Autumn Wish

by Netzel, Stacey Joy

  The warmth of his touch sent a frisson of remembered awareness up her arm, but she pulled away from the unwelcome sensation. “Coming in here and acting like a jerk is not the way to accomplish that.”

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I just...I didn’t realize what it would do to me seeing you with someone else.”

  She lifted her chin a notch. “Hurts, doesn’t it?”

  His eyes darkened, and his hand fisted on the counter. “Seeing that guy kiss you drives me insane.”

  He really was jealous. The confirmation triggered an emotion she wasn’t quite sure how to define. Happiness? A little bit, because he still wanted her. But mostly satisfaction. She kind of felt bad, but knowing he now experienced some of what she’d gone through made her feel good, as well as if a little justice had been served.

  Remembering why she’d gone through all that pain tempered her joy. “You’ve got no one to blame but yourself, Joe. You left me, remember?”

  “I told you, I realize now that was a mistake.”

  “After you saw me with Sam.”

  She was surprised when he ran a hand through his hair and left it messed up.

  “What can I say? I’m an idiot. A jerk. I regret that I hurt you.”

  He moved forward and took both her hands in his. His touch awakened memories of the good times they’d had the year they were together. He was a good man, and she’d loved him with all her heart until he broke it into tiny little jagged pieces that stabbed her chest with each breath.

  Remnants of those shattered emotions stirred to life as his plaintive gaze held hers.

  “If there is any way you can forgive me, Nicole, I’m begging you to give me a second chance. To give us a second chance.”

  Wow. Joe Holder begging? She didn’t know what to say.

  Actually, yes, she did. She pulled free once more and crossed her arms over her chest. “Tanya know you’re here?”

  “I broke it off with her. We’d only gone on a few dates. It was nothing serious.”

  “Did you sleep with her?”

  Joe shifted back a half step, his averted gaze answering the question for him. Nikki turned her head to stare at the counter. Then she pushed past that stab of hurt and moved on to the main hurdles.

  “Have you changed your mind about getting married?”

  “I’m ready to talk about it.”

  That was a huge step up from him walking out on her at the mention of til death do us part. She brought her gaze back to his. “And kids? Are you ready to talk about a family, too?”

  His gaze faltered before locking steady again. “Down the road, yes.”

  He was offering the possibility of what she’d wanted all along. She respected his honesty in being willing to talk about the issues instead of promising her everything right away. But she also knew after spending just a few days with Sam and Ella, she would settle for nothing less than everything.

  She wasn’t willing to go down this road a second time with him if he was only going to break her heart again. Not after she’d just started to heal with her budding feelings for the man next door.

  Thinking of Sam added another level of uncertainty and confusion. Was he the attraction, or did she love the idea of Ella and him and an instant family?

  “What I want for my future hasn’t changed,” she warned Joe.

  “I know. And you deserve to have what you want and be happy.”

  “We both do. So if you’re not sure—”

  “Let me take you to dinner tomorrow night,” he suggested. “No pressure, just a nice night out to see how things go.”

  She warned him about being sure, yet here she stood, plagued by doubts. About him. About Sam. About herself.

  The thing was, she had no clue where things were going with Sam, if they were even going anywhere. He kissed her like he meant it for himself, yet the original idea had been to make Joe jealous. Which they’d done. He might figure his job was done, and then where would she be? She hadn’t known him long enough to bet on any type of a future with him and Ella, so didn’t she owe it to herself to see if there was still a chance of one with Joe?

  “Dinner sounds nice,” she agreed with caution.

  Hope filled Joe’s expression. “Yeah?”

  “Yes. But it’ll have to be Saturday. Tomorrow night is Savannah’s birthday party.”

  “Maybe I could go with you?”

  “No, I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

  “Why? Because of your brother-in-law?”

  Joe’s mouth twisted in annoyance. He and Eric had never quite gotten past whatever differences they had, but neither would explain their dislike.

