Autumn Wish

by Netzel, Stacey Joy

  Flinging the sheets aside, he caught the time of eight-forty-three on the alarm clock and checked his fears by sucking in a steadying breath that was way too shaky. Just because she wasn’t still in bed with him didn’t mean she’d left.

  The scent of fresh brewed coffee registered, reinforcing the likelihood she’d gone only as far as downstairs—probably with Ella.

  He could use a shower, but the need to see his girls trumped all else.

  After pulling on boxers and jeans, he checked the nursery and found it empty, then hurried down the stairs while dragging a T-shirt over his head. The quiet living room and vacant kitchen brought his doubts rushing back until he saw the note next to the coffee machine.

  Ella’s with me. I’d have woken you up, but it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony, so we will see you at Whispering Pines at noon. ~ Nik

  He brushed his thumb over the three letters of her name before setting the paper back on the counter to pour a cup of coffee. After adding cream and a dash of sugar, he lifted the cup to his lips and thought about seeing her again. In a wedding dress.

  God, he wished he could’ve seen her face this morning, just to quell his nerves. They were good together—no, great—in his opinion, anyway. Her note did not indicate any regret for last night, so did they have a chance to actually make this marriage real?

  His pulse leapt with anticipation at the prospect.

  Carter arrived to pick him up for Whispering Pines about quarter to eleven. Since Nikki already had her car there, instead of taking separate vehicles home, they could ride together as newlyweds.

  “Ready for this?” his best man asked.

  “Let’s do it,” Sam confirmed.

  He hung his formal suit in the extended cab of the truck and was about to get into the passenger seat when a gray car pulled into his driveway. His pulse sped up when he recognized Emma Winston, the CPS case worker from last week.

  Why was she here? To take Ella? To check up on the lie he’d told?

  A quick glance toward the street confirmed no Officer Parker this time, and he breathed a little easier. Without the cop, the second option seemed more likely.

  He spoke to Carter across the bed of the truck. “Give me a minute, please.”

  His boss nodded and got in on the driver’s side.

  Ms. Winston exited her vehicle and met Sam by the tailgate, a white envelope held in her hands.

  “I hope this won’t take long.” A defensive edge crept into his voice as he added, “I don’t want to be late for my own wedding.”

  “You’re really going through with it?” she asked.

  “Of course.” He met her shadowed green gaze without flinching. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  Wordlessly, she handed him the envelope. He took it, then stared at the stark contrast of the white paper against his tanned skin. “What is this?”

  “A reprieve—should you want one. Marriage should never be taken lightly—or be entered into for the wrong reasons. I handed this in to my boss yesterday.”

  When he glanced up to see if she was baiting him, she gave a strained smile and a shrug. Then she returned to her car and drove away, leaving him standing there with his future in his hands.

  A slight tremble shook the envelope as he opened it to unfold the single sheet of paper inside. As his gaze skimmed the typed words from top to bottom, he blindly reached for the back of the tailgate for support.

  In conclusion, after further review, I find no reason to remove Ella Mallin from Sam Mallin’s custody, and am confident it is in the infant’s best interests to remain with her biological uncle.

  Ella was safe. She would stay with him and Nikki and everything would be o—

  Nikki.

  The realization of what Emma Winston’s final report meant hit hard enough to make him sink down on the bumper of Carter’s pickup truck. He and Nikki didn’t have to get married.

  Shit. Now what? All the preparations were in place, the ceremony was barely an hour away, and she was probably already in her dress. Waiting for him.

  “Sam?” Carter called from his open driver’s door. “Are we going, or what?”

  He hesitated. After last night, and this morning when he found himself hoping they could have a real marriage, the thought of cancelling everything last minute was unthinkable. Then again...it wasn’t like he had to show her the report today. He could always pretend on Monday that it’d just arrived.

  “Sam.”

  “Yep, I’m coming.” He pushed to his feet. The folded envelope went into his pocket before he reached the passenger door.

  “Who was that?”

  “The CPS case worker. She wanted to let me know they dismissed the allegations as unfounded. I don’t have to worry about them taking Ella.”

  “That’s great news.” Carter grinned over at him. “What a relief for you and Nikki, hey?”

  “Huge relief.” But Sam’s smile faded fast as guilt settled deep in the pit of his stomach. A few minutes into the drive, he asked, “Mind if I ask you something personal?”

  The question earned him a look of exaggerated astonishment. “Please don’t tell me you need me to explain the birds and the bees, son.”

  “No,” he replied with a laugh. A vision of Nikki naked on his bed flashed in his mind. “I’m pretty sure I got that one covered.”

  “I’d hope so.”

  Amusement faded to awkward silence. Sam hesitated, then forged ahead. “What went wrong between you and your wife? You’ve been separated for a while now, right?”

  “Seven years,” Carter confirmed after a long moment. “And there were a number of factors that led to our separation.”

  “How come you never got divorced?”

  Sam noticed the other man’s hands tighten on the steering wheel.

  “Nadine’s never asked me for one,” Carter finally answered.

  “Do you think you’ll ever get back together with her?”

  “Some things are irreparable.”

