way with you, so badly. But I held myself back. Maybe I'm old-fashioned. I didn't want to go all the way like that with you until I was sure I was the one you wanted to be with. Because if we'd had sex, and then if you'd changed your mind about me, I don't think I could deal...”