  “It’s not just him.” Marissa’s comment earlier in the week about Joe taking her for granted surfaced, and she raised her voice in defense of her family. “You walked out on me, Joe. Do you expect they’ll welcome you back with open arms?”

  “I expect I’ll have a lot of apologizing to do.”

  And then some. If they even got that far again. She was impressed that he’d admit it.

  He stepped forward, but she held up her hand. “Saturday, dinner. Now, goodnight.”

  “Can’t I stay for a little while?”

  She shook her head and walked past him to go hold open the front door. “I need time to process all this.”

  After a moment of hesitation, he nodded. “I can respect that.”

  Except when he walked by, he hooked one arm around her waist and pulled her out onto the porch and into his arms. Her initial gasp of surprise was smothered by his mouth. After a moment of stiffness, she let herself relax into the kiss. There was an element of comfort in his embrace that stirred a familiar desire she’d missed so much since he’d left.

  As the kiss continued, she found herself waiting for the excitement to mount. Sex had never been an issue between them, and even now, he executed just the right moves to set off a little ping deep inside.

  And yet...execute was the key word. Skilled as he was at pleasing her, his lovemaking lacked passionate abandon. With him, she’d never experienced that all-consuming need to get closer, to feel his hot skin against hers until desire overrode all rational thought, like the other night in Sam’s kitchen.

  Her eyes popped open.

  Sam.

  Nikki turned her head away from Joe’s kiss. His lips grazed her cheek as her gaze landed on Sam’s house. She owed the sexy construction worker nothing, so why did she feel like she was being unfaithful?

  Before Joe could do more than brush his mouth against the sensitive spot on her neck, she pushed against his chest. He released her with a pleased smile. “Thank you for doing this, Nicole. I’ll see you Saturday at six. I’ve got a special place picked out, so make sure you wear something nice.”

  She managed a nod. When he descended the stairs, she closed the door and turned to lean against it. Closing her eyes, she let her head fall back until it thumped against the wood. Not a good sign that she compared Joe’s kiss to Sam’s—in the middle of the kiss! Worse that she found Joe’s kiss...lacking.

  What the hell was she doing?

  Chapter 12

  Sam took a deep breath before ringing Nikki’s doorbell Friday morning. Play it cool. Be happy for her. After all, getting her back with her ex was your bright idea, wasn’t it?

  “Well done, you idiotic sonofabitch,” he muttered.

  Ella stared up at him from the carrier resting against his hip. Then the door swung open and he pasted on a smile for Nikki. “Good morning.”

  “Hi. Come on in.”

  Her voice was a little hoarse, and thank God he’d seen the guy’s fricken’ expensive Corvette leave last night, or he’d be torturing himself with why she looked like she’d gotten less sleep than him. Ella had allowed him about six hours last night, so that was a switch.

  He set the diaper bag on her couch and the carrier on the floor. Nikki came over to unstrap Ella from the seat right away, focusing all her attention on the baby. He couldn’t help focu
sing on the nice fit of her jeans, until he realized she hadn’t looked at him yet.

  Did she know he’d seen her second kiss of the night out on the front porch? Or if she didn’t know for sure, did she at least worry if he did? He hoped so, but didn’t count on it. Yeah, he’d turned away after a moment, but that’s all he’d needed to see it’d been more than a peck goodnight, and she’d kissed the guy back.

  Much as he didn’t want to hear the news, he couldn’t stand going all day without knowing for sure where she now stood.

  “So, you and Joe...” He trailed off so she could finish the sentence.

  She lifted her gaze, and the question of what he might have seen shimmered in her eyes. It made him wonder if they’d kissed out on the porch just so he would see them together. Before he could figure out the answer, she lowered her attention to remove Ella’s coat.

  “Um...he asked for a second chance.”

  “You going to give him one?”

  “We’re...ah...we’re going to dinner tomorrow night.”

  His fingers clenched into fists, but he forced them to relax. “Good. Glad the plan worked.”