  The misery in his low voice made Sam’s stomach shift uneasily. “Is it the kid thing?”

  “That’s a big part of it.” Carter navigated a turn that took them into Pulaski. “But we’re both to blame. We kept things from each other, and that’s no way to start a marriage.”

  You asked. Sam turned his head to watch the town pass by through the passenger window.

  “What’s with all the questions? You getting cold feet?” Carter asked.

  “No.” When the window reflection showed the other man’s skepticism, he glanced over and insisted, “Honestly, my feet are fine.”

  It was his conscience that was having the problem.

  As they drove up to the massive log and stone lodge owned by Mark and Janelle Riley, Sam justified his silence by reminding himself Nikki could’ve changed her mind about this wedding at anytime. Besides, Ella still needed a mother, and Nikki had volunteered for the job all along. He hadn’t asked her to do it, nor had he talked her into anything—she was going to take vows to be his wife of her own free will.

  Except, now the facts had changed. Was it fair to marry her under false pretenses? Would she view it that way if she ever found out the truth?

  He wrestled with those questions as he dressed in the black suit, white shirt, and white tie she’d chosen. Marissa came in a few minutes later to pin what she called a red-fire calla lily to his suit lapel. The base was surrounded by a sprig of reddish-orange berries and the stem was wrapped by a shiny, chocolate brown ribbon. Warmth and elegance, all in one package. It totally reminded him of Nikki.

  “How are you doing?” his future sister-in-law asked with a slight smile.

  Even with her gaze fixed on her task, he could barely swallow past the knotted material at his throat. “I’m fine. How’s Nik?”

  “Nervous. Excited.” Her smile widened. “Like any normal bride would be.”

  Only she wasn’t a normal bride. Nothing about their entire situation could be classified as normal,
starting with the way they’d met, to the way they’d become engaged.

  Marissa finished securing the flower, then she took a moment to survey his person before reaching up to adjust his collar and straighten his tie as she spoke.

  “I like you, Sam, and I like you and Nikki together. You guys moved into this a little fast, so I just want to say that my sister deserves to be happy. Make sure you take care of her, okay?”

  If he thought it was hard to swallow before, now it was impossible. He managed a nod and what he hoped passed for a smile.

  “Good.” She hugged him, then smoothed his suit jacket one last time as she grinned. “Now breathe. You’re on in ten.”

  The longest ten minutes of his life flew by in the blink of an eye. Before he knew it, he stood in front of the massive stone fireplace out in the lodge’s great room with Carter beside him. As the seconds ticked by, his heart pounded in a mixture of dread and anticipation. All of the family members he’d met at the birthday party, and a few people he hadn’t met, were sitting in the chairs lined up along either side of a makeshift aisle, including Santa Butch and Judy. His one guest stood next to him.

  Background piano music began to play, and suddenly the guests turned toward the back of the room. A chorus of ‘aw’s’ sounded as blond-haired Heather and raven-haired Reese appeared side by side in similar dresses, the same light green color as Marissa’s. The two girls walked toward him down the shimmery brown runner lining the aisle, each spreading orange rose petals from the baskets they carried in their hands.

  Next came the three year-old twins, Ethan and Evan, dressed in miniature suits identical to his, each with a white pillow clutched in their chubby little toddler hands. Sam blinked. He’d pretty much just expected Nikki to meet him at the front and get this thing done, not all this. Maybe he should’ve paid more attention when she’d brought up wedding details.

  A quick glance around the room noted other details he’d missed in his nervousness. Small bunches of flowers and berries on the guest chairs alongside the aisle matched the orange and red color scheme. The bright autumn colors stood out against the light green dresses, and were further highlighted by dark brown accents and the sparkling lights strung around the room.

  Wow. Admittedly, he could count on one hand with fingers to spare the number of weddings he’d attended, but this was far more elaborate than he’d imagined it would be. His guilt resurfaced when he thought of how pretty she’d made everything, and the effort it had required.

  The boys started up the aisle, but the moment they realized all eyes were on them, they froze. Heather and Reese stood at the very front of the chairs and bent down to encourage their brothers. Sam bit back a grin when Reese clapped her hands and called the toddlers as if she were coaxing a pair of puppies.

  One of the twins turned and ran the other direction until he reached Eric’s arms. The other hesitated one more second, then bee-lined down the aisle, trampling rose petals until he reached his sisters. Heather took his hand and led him to a seat as Eric and the shy guy joined them from along the far side of the chairs.

  Marissa emerged from the hallway, carrying a bouquet of flowers like the one on his suit that he’d already forgotten the name—and Ella. As they walked down the aisle, his heart melted at the sight of his niece dressed in a little white dress with light green ribbons woven around the hem and sleeves. She looked like a perfect little angel.

  He kissed Ella’s forehead when Marissa brought her forward, and those little fingers clamped around his in that way that seemed to reach right in and seize his heart every single time. She gave him a grin before being carried away to the opposite side of the aisle.

  A subtle change in the music drew his attention to the back as Nikki stepped into the room. Light from an overhead skylight illuminated her slim, elegant figure.