  Her gaze rose to his once more, full of unexpected confusion and more questions he didn’t have a clue how to interpret.

  “I gotta get going.” An abrupt spin sent him toward the exit before he said something he’d later regret, like, I kissed you last night so you’d think of me, not get back with the other guy.

  Just before he shut the door, he called over his shoulder without looking back. “Any chance you’d mind having Ella a couple extra hours if I work some overtime tonight?”

  “That’s fine. I—”

  “Great, thanks.”

  He gently clicked the door closed instead of giving into the urge to slam it. The blustery wind tugged at his hair and tore foliage-turned-too-early from the trees. As the leaves skittered and crunched beneath his boots, he hunched his shoulders against the chill in the autumn air.

  The leaden gray sky confirmed the rain that’d been forecasted for most of the day again, with a chance of severe storms later in the evening. Once he was on the road, the heater evaporated the dampness from his cab, but it was going to be a miserable day on the job site.

  ***

  Sam checked his phone after lunch to find Nikki had taken Ella to her sister’s house so she could help decorate for her own niece’s birthday party. Then she’d sent him the address so he could pick Ella up there. The text message kicked his mood from bad to worse. Since it was a family event, it was likely Joe would be there. He could just image the smug smile he’d receive from the guy.

  The other crew members left at five, and Carter approved him to stay however long he wanted. Nikki had reiterated in the text to take his time, but without the back and forth chatter of his co-workers, he started thinking of her at the party. She’d have all her family around, all her nieces and nephews, and she’d be stuck taking care of his kid.

  Not that she’d view it that way. She’d been wonderful with Ella from the start, and her unconditional love for his little girl was part of what drew him to her.

  His little girl. His kid. Whoa.

  He had to stop thinking like that. What if Rae came back and took her away?

  The sudden, fearful leap of his pulse told him it was a day he never wanted to see. How awful to dread seeing his sister again, and yet already the thought of losing Ella was equally unthinkable.

  Guilt pressed in like the dark clouds, and after only one hour of overtime, he packed it in and headed home to Pulaski as the heater in the truck warmed his chilled bones. Once he reached the Riley residence about six-thirty, he parked behind a multitude of vehicles and jogged to the front door through the dreary drizzle.

  After ringing the doorbell, he stood back, brushing moisture from his hair while admiring what he could see of the log home. A series of lightning flashes lit up the porch, creating a strobe-light effect. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he glanced back over his hunched shoulder at the stormy sky.

  “You must be Sam.”

  He swung back around to see a stylish blond woman, who could only be Nikki’s sister, standing in the open doorway.

  “Yes. I’m here to pick up my niece.”

  She motioned him inside. “Come on in. I’m Marissa.”

  He stepped into the warm house and turned to face her as she shut the door. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Likewise. Let me take your coat.”

  “Oh, I’m not staying.”

  “At least have something to eat. There’s a ton of food.”

  “I—” He cast a glance toward the noise coming from beyond the foyer and did a double take as Nikki rounded the corner.

  She wore her usual jeans, and a gray, V-necked version of the curve-hugging sweaters she favored, so how was it she looked better than ever? Her hair was curled, and a little extra make-up highlighted her beautiful blue eyes. She was just as pretty without it, but gloss on her lips made her smile shine even brighter.

  That’s what it was—the smile that reached all the way to her eyes as if he was the only one in the room.

  “Hey. You’re earlier than I expected.”

  She even sounded happy to see him. His pulse sped up—until he rationalized she was simply relieved to be free of the responsibility of caring for Ella so she could enjoy quality time with her own family.

  “Yeah, I—”

  “Tell him he has to stay,” Marissa interrupted.

  “I don’t want to intrude on the party.” Or end up having to make small talk with Joe. He dragged his gaze away from Nikki, and lifted his arms to draw attention to his old, dirty jeans and dusty boots. “I came straight from the job site, so it’s better if Ella and I just head home.”

  “Oh, please, like we’re not used to carpenters and construction workers after a day of work.” Marissa stepped behind him and took hold of the collar of his coat. As she pulled, giving him no choice but to shrug out of his lined Carhartt jacket, he sent Nikki a pleading look.

  Her grin remained as she spread her hands with a shrug. “You might as well grab a plate of food. I don’t think you’re going to pry Ella out of Santa Butch’s hands anytime soon, anyway.”

  “Santa Butch?”

  “He’s a close family friend. You’ll understand when you meet him.”

  “Butch Walsh had a hand in me and Eric getting together, so he and his wife Judy will always be part of our family,” Marissa explained from the closet. “Plus, my brother-in-law and sister in-law married their granddaughter and grandson.”

  Nikki laughed as he tried to catch up in his mind. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

  Ella was fully occupied in the arms of an older man with a snow-white beard, rosy cheeks, and eyes squinted in joy. Santa Butch was an apt description; all he needed was the suit and some spectacles perched on his nose. Sam offered to take his niece, but the man waved him away.

  “Get yourself something to eat, son. This little angel and I are just fine.”

  The little angel reached up and tangled her fingers in his beard. Sam imagined those vice-like fingers had to be inflicting pain, but Butch only spouted a mouthful of gibberish that made Ella gurgle through her toothless grin.

  Assured she was in good hands, he did a visual sweep of the chaotic room. Hmm...no Joe? Resignation gave way for relief. Good. He wouldn’t be reminded of his stupidity. Then Eric met his gaze for a brief, tense moment, but was quickly distracted by a pair of toddler boys.

  By the time the rest of the introductions were completed, Sam’s head was spinning. There was Mark and Janelle, whose baby had been commandeered by Grandpa Ben Riley. Grandma Sue held the birthday girl, Savannah. Lisa and Derek helped Eric entertain the twins, Ethan and Evan, while Marissa and Eric’s older girls played hostesses.

  He thanked the blond one for the glass of punch she brought to him, and then grabbed one-handed for the plate of food the taller, dark-haired girl almost shoved into his stomach. Nikki saved
the plate from tipping forward all over his shirt.

  “Reese, honey, easy.”

  “I’m sorry.” Her gray-blue eyes filled with dismay.

  “It’s okay,” he assured her with a grin. “It looks really good. Thank you very much.”

  Her frown flipped, and she beamed at him before turning to see if the older woman he was pretty sure was Santa Butch’s wife wanted anything else. He set his punch on a nearby table and accepted the plate from Nikki. “So, that was Reese, and the other one is...Hazel?”

  “Heather brought the punch. Hazel is Mark and Janelle’s baby. She’s just a few weeks older than Ella.”

  “Got it...I think.”

  She laughed. “Eventually you’ll get them all straight.”

  Eventually? He liked the sound of that, until he realized she probably meant he’d see them around at her house, them being neighbors and all. Taking a bite of lasagna provided the perfect distraction to his disappointment. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the savory flavors of tomato and garlic filled his mouth. A second creamy, bow-tie pasta was just as good.

  The adults gathered on the couches and chairs while the kids all sat on the floor for the opening of presents. Lively conversation flowed around him, interspersed with the squeals of laughter from the children. It was an assault to his unaccustomed senses, and yet, surprisingly, the bedlam didn’t bother him as he finished eating.

  Mark Riley possessed an identical protective streak he’d witnessed from Eric the other night, though the few minutes the guy grilled him was more disguised than Eric’s direct confrontation. Finding out both of them were former military did not lessen the intimidation factor. Thankfully, other than a few curious looks, everyone else was welcoming and friendly.

  Reese came back for his empty plate after all the wrapping paper was cleaned up, and Sam took the opportunity to retrieve Ella. He appreciated the chance to eat, but after all day at work, he missed the baby. She was a bright ray of sunshine in his otherwise dismal day.

  Butch handed her over with obvious reluctance. “She’s a sweetheart.”

  “I can’t really take credit for her.”

  “Just take care of her like you are,” Butch advised. “That’s all you need to do.”