  Her beauty took his breath away. The dress fit her curves to perfection. Her shoulders were bare, her hair swept up in an alluring mass of curls that showed off the graceful length of her neck. He managed to draw in a breath, only to have her smile at him from across the room and steal it again.

  She started down the aisle—all alone. For the first time, it dawned on him she’d never mentioned her parents, and anyone here he hadn’t met was too young to fit the bill. Besides, if they were here, wouldn’t her father walk with her? Father’s gave their daughter’s away, that much he did know.

  What the hell kind of jerk was he that he didn’t even know if her parents were still alive? He’d fallen in love with her; with her kind, generous heart, her enthusiasm for living life, and even the occasional crabbiness when she didn’t get enough sleep, but shouldn’t he also know the important details of her life?

  Her gaze remained locked on his, her smile firmly in place with each step. Doubt began to fade. He realized he was grinning like a besotted fool and didn’t even care.

  “Hey,” she whispered when she reached him.

  He took her hand in his. “Hey yourself. You look beautiful.”

  Pleasure brought an instant rosy glow to her already radiant face. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.”

  The minister cleared his throat, and she squeezed his fingers as she handed her sister her bouquet, then turned to face the clergyman. Sam stared at her profile, then followed her lead and faced the stone fireplace as well. As the minister began speaking, the desire swelled within his chest for her to be in his life for as long as the vows would promise.

  ’Til death do us part.

  Or ’til she finds out you lied to her.

  He closed his eyes and drew in a breath. God, he wished he could ignore the voice in his head, but it spoke the truth. His pulse raced at a sickening speed. He glanced back over his right shoulder at his best man as earlier words echoed in his head.

  We kept things from each other. That’s no way to start a marriage.

  Carter gave him a questioning frown, and Sam returned his attention front and center.

  Marriage should never be taken lightly—or be entered into for the wrong reasons.

  Emma Winston’s words hit even harder. A glance over his left shoulder met with the sea of faces making up Nikki’s family and friends.

  Beside him, her fingers tightened on his, whether in reassurance or warning, he couldn’t be sure. It didn’t matter, because his conscience lifted his free hand toward the minister.

  “Stop.” He turned to face her once more, his heart heavier than it’d ever been. This time he would do the right thing before it was too late. “Nik, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”

  Chapter 22

  Nikki froze as Sam’s statement echoed in the tunnel she suddenly seemed to be standing in. Coupled with the apologetic misery in his expression, she knew the answer before she even whispered, “Can’t do what?”

  “We don’t have to get married.”

  Vivid reality rushed back, making her acutely aware of how quiet everyone had become. Soft music still played in the background, and the fire snapped in the large stone hearth they stood in front of, but the rest of the room was dead silent. Even the minister watched with avid interest.

  Could they hear the pounding of her heart? The shallow breaths she attempted to drag into her compressed lungs?

  From the corner of her eye, she saw Marissa move a few inches closer, but Nikki stayed her with one hand and focused on Sam. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and kept her shaky voice low.

  “We settled this last week. Why are you bringing it up right now?”

  He pulled a creased envelope from his inside breast pocket and handed it to her. After a frantic glance toward the concerned faces of her family in the front, she unfolded the paper inside and read the contents.

  A relieved, joyful smile curved her lips and she lifted her gaze to Sam’s. “I don’t understand. This is great news.”

  “It is, but...”

  He didn’t smile in return, and realization hit so hard, she took a half step back. The but of it was, with the final repor
t already filed and Ella safely in his custody, he no longer needed to marry her. Didn’t want to marry her. Tears threatened, but she fought to maintain her composure.

  “I needed to show you the letter so you knew you didn’t have to marry me for Ella’s sake.”

  Whispers erupted in the room. His face swam in her vision, and she knew staving off tears was a losing fight. She retreated another step and her heel caught on the train of her dress.

  Sam lunged forward and caught her before she stumbled backward. Marissa had moved as well and now stood directly behind her, the hand on the small of her back offering silent support. With her balance restored, Nikki expected him to let go, but instead, his warm grip tightened on her arms.

  She blinked at the moisture swimming in her eyes, and stared up into his distressed golden gaze. At least he felt bad about pretty much jilting her at the altar.

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated as silence fell again. “I wasn’t even going to say anything, but Carter said that’s no way to start a marriage, and Emma Winston said to do it for the right reasons, and then I saw how perfect you’d made everything and I knew I couldn’t let you go through with it without knowing the truth.”

  Wait...what? He was running his sentences together like whenever he got nervous. The tightness in her chest eased a fraction, allowing her a substantial breath. She lifted the report she still clutched in her numb fingers. “This truth?”

  He nodded. Then an unexpected vulnerability entered his eyes, and she noticed his Adam’s apple jerk up and down.

  “That, and the truth about how I feel about you.”

  Her heart leapt up into her throat again, yet she managed to whisper, “A-and how do you feel about me, Sam?”

  He cast a swift glance around the room, then took a deep breath and met her gaze. “I want you to know I’m in this for the right reasons, not the one I’m sure your family, and probably you, think. Yes, Ella played a big part in the beginning of all this between us, but with or without her, I still want to marry you.”

  His voice had grown gruff with emotion. Tears threatened for a whole different reason. “You do